FG: Hmm…my first TMM-related fanfic. Well, I'm a big fan of Tokyo Mew Mew, and was devastated when 4Kids butchered it into Mew Mew Power. It depressed me, and I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way. I'm also a big Monty Python fan. So, I decided to make this parody song, which I've been playing around with for a while in my head.

Pudding: We don't care, na no da! Just get on with it!

FG: Fine, fine. Please enjoy our feature presentation.

… … … … … … … … …

"What do you mean, nobody likes Mew Mew Power?" Alfred Kahn, the CEO of 4Kids Entertainment, was pacing back and forth in his office. A twitchy Japanese man, Watashi wa Baka Desu, was standing by the door. "How can they not like it? It has cute girls, magic powers, romance, and it promotes environmental concern! Plus, we made everyone American so our viewers would like it more!"

Desu scratched his head. "Well…that's why they don't like it."

Kahn suddenly stopped walking and glared at him. "Explain yourself."

"Er…you see, Mr. Kahn, sir, the majority of sane people who used to watch Mew Mew Power are fans of the manga it was based on, Tokyo Mew Mew."

"And?"

"They hate all the changes you made."

Kahn stroked his chin thoughtfully. "So, what should we do about that?"

"Well…let me put it like this." Without word or warning, the lights dimmed, and an unseen spotlight shone on Desu.

In any great TV show for which you want good reviews,

Victory depends upon the plot points that you choose

So listen, Mr. Kahn, closely to this news

You won't succeed on TV if you don't fix up the Mews!

You may make brats of Miwa and Moe,

Or change the name of Keiichiro

Or make Kish look like he's addicted to booze

You may make Ichigo try to rap,

But it will turn out to be…dookie!

You'll hear no cheers, just lots and lots of boos

You may have bishounen by the score,

Who the mad fangirls adore

You may edit when the aliens rob the zoo

You've called them Cyniclons instead,

Made Masaya a big meathead,

So I tell you, you are dead

If you don't fix up the Mews!

They won't care if Ryou's still witty,

'Cause Ichigo never became a kitty

So we'll just look on you with pity, and break the news:

No one will watch our show, sir,

If Keiichiro's not Ryou's beau, sir

And people might actually prefer Blue Clues!

Put on shows that make fans stare,

Scrap the shounen-ai love affair

But the otaku and otome will refuse

The audience won't care, sir,

As long as you don't dare, sir,

To keep airing MMP if you don't fix up the Mews!

Since you have the show's dub rights in writing,

The fans will keep on fighting,

And sobbing to theirselves, singing the blues

At least the managers you portray

Still come off looking sorta gay,

But that utterly horrible theme song you must lose

And Dren's voice drives us insane,

Did you mess with Kish's brain?

Oh, and did you HAVE to edit out the Mews' tattoos?

Sure, during transformations, they are nude,

But in Japan, showing that's not rude

So to avoid a large-scale feud,

You will have to fix the Mews!

You will destroy the anime

If you don't go Ikumi's way!

So for your sake, walk a mile in the fans' shoes

You haven't got a clue if you don't fix up the Mews,

All of your investments you are going to lose!

There's a very big percentile

Who thinks MMP is worse than cat bile

You may be stabbed by an otaku while you snooze

'Cause you think that dubbing is a spree,

But in reality

You won't succeed on TV if you don't fix up the Mews!

To get along on TV,

To air your shows on TV,

To hit the top on TV and not lose

I tell you, Mr. Kahn

This is the thing you must act on:

You simply, simply, must fix up the Mews!

Then there simply will be,

Kahn, sir, trust me,

Simply good reviews!

Kahn blinked. "Well, that was an…interesting song and all, but I think Mew Mew Power is fine as it is."

Desu twitched again. "You're sure you don't want to change it?"

"Of course!"

"And that's your final answer?"

"That's right, I think it's fine!"

"Well, if that's how you feel…" Desu blew a whistle, and a mob of people ran into Kahn's office, holding bokutos and nunchakus. "TOKYO MEW MEW FANS, ATTACK!"

Kahn's screams could be heard for miles around as the rabid otaku mauled him.

… … … … … … … … …

FG: Thanks for reading "You Won't Succeed on TV"! Please review! But please, keep your comments centered on the writing quality of my song; don't flame me for disliking 4Kids's adaptation of Tokyo Mew Mew.

Mew Mews: Or else you'll end up like Kahn.

Kahn: (rocks back and forth) Mommy!

FG: Yeah, you wouldn't want that. FG out, yo.