"We all have battle scars…Suck it up and build a brace for yours." —Raven Reyes, "Fog of War"
The sun had barely risen by the time she found herself in the Council chambers. Her night of comforting Marcus had taken its toll. She hadn't slept for more than a few hours, her focus on him. He had dozed off around 5 o'clock, his head in the crook of her neck, his arms tightly around her. But a nightmare had woken him before six and Abby knew the prospect of sleeping herself was lost.
The others filed into the room — Clarke, Monty, Wick, and Penn — and sat around the table, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. Wick, as she knew it would be, was the first to protest the time of the meeting. He placed his head in his arms on the table the second he sat down and groaned, "Why so early, Chancellor?"
She decided not to correct him on the term he used — she certainly felt like the chancellor again with Marcus indisposed. He hadn't left their chambers until he followed her out that morning, claiming that he needed some fresh air. She knew he wanted to escape the nightmares and that he was going out this early to avoid most people.
Abby said, "I want to know the plan for Mount Weather, Mr. Wick. You leave in an hour."
"I could have gotten another hour's worth of sleep," he grumbled. "Did the Chancellor keep you up all night or something?"
"He did," she replied, looking at him pointedly.
"We don't need to know the intimate details of your relationship," Wick said, peeking at her from his arms.
"He wasn't doing well, Wick," she said dryly. Wick pushed himself into sitting straight in the chair, a deep frown on his face. He nodded grimly and whispered, "I'm sorry."
Abby nodded but didn't say any more on the subject. Talking about Marcus hurt her, especially to those he cared about, they understood her pain because they felt it to some degree too. She asked, "So how do you plan to get into Mount Weather if it's already occupied?"
"Kom fous | By force," Penn offered, crossing his arms over his chest. He had chosen to remain standing, thinking it too formal and knowing he would be out-of-place were he to sit down at the table.
Wick shook his head. "Sheer force isn't enough. We have to play this smart."
"Wick's right," Clarke said, nodding. "We all shouldn't go in, a few of us will work better. We won't be detected as easily." She looked at Abby and said, "You should be with us."
"Why?" She asked, startled by the words. She had no intention of joining them.
"The wounded will need you if Ontari has attacked," Clarke said quietly.
Abby asked, "And what about Nyko, Ash, and Wella? They're all at Mount Weather—"
"We haven't heard from them in days," Monty objected. "We don't know if they're alive or dead. We need you, Abby."
She frowned and glanced around the table at the sleepy yet alert faces. They all seemed to be in agreement about the issue, even Penn who she knew still had faith that the three healers were alive and well. Reluctantly, she nodded.
"Thank you, Mom," Clarke said with a small smile. "We'll gather what we need, you just get the medical supplies."
The four of them filed out of the room and Abby headed for Medical. Jackson was on-duty, sitting on a cot with a book in his hands, his eyes red from being up all night. He glanced at the clock on the wall and asked, "Are you here to relieve me early?"
"I'm not here to relieve you at all," she said with a shake of her head. He looked at her in confusion and she clarified, "I'm going to Mount Weather with the others."
"Why?" He asked, abandoning the book on the cot to stride across the room toward her. He stopped in front of her and said sternly, "You know how dangerous it could be right?"
She nodded. "I'm aware. But it was argued that a doctor is needed in case there's wounded."
"Then let me go," he pleaded, gripping her hand in his.
She shook her head. "I'm not risking you."
"But you're willing to risk yourself?" He said, brows lowering in anger. "Think about Clarke and Benja and Kane. Kane needs you here, Abby."
"Clarke needs me too—"
He interrupted harshly, "She doesn't. She's been doing fine on her own. She can handle herself. Kane went through hell, he needs someone here he can turn to."
"Don't act like you now him, Jackson," she said, pulling her hand out of his and walked toward the medical cabinet. She swung the backpack Clarke had given her off of her shoulder and started packing up bandages, gauze, morphine, suture kits, and anything else she could think of.
She turned and found Jackson watching her, glowering. She didn't want to leave any ill feelings between them so she walked toward him and said, "I'll have Kath and Troy relieve you as soon as possible. Get some rest."
"Like hell I will," he said quietly. "Not with you out there. There's a war going on, Abby."
She smiled and patted his hand gently. "I know that, Jackson. Will you check in on Marcus later?"
He nodded and she felt better about leaving. She walked out of the room, heading toward the exit of Alpha, wondering if Marcus was still outside. It didn't take long for her to find him. He was sitting on the edge of the fire pit, his leg stretched out in front of him, his crutches on the grass behind him.
She watched him for a few moments, trying to judge the mood he was in. She couldn't tell anymore, he kept his emotions guarded, preferring for them to remain his own private burden. She was reminded of the man he had been on the Ark, so closed off. He had been cold, distant; he was one of those things now, but she would prefer for him to be both, at least then she would know that he could feel something.
After showing so much vulnerability the night before, he seemed almost dead inside now. It worried her, frightened her even. I don't know how to come back from this, he had said. To be honest, she didn't either. They had taken her Marcus away and left a facade in place, a hollow man with nothing left of who he used to be, whom she had fought with, whom she had survived with, whom she loved. He just wasn't there anymore.
Kane turned, acutely aware of her eyes on him. She gave him a small smile before crossing the yard to sit beside him. He didn't meet her eyes, she didn't expect him to anymore. She whispered, "How are you feeling, ai niron?"
His eyes found hers briefly as he blinked away a painful memory. Abby reached out, touching the back of his hand as he whispered, "How do you think I'm feeling?"
She gripped his hand and said, "I don't know, Marcus. You won't talk about it."
"I can't, Abby. I don't know what to say," he admitted after nearly a minute.
She offered, "Say whatever you want, I just want to help you."
He shook his head. "I want to, I do, I just can't."
She sighed quietly but nodded. "Can you promise that you will when you are ready?"
"I can't make any promises," he shrugged. She squeezed his hand, wanting to provide whatever comfort she could.
She sat with him, watching Clarke carry a bag across the yard toward the hangar. She knew it was full of guns, ammunition, and smoke grenades. They weren't taking any chances. Her daughter looked at her and tapped the watch on her wrist that used to be Jake's. Abby nodded and said, "Marcus? I have to go. I'm going with them to Mount Weather."
"Why?" He asked, staring at the logs in the pit.
"If Ontari's already been there, the wounded will need me."
"There won't be any wounded," he commented quietly.
"I have to go, Marcus."
He just nodded. She watched him, wondering if he was going to say something further. When it was clear the silence was to be lasting, Abby released his hand and rose to her feet. She planted a kiss against his forehead and walked toward the hangar. His voice caused her to pause. "Be careful, Abby."
His words were devoid of any emotion and that hurt more than it would have had he remained silent.
Kane found himself sitting in the makeshift library in Alpha Station after Abby left. Gina worked across the room from him, organizing the books from Mount Weather. Quiet music played from her iPod as she worked. He sat with a book in his hand, staring at the words. He was trying to read, he really was, but he couldn't stop thinking about the place the book had come from, the place Abby and the others were headed for.
He kept reading the same line, over and over. At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's biggest lie. It had always struck a cord within him, every time his mother read him the book or he did it himself.
Was it the world's biggest lie?
He didn't feel in control of his life; he felt like fate was at work, toying with him, ruining him. Earth was nothing like he had imagined, but despite all of the hardship and toil, there was still good to be had.
I'm going to be a father.
The thought suddenly popped into his head and he knew that Abby never should have gone to Mount Weather, he should have talked her out of it. They were nearly there by his watch and he thought of reaching for the radio and telling her to come home. She was in danger, fate had her by its unrelenting hands, ready to ruin her if it saw fit. Ready to ruin him.
"Is it bothering you?" Gina interrupted quietly, looking at him over a pile of books. He looked at her, blinking away his thoughts. She clarified, "The music. You look upset, I don't want to be the cause of it."
"You're not, Gina," he said quickly.
She looked at him for a while and he turned back to the book, staring at Melchizedek's words on the page. He heard her footsteps on the floor and she sat in the chair next to his. He could feel her eyes on him and found himself whispering, "Thank you for watching Benja while Abby was away."
She smiled. "He's a good kid, he reminds me a lot of you actually."
He shook his head. "I'm not good."
"You don't know yourself if you think that," she whispered. He looked at her sharply, but she continued, "You've helped me, Kane. Those talks while you were away, they helped me."
Kane almost forgot. Gina radioed several times while he was in Tonawa. Normally late when she figured he was alone, always about either Bellamy or her father, a guard killed in the Tondc missile attack months ago. He knew she wasn't doing okay by her voice, her calls were never to check up on the mission he was on. He had done his best with her and it was a few days before he noticed a change in her voice. He knew she was going to try the same with him.
He was about to protest, to claim that he was a lost cause, when his radio went off, Bellamy on the other end. He didn't reach for it as Bellamy called for him again. Gina was the one to answer, "The Chancellor's busy, what's going on?"
Bellamy hesitated but said, "Tell him that Roan's joining our forces together. Ontari bypassed Tonawa and attacked Buffalo yesterday—"
"Is everyone okay?" She asked quickly. He knew that she was most worried about Bellamy because, despite how their relationship ended, she still cared about him.
"We're hurting. Denby, Smith, and Porter are dead. We've arrived to relieve them, Murphy's bringing the injured to Arkadia, he's been treating them." He answered slowly, trying to ease her worry. Kane looked at the radio, wondering what brought about that change in the boy. Abby, it was Abby, he thought as Bellamy continued, "I just wanted to update the Chancellor."
Kane was nodding, taking in the new information. Gina said, "He says thanks."
"Is he okay, Gina?" Bellamy asked quietly, they could hear the concern in his voice.
Gina looked at him, unsure of how to answer. Kane reached for the radio and said, "I'm fine, Bellamy. Stay safe."
"You too, Kane," Bellamy replied.
Gina took the radio from him and placed it on the table. She looked at him and asked, "Are you okay?"
Kane frowned and said, "I'll never be okay."
"Not if you think like that," she replied with a sigh. "It takes time, Kane. You'll get there, I—"
"You what?" He asked harshly. "You promise? You can't promise that I'll feel like myself again. You can't promise that I'll be back to normal. You can't promise that I won't get anyone else hurt!"
She balked and rose to her feet, shaking her head at him. "No, I can't promise any of that. But, dammit if I'm not going to try."
He watched her walk out of the library. He stared at his leg, feeling useless because he couldn't go after her. He only felt worse now.
The door opened a few minutes later and he fully expected it to be Gina, but Raven walked in. She sat down next to him and picked up the book he had been attempting to read. "Feeling sentimental?" She asked before her fingers ran over the embossed title. "What has you reading The Alchemist, Kane?"
"It was one of my mother's favorites," he whispered, staring at the cover of the book. Raven's smirk faltered and she slowly handed the book back, apologizing. He ran his hand over the cover and said, "She always wanted me to have a Personal Legend, like the boy in the book. She wanted me to accomplish everything in life, but…I fear I've failed her."
"How?" Raven pressed, crossing her legs on the seat, ready for a story.
He smiled sadly, still running his fingers over the raised lettering. "Look at me. Do you think my mother would approve of me now?"
Raven took a few moments to collect her thoughts before she said slowly, "I didn't know your mother well, but I know what kind of person she was and she never would have disapproved of you." She paused, staring at the cover of the book. "It makes a lot of sense for her to have liked this book. The whole 'every dream is valid and not to be ignored' thing, I feel, was how she lived her life."
He nodded. "She was a dreamer, I always thought that she spent too much time in her head and not in the present. She ignored what was happening in reality in favor of the idyllic world she had created in her mind."
"What did she ignore?" She pressed, staring at him intently.
He frowned and kept his gaze on the book's cover as he replied, "My father."
He thought she was going to drop it because she was quiet for such a long time. She finally asked, "Do you worry that you'll be like him? With your child?"
He looked at her, his brows lowered, and he began, "How—"
Raven smiled, "It's not that hard to figure out." His eyebrow cocked up. "Abby let it slip when she was checking up on my hip yesterday. Congratulations."
"Thanks," he muttered. He hadn't really had the time or mental capacity to process the fact that he was going to be a father. A real father. Sure, he thought of Clarke and Benja as his children now, Rebecca too, and the Blakes, Jasper, Harper, Nate, even Gina and Raven herself sometimes. But none of them were actually his, he couldn't look at them and see a part of him in their features. He hadn't been there for them when they were younger, he hadn't helped shape them into who they were now. This child would be his and Abby's, he wanted that more than anything now.
"Have they reached Mount Weather yet?" She asked, mercifully changing the subject and glancing at the clock on the wall.
Kane shook his head. "They should only be a few miles away by now."
"Wick's just happy to be included again," Raven said, smiling to herself. "He knows that I should be going, but if there's trouble, my leg would get in the way."
"I know what you mean," he whispered, staring hard at the coffee table rather than at her.
"You know that you'll get better, right?" She asked, trying to catch his eye. "You can still use your leg when it's healed."
"To limp around camp," he scowled. "Abby said I might need to use a cane from now on."
"That would amuse Wick to no end," she said with a smile. He glared at her. She raised her hands in defense and continued, "But it would help you, you have to see that. Your life doesn't have to be about being weak and damaged. You can still survive. I'll help you out, I've been there, Kane. You'll get better, I promise."
He looked at her uncertainly, glancing down at the brace on her leg. She had no use of her leg, yet she got along fine. She couldn't go on dangerous missions like she used to, but she still managed the day-to-day. He would still have use of his leg, his knee may be mangled but the rest of it would heal. He wondered if a brace would help him too.
"Hello? Earth to Kane," Raven said, waving her hand in front of his face. "You still in there?"
He frowned and replied, "Not really, no."
"Listen, I know what happened sucks and was horrible," she began, staring down at his injured leg. "But you can't let it change you. Think of what a dick you used to be, you don't want to raise a child as that man. That kid deserves better. So do Abby and Clarke. You lost control, we all do. It's how we fight back that makes us who we are. Get over it or you might as well be dead."
His face turned cold as he glared at her. He spat, "Get out."
Raven just shrugged and said, "Yeah, okay. Welcome back to the Ark, Chancellor."
He frowned as he watched her retreat from the room, swinging her useless leg along. The door shut and Kane could only stare at his own leg, knowing that she was right.
The rover pulled to a stop outside the door of Mount Weather. Penn was the first one out, followed closely by his warriors and Clarke. The seven of them would sweep the Mountain then, when given the all-clear, the others would follow. Monty, Wick, and Mel were to disable the missiles in the control room; Jeff was to wait in the rover, ready for a quick exit if need be; Clarke and the others were to be their protection, just in case. Abby was waiting to see if she was even needed.
Abby watched her daughter disappear into the Mountain as she sat on the bumper of the rover. Wick sat next to her and said, "So, Raven tells me that there's going to be a mini-Kane. Congrats."
Abby frowned and said, "Not so loud. People shouldn't know yet."
"Why not?" He asked, leaning against the wall of the rover to better look at her. "Embarrassed it's Kane's?"
She rolled her eyes and said, "It's too early. Given my age, something could still happen."
"What are you, 35?" Wick said, grinning as he looked her over.
"You are a flirt, Wick," she said, shaking her head.
His grin widened and he nodded. "Don't tell Raven."
"I wouldn't dream of it," she said with a small smile.
Monty sat on her other side and said, "What are we talking about?"
"Kane and Abby," Wick answered immediately. Abby's eyes widened at him, but he continued, "What do you make of those two crazy kids together?"
Monty shrugged, staring at the door to Mount Weather. He seemed reluctant to weigh in on the subject. "You guys seem happy."
"Why are we talking about this?" Abby wondered aloud, glancing at Wick out of the corner of her eye. She didn't want him to let her secret slip on accident, she didn't trust Wick to be careful enough with the conversation, he wasn't one to be delicate.
"The welfare and happiness of our chancellors is important, Abby," Wick said seriously.
"Marcus is the Chancellor," she was quick to point out.
"That's not what he said," Monty said quietly. She looked at him and he continued, "He told Sinclair that he was unfit to lead."
"When was this?" Abby asked, frowning.
"After you got back. I believe you went to Medical to get some pills for him and Bennett and Sinclair stayed with him," Monty said, wracking his brains. "Sinclair said that he tried talking about Arkadia and Council business with Kane but he just yelled at him."
"He's having problems," Abby whispered. Before she could say any more on the subject, Wick's radio went off and he answered, "What's up, boss?"
Clarke's voice came through and she said, "They're all dead. Someone's been here."
Wick looked at Abby as he replied, "All?"
"Yeah. Nyko, Ash, Wella, all of Lexa's injured warriors. They're all dead."
Wick's eyes were wide as he replied, "Any sign of Ontari?"
"Not yet, but—"
The radio fell to the floor, an arrow sticking out of its center. Wick held his bloody hand against his chest and cursed as he stared out the back of the rover. "What the hell?"
Abby's eyes widened as she saw the movement on the tree line and said urgently, "Drive, Jeff!"
"What?" He asked from the front seat, lost in conversation with Mel.
"Drive!" Wick yelled as the archers popped out from the trees and readied their bows.
Monty pulled out his gun and leveled it on the warriors, ready. The rover lurched forward and Monty barely managed to keep his hands on his gun. Abby scrambled further into the rover, shaking as two arrows hit the spot she had just vacated. Monty began to fire, but it was fruitless. The arrows were coming so quickly from the tree line that they nearly blocked out the green. Abby worried that they would hit a tire, then they would all be in trouble.
She tore her eyes away from the incoming arrows as a scream sounded from her right. She looked and felt a coldness pass through her. Wick was slumped against the vehicle's wall, barely managing to stay in the speeding rover. An arrow stuck out of his chest and he was staring at it blankly.
"Monty, get him back here!" Abby yelled as she hurried to his side and tried her best to pull him fully into the rover. Mel came from the front seat to help and, together, the three of them managed to get Wick laying on the floor. He cried out in pain as the blood began to leave his body in earnest. Monty shut the door, an arrow narrowly missing him. He knelt at Wick's side a moment later.
Abby pressed her hands around the arrow, quickly coating them in red. Monty stared down at the wound, his eyes wide with fear at the sheer amount of blood coming out of his friend. Abby said, "I need your help, Monty."
He shook his head frantically. "I can't." She didn't know that he was picturing his best friend being shot in the chest in nearly the same exact spot. She didn't know that his mind went to Jasper nor that he was figuring out Wick's chance of survival. All she knew was that his fists were tight at his sides, that he was attempting to control the shake that passed through him.
"Please," Abby pleaded, trying to keep the pressure on Wick as he cried out.
Monty's hands trembled as he placed them over hers, leaning over Wick's body, pressing down as hard as he could. Abby nodded at him and grabbed her medical kit, popping it open.
"Mel!" The mechanic looked at her and hurried to Wick's side. Her eyes were full of tears but there was a fierce determination on her face. Abby caught her eye and said, "I need you to hold him in place, this is going to hurt."
Mel nodded and knelt over Wick's head, placing her hands on his shoulders to steady him. Abby handed Monty a large cloth to apply to the wound once she had the arrow removed. Her hands went to it but Wick's rapid breaths caused her to stop, a deep wheezing sound coming from him. She muttered, "It hit his lung."
"Can you save him?" Mel asked, staring down at Wick's chalk white face.
Abby took a deep breath and knew that in all likelihood, Wick was going to die. But she nodded to Mel in answer and grabbed her scalpel. She cut the skin above and below the arrow, widening the wound and giving her more room to see inside. Wick cried out, the sound dying halfway through as he gasped for breath. "It's only going to hurt more, Kyle."
He nodded, his eyes squeezing shut, his fists clenching at his sides. Mel tightened her grip on him and kept her eyes on Abby as she slid her hand into the wound and felt down to the point of the arrow head. Wick bit back another scream as her hand came in contact with his lung where the arrow had lodged itself.
She didn't let his pain faze her. She handed Mel a hand-operated ventilator. Abby moved up his body and grabbed the breathing tube. "Tilt his head back."
Mel did as she was told and bent his head at the neck back toward her. Abby inserted the breathing tube swiftly and grabbed the ventilator, attaching it the end. "Keep him breathing."
Mel nodded and began to pump the ventilator with one hand as she kept one of his shoulders steady. Abby moved back to the arrow and pulled it out slowly, making sure not to tear the lung any further. She grabbed the forceps and spread the skin apart so she could get in there with the needle to sew the leak shut. She got to work, placing pads inside his chest to stop the bleeding as best she could.
Monty pulled away and walked shakily toward the back of the rover where he promptly threw up. Abby continued as if the interruption hadn't happened, though the stench of the bile wasn't doing anything good for her. She moved the needle inside of Wick, closing up the lung bit-by-bit.
"Kyle?" She called five minutes later, her hands still deep in his chest. Abby looked at Mel, who stopped the ventilator. It was complete silence in the rover — no one was breathing.
Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated! I'm so sorry for this.
-Lauren