Epilogue: Earth Bound

Okay, so I decided to do this because I know it's going to take me a long time to come back to do the next installment, Space Bound. Enjoy it. It's in first person. Dawn is the narrator.

Our world is gone, as I said before. Taken by force by the evil and diabolical dark warriors. Time is different up here, in space. It's never day and only stars that are close illuminate the ship. It's hard to think that my children will not know our world, ever. The scent of flowers, a breeze, the sand on the beach and even the heat of the sun. They would never know these things.

At this very moment, they are sound asleep and I am writing this journal entry for my children to know what they may want to know later in their lives. I look out my window and all I see are the stars zooming by us in lightning speed.

I put my pen down and rub my eyes. I'm already tired, but my body is so accustomed to recognize light as day and darkness as night and can never know when it is time to sleep. At least they, my children, are sleeping well. Little Xander is very protective of his sister Buffy. He has his arm around her to make sure she is there and safe. It's a beautiful sight as I see them every time they sleep. I can't say night because I don't know when night comes. It's every day or always.

Someone comes into my quarters and walks over to see Buffy and Xander bedside. It's Giles and he can see that I am very tired, but I want to fight it. I always fight it because if I don't, the dreams will haunt me. They are always the same.

"Dawn, you need to sleep," says Giles to me. I stop writing for a while and look at him. He is worried about me and he should. I'm worried, too.

"I can't," I say to him with my head bowed down. Giles walks over to me and kneels down in front of me.

"It's not your fault." He grabs my hands and I look at him, already with tears in my eyes. I know what he is talking about. He looks me in the eye.

"Yes, it is!" I regret saying this so loud because the children are asleep. I walk over to them and see that they have not awakened. "I pushed him and he's dead now."

"He was fighting with you. He had his sword and fighting you like you were an opponent." Giles is right about that, but I could not deny that I had a part in the argument we, Connor and I, had that night. He knows what happened because of Tara. After she had her baby girl, a couple of weeks ago, her visions returned to her and she had a vision of my battle with Connor.

"And I couldn't say no to not fighting. If I would have…"

"You did what you had to."

"No, I didn't." I walk out of the room. I know I would get much louder and wish to take the conversation out of the children's room. Giles follows me out. "He'd still be alive if I didn't push him. I killed him and I have to live with this for the rest of your life. Then I have to tell my children that I killed their father."

"Dawn, listen to me. You can't keep blaming yourself for this. You'll never live. Leave it in the past."

"That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Dawn, no, you are not understanding me."

"You never liked him and you're glad that he's dead."

"I'm not glad that he's dead, Dawn. How could you say that to me?"

"Because...I don't know what else to say. That's how it started."

"What started?"

"The argument." I begin to think back on that night.

Flashback:

"What are you doing?" asks Dawn.

"Dawn, I can't have this," says Connor. "This battle is too dangerous. I don't want you here."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here and fighting these monsters."

"Is that what you think of me?"

"No. You're not like them. I know that."

"Yes, I am. It's where I come from. I'm a monster to you."

"Connor, you're twisting my words."

"You don't even want our children because they'll turn out to be like me, right? You don't care about them at all."

"That's not true. I do care, but I care about my home, too."

"I'm your husband, Dawn, just please do what I tell you." Connor grabs her arm tightly and pulls her away from the balcony.

"No!" Dawn pushes him away. She then pulls out her saber and points it at Connor. Connor grins at her. His grin scared Dawn. He walks up to her, getting two inches away from Dawn's saber.

"Why don't you just do it? Kill me. Kill the monster." Dawn starts to tremble with her saber. She doesn't want to kill him. She doesn't want any of this to happen. Connor catches her by surprise. He swings his sword around, making Dawn back off with her saber. Dawn reacts quickly and makes a complete turn and hits his sword twice as hard.

"Don't make me do this."

End of Flashback.

"I started it. I pointed the sword at him. He only cared for my safety the same as you would have done." I look at Giles with tears streaming down my face.

"Dawny, please." Giles takes a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes away my tears. He holds me by the shoulders and looks me in the eyes. "I love you very much and I don't want Connor's death to consume you like his mother's death consumed him."

I breathe heavily and realize that he is right. That's why Connor was acting like he was. He couldn't take the pain of the loss of his mother. I've forgiven myself for not saving her, but I don't know if I can forgive myself for killing Connor.

"I loved him so much." I burst into tears again and hug Giles. It's funny that I still call him Giles, even though he is my dad.

"I know you did."

Everyone close to us in our ship knows the truth about Giles being my dad. Wesley, Fred, Angel, Cordy, Riley, Faith, and Spike. They all promise to keep it a secret. Fred too had her baby. She is so pretty and has a pretty name too. Katharine. Now why didn't I think of that?

At least Buffy and Xander have some playmates. We arrange a room where they could all stay and play. Faith and Cordy love taking care of them and sometimes hint to guys that they want a baby of their own. Riley and Angel shrug, then get a little nervous when the girls start talking about getting married and other stuff guys don't like to hear, even Jedi knights.

As for the knight hood, training continued, but I could not attend. Too many memories of Connor would rush right into me and I wouldn't be able to deal. They had a ceremony knighting the apprentice knights, who showed great power and strength in this last battle. The ceremony knighted them as Jedi's. Even some Wicca's who trained as knights got the honor.

I know that Connor would have been a great Jedi. I could see it in his eyes. He would have loved to be honored, to be knighted, and I would have been proud and happy for him. I can't talk about him too much or I'll break down and if I do, I'll never stop crying.

We all continued our lives on these ships and created our own world. The ships were especially made for long journeys into space and they connected to each other, making our world a duplex ship. We had all the resources onboard, but did not know how long they would last. There was no sign of life where we were going and no deserted planets to make our home.

Our ships became our sanctuary. A mother ship, if you will. We traveled through space in search of food and a new home for ourselves. Throughout our travel into space, we began to find the ships of the citizens that had left Earth early on. We communicated with them and told them what happened. They were saddened by the news because they were hoping to return.

It's hard to find out that your world was taken away from you. That you have nothing left at all. I sometimes feel like that, but I know I'm not alone. I have my children, my dad, Tara, and the others to lean on for support. I sure need it because this is not going to be easy. I need to deal with everything and return to my post as Queen. The people need me, once again to lead them. The question that I cannot answer and that has been asked so many times is 'where do we go from here?'

I reply, "I don't know."

The End, again.

TBC

Space Bound...Coming soon to a fanfiction near you.