Just to recap: in addition to this being an unsafe day, my session with Clare left me short of money. I only have what I earned today, which was certainly not enough for the new treatment.

The sun was already setting by the time Clyde and I got home. Since I was there, why not going in to catch a breath and see how his parents were doing?

…

Honestly, I intended to ask if I could stay for the night at their house. The problem is, we got this rule about asking my parents in advance and bring my things to spend the night.

Luckily for me, Clyde's parents invited me to dinner, which gave me more time to think about how to convince them to let me stay and, at the same time, how to convince my parents.

Dinner was turkey breast with salad. As always, the McBrides' food had no trouble pulling my worries out of my system. I found myself talking about my day with them and laughing at their antics and stories.

Actually, that felt good; not having any worries and living in the moment… ever since all this ruckus started family meals became a red flag for me. The last time I sat at the table with the little ones… the twins.

"Lincoln?" It was Howard's voice.

I looked up. His plate was empty, his face relaxed and his hands on the table, one on top of the other.

"Yes, Mr. Howard?"

"I see you kinda down there, is everything okay?"

"Father!" Clyde cried, "I told you we weren't going to force him!"

Mr. Howard patted his son on the shoulder and calmed him down, "Okay, easy now. Lincoln can decide whether or not he wants to talk to us about it and how much he wants to talk about it," then he turned to me. "If he wants it, he can only tell us how he feels."

Harold accompanied his husband's words with a warm smile. It was comforting to see how much they cared about me... and at that very moment, I realized how important was Clyde, and how much he has helped me.

"I don't feel ready to tell you everything, but I can tell you that staying here makes me feel safe. Certain things have happened between me and my family. My ties with them are somewhat unstable..." I took a breath, "I would say it reminds me of the Lincoln gives bad luck incident,but in this case, I'm the one who's getting away from them."

"It's terrible to hear that." He said before reaching out for my hand, "Lincoln, family bonds are important, yet no one teaches you that those can be broken too."

"And that those kinds of bonds are the ones that hurt the most when they break..." Howard added, a particular moist glow in his eyes. I could bet that his words came from past experiences.

I smiled at both of them, remembering the strength and ideals I obtained at the end of my consultation today, "that is why I have been seeing a professional, I believe that with her help I will be able to heal that bond before it is too late. After Today I- … I will look for a way to take the rest of my family to therapy and clarify things. "

I hesitated at the end. I knew that if I didn't mention my parents at some point they were the ones who'll do it, and from then on I don't know how bad things could go.

"We're glad to hear that, Lincoln, and I want you to know that your second family is here to support you."

And with that, Howard pulled his husband and son into a hug. That tender and healthy image gave me an idea. But first I had to seize the opportunity they were offering me.

"Well… I would love to sleep here today. But I don't have my things and-"

"Don't worry Lincoln; you already know my parents, they are always ready for any eventuality," then Clyde got up from his chair and gestured for me to follow him, "We have blankets, towels, and some toothbrushes in case of an emergency. "

Clyde's parents approved of the idea and let me stay for the night. Obviously, being two boys with no reason to get up early the next day, we stayed late playing, watching TV, adjusting our Ace savvy's themed costumes; for some reason at some point we ended up calculating the impact force of a chameleon's lick ... Bad news, we didn't get an answer, our basic knowledge in physics couldn't reach that far.

It was three of the morning when we decided to go back to the room and sleep.

Have you ever been to a sleepover? Not? Has it happened to you at night that your brains come up with some silly idea and keep you from sleeping? Well, something similar happens at the end of the sleepovers, every silly idea becomes a topic of conversation.

I don't know how much time we spent talking nonsense, I just know that somehow we stopped laughing at everything and the topics became more serious.

"Hey Lincoln, I've been thinking about asking my parents to adopt another child…"

"Really?" I said in amazement, "that sounds great Clyde, but it intrigues me quite a bit, I thought you liked being an only child."

"Yes, I like it, but it's not always fun ... I have had lonely days in this house, Lincoln. Days where I think how happy you are to have such a big family. In the future when you start your own family you will be able to hang out with the families of your sisters. It will certainly be a Loud thing to witness, hehe. "

"Haha, you are right with that. I know that at least one of them will pull out mom's gene and end up having tons of children."

"Unless you're the one who inherits that trait, hahaha!"

"Nah, that'll never happen," I said, getting up with my chest raised, "this boy wants to indulge himself before being swaddled in diapers."

"But, you take care of Lily, aren't you already swaddled?"

"That's why I say it. I know what awaits me if I dare to go the same path mom did," I said before letting out a laugh. I know the comments weren't strong enough to make us laugh at the top of our lungs but the lack of sleep was messing up pretty bad with our sense of humor.

After a while, the laughter faded and Clyde managed to get back on topic.

"Ah ... well what we were talking about ... ah yes, a sister or brother. I want to have someone who can accompany me through my young days, and even after I grow up" Clyde then sat on the bed, his hands holding a stuffed rabbit, "I saw a documentary a couple of days ago, about Brasil's famous carnival. The reporters spoke with a large group of people on the street; they were like five families in a single group; enjoying, drinking, dancing, you name something fun, they were doing it. Lincoln, I want to have a family and children to enjoy the tender moments with them, but also want to have the opportunity to live what I saw in that video: Being around people that you chose to love and also with the people that have grown up alongside you. Because I know that even in the comfort of a loving family, there are moments where you feel accompanied... but alone."

After that, a deep silence invaded the room. Clyde's words and images rewound in my head in an attempt to make sense of everything I had heard with what little energy I had left.

"I understand it sounded confusing... maybe we should talk about it in another day."

"No, no." I quickly interrupted, "I mean yeah, it was confusing, but I think I understand you… even though I've never felt anything like it. In my case, the goal is a given for me, so it had never crossed my mind. A nice wish, Clyde, but remember that you will always be a brother to the Louds, so you can count on us to be with you and your future family."

Clyde laid down again and took the rest of his stuffed animals in a big hug, "Thank you, Lincoln," he said before letting out a yawn, "glad I can count on you… sleep well…"

And with that, Clyde turned on his little noise machine and fell asleep. I stayed for a while in the darkness of the room, thinking about what to do next.

What Clyde said was strong… I didn't think about what I could lose with all this, at least not so much in the future. The idea of hanging around with my sisters and a family of my own is something I would like to see.

But if things keep this way there are only three possible endings: my sisters in jail, me in jail but for younger people, or my family getting broken. Any of the three cases are horrible.

I turned my body to the side, the fatigue was already taking its toll, and soon I too would be on my way to the kingdom of Morpheus.

Tomorrow will be the last day of the week that I will use the pills. I have to make it count. I've been avoiding my sisters for a long time instead of facing the problem at hand. Tomorrow I will do what I do best, not one but two plans.

First Plan: Intentions.

And the second plan: find who of my sisters still loves me as a brother and convince her to go with me to Dr. Clare.

Don't judge me, it was what popped in my head the moment I saw Clyde's parents being so close, I'll give the plan a shorter name later.