Well, the day has come; SlashyKitty has suggested the topic for my oneshot. Oh, God. What a challenge this shall be. Uh… liberal slash warning.
These are the requirements & my summary: I want it to be about various Marauder-era characters coming out. Remus must achieve chocolate nirvana, Sirius must reach Remus nirvana, and Lily must be lesbian. Also, must incorporate James screaming about everyone getting more action than him.
Ah, for the days when oneshots were simple things… but, it shall be fun, and I shall be grateful.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't think J.K. would want to own this. So, it's not hers. Mine. Keep your greedy paws off, woman.
Warning (again): SLASH
o:o:o
Reaching Nirvana.
o:o:o
The common room was loud and warm. Food spilled onto the carpet from a laden table in the middle. Old house-elves were turning in their graves at the amount of cleaning that would have to be done.
Smoke swirled in pretty spirals from a group of sixth years in the corner, but no one cared. They were more concerned about controlling the nutty group of fifth years that were snorting sparks from their wands and turning the most magnificent shades of green, purple and blue.
Empty butterbeer bottles littered the floor and Firewhiskey was ample in its supply.
The reason for all the hubbub was this: Gryfinndor had just discovered they'd won not only the Quidditch Cup – something they had found out (and celebrated) a few weeks earlier – but they had also beaten Slytherin by a long shot in the House Cup. It wasn't official, but the Slytherin hourglass, usually filled with emeralds, only held a scant few. It was either Gryffindor or Ravenclaw for the House Cup, and, as far as the Gryffindors were concerned, that was enough of a victory.
As long as it wasn't Slytherin.
Now, over in the most comfortable armchairs in the place, were Gryffindor's most well known members: the Head Students, Lily Evans and James Potter; James' friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew; Lily's friends, Emmeline Vance and Alice White.
It had been James Potter's idea to hold the party and the other six had found themselves quickly agreeing. Later, they would accuse him of using some sort of Charm on them, to which he would reply, only the Potter Charm, but, for now they were enjoying the whole atmosphere.
The couches were pushed close so that they formed a wonky sort of circle and two heavy glass bottles were being passed around. One held Firewhiskey and the other held one of Lily's own creations. As powerful as Firewhiskey, but with half the hang over. The boys thought it was an ingenious idea and the girls grudgingly concurred. It was, after all, one of Lily's creations, so, naturally it was wonderful.
James and Sirius were holding their alcohol rather well, but Lily and her friends were teetering on the edge between dizzy and drunk. Peter and fallen into drunk within a sip, and didn't seem to be getting up any time soon. Remus had drunk the most, but he was still almost sober.
Remus took another large sip.
His friends cheered as he finally plunged off the diving board of Sober, and into the pool of Tipsy.
Alice, noticing that Peter was now literally not going to get up, and also quite literally flat on his face, staggered up and forcibly dragged him up the staircase. She threw him into his dorm and left him on the floor.
She got back to her friends and saw that they were all happy.
"It's not fair!" she wailed, and her companions turned to her with sympathy plastered all over.
"Of course it's not," Sirius said. Alice nodding fervently.
"I'm drunk for the first time in my life – and Frank isn't even here to take advantage of me!" she let out another melodramatic groan and flopped herself down between Lily and Emmeline. "Why'd he have to go and graduate?" she asked in a voice similar to one used by a four-year-old asking why she couldn't keep a pony in her apartment.
"Because."
"That's not helpful, Sirius!" Alice howled. "You're just being insensitive because you don't have a boyfriend!"
"And I should hope not!" James yelled, indignant, but if he was going to say anything else, it was drowned out by two things. First, a large gulp of Lily's potion as it came passed him, and second, Sirius' loud yell of, "Yes, I do!"
"Sure, you have," Alice slurred, her words sliding out of her mouth like honey in a tube – slow and sticky.
"'Course I have!" Sirius crowed.
"Sirius, mate – that's so not funny." Well, James wasn't laughing, anyway.
"Obviously it's not funny, Prongs," Sirius said, giving James a condescending look. "I'm Sirius. I'm not allowed to be funny." Sirius giggled at his pun, and Remus and the girls tittered along with him.
"I have to admit, dearest Padfoot, that – that pun, the whole…" Remus made erratic hand gestures as he tried to fit in words, "Sirius-and-serious thing, has got to be," he thought for a moment. "The worst play on words I have ever heard!" He finished his statement proudly, and knocked back a mouthful of Firewhiskey.
"Hey," Lily said, her eyes bright and wide, her face flushed. She leant forwards and beckoned everyone together.
The hollow 'clock'-ing noise as everyone's heads connected in the centre was most amusing to the drunken teenagers. "Hee hee," Lily giggled, rubbing her head where a very large bump was beginning to form. "That's funny!" and she collapsed into laughter.
A few minutes passed, and Lily leaned in again. "I had the best idea… let's go outside!"
Five seventh-years, some seventeen, some eighteen, stared back at her, their jaws slack and their brows lowed as they thought hard.
"Outside, outside?" Sirius asked.
"Mhm!"
"But, Lily – it's cold and – and snowing?" Alice stared out the window at the snow falling from the sky, before shaking her head. "It's snowing!"
"Even better!" she leaned over and whispered in Remus' ear, "I love snow."
"Me too," Remus agreed loudly.
"You, too, what?" James asked confused. Ah, bless his little mind – always contorted into difficult knots and ties others call thoughts.
"Never you mind, Prongsy boy. I'm totally with Lily. Let's gooooo," Remus whined. He stumbled to his feet. Lily swayed out of the couch as well, and dragged Emmeline up. With three standing up and three sitting down, the odds were quite obviously even. Sirius tottered up.
"I'm with you," he said, his words slightly blurred around their edges.
"Fiiiiiiine," James agreed standing. "You coming, Alice?"
The last girl left shook her head. "No… I think I'll go and write an abusive letter to Frank instead."
"Okay," Lily chirped – she was a happy drunk, "have fun!" She grabbed Emmeline's jumper sleeve and tugged her towards the portrait hole.
"James! Grab the bottles, will you?" Sirius yelled as he was forcibly removed from the common room by Remus.
"Uh – yep! Coming!" James grabbed the half full bottles of drink and wobbled out the door.
"Don't be out too late, dears!" the fat lady yelled after them. "It's already midnight!"
"Okay!" Lily chirruped.
Once out on the snow covered lawns they stopped, the brisk air cutting into their jumpers.
"Funny weather we're having," Remus commented lightly, grabbing a bottle from James and taking a swig of Lily's potion.
"Yeah! It's nearly summer and it's snoooowing! Snow is fun!" Lily sang. She fell onto her back and made a snow angel. She stood up and surveyed her work. The group kept walking. About five minutes later, Lily shouted out, again, "Snow is fun!"
Lily threw a puff of it at Remus, who watched with mild interest before sighing.
"What's wrong, my dear, sweet Moony?" Sirius questioned, leaning on his friend's shoulder.
"It's nothing."
"Oh – alright then! If you're sure!" Sirius turned to walk away, but then he noticed that Remus was talking again.
"It's just –!"Remus continued, "Just that even with all the celebration and whiskey and Lily's – Lily's, you know – stuff – drink? – it's all lovely and all, but there's something real good we're missing," Remus looked at Sirius, and Sirius' heart soared.
Me! His heart sang. Whee! Take that, Alice! I do have a boyfriend! Ha ha! But Sirius' thoughts were cut short as Remus kept on talking. My boyfriend chatters a lot, though, Sirius thought regretfully, before he tuned into what Remus was asking him.
" –you know?" Remus finished, unaware that his captive audience had been rather inattentive.
"Sorry?" Sirius asked.
"So you should be. Now… where is it?" Remus demanded, getting a little miffed. He asked for chocolate and what did he get? Nothing. Just Sirius' stinky attitude. "I want it now, Sirius! Don't you chicken out after all this time!"
Remus stood, hands on hips, glaring at Sirius in a most Lily-esque way.
Suddenly, a little thought popped into Sirius' mind. He wants a kiss! Sirius' thoughts crowed, completely misinterpreting Remus' message. He leaned in and captured Remus' lips with his own, kissing him as if his very life depended on it.
"Say," said Lily. "That looks like fun!" She grabbed Emmeline and snogged her.
James stood forlornly on the sidelines, watching as his two best mates made out, and the girl of his dreams turned and began pashing one of her girlfriends.
"Meh," Remus mumbled dazedly when Sirius eventually detached himself. "You taste like chocolate. You'll do." And with that and a sigh from both parties, he pulled Sirius in for another kiss.
Lily and Emmeline didn't look like they were going to stop soon either.
"How come everyone is getting more action than me?" James yelled, very upset. "Come on, Lily! Look-it me! Look-it me! Look what I can do!"
He turned into a stag.
Lily continued eating Emmeline's face.
He turned back, discouraged.
The bottle Remus had been holding fell to the ground and its contents began to leak out of its mouth.
"Eep! Not the alcohol! Anything but the alcohol!" James ran over and picked the bottle up from the ground, stroking it like a new born child. Then he drank what was left in it. And what was left in the other bottle.
He promptly passed out.
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and 130-year-old wizard, was taking a leisurely stroll through the grounds at a quarter past midnight on a Tuesday, and was charming the clouds to sprinkle soft little snowflakes down on the earth, like a pepper shaker, minus the sneezing.
As he walked along, he noticed something odd in the distance.
Hm. He thought as he walked closer. That's odd. He looked at the ground, before turning and walking back up to the castle, not seeing, or not wanting to see the small group of seventh years standing (and lying) only a hundred yards away, each in their own crisp and wintry Nirvanas of chocolate, Remus and alcohol.
He smiled as the doors swung shut behind him. Fancy seeing a snow angel here.
o:o:o
o:o:o
I have to admit, I don't like this in the slightest. I can't write slash. And that was a very lame attempt. I'm sorry, SlashyKitty! This is incredibly average. If you want to change or edit stuff – let me know, 'kay!
For SlashyKitty.