Fifteen

Of course, Leah felt it.

How could she possibly deny the spider tingle at the back of her neck or the sudden concaving of her body to the need to shift. It was a primal urge, a sudden rage, a clenching of her hands, white knuckled on the steering wheel, and a long succession of deep breaths. It was resistance in its most hardened capacity. It was a long breath in and a slow breath out. Esme had taught her that, once upon a time. Back when she ran with Jacob's ragtag pack of misfits.

She didn't shift. It was both a relief and a punishment. The urge was stifling, all consuming. She hadn't felt it so deeply since she turned for the first time all those years ago when she was a teenager.

Leah had never been ruled by the same primal urges of the boys in Sam's pack, or even Jacob, continually ruled by his unhealthy obsession with Bella Swan and his even more disturbing relationship with Renaissance (or, whatever her name was).

Imagine, if she had given in to the rush of suddenly changing while she drove the tiny streets of the reservation on her way to the pre-school. Imagine what the children would say if their teacher suddenly changed into a growling, snarling werewolf.

Honestly, she snickered a bit at the thought of Billy Black explaining that one to the other tribal elders or the parents of the students that she was supposed to be teaching.

After she pulled into the school parking lot, feverish and clammy from denying the need to change, she pulled out her phone and tried to call Seth. He didn't answer, and she could guess why. Hoping that he had enough time to get away from others before the change overtook him, she sent him a quick text:

I know. Call me when you get this. It'll be okay.

There was an unread text in her inbox, she swiped into her contacts and rolled her eyes when she saw it. She had originally labeled him Fuck No in her contacts, but since the most recent time she had changed that to Never Again.

It was hard to not open it, to read whatever it is that he was saying now, but she resisted, closing her lock screen. Children were starting to arrive with her parents, and she was eager for the business of the day to distract her from the overpowering urge to shift. She swiped her hand down the back of her neck, the tiny hairs on her skin were all completely raised. Her blood was tingling in her veins, a sensation similar to static electricity. Leah was reminded of all the times she and Seth ran across the carpet of their tiny house on the reservation, scuffing their shoes, just so they could shoch each other the next time they touched.

Leah could still hear her father's chuckle while he watched them from the porch. She took her hand away from her neck, smiling at the parents shuffling in from the rain with the kids. In the grey distance beyond the tree line, she could hear howling. It sounded like outrage and grief. It sounded like music.

She would hear the howls often that day, and each time she ignored them.

Today was creation myth day, a particular favorite for herself and the kids. Leah sat them down cross-legged in a big circle and used the finger puppets that she and Sue had sewed together to tell the stories of their people. Leah taught the kids about their ancient chieftains buried in the trees on James Island, a place they once called A-Ka-Lot. She listened while the kids chanted the ancient name aloud. Their throats filling with the timeless song of their natural language. Next, she told them about Kwalla, the mighty whale, and Bayak, the wily raven who placed the sun in the sky. With each new tale she introduced another new puppet, passing them around to let the children reenact each new tale.

And allll throughout the day she ignored the desire to shift.

Billy Black even showed up when she released the kids to recess. The spokes of his wheelchair giving away his presence long before Leah caught sight of him in the doorway to the school.

"I'm surprised," he said, eyeing her suspiciously.

She didn't need to be told that Sam and the others hadn't been able to resist.

"You shouldn't be," Leah couldn't keep the ire out of her voice. "I was always stronger than the boys, nobody wanted to see it, though. Not even you."

He didn't argue with her, but he didn't agree with her either.

For his part, Billy was a boon in the classroom. The kids ignored their normal recess activities and hung off the arms of his chair, desperate for Billy Black's particular brand of attention, and the kids loved nothing more than to see their chief in the classroom, loved to hear him recount his own style of mythos to them. Billy wove the wolf tales in along with the raven and the whale and the children never knew any difference.

Leah wondered which of this next generation carried the wolf gene, and which would turn when they came of age.

When the class let out, about an hour later, Billy and Leah both ushered the children out to their parents, who in turn, were elated to hear that Billy himself, had taken the time to share the story of their people with the children.

After the class had cleared and Billy and Leah were alone, she asked, "What happened?"

Billy, taped his fingers on his wheelchair, pondering. "I haven't heard from Sam or the others. Something is happening at the Cullen house, though. Emily called me. She said that Sam shifted, involuntarily. Ripped up the front part of their house in doing it."

Leah crossed her arms. "Is she alright?"

She and Emily had not spoken in several years. They were cousins and had spent their childhoods together, at one time closer than sisters, but Sam had been with Leah first, and he and Emily had hurt her deeply by their relationship.

"She's shaken up," Billy offered, aware of the tension between the three of them. "But other than that, she's fine. More worried about Sam then herself, as usual. She's pregnant, you know."

Leah rolled her eyes. Billy saw it, and said no more on the topic. The reservation was a small place, it would have been impossible to escape the news that her cousin and her old boyfriend were expecting a child. "Why did you come here, Billy?"

Billy shrugged. "I was worried about the children. I wanted to make sure everything was okay here."

"Well, you saw," she offered. "No need to hang around for most the day, unless you're worried that I can't handle it."

"You're a gifted teacher, Leah." He spoke simply, his word's uncomplicated. "I have complete faith that you are the best person for this job. I have to admit," he went on, "that I had my doubts in the beginning, but your ability with these kids is clear to everyone."

Leah sighed. A compliment from Billy always felt like there was an undercurrent to it, praise wrapped in poison. "What about Jacob?"

Billy turned away from her, his eyes trained on the horizon. "I called him."

"And he hasn't called you back…?"

Billy didn't answer.

If Jacob had not been in touch with his father or anyone else than something must in fact be happening at the Cullen house. Leah knew that Jacob's obsession with Rambunctious (or, whatever her name was) would enable him from focusing on anything else. It didn't matter how many times Billy called him, if that little girl was in any kind of danger, nothing would interrupt his need to protect her. In a way she understood that in terms of Emily and Sam, but still, she'd rather ignore it.

"Have you heard from Seth?" Billy said, finally breaking the silence.

"I sent him a text earlier, haven't heard back. I'm sure he ended up shifting, though."

Billy nodded in the affirmative. Leah could tell that he was still baffled that she had resisted the urge to change.

Seth was still so young. But even his distance from Forks couldn't shield him from the need to shift as all of the others did. She hoped that Seth had the presence of mind to leave his dorm and find a place to be alone to shift, but Seattle was much more limited than Forks was, in terms of places to hid.

"I'll call you when I hear from him." Leah said, hoping to signal Billy to leave.

"He's a gifted boy," Billy told her. "Harry would be proud."

Nothing made Leah angrier than Billy talking about her father, and he knew it. Leah held her tongue, but she couldn't hide the flare of her nostrils as she fantasized about all the things she'd like to say to Billy in this moment.

They stood in tense silence for a moment.

"Would you like to go to the Cullen house and see what's going on?"

Leah huffed out a breath. So, that's why he had come. Without his line to Jacob or Sam he had no idea what was really going on. He needed her, and as of right now, she was the only one who could help him.

Leah crossed her arms. Outside the window the rain picked up again. Before it had been a constant sprinkle, but now it became a torrential downpour.

She probably should go to the Cullen house, but she didn't want to see Jacob, or Bella and Edward, or their weird kid, or Sam and the others. She didn't want to see Emily. She didn't want see the look of longing and devotion in Sam's eyes when he thought about Emily. She wanted to be alone. She needed a drink. She needed to get out of this town.

"I'll try to drive by later," she offered, conciliatorily.

A crooked smile crossed Billy's face. "Thank you, Leah."

"I'll call you if I find anything out."

Billy reached his hand out, clasped his warm fingers around her wrist. A strangely detached physical action. The touch was less comforting and more to show that he was physically beside her. It was just a quick touch, and then he was gone. The spokes of his wheelchair making a clackity sound as he moved down the ramp.

Leah took a deep breath. Watched the rain as it pounded against the ground; the play field was all mud and puddles. The school house was more than half a century old and the roof and gutters were badly in need of repair. Water seemed to splutter and explode all around her. When she finally went back inside, she was startled by the eerie quiet. This room was meant for the laughter of children and it was hollow without it. She busied herself with tidying up for a while, all the while ignoring the siren call of her cell phone.

She had tried to check hourly for Seth, all the while ignoring that other unread text.

When she finally fished her cell out of her bag before locking up, she was not surprised to see that Seth hadn't gotten back in touch with her. He was probably scared and a little bit ashamed. He had likely fled the school area and taken up sanctuary in a park or forest somewhere nearby. He was likely naked, his clothes having shred from the process of shifting, and shy as he was, he would be waiting for it to get dark before he fled back to his dorm room.

Her mother had tried to reach out to her as well. Just a quick reminder that she and her boyfriend (god, another reason to drink) Charlie Swan were coming back from fishing on the Snoqualmie river on Friday. Her mother had written that she loved Leah, and for a moment the crushing weight of the day seemed to ebb a bit, but then she was reminded of the text from earlier.

The nickname Never Again flashed up at her and her breath caught. There could be nothing that would make her feel worse than to read what he had written in this text, and yet… Leah held her breath then let it out in a slow exhale. Before allowing herself to think any further about it, she tapped her thumb over the contact name and read the message.

I miss you.

And then a second message, as though an afterthought, read:

I'll be at The Evergreen later tonight, after work. Beer and Pool?

Her heart sank as it seemed to flutter. She couldn't. She shouldn't. Jacob was at the Cullen House. Something was obviously wrong. Sam had shifted in front of Emily. Sam who had given her, her first kiss. Sam who she had lost her virginity to. Emily, her cousin, who she had called immediately after, when she got home, to tell her about everything that had happened. About the candles Sam had lit, about how gentle he had been, about the sound that had escaped from his mouth when he…

Emily, who was now pregnant with Sam's baby.

If she stayed on the reservation, she couldn't ignore the gossip or the glares. Brady and Paul lived up the street from her. Their mothers and girlfriends would wonder why she was here, unchanged, while their menfolk were somewhere in the woods, dealing with vampires. They wouldn't see her fight to stay human as strength, they would see it as a weakness. Another thing that separated her from the others. Another reminder that she was different.

Leah worried about Emily, despite herself. Despite her anger, she worried that she should go to the house on the beach, to look in on her, make sure she was safe. Leah knew that Emily would be overjoyed at the pregnancy, and regardless of her anger and pain she wanted nothing more than for Emily to be happy. She missed the days and nights spent giggling on the phone. She wanted nothing more to confide in Emily, unburden herself of the pain and anger that she felt constantly. Tell her about Mike—

She shook herself, like her wolf form shaking off a coat of rain. She didn't respond to the text, but she knew what she would do.

After she got into her car, she started her regime of deep breaths, again reminded of Esme, and how surprised she had been at the vampire's uncommon kindness towards her. It was Esme who she had told about her father's death, and Esme who had placed her arm around her when she raged over Sam's betrayal. She carried her anger around with her constantly, like a phantom limb or a dead horse.

She drove past Newton's Sporting Goods, the red sign lit up in the glowing twilight. One of the neon letters was out and it made her smile. It was almost nine o'clock, and they were nearly closed. She wondered if he was still inside or if he, like her, had left early. She hadn't bothered to go home and shower or change. She never wore makeup, and she never felt the need to get dressed up, but she knew that he would. He hated the feel of the work day on his skin— he had told her that, in not so many words, on the first day they had met. He had said that he had dropped out of the community college, that he just couldn't see himself taking one more school class, or he would literally loose his fucking mind. He had taken refuge in his father's store again, as he had when he was a teenager, after quitting his job at the Starbucks close to campus.

Leah had rolled her eyes that night, imagining him in one of those green aprons that the baristas had to wear.

They had laughed over beers when he confessed, a little bit drunk, that he had once had a huge crush on Bella Swan, who he saw sometimes on campus, but now, despite the infatuation of his youth the sight of her made him feel ill. Edward Cullen unsettled him, made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and anyone who could marry him, let alone sleep with him had to have something wrong with them.

Leah had barked out an unapologetic laugh when she heard that, and she and Mike had slept together for the first time that same night.

There were no candles night, no soft music playing, or whispered 'I love you' either before or after. Nothing that had reminded her of Sam or their first time together. They had escaped to his car after drinks at the bar, hastily undressing from the bottom down in the backseat and she had straddled him for a few quick hasty stokes before he came, silently and suddenly with his fingers clutching at her hips. It had been so abrupt that had it not been for the liquid running down her thigh she would not have been sure. Mike had apologized, told her that it had been a while since he did this. Told her that he hadn't come out meaning to do that.

They drove back to her apartment on the reservation, (he was still living with his parents,) and they had moved their foreplay into her bedroom, where he lasted much longer the second time around and she had enjoyed herself much more.

The two of them lasted like that, on and off, for several weeks, until Jacob caught them, coming out of her apartment early one morning. Mike's arm was around her neck, his lips whispering on a kiss against her cheek while she laughed—a real laugh, something she hadn't felt able to do since her father died.

When Leah caught sight of Jacob, looking at them, judging them with his raised eyebrows and parted mouth, something had changed in her. She saw Mike Newton, and by extension, herself with Mike Newton, through Jacob's eyes, and what she saw there scared her. She saw his jock body, his tired left-over face, his drop out status, the left-over leather smell of his time spent at his father's sporting goods store. Even the damp shadow of his kiss on her cheek felt dirty and fake.

She pulled away. She couldn't bring herself back to the Evergreen again, couldn't bring herself to drive past Newton's Sports Store.

Now, so many weeks later, Mike was in the back of the bar, backlite by the red neon flare of the Rainer Beer logo, pool stick in hand and a pitcher of amber liquid sweeting in the warm air. Two glass mugs sat beside it. One for him and one for her.

He smiled when he caught sight of her. Gave her a little wave. He looked… shy, or embarrassed, maybe. She couldn't tell. He had hoped she'd come even though she hadn't texted him back, the extra mug was proof of that.

Leah smiled from the doorway, waved back. Her car keys clanked and jingled in her hand. She had felt prickly and tired all day, but now… she felt better.

The Cullen house was a few miles outside of town, standing like some gothic mansion in the mists, standing like a ominous ghost high above the rest of them.

There was danger somewhere out there. But tonight, she just wanted to forget and have fun.