Nineteen
To Jacob, the last day and half spent away from Renesmee felt like an eternity. Although, any time he spent away from her, felt like an occasion of agony to wait. It had been bad when she was younger, but recently, it had seemed to intensify.
After the altercation with the Volturi, nearly four years ago, he had busied himself, unsuccessfully, with school. His classes on the reservation bored him, nothing could keep his attention for longer than a few short minutes. In the end, he had decided to get his G.E.D. when he was seventeen and quickly get a job at the local mechanics shop in Forks for money, although he had never had a strong need for material things. He was reliable, and the work set him at ease. Things with his father had worsened, when he began to make it clear that Renesmee was his future, and for better or worse, the Cullen's would be a part of that future as well.
Billy Black was not a man prone to fits of anger or rage, but in those last days when his son still lived at home, he had railed. What would this creature (creature was his name for Ness) grow up to be? What would his life be like with a creature who had the potential to take lives, to live forever, unchanged. In those hours, of fleeting arguments, Jacob understood the plight that Bella had once been in, regarding Edward's immortality. He had once argued the same to her. Ness was, and would always be, part vampire, but it was the way she was born. It was a part of her chemical makeup, a part of her DNA, a part of who she intrinsically was. She had no say or choice in the matter, any more than any infant born with a heart defect or genetic abnormality would have. And from the first moment that he had seen her, he had fallen in love with every part of her. Though each stage of her life had brought on a different complexity to that love, and even now, it was deepening into something so much more.
Jacob had tried, in vain, to describe this to his father. Billy had never shifted, although, his father could recall a time in his boyhood when Ephriam, Jacob's grandfather, had shifted into a wolf. As far as Jacob was aware, his grandfather had not imprinted on his grandmother. Though he did not doubt his grandparents love for each other, he could not imagine what a life without that bond could have been like. Anything beyond the way he felt about Ness was cold and lifeless in comparison.
Bella was sitting on the bed in Renesmee's room when he first entered. Their greeting was cordial, a brief nod of the head in assent to allow him to enter. Jacob crossed the room, going to the other side of the bed, where he stood briefly, as sentinel, until he carefully lowered himself onto the bed. His hand instinctively grasped Ness's wrist, fingers intertwining with her own. He could feel Bella watching him, feel her stony amber stare on his gesture, protective as any mother would be of her young. Jacob didn't care what she thought of him in that moment as he brought Ness' fingers up to his mouth, closing his eyes and exhaling in relief as he kissed the tender skin on the back of her fingertips.
He breathed her name. A sweet sigh, and he felt her stir against the sound of his voice.
"Jacob?" Her voice was sleep heavy and thick.
Jacob smiled. "Yep, it's me, Pretty Girl."
"Have you been outside all this time?"
Smirking with heavy annoyance, Jacob confirmed that he was.
Renesmee tightened her fingers around his. "Your hand feels so cold."
"You know I'm never cold," he told her.
She blinked slowly, still groggy. "Hand still feels cold."
Jacob moved his other hand up, sandwiching both of his palms between her tiny hand. He rubbed them both together, hoping that the friction would warm her up.
Bella put her palm to Renesmee's forehead. "You've still got a little bit of a fever, Baby."
Renesmee yawned. "Tired." She eyed her mother. "Mom, can you bring me a glass of water?"
"Sure." Bella rose to go.
"And," Renesmee continued hurriedly, "Check on Dad and Aunt Rose. Make sure they both know that I'm okay. Aunt Rose, especially."
Bella eyed her little girl, then let her gaze slide over to Jacob, sensing that she was suddenly unwanted, a third wheel in her daughter's night. "Anything else?"
Ness didn't want her mother to feel hurt. "I love you, mom," she confirmed. "Thank you!"
Bella smiled. "I love you, too."
When Bella left, Jacob raised an eyebrow to Ness. "Scheming to get some alone time with me? I'm honored." He meant it. As pleased as he was, he also found himself nervous, heart pounding, near to panic. She looked so much older all of the sudden. Her face seemed longer, her hair thicker, and the way that she was looking at him now, belied any era of childhood that she may have still been in just a few short days ago.
Jacob was still holding her hand, and she gripped it back, reassuringly. "I had a dream about you."
Jacob licked his lips. He found himself gazing at her, and fearing that it might make her feel uncomfortable, he looked away. "You did?" He tried to focus on something else in the room, anything else, as long is wasn't her.
He felt her body sink deeper into the mattress, pushing the duvet cover aside to expose her body to the air in the room. The fireplace in the corner of the room was lit, Jacob was just now noticing, as he kept his gaze averted from her. The white brick of the mantle was glowing an amber-rose color from the crackling flames.
"Here," she went on, forcing him to look back at her. She held up a doll to him, expecting him to take it.
"Lily?" he offered, when he took hold of the doll.
"No," she sighed, "Vanessa." Jacob nodded knowingly. Ness had two main dolls that she still kept around. Lillian and Vanessa, both of which Rosalie had given to her. "Will you put her over on the bureau?"
He did as she asked, propping the doll in a sitting positioned next to the other one. "Don't you want to keep her with you tonight?"
"I don't think so."
Renesmee stretched, arms held wide over her head, stretching outward at her sides. Her whole body elongated in the bed, her tank top rising up above her naval.
Jacob swallowed, thickly. He had to get control of himself immediately, or soon Edward would storm in here, picking up on the tenor of his thoughts, and kick him out again. Ness tried to sit up on the bed, but she swayed, woozily.
"Hey, hey," Jacob warned, going to her again, hand's steadying her. "Take it easy, you're not one hundred percent yet."
She settled back into the pillows, trapping the arm that he had positioned around her behind her back. "So," he began, content to be ensnared in her trap. "Why'd you want to get me all alone in here?"
"I just missed you," she confessed.
She laid her head on his shoulder, and he immediately sobered, warmed and betrayed by his body's reaction to her proximity. "Are you tired?" He asked shakily.
She nodded, wordlessly. Her long hair fell over his skin.
To distract himself, he said, "You were going to tell me about your dream, yeah?"
"Oh yeah," she sprang up slightly, excited, and Jacob extracted his arm, settling farther back on the bed to watch her. "I dreamt that the kid in my class who got America, switched Scandinavia with me, so I could do it."
Jacob furrowed his eyebrows, trying to pinpoint what she was talking about.
Renesmee rolled her eyes. "You remember, my project for school. We were each assigned a country."
It came back to him in flash. She had wanted to get America. She had wanted to do her report on the indigenous tribes of his land. On his tribe…
Instead, she had gotten Scandinavia. He owned her some episodes of Vikings.
"Right. Sure, sure."
"Anyway," Ness went on, reaching over to her bedside table, pulling the fancy tablet that Rosalie had gotten her for her birthday up. "I was doing some research."
Jacob blushed when he caught sight of the screen, filled with Wikipedia articles about the tribes of the Pacific Northwest. Her intelligence was breathtaking, she would always be so much smarter than he.
"I think I'm going to do an extra credit report on this." Using her finger to tap on a link, the screen redirected to an article about Bayak, the raven who had originally placed the sun in the sky.
"Bayak," Jacob told her, his voice deepening with nostalgia. "I learned about him in Rez school. All the stories, about the raven and the eagle, I mean."
She beamed up at him, delighted. "I knew you'd recognize it."
"There's also a character named Bayak in Assassins Creed, too, you know." Bella and Edward didn't like video games and only let Ness play them under strict supervisor. There had only been a handful of times when he and Ness had been alone at his loft apartment above the mechanics shop, but he had let her play whatever she wanted. She was so competitive. Jacob was amazed that neither of her parents really understood that.
Turning serious, Jacob added, "I was really scared. I couldn't see you, everyone thought…"
"And now I've had human blood."
Jacob looked away. "That doesn't change how I feel about you."
Speaking with a wisdom far beyond her years, Renesmee added, "You say that, but I think it does. I know how your family feels about mine. You're my best friend, Jake."
He squeezed her hand, acknowledging the truth to her words. He hadn't needed to choose between his father and Ness yet, but he was very aware that one day he may have to. The evolution of their relationship had changed from big brother and protector, to confidant and friend. He wasn't sure if she would ever feel anything deeper than him beyond that. His feelings for her were changing daily, with each new setting sun and rising moon his love for her deepened, ripening like a fruit on the vine. He longed to hear her voice, examine the words she said, watch as her hands moved while she spoke, giving her thoughts a full shape.
"You're my best friend," he told her with finality. Echoing her words. "We've been friends for a long time—since you were born, I think."
Renesmee's memories went as far back as birth. She had hazy recollections of her time in her mother's womb, mostly sensations, and moments of bright burning light, the swish and fall of water. Voices that molded themselves into emotions in her pre-cognizant mind. Her own birth had been a terrifying calamity of blood and pain. She understood why no other child on earth could recall it for themselves. But afterward had been pleasant. Her next memory was of her father's arms around her. Her body went from the warm insular cavity of her mother's body to the cool air of the Cullen house with a shock, then she was immediately warmed by blankets and the sudden adoration of her father's gaze. Renesmee had only the briefest recollection of her mother's face from that night—her human face, impressed upon her eyes in the last few seconds of her mother's mortal life. It would be the one time, and the last time, that Bella's brown eyes—human eyes—would ever be seen. The next time Renesmee would see her, Bella had fully transitioned into a vampire.
"Yes," she reassured him. After impressions of her parents and her Aunt Rose, Jacob's face had been the friendliest. "Since I was born."
Jacob smirked. "You were such a cute baby."
She giggled. "Stop," she protested. She didn't want to be remembered as a squalling baby suddenly.
"You were," he noted, not catching how self-conscience she was becoming. "You had this adorable little tushy underneath your diaper."
"No, stop!" She swatted his arm.
"Okay, okay," he gestured.
Sobering, she added. "I don't think mom and dad will ever let me go back to school."
Jacob tilted his head. He could hear the disappointment in her voice and watched, crestfallen, as her eyes dropped. Her fingers started to pick at the nail polish on her tiny fingers.
He had no idea what would happen. It was just as likely for Bella and Edward to bar her from going as it was for them to let her go back. He didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't want to deepen her sadness, either. "What color is this?" He lifted up her hand, examining her nail polish.
She looked at the color with fresh eyes. "It's light pink—I think the bottle's named Sea Shell Punk, or something."
Jacob ran his hand along her palm. Distractedly, he whispered. "Your skin is so soft."
She turned her palm, giving his hand a different angle to touch her. While he was still touching her she took the opportunity to draw circles with her fingertip against his wrist.
He hissed in a breath. They met each other's eyes.
"Hey, Pretty Girl," he said, jumping off the bed as though he had been burned. His voice was a bit louder and more strained. "That tickles."
"I'm sorry," she whispered. A rosy flush was creeping up her neck and cheek. "I didn't mean."
"No," Jacob's voice was adamant. "That was my fault, not yours."
"But, I—"
He shook his head. "No. I should know better. I would never do anything to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me."
"Ness," he reasoned. "You're so young. Too young for me to be telling you things like—feeling things like—"
"I'm not that young."
He looked at her sternly. "You're four."
She grabbed her hair, letting the thick rope of it fall to one side of her face, leaving her neck and half of her body exposed. "Do I look four?"
He looked at her. Really, allowed himself to look at her. If he were a stranger, he would say she was thirteen or fourteen, maybe. Fourteen to his twenty-one. It had him sick just thinking about it. She was too young to even know what she was talking about.
"I think I might cut my hair," she added, sensing his disease, changing the subject. She moved her hair back away from her face. Used her fingers to comb through the long strands, and let them fall back to her waist.
Jacob had never seen her with short hair. The few haircuts she had ever had in her short life had been quick trims, done by Rose or Alice.
"You'd look good with short hair," he reassured her.
"So," she examined the strands. "You don't like it long?"
"I didn't say that."
She said, offhandedly, "I'm not sure."
They heard voices beyond the door, Edward and Bella or Rose, coming to check on her.
"Are you going to stay here, tonight?"
Jacob sighed. "I want to," he cocked his head, giving her a long hungry gaze, which made a lopsided smile form on her face. "Believe me, I do. But I should probably show my face at work. I haven't even called my boss since," he thought back, "two days ago when I got off work and came here. I'm probably going to get fired.
Renesmee shrugged. "You can come and stay with us. You can live up in the attic. It'll be like Peter and Anne Frank."
Jacob grimaced. "How many times do I have to tell you that that is not a love story, kid."
She sighed, bringing her arms up to her chest, as though holding someone close to her. Jacob bit his lip. "They were trapped together. They loved each other."
Rosalie entered the room. She glared at Jacob, though her words were directed at Renesmee, sweetly, "Who loved each other? This one's not being inappropriate, is he?"
Jacob stiffened. "Of course, I'm no—"
"Anne Frank and Peter, Aunty." Renesmee confirmed.
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Not that again… I wish Aunty Alice and Uncle Jasper hadn't gotten you that book."
"It's so good, though."
Rosalie gestured for Ness to lay back against the pillows, and she tucked the duvet up against the little girl's chin. Ness made a sound of protest, making Jacob snort.
"I know," Rosalie went on, authoritatively, "That you've been couped up in bed for days, almost dying, but you are not fully recovered yet, and you need to be resting."
"Where's mom and dad?" Ness asked brightly.
Rosalie smoothed the baby hairs away from her niece's face, tucking the dark auburn ringlets behind her ears. "Your dad needed to hunt, and," she added, delicately, "Your mom went with him."
"Together?" Renesmee was shocked. "They never hunt together. One of them always stays with me."
"Well," Rosalie reasoned. "It's been a very difficult few days, and it was very hard for them. Your dad lost a lot of blood when he tried to feed you, too."
Ness' mind spun. She worried that she had done something wrong. Some things were never changing in her world, and the fact that one of her parents was always with her, was one of them.
Jacob spoke up. "Are you going to stay with her?"
Rosalie turned to him, giving him a sufficiently dark glare. "Naturally."
Jacob was taken aback. Rosalie was always rude to him, but her tone seemed harsher than usual. "I was just asking."
"Don't think I couldn't hear what you were talking about in here."
He looked chastened.
"I don't need to be able to read minds to know what you were thinking."
"It's not like that," Jacob added, hotly.
"You know," Rosalie's voice was becoming increasingly more calm, which truth be told, made Jacob's blood run a little bit cold. "That's your accuse every time. Every single time. She's too young for—"
"Aunty," Ness interrupted. "Please don't fight."
Rosalie smiled apologetically at her niece. "Say goodnight to Jacob, then."
Renesmee eyed Jacob, giving him a tiny smile. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Jacob echoed. The same dropping pang he felt every time he had to leave her settled in his stomach. The worst rollercoaster ride.
"Will you come back and visit tomorrow?"
Rosalie put her hand on Renesmee's chest, keeping her settled in the bed, despite her futile attempt to sit back up toward Jacob again.
"After work," he confirmed. "Unless I got fired, then you'll see me earlier."
He smirked, and she let out a starburst of laughter.
Jacob didn't see anyone else when he left. If Bella and Edward were close by, they didn't reveal themselves to him and he didn't see them. He wondered, fleetingly, about Leah. He hadn't heard the howls of Sam's pack in a while, and truthfully, he wasn't surprised that she had managed that situation better than he ever could have. Angry pack wolves were no different than the cranky preschoolers that she dealt with regularly at her job.
He hoped Sam was on his way back to Emily. If he had really shifted in the middle of their kitchen the house was likely destroyed, she could have been seriously injured, and he knew, albeit from rez gossip, that she was pregnant. He hadn't actually seen any of the others, not Sam or the others, or even his father in months.
Although there was less than ten miles physically separating them, Jacob's world felt years away from theirs.
His motorcycle was parked in the back of the Cullen house, in the same place he had left it two days ago when he arrived, still unaware that Ness was sick, or in danger of any kind.
The lights in the Cullen house were on, but he didn't see any of them around. He wanted to go in to talk to Carlisle about Ness, to see if he had uncovered anything new with her blood tests, to try to understand. He figured that Ness would start to push going back to school in the morning, and he was positive Bella and Edward would be against that. Jacob wanted to get as much information, or even ammunition, as he could, to help Ness get what she wanted. Carlisle was a practical man, if he thought it was okay for her to go back, Jacob would support that.
His stomach dropped again. He couldn't bare to leave Renesmee alone. What if something else happened? What if she got sick again sometime in the night?
Before he could even turn from his motorcycle to walk up the drive he was halted by the presence of Alec on the front porch.
"Still here?" Alec asked, his voice and his posture were both neutral. There was no reason for Jacob to feel concerned in any way, but somehow, he was.
"I could ask the same about you."
Alec smiled, tartly, roving his eyes around the property. "This is beautiful country, the Pacific Northwest."
Jacob shrugged, "My ancestors have been living here for thousands of years."
Curling his lip, Alec added, "Longer than I've been alive."
"How old are you, anyway?"
"Me?" Alec seemed somewhat shocked by the question. "Thirteen hundred… and something… years. I was turned in the summer."
"You must have been thirteen when you were changed," Jacob noted.
Alec shook his head in the affirmative. "My sister and I, yes. Aro had his eyes on us for years, or so I'm told. My mother was an Englishwoman and my father was a French solider—this was two hundred years before William the Conqueror, or William of Normandy, as he was called then, came to England. He lay with my mother, she begot Jane and myself." His voice turned distant, searching back into the past. "The villagers never liked us, we looked foreign, seemed strange. Our mother was thought to be a witch, and when she died, Jane and I were left alone. The townsfolk thought they could kill us on the bonfire, too."
"Bonfire? You were just a kid."
Alec shrugged. "It was a very different time. Aro found us, our bodies chard, more dead than alive. He doused the flames. Made us immortals with the piece of his fangs. That's how Jane and I obtained our powers."
"Through fire?"
"Through pain—Jane's power is to give pain. When she burned, all she could think about was how desperately she wanted to impart the same torture to the crowd."
"And you?"
"When I burned, all I wanted was for the pain to dissipate. To disappear. My power is to numb the senses, make you feel nothing. Like," he gestured to Jacob, "the pain you feel at having to leave Renesmee…"
There was a moment when Jacob felt everything, and then a moment when he felt nothing. All of his apprehension about his job, and his father, all of the pain he had felt moments ago at having to sever himself from Renesmee was gone.
Everything was gone.
Jacob brought his hand up to his stomach, the loss made him feel lighter, and strange. "Stop it," he ground out between his teeth. He was not in pain, but the lack of everything made him feel woozy and unnatural. "Stop it, now."
Alec did. Jacob staggered, shakily, nothing had happened, yet everything had changed for the moment. His fear over leaving Renesmee returned, strengthening to a fever pitch. "Don't ever do that to me again."
Alec laughed, it was a trilling sound, effeminate. Jacob was reminded of Aro. "I don't blame you," he went on. "Renesmee is a remarkable girl, I can understand the pain it must cause you to be separated from her."