Draco walked away from McLaggen, trembling. The scholarship had given him hope, for a fleeting second he thought he had a chance to get away, to have a clean slate.
He got back to the dormitories and slipped upstairs unnoticed, it was Friday night so most people were still up, and he avoided his friends so they wouldn't ask questions, he couldn't face any questions just now. He climbed into bed, his eyes blurry with unshed tears, and pulled the curtains around, warding and silencing them as he put his hands over his face. That photo collection, it would never let Draco rest. He hated himself for being the person he'd turned into, being so weak and allowing McLaggen and the others to get so much hold over him.
He rolled over to bury his face in the pillow and felt paper crumple under him, he picked it up and realised it was a letter that had been lying on his bed for him. He opened it. It was from his father, telling him to come home the next day.
Draco put the letter down and screamed into his pillow. His life was completely out of his control. He reached into the drawer beside his bed and pulled out his partially filled out application. He pointed his wand at it, shaking a little, and it shredded into hundreds of pieces before disintegrating into nothing.
Draco felt a weight settle in his stomach, had a fitful night of sleep, and in the morning went home.
- 0 -
Draco arrived home and was immediately instructed by a house elf to go to his father's study. Draco tensed, nothing good ever came from being in his father's study. He walked up to the door at the top of the first flight of stairs which was his father's study, he hesitated, then knocked. Might as well get this over with, he thought.
"Enter" his father's voice replied.
Draco opened the door and walked to the back of the chair facing his father. The usual suspense ensued where his father made him wait until Draco's heart was racing, his palms starting to sweat as he imagined the beatings and curses that were coming.
His father eventually looked up. "Wand on the desk" he instructed. Draco obeyed. It was sealed in the drawer as usual.
His father leaned back in his chair, staring at his son thoughtfully.
"What's going on Draco?"
Draco was taken aback. His father almost sounded concerned.
"What do you mean father?" he asked hesitantly.
Lucius indicated at the seat, and Draco cautiously sat down.
"You're still failing your classes, not playing Quidditch, it's unlike you" his father told him, in the same soft, caring voice.
"I - " Draco was caught off guard by the kind tone. Was his father worried about him? Could he talk to him? Tell him what had been happening? Did he care after all?
Lucius leaned forward. "Talk to me, son" he said calmly.
Draco's heart constricted. He had always wished he could talk to his father, that they could be a father and son like other families had, with fathers that looked after their children and loved them. And now it was happening.
He felt tears fill his eyes.
"Dad - " Draco's voice cracked with longing, hope and sadness. "This year has been awful, I've done some stupid things and McLaggen's dad and MacNair - "
"Crucio"
It was said so calmly, so emotionlessly that Draco didn't even register it until he hit the ground, the pain filling him. The curse lifted a while later and Draco opened his eyes, his body still having spasms of pain. Lucius stood over him, looking disappointed.
"Dad?" Draco choked out.
"You're weak Draco, you need to get over this clinginess, it's not becoming of a Malfoy" his father lectured. "Quite frankly it's nauseating"
He sighed and pointed his wand at Draco again. "Crucio"
Draco screamed silently as the white hot pain filled him again.
It felt like hours later when he was finally released, sent out into Wiltshire to fend for himself in the cold again, this time at least remembering a jacket. But by Sunday afternoon it wasn't helping, he still felt frozen and hungry as he sat in the doorway of the shop. He hadn't slept a wink without the oxy to help soothe him, and he had only managed to steal some water and a bread roll again, and without the potions that Hermione had given him, he was struggling to keep the anxiety at bay.
He trudged home, got his wand and went back to Hogwarts, feeling so distraught after his father's fake sympathy. For a moment he thought he'd cared, and then he ripped it away again.
He got into his bed feeling ragged, and slipped up, forgetting to ward his curtains in his haste to turn his book into a knife, pressing into his forearm and cutting several times before leaning back against the headboard and letting the blood drip.
He whimpered at the pain and sobbed and breathed heavily, trying to let the ache and sting in his arm distract him.
The curtain around his bed wrenched open suddenly and Draco's eyes widened in panic, staring at Blaise Zabini who was taking in the tears on Draco's face, the blood running down his scarred arm, the bloody knife in his other hand.
"Draco" he breathed. "What have you done?"
For a second the two boys just stared at each other, then Blaise reached out gently, taking the knife from Draco who had no energy to stop him. Blaise put it in the drawer and then climbed onto the bed, closing, warding and silencing the curtains before casting healing incantations on Draco's arm, not saying a word to Draco as he worked.
Draco just sat there, having no idea what to say, just letting Blaise heal him, feeling the warmth of the hand that held his mangled arm.
When he was done, Blaise looked up into Draco's eyes.
"I'm booking you in for therapy" Blaise told him calmly.
"I don't need -" Draco started weakly.
"It's not up for negotiation"
Draco didn't reply, just looked away in shame.
"What made you do this?" Blaise asked quietly.
"I don't even know where I'd start to explain it" Draco whispered.
"Anywhere is fine. Is it to do with the drugs?"
"No. Well, yeah, sort of. Potter and Granger are helping me get off them" Draco explained, his eyes becoming heavy with tiredness, his mind hazy after the weekend. "I just keep doing everything wrong" he whispered.
"Like what? What happened this weekend? You went home right?" Blaise asked with furrowed brows.
Draco shifted uncomfortably. "Yes but it's nothing to do with my family" he said automatically.
"I don't believe you" Blaise told him flatly. "But it's fine if you don't want to talk to me about it. At least talk to the therapist. Is McLaggen still hassling you?"
Draco hesitated. "No" he finally said, he didn't want to bother Blaise with anything. His dad was right, he was being weak.
Blaise frowned dubiously but nodded. "Okay. Just get some rest. I'll get in touch with someone for you to talk to and give you the details tomorrow"
Draco swallowed hard and looked down at himself, feeling ashamed.
Blaise just gave his shoulder a squeeze and left.
Draco tried to get some rest, passing dinner time with no desire to get up and eat. He had been so hungry over the weekend when he was out on the street, but now the idea of food had him feeling sick. He just felt horrific after trying to blab all his feelings to his dad, how stupid was he? He tossed and turned but felt like he couldn't warm up, and couldn't settle down. What he would give right now for an Oxy to drain the anxiety away. He sighed, he couldn't think like that. He picked up his Galleon and hesitated before pushing down on it.
- 0 -
Harry had been concerned to hear that Draco had gone home that weekend. Everything that Ron had told him made so much sense now and it pained him incredibly to think that Draco was at home, being abused and tossed out onto the streets.
"So what do we do?" Ron asked Harry and Hermione.
"Well I guess since Draco's not here we should talk to Dobby, get the whole story of everything up until second year. Then hopefully I'll be able to get Draco talking to fill in the gaps until now" Harry sighed. "I hate that he's at home now, I hate thinking what might be happening to him and we can't reach him"
"He'll be back soon Harry and we can sort this once and for all" Hermione reassured him.
"But what if this is the time that causes a relapse?" Harry asked agitatedly. Being tortured by his own father and chucked on the streets couldn't help when trying to beat an addiction.
"He's been strong Harry, and made so much progress, you need to trust him" Hermione smiled sadly.
"And if he does then we'll start again and get him through it properly, make sure he's nowhere near Lucius" Ron added and Harry smiled gratefully at him.
"Oh!" Ron suddenly said. "McLaggen also mentioned a photo collection? He was blackmailing Malfoy with it, with sending them to the Daily Prophet. No idea what they're of but we should try and find that so he doesn't have the leverage"
"They're photos of Draco taking heroin" Harry realised. "Draco mentioned them once, I have no idea where McLaggen keeps them though"
"I knew McLaggen was scum" Ron said vehemently.
On Saturday they went down to the kitchens and found Dobby.
"Master Harry Potter! Oh and Master Ron and Mistress Hermione! Dobby is so happy to see his friends" Debby beamed at them all, his ears picking up.
"Would Masters and Mistress like some sandwiches?" Dobby asked eagerly.
"Yes please Dobby" Ron grinned, as Harry and Hermione shook their heads, and Dobby whipped Ron up a few sandwiches, the redhead tucking in as the four of them found a secluded corner to talk in.
"Dobby" Harry began. "We were hoping you might be able to help us with something"
"Anything sir!" Dobby looked ecstatic.
"It's about Draco Malfoy" Harry spoke cautiously and Dobby's ears dropped a little, his eyes becoming nervous.
"What about him sir? Is Master Draco okay?" Dobby asked anxiously.
"Not really Dobby" Harry answered honestly. "We were wondering if when you worked at Malfoy Manor you witnessed any abuse from Lucius to his son?"
Dobby wrung his hands, his bulbous eyes going wide and uncertain. "I don't think I'm allowed to discuss this, Master Harry"
"Lucius isn't your Master anymore Dobby, you don't owe him anything" Ron told him through a mouthful of sandwich.
"No sir" Dobby agreed weakly. "But Dobby made a promise to Master Draco to not talk about it you see" he scuffed one of his feet uncertainly.
"We understand Dobby" Hermione smiled kindly. "But Draco needs to be free of Lucius now so that he can be healthy and happy and have a future. We need to know the truth so we can get him away from there"
"Dobby always wished he could get him away from Master Lucius" Dobby said sadly. "But I did not know how. Maybe you are the ones that can help him"
"That's all we want to do Dobby" Harry said earnestly. "Please tell us what you know"
"Dobby started working in Malfoy Manor just as Master Draco was born" Dobby recounted, tugging at one of his ears nervously. "Master Lucius was not a good father, he started hurting him from a young age, too young. Dobby always healed Master Draco as best he could and would bring him toast and pumpkin juice and Quidditch magazines but Master Draco became isolated and sad and angry and Dobby wasn't always sure how to help. Master Lucius would beat him with the big snake cane, and hit him and use the cruciatus curse, sometimes he would use other curses too, strangling curses and dark spells Dobby had never heard of." Dobby swallowed, looking sad. "Dobby has been worried about his safety for many years but Master Draco swore Dobby to secrecy"
The trio exchanged looks of horror, and Harry realised that the day they went down to the kitchens, Dobby had made him toast and pumpkin juice, and it had made Draco go quiet, it must have brought back a lot of memories.
"What about his mum?" Hermione asked Dobby.
"Mistress Narcissa never hurt Master Draco, but she never tried to stop it either" Dobby answered sadly.
"She knew about it?" Ron questioned.
"Yes sir, she has always known, she usually leaves the room" Dobby confirmed.
Ron swore in disgust and Harry felt sick. He had taken Dobby away, the only one to ever heal and look after Draco, and he'd taken him away. He swallowed hard.
"We're not sure what we're going to do about all of this yet" Harry explained to Dobby. "But if we take it to the Wizengamot to get Lucius arrested, would you provide memories and testify?" he asked.
"Yes sir, anything to help Master Draco and Dobby's friends" Dobby nodded emphatically.
"Thank you Dobby" Harry smiled and Dobby beamed. "and please don't tell Draco about this yet"
"I feel sick" Harry told the other two as they left.
"It's bloody awful" Ron said. "But I can picture Lucius being an abusive tyrant. His mum knowing about it though and doing nothing..." Ron shook his head incredulously.
"Just dreadful" Hermione agreed sadly.
"I freed Dobby" Harry swallowed guiltily. "I took away the only comfort and healing that Draco had, and he's just had to deal with it alone for five years"
"Oh Harry don't, you couldn't have known" Hermione insisted.
"Yeah don't blame yourself for Lucius's faults" Ron agreed.
They got back and Harry just counted the minutes until Draco got back. It was Sunday night, he'd had dinner earlier and not seen Draco there, which made his stomach twist anxiously, imagining him on the street somewhere, cold and alone, wishing he knew where the Malfoy's lived to go and rescue him, when Harry felt his pocket heat up.
He pulled the Galleon out slightly and saw the message: RoR when you're free?
Free now, Harry replied immediately.
"I'm going to see him" Harry muttered to the other two in the Common Room and they nodded and wished him luck.
He ran over to the Room of Requirement and walked in, breathing a sigh of relief at seeing Draco in the flesh. Though as he took in his appearance he felt worry creep back in. He looked exhausted, pale with dark circles under his eyes, his face was taut with anxiety and his eyes seemed lifeless.
"Hey" Harry greeted, feeling concerned.
"Hey" Draco managed a small smile.
"You look exhausted" Harry commented lightly.
"Just a long weekend" Draco said tiredly, his voice rough, and Harry could see he was shivering. Had he been out on the street again?
"And how are you doing with everything? You haven't taken anything?" Harry asked gently.
"No, I wanted to a couple of times, just to help me sleep, but the potions are helping a bit" Draco shrugged and Harry felt relieved that he hadn't relapsed.
"Good, you're doing so well" Harry smiled.
Draco tried to return it but it came out as a grimace.
"Did you get some dinner?" Harry asked, worried about how malnourished Hermione had said he'd been that first day in the bathroom. He seemed like he felt weak just now. And now that he assumed Lucius threw him out on the street...
"I'm not that hungry" Draco said quietly.
"Okay" Harry frowned.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I dragged you away" Draco said, suddenly seeming uncertain about the whole thing.
"You don't need to apologise" Harry told him. "I'm happy to see you. You still seem anxious"
Draco nodded a little jerkily.
"You want to talk about anything?" Harry asked. He hoped more than anything that Draco would open up about his father, or McLaggen blackmailing him about the scholarship, but Draco just shook his head.
Draco swallowed hard and looked down at his sleeve, picking at it agitatedly. "Would you mind staying here with me tonight?" he asked quietly, and Harry's heart both constricted and swelled, knowing Draco had probably been hurt this weekend and was feeling low, but that he was turning to Harry for safety.
"Of course" Harry smiled and wished the room for two beds, and they popped up. "You should get some sleep" Harry told him. "You look drained"
Draco nodded and stood, and like last time, they got ready for bed together in companionable silence, before climbing into their beds.
"Hey Potter?" Draco said as the both settled on their sides, facing each other.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks" Draco said quietly. "For everything you've done for me. I'm sorry it's taking me a while to get my shit together"
Harry smiled. "Happy to, and don't worry about it, there's nothing to apologise for"
- 0 -
In the morning Harry woke and Draco was already awake, looking like he hadn't slept much.
"Morning" Harry said in concern.
"Morning" Draco responded, his voice empty.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked worriedly, getting out of bed. "Do you need anything?"
"No I'm fine" Draco replied emotionlessly and stood up, but as he did, Harry saw his eyes blur and his legs buckle and Harry grabbed him around the waist, holding him tightly as Draco's eyes flickered.
He tried to ignore the feeling of attraction at holding the blonde in his arms, pressing him against his body, knowing it was wrong after all that had happened to Draco. He sat him back down on the bed and moved back to his own.
"Did you get any sleep?" Harry asked worriedly.
"A little bit" Draco said tiredly, closing his eyes and rubbing them to get his vision to clear.
Harry frowned. "When was the last time you ate or drank anything?"
"Um" Draco looked thoughtful for a second. "Maybe a while ago... at home" he added as an afterthought, and Harry could see the lie, Draco trying to keep everything sounding normal.
"I'm going to ask Dobby to make us an early breakfast" Harry told him. "Are you up for classes today?"
"Yeah I'll be fine" Draco nodded, but Harry could see it took a lot of energy just to do that.
"Dobby" he called, and Dobby appeared in the room.
"Master Harry and Master Draco! What can Dobby do for you?" the elf asked excitedly.
"An early breakfast if possible?" Harry smiled, and Dobby beamed and apparated away, returning a few moments later with a big tray of breakfast food, including a plate of toast and two glasses of pumpkin juice.
"Thanks Dobby" Harry said gratefully.
Dobby bowed and glanced over at Draco who forced a wan smile and nod and Dobby's eyes became a little sad before apparating away.
Draco dragged himself over and sat down on the sofa, picking up one of the glasses of pumpkin juice and a slice of toast. Harry watched him before making a plate of hot food for himself, and he felt another twinge of sadness that Draco couldn't have this comfort at home any more because of Harry.
"So did you have a look at the courses for the scholarship?" Harry asked, making conversation, and hoping to pry a little into McLaggen's blackmail.
Draco hesitated then nodded.
"What do you think you might apply for?"
"I don't think I'm going to go for it actually" Draco answered casually. "Weasley was right, I shouldn't take the place away from someone else. I might just apply for the courses regularly. Besides, all my schoolwork has been shit this year, I probably wouldn't get in"
Harry shook his head. "Don't listen to Ron, of course you can apply for it. And your grades will pick up, it's not even Christmas yet, you still have time, and look how much progress you've made"
Draco just looked down and shrugged.
"Just don't write it off just yet okay?" Harry implored.
"I take it Granger's applying?" Draco asked, taking the subject away from him.
"Yeah she's going for the Healer scholarship" Harry smiled. "Application is in already"
"Of course it is" Draco smiled a little. "She deserves the spot more than anyone"
Harry smiled at that, liking hearing Draco say kind things about his friends.
"We should get ready for class" Harry said lightly and Draco nodded, Harry noticing he'd only ate one slice of toast and as he stood up, swaying dizzily, Harry caught him again, holding him tightly, and Draco made a small noise that Harry assumed was pain.
"Draco I'm really worried about you, maybe I should get Hermione..." Harry bit his lip.
"No I'm fine" Draco said weakly. "I just need to go for a shower and wake up"
"Okay" Harry said uncertainly. "Here, let me help" he guided Draco to the bathroom and turned on the water. Draco leaned against the glass shower stall dizzily, and hazily pushed up his sleeve a little to reach in and feel the water, closing his eyes tiredly, and Harry's brow furrowed seeing the bandage. He remembered Draco having an injured arm the first time he found him, after being raped, about to inject the heroin. He had jumped away from Hermione's touch when she tried to heal it.
Harry reached out to Draco's arm and untucked the bandage to have a look at it. Draco opened his eyes blearily and realised what Harry was doing and pulled away quickly.
"Potter don't!" he panicked, but him pulling away had pulled the first part of the bandage away and Harry's jaw dropped. Scars, old and new, scored down his arm, and Draco wrenched his arm away, looking distraught.
"Draco" Harry breathed.
"Don't" Draco said, his voice cracking with emotion.
Harry reached out again. "Why have you done this to yourself?"
"It's nothing" Draco answered shakily, wrapping the bandage back around quickly and pulling his sleeve down.
Harry swallowed hard. "Is this what you've been doing instead of taking drugs?"
Draco looked away guiltily and Harry felt his heart break. He thought they'd been doing well.
"I thought you were getting through this" he whispered. "If I'd known you were hurting yourself..."
"I just need the distraction sometimes" Draco told him desperately. "It's not always about the drugs, I really have been getting better"
"Is it because of your dad?" Harry asked, unable to help himself, needing to understand.
"What?" Draco's face paled even further.
"I know he hurts you" Harry said quietly.
Tears filled Draco's eyes and he took a step backwards, towards the door, looking panicked.
"No, no he doesn't. I don't know where you heard that from but it's bullshit" Draco's voice shook.
"No it's not, I know it's true" Harry took a step forward and reached for the blonde.
"Potter stop it" Draco begged, and he turned and started walking to the door, but Harry darted in front of him and pulled him into him, holding him tightly, and Draco struggled against him.
"Let me go! You don't know what you're talking about!"
"Yes I do" Harry said firmly, not letting him go. "He hurts you, he throws you out of your home, that's why you were found by Will, that's why you've been taking drugs"
"No" Draco sobbed, but Harry could tell he was right.
"I just want to help you get the life you want, the life you deserve" Harry told him, still keeping his arms wrapped around him.
"You can't" Draco pushed at him desperately.
Harry shook his head. "You deserve to be away from him, to go to that school, to do whatever you want and be with who you want!"
"I can't do that" Draco shoved him hard, finally breaking free.
"Why?" Harry demanded, not understanding.
"Because I want -" Draco cut off and stared at him in despair and anguish for a second before grabbing him and pressing his lips to Harry's, kissing him.
Harry was frozen in shock for a second before it clicked. He wants me.
He moved his lips against Draco's, kissing him back passionately, wrapping his arms around Draco's waist, his lips and tongue felt perfect against his, his body melting into him.
Then suddenly he was shoved away and he opened his eyes to see Draco looking at him in confusion.
"You don't - you're not -" Draco whispered, completely thrown off guard.
Harry realised he hadn't been expected to kiss back, Draco had expected him to throw him off, because he didn't know Harry was gay.
Harry looked at him guiltily. "I am. I'm gay."
Draco looked lost, his eyes searching Harry's in confusion, betrayal, and a million other emotions before he ran past Harry and out the door.
Harry sat down heavily. What had he done?