Why?

Because I am god. Because I can. Because I love you, Hatsuharu.

You're always funny. And now you look at me, bored, I suppose. Do I bore you, my dumb ox? You're so apathetic.

But you're warm. You don't mind so much as the others when I lie on you like this, my head over your heart and my knees tucked forward, curled up in a tight knot. You sit with your back to the edge of the door, and look out at the shadows created by my garden.

You don't even care, do you?

Nothing makes you embarrassed, or tender, or show any emotion at all when you're here with me, Hatsuharu. I'm hurt, in my way of it; it makes me hold you ever closer, trying to incite you. But you don't care.

That's what makes me push your limits.

So, I pull away, sitting, looking into your heavy-lidded eyes. Were you drowsing? Do you feel safe when you're with me? I don't know. I can't tell.

I hate not knowing. My survival depends on my knowing anything and everything. If I cause any feelings at all, pray, do tell me?

So I press my lips to yours, bluntly, and pull away. Hatsuharu, is that all you can do? Just sit there, blinking at me? I want to ask so many questions, my dumb ox. I readily would, if I thought for an instant that you might know the answers. You're so slow, and stupid. But you're my stupid.

"Akito-sama?" I can barely hear the querulous inflection. I know that you show more than this, sometimes. I am, after all, the one that receives the bills from your school, and that dojo Kazuma runs, and your home, and the hospital where Isuzu used to stay.

Why don't you lose your temper in front of me? I want you to. I wonder what you're like, underneath all that fake "White Haru" stuff. What are you like, when you go "Black"?

"…I saw Yuki yesterday." Now you look interested. Perhaps even worried? But the emotion passes quickly, and you gaze outside again, away from me.

"Did you know how much he still thinks about me?" Your brows knit together. I've found something that annoys you, Hatsuharu. Lucky me! As I recall, you had another vice, as well.

"Did you know his lips are even softer than Isuzu's?" Oh, you're on your feet. I can see your feelings now, Hatsuharu!

"What makes you think I care?" you growl. I can't help it; I start to laugh. That doesn't seem very productive, but you just ask the most obvious questions!

"You're so funny, Hatsuharu!" I almost choke trying to speak. "Of course you care. The big, slow, ignorant ox has always had a soft spot for the rat that tricked him so long ago. It's like you never even realized how he used you!"

"Why? Why do you say such god damn horrible things, and expect to get away with it? Why do you…" you sweep your arm, including, I assume, the way I kissed you before, "you know."

"Because I am god. Because I can. Because I love you, Hatsuharu."

I thought it might fix everything, I suppose. Suddenly, my body reminds me that, while I've been spending time with you, I totally failed to take a few requisite pills. The room blurs…my entire world spins.

And that's when you punch me.

I land in the dirt under my sakura tree, gazing at you blearily. You shouldn't twist so, Hatsuharu. It displeases me.

And my garden disappears, as the universe turns off.

Still, I do love you.