Chapter Twelve

After Mary had eaten her breakfast on Christmas Eve morning, she descended the stairs to see that the Christmas tree was already up in the great hall. Her mother and Edith were already decorating it, debating over where to place some of the ornaments. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she kissed her mother and sister on the cheek and picked up some ornaments, placing them delicately on the branches. She tuned out the sound of Edith's voice as she continued to debate where to place ornaments and smiled as she felt strong, familiar arms wrap around her.

"Our first Christmas as husband and wife." Matthew whispered in her ear.

"Darling, you're being overly affectionate in front of the family." Mary muttered.

"Your mother and Edith aren't even paying us any attention; your point is invalid."

"Mmmm. So, are you looking forward to Christmas?"

"My first since I recovered properly and my first with you as my wife, why wouldn't I be looking forward to it?"

"It's been a trying time." Mary sighed.

Matthew gave her a tight squeeze.

"Come out with me, I fancy a walk." He requested quietly.

Mary nodded, placing a last ornament on the tree, and announced to her mother that she and Matthew were heading out. She thanked Anna for helping her into a coat and pulled on her gloves and hat before looping her arm through her husband's and headed out into the crisp winter air.

The grounds were a blanket of untouched, pure white snow. Ice crystals formed on the branches of the leafless trees, birds chirping up high against the blue sky. She didn't feel the need to speak, she found the atmosphere so peaceful that she wanted to remember it all. For after Christmas, there would be many discussions with the family about how they would have to sell the estate and downsize to a smaller property. Mary was unsure how she would ever grow accustomed to a smaller life; it wasn't something she ever thought she would have to do. She wasn't like Sybil, who could give up her title and wealth to go and marry the family's former chauffeur and live in Dublin whilst working as a nurse. Of course, she was happy for her sister. Sybil seemed truly happy whenever she wrote to her older sister and Mary would often smile at her sister's words. The only time she had ever truly considered living a simpler life was when Matthew had first proposed, and she had considered being a country solicitor's wife until Aunt Rosamund made her doubt it all.

But now, she had no choice.

She had happily chosen Matthew after breaking off her engagement to Carlisle. But she had been unaware of the lengths her father had gone to keep her scandal out of the papers. Carlisle owned the shares in the Canadian railway and as a result, most of the money had been tied up in the investment. The family's accounts were looking dire and according to Matthew, some urgent changes were needed sooner rather than later.

She looked up at her husband and gave him a smile, but she knew that Matthew was aware she was just pretending to be happy.

"You're thinking about how much longer we have here, aren't you?" Matthew questioned.

"I don't want to bring such sad thoughts to an occasion meant to bring joy, but I can't help it." Mary admitted.

"It's perfectly fine to be sad about it, Mary." Matthew sighed.

"How much longer do you think we can stay here?"

"I'm not sure. Perhaps the rest of the winter if Robert will listen to my proposed changes."

"He's resistant to change." Mary noted.

"But change isn't always a bad thing. Carson is adamant that we should hire Barrow as Bates' replacement until we get the outcome of the trial. Anna is still in a housemaid's position, but you want her as a lady's maid, which means we need to hire two replacement housemaids. He also says we need two footmen." Matthew sighed.

"Did Papa listen to your suggestion about Molesley being a footman?" Mary asked.

Matthew shook his head.

"He shut me down rather quickly. I respect that it would be a demotion for Molesley but I'm content to dress myself every day. I'm sure that Molesley will be disappointed but in the long run, I think it best." Matthew replied.

"I'm sure we can offer Molesley an incentive for the deduction in his wages if we demote him." Mary said.

"I've been thinking on it, but your father is quite stubborn. He's not yet ready to entertain the notion of sorting out the wage bill and the household expenses. But we can worry about that after Christmas."

Mary nodded, biting her lip for a moment.

"How do you feel about Lavinia's news?" she asked quietly.

Matthew's jaw tightened and he let out a huff.

"I find myself to blame for her predicament. Married to Carlisle is one thing, but to be pregnant with his child…I find it disgusting…he can't be kind to her…the look on her face tells me that she obeys him and submits to his will…I never wanted that for her…"

Mary felt awkward at the revelation of just how much Matthew blamed himself for Lavinia's situation. Three weeks ago, the family had declined an invitation to dine at Haxby which had caused Sir Richard and Lavinia to visit them unexpectedly. The visit was brief, only for Sir Richard to pretend his annoyance at their refusal to attend his dinner was insulting and that he wanted to share with his neighbours and friends the news that he would be a father in the summer. She recalled the look on Lavinia's face: desperation, fear.

"She'll love her child; I suppose that will be her comfort despite her sorrow." Mary uttered.

Matthew frowned at her.

"I know that she would love her child. But do you think that's a saving grace? Lavinia has never caused a moment's sorrow in her whole life, she's a good person." He snapped.

Mary removed her arm from his and stood in her tracks.

"There's no need to snap at me."

"I'm sorry, but the topic of Lavinia's situation is…"

"Clearly a sensitive one." Mary stated.

Matthew nodded sharply.

"I can't help but feel responsible for her misery." Matthew sighed.

"I know, darling. But blaming yourself isn't going to help Lavinia." Mary argued.

They shared a moment of silence before Matthew stepped towards her, resting his forehead against her own. Mary let out a heavy sigh, silently wishing that she could make all this horridness go away for the two of them. It was a topic of conversation which had led to many arguments over the last few weeks. For Mary, the news made her want to help Lavinia more, but she was unsure how to. If she knew anything about Sir Richard, she knew that he would be keeping Lavinia under very close watch.

"I don't know what we can do to make amends." Matthew admitted.

"I suppose all we can do is wait for Lavinia to reach out to us. If we try and reach out to her, who knows what Carlisle would do to her." Mary muttered.

The two of them shared a look of sadness and thought a moment longer about Lavinia before turning back to the house to celebrate the holiday with the rest of the family.

oOo

Their first Christmas day together as husband and wife had been thrilling. But it had left Matthew a little worried.

The family were sat in the dining room as Matthew studied his wife closely as they ate their Christmas dinner together. She was happily engaging in conversation with his mother whilst Cora conversed with Edith and Robert and Violet were discussing something in the corner. Rosamund joined in with the conversation between Violet and Robert, but Matthew was content to continue eating and studying Mary. He had been concerned earlier when she had napped after their walk and then had looked exhausted throughout luncheon. His concern had only increased when she barely ate anything at luncheon and rested once again before afternoon tea.

He was certain that Mary was coming down with an illness of some kind.

But he had hardly had the opportunity to get her alone. Any time that Matthew saw a chance to have a moment with his wife, Cora or Edith or Violet would get to Mary before he could.

It irked him.

But once the day was done and it was time for everyone to retire, Matthew felt glad that he would get to be alone with Mary. He bade goodnight to his mother and Violet, who shared a car home, and climbed the staircase to his dressing room. He dismissed Molesley for the night, seeing it as an opportunity for the valet to have some time for himself, and changed into his pyjamas. He buttoned his top and pulled on his dressing gown and walked through the doorway to the bedroom.

Mary was already in bed, her gown on the back of a chair, her long hair braided, and she wore a tired smile on her face as he closed the door behind him.

"Did you enjoy our first Christmas as husband and wife?" Mary asked in a yawn.

"I did," Matthew smiled, "Thank you again for my gifts."

To make their first Christmas as a married couple more special, Mary had gifted him a first edition set of works by Charles Dickens, the set had belonged to her grandfather who in turn had bequeathed them to Mary. To go with the books, Mary had purchased a leather bookmark engraved with a loving reminder from her. It made his heart swell happily at the gesture. She knew how much he loved to read and since their marriage, she loved to hear him read aloud to her a chapter or two each night when she curled up into his arms.

"I'm glad you liked it." Mary said softly.

Matthew took off his robe and hung it delicately on the back of his chair. He pulled back the covers and climbed into bed next to her. He listened to her thank him again for her new riding boots and gloves and the necklace that had once belonged to his grandmother. Matthew kissed her forehead as she snuggled into his chest.

"Matthew?" Mary whispered.

"Yes darling?"

She looked up at him.

"I have another gift for you."

Matthew raised an eyebrow.

"Darling, you really didn't have to." He said quietly.

"Well it's something that I think you'll like…" Mary smiled.

Matthew chuckled.

"You've been rather tired, my love. I don't want to exhaust you further."

Mary hit him playfully on the chest.

"I didn't mean that…this gift…it's going to be a little delayed…"

"Oh…well if it's arriving from overseas…"

But when he looked deep into her eyes, Matthew knew that she wasn't talking about an extravagant gift bought from overseas. Mary sat up, her hands cradling her flat stomach.

"It's still early…only about eight weeks…but I'm having your baby and it will arrive in the summer…" Mary mumbled.

Matthew couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. He was to be a father. Mary was pregnant!

"Oh darling…that is…wonderful…" He said breathlessly.

Mary wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You're pleased?" she questioned.

He nodded his confirmation.

"I'm thrilled, darling! Oh Mary…you don't know how happy you've made me…how do you feel?"

"Tired. Nauseous mostly. Dr. Clarkson says that it should pass by my third month."

"Can I do anything? What do you need?" Matthew asked.

It suddenly occurred to him that the baby was why she had been under the weather so much lately. Her need to rest during the day…not eating much…all of it made so much sense now.

"I'll inform you if there is anything I need." Mary replied with a smile.

Matthew nodded, leaning forward so that his forehead rested against hers. His hands moved gently to her flat stomach, picturing in his md how she would look in a few months when it became evident to the world that she was carrying their child. It was an image that Matthew knew that knew wouldn't compare to the reality of his wife carrying their baby. He knew that the sight of Mary with a swollen abdomen would be something he would cherish always.

He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her happily.

This was certainly a better Christmas than he had imagined.