Title: Bless the Broken Road
Author: Steph
Rating: PG
POV: Sydney/Vaughn
Pairing: Syd/Vaughn, Syd/Will, Weiss/Vaughn friendship
Category: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: General season 5 and memorable Syd/Vaughn moments.
Summary: After five years, Vaughn returns from the dead to find Sydney married and raising their daughter with Will.
Notes: Thanks for all of your great feedback! I appreciate it! Okay, so this is why I don't do multiple part stories. The thing was done when I posted the first part, but I couldn't stop tinkering. It's actually pretty different because I kept thinking of things that needed to be added in. So, this story is now 5 parts. So the next one should be the LAST one…Seriously. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. -Steph
--- Bless the Broken Road: Part 4/5 ---
I sit on the park bench, the crisp night air blowing through my hair. I can't get Sydney's face out of my head. I can still feel her lips on my cheek. I said I would follow her lead. Her lead seems to be saying we have a chance. I guess I have to hold onto that.
I hear the crunch of grass beneath his feet before I hear his voice.
"Sydney told me you came here to watch them. To make sure they were okay."
I don't say a word. He sits down next to me. He stares straight ahead, eyes focused on the swing set.
"I proposed to Sydney right here on this bench," he says softly.
I swallow hard. Why is he here? Why is he telling me this? I'm not sure I can stand hearing this.
He goes on. "It was August and it was so hot. Isabel had been begging Sydney for ice cream all day long. The ice cream truck stopped at the curb and I gave Isabel money to get some ice cream. I watched her as she ran towards the truck, smiling and laughing. Then I looked at Sydney. Her eyes were filled with such love for that little girl. I knew she would give her the world if she could. And I thought why shouldn't that child have the family she deserves?" He pauses and then says, "So, I said 'marry me'."
I look down at my hands. I'm not sure if he expects a response, but I can't seem to form any words.
His lips curl into a smile. "I think she thought I was crazy at first, but then she started to see how good we could be together. All three of us." His smile fades away. "I knew she wasn't in love with me, but I guess a part of me hoped that maybe someday..."
His voice trails off. He's silent for a few moments before turning to look at me. "I should have known I never had a chance. Dead or alive, she gave her heart away to you a long time ago."
I take a deep breath and finally find some words. "Why are you telling me all of this?"
"Because I heard you two tonight."
My eyes widen. He goes on. "You're not the only one who imagined a future with Sydney. I honestly thought we'd grow old together. It was enough for me to just be a part of her life, to get to love her." He lets out a breath. "But I know that's not possible now. I know I have to let her go."
I feel my heart start to race at what he's just said. He's letting her go. I turn to look at him. His features are soft, but his eyes are clouded with emotion. I feel a strange combination of happiness, sadness, and guilt.
I lower my eyes. "I didn't say or do anything to try to break-..."
He nods. "I know you didn't. You didn't have to. I saw it in Sydney's eyes the moment you came back. Hearing her with you just made me come to terms with it."
He stops and smiles, his eyes taking on a faraway look. "I remember the first time I ever saw her. We had a class together. She sat front row center, when everyone else was battling for the seats in the back. I was late, as usual, and the only seat left was right next to her. I remember seeing her face for the first time and thinking she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I also remember thinking she was so out of my league that I could probably drop dead right next to her and she wouldn't notice," he says with a chuckle. His voice then grows softer. "But I hadn't even finished sitting down and she turned and smiled at me. And I remember thinking she's different. Turns out, I had no idea."
I stare at the broken man before me, knowing I am in some way responsible for his pain. And just when I feel overwhelmed with guilt for tearing his life apart he says...
"I'm a better man for having loved her and that little girl." He then meets my eyes. "Take care of them."
With that, he stands and walks away. I watch him go and realize for the first time that he's a better man than I am. He loves Sydney enough to put her happiness first. He loves her enough to let her go.
---
I sigh as I remove Will's shaving cream from the medicine cabinet and place it in a box. I still can't believe this is happening.
I feel so conflicted. I know Will is right. I'm still in love with Vaughn and it's not fair to Will to act as if I'm not.
But we were a family. We were the only real family I've ever known. How can it just be over?
I hear her tiny voice and I'm thrown from my thoughts. I walk to the bathroom door and peer into the bedroom.
Isabel is standing next to the bed, watching Will pack his things.
"What are you doing? Are you going on a business trip?"
I feel my heart drop. She's not supposed to be home. The babysitter must have dropped her off early. We've been trying to tell her for three weeks now, but we could never seem to find the words. And then it just seemed easier to have Will move out and then explain things. I wonder now who we thought that would be easier for. It's clear we can no longer avoid the inevitable.
Will looks down at her. "No, I'm not going on a trip."
Her brow furrows. "Then why are you packing all of your stuff?"
He looks down at his things and takes a deep breath. I know I should go out there. I know I should tell him with her. It's my place to do this. I'm her mother. But I can't seem to move from my spot.
He sits down on the bed and pulls her onto his lap.
"Isabel, I have something to tell you. It's not going to be easy to hear, but you're a strong and brave little girl so I know you can handle it."
She nods, but her eyes betray her words. "I can take it."
He swallows hard. "I'm not going to be living here with you and Mommy anymore."
Her brow wrinkles. "What do you mean? Where are you going to live?"
"I'm going to live in an apartment."
"Why?"
"Because your mommy and I aren't going to be married anymore."
Her bottom lip starts to quiver and her chin begins to tremble. Tears spring to her eyes, but she blinks them back. I'm frozen in place. I can't find the courage to do what I know I should. I can't look into her eyes and know I put that pain there.
"I don't understand. Don't you love each other anymore?"
Will nods. "Yes, we'll always love each other."
"Then why can't you stay married?"
Will sighs and shakes his head. "It's complicated."
Her eyes narrow. "That's grown-up talk for I-don't-want-to-explain-it-to-the-kid."
Will chuckles. "Yeah, pretty much."
She looks up at him, her eyes wide and her voice tiny. "It's because of him, isn't it?"
Will looks down at her, but doesn't respond. She goes on. "It's because he came back."
"It's not that simple."
"Seems simple to me. He's not here, we're fine and happy. He's here, not fine and not happy."
She lowers her head then and a single tear rolls down her cheek. I squeeze my eyes shut, my own tears beginning to sting my eyelids. I open my eyes again. Will wipes away her tear with his thumb.
"I know this is going to be hard, but we'll still see each other all the time. We'll go to the park and the library, just like we used to."
"That's what you say now, but then you'll get busy or get a new family. You'll forget about me."
I feel my chest begin to tighten and my throat start to burn.
"Hey," Will says, as he brings his thumb and forefinger up to her chin and tilts her head up to look at him. "That could never happen in a million years. You're unforgettable. You're my family, no matter where I live. I'll always make time for you. I love you. That will never change."
Isabel folds her arms over chest.
"I hate him," she says softly.
Will shakes his head. "No, you don't. This isn't his fault. He loves you and your mommy, just like I do. I can't blame him for that. I understand that too well. This isn't anyone's fault, Isabel. It's just the way it is."
She sticks her bottom lip out. "Well, it stinks."
Will laughs. "Yeah, it does."
Then he places a kiss on her forehead and cradles her in his arms. And I realize for the first time that I may never see that again.
---
The doorbell rings and I walk to the door to answer it. The door swings open and my eyes land on Isabel. I'd be happy she came to see me if it weren't for the look in her eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
She gestures to a car behind her, parked at the curb. "I needed to see you. My baby-sitter was supposed to bring me to the park, but I convinced her to bring me to see you instead. She likes Kit-Kats. I gave her a whole bag."
My eyes narrow. "Isabel, you shouldn't have done that. Now Mommy doesn't know where you are."
She shrugs and walks past me. I close the door behind her. She walks to the couch and sits down. I join her.
"Look, if you ever need to see me all you have to do is call and-..."
She shakes her head. "No, you don't get it. I came to tell you I don't want to see you ever again."
I feel the air go out of my lungs, as I realize what this is about. She knows about Will leaving. And she blames me.
"Isabel," I say softly.
She looks down at her hands. "You made him leave."
I reach my hand out to touch her, but think better of it. "I know about Mommy and Will. I'm sorry. But I didn't do anything. It was Will's choice."
She looks up at me with glassy eyes. "He did it because of you. Everything was fine until you came back." She shakes her head sadly. "I was just starting to get to know you, to like you. And then this happened. Now I don't know if I'll ever like you."
I feel like she just punched me in the stomach. The thought of her and Sydney is what kept me going all those years. And now she's sitting here hating me for what's happened.
"You can hate me if you want, Isabel. That's your right. But I'm your father and I need you to know that nothing you ever say or do will make me stop loving you." I touch her chin, so she'll look at me. "The thought of you got me through those five years."
I want her to understand how much she means to me. I need her to understand.
She sighs, "I'll probably never see him again, you know. He says we will but people say lots of things."
I shake my head. "He loves you. This doesn't change that." I pause and then add, "My relationship with your mother has taught me a lot, but the greatest lesson I've learned is that love doesn't end because of separation or death. If you really love somebody and they love you, then they're always with you. That's how it was for me with you and your mom. And that's how it will be with you and Will."
She wipes at her nose with the back of her hand. "We were a family. The only family I've ever known."
I nod. "I know. I'm sorry."
She shakes her head. "No, you're not. You want me and Mommy to be your family. Then Daddy will have no one. You're selfish."
The words sting me to my core and I squeeze my eyes shut. The hardest part is she's right. I am selfish. I want us to be a family. I guess I feel like I deserve that, like we deserve that. The problem is I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. That's not true for everyone else involved.
I bob my head. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am selfish. I do want us to be a family. But that doesn't mean I don't want Will to be a part of your life. You love him and he loves you. He makes you happy. I would never try to take that away from you."
She looks up at me and her face softens. She smiles sadly. "I don't hate you. I just don't like you much right now. I'm a kid. I change my mind a lot. Don't worry, it won't last forever."
I smile and reluctantly put my arm around her shoulders. She doesn't pull away and I take that as a good sign.
"That's good to know," I say.
---
I carry the last box down the walk and place it in the truck. Will's right behind me, holding his keys in his hands.
"Well, I guess that's it," he says.
I cross my arms over my chest and nod. "Yeah, I guess."
Our eyes meet and hold for a minute. I see the pain in his eyes and it's almost too much to bear. I look down at my feet. "If you forgot anything I'll-..."
"Just hold onto it. I'll come by to pick it up."
I raise my eyes to his. "You know you can come over whenever you like, right? I mean, Isabel expects to see you."
He nods. "I know. I'm not going to disappear from that little girl's life."
"Good." I pause and then add, "I don't want you to disappear from mine either. I don't know where I'd be without you."
"You'd be fine, Syd. You will be fine."
"But our friendship...everything we had was based on that friendship. I don't know what I'd do if I thought I had ruined that...if I lost that."
Will shakes his head and says softly, "You'll never lose me, Syd."
We fall into an uncomfortable silence then, until he breaks it. "Well, I better get going. I only have the truck rented for a couple of hours." He starts to move to the driver's side, but my voice stops him.
"I want you to know I was happy." He turns to look at me. "You made me happy. I know I couldn't give you what you deserved and I'm sorry for that. But you did make me happy, Will, and you gave me my first real family. I'll always be grateful to you for that."
He bobs his head, his smile sad. "But it wasn't enough."
I move my eyes to the ground. He offers me one last look and then opens the driver's side door and gets in. I watch as he drives away, paying no attention to the tears cascading down my cheeks and falling to the pavement.
---
I sit down behind her, as I did all of those years ago when she could hide from everyone but me. I've been calling her for three weeks.
"I knew I'd find you here. I didn't even have to go anywhere else this time."
"Vaughn," she says softly.
"Why are you trying to hide from me?" I ask.
"It's not about you," she replies.
I stand up and go sit down next to her. Her legs are pulled up to her chest and her face is tearstained. Her eyes are red-rimmed and swollen.
I bring my hand up to her cheek and caress it. She closes her eyes and leans into my palm.
"What happened?" I ask.
I know what happened. I know why she's been hiding from me, but she probably has no idea I know. I can't seem to bring myself to tell her for some reason.
She opens her eyes, but quickly moves them to her lap. "I don't think I can do this right now."
"Well, you don't have a choice because I'm not leaving you."
She takes a deep breath and wipes at a tear on her cheek. "Will's gone."
I try to sound appropriately surprised. "What do you mean he's gone?"
"I mean my marriage is over. He ended it. He left today."
"I'm sorry."
She offers me a bitter smile. "No, you're not."
I'm taken aback by her tone. "Yes, I am. I didn't want this to happen."
She looks me in the eye. "You said you didn't want to interfere in my marriage. And you didn't. You didn't do anything. But it was in your words. It was in your eyes."
I sigh and shake my head. "I won't pretend that I didn't want you back the moment I saw you. That I didn't want us to be a family." I pause and then look at her. "And you can't pretend either."
She scoffs at that. "Apparently. Will saw right through me. He knew." She smiles sadly. "It's funny, you know. I spent so many years deceiving people. I used to be a master at pretending. But I've never been able to pretend when it came to you." She shakes her head. "Will deserved so much better than I gave him."
I take her hands in mine and touch her chin, forcing her to look at me. "I know this is hard. You feel guilty for hurting Will. But I need you to see what I see. We have a chance, Sydney. We have a chance to be a family. You, me, and Isabel."
"I can't even think about that right now," she says, shaking her head.
"Why not?" I ask sharply. I pause and swallow hard. "We've already lost so much time, Syd. I need you to know that I never stopped loving you and I know you never stopped loving me. I saw it in your eyes the moment I saw you again."
She meets my gaze, her eyes clouded by a million emotions. "Maybe it's not enough, Vaughn. Maybe there's a reason we've been pulled apart so many times. Maybe we're not meant to be."
I feel my throat begin to tighten. "You don't really believe that. If that were true, then we wouldn't keep finding our way back to each other."
She wipes at her face with the back of her hand. "I just need some time...to sort all this out."
I rub my thumb over the soft skin of her hand. "I've waited this long, Sydney. I'll never stop waiting for you. When you're ready, you know where to find me."
With that, I stand up and walk away, hoping I'll never have to walk away from her again.
---
End of Part 4
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. -Steph