DRAGONBALL POO
Episode I: Down With Hate
FADE IN:
EXT. PLAINS OF MAHATMA-DAY
TOFU and GOCHEN are standing, face-to-face, in a barren field. It is all quiet, except for the howl of the wind. They stare at eachother intently. Suddenly, each gets a grimace on their face. They look to be holding something back.
GOCHEN
Ehhhhhh, I'm constapated!
TOFU
Ehhhh, me too.
The look of constapation leaves Tofu, and he jumps to battle position.
TOFU
Forget it! Let's just fight!
Gochen looks confused and irritated.
GOCHEN
Can't I just take a crap!
TOFU
Can't you just hold it? I'll be done with you shortly.
We cut to Gochen. Beside him is a nicely piled piece of poo. He stares at it.
GOCHEN
Too late.
Cutting back to Tofu, he looks disgusted. But then, he gets an intense look in his eye. He holds his hands up in the air and a giant orb appears between them.
TOFU
I don't care, let's just battle!
Tofu fires the orb at Gochen. He is flung back, then hits the ground hard. He lies there on the ground in a heap. He is rolled over. Slowly, Tofu makes his way over. He stares at Gochen for a moment, then turns him over. There are x's in Gochen's eyes.
TOFU
Oh crap...I killed him.
He pauses.
TOFU
Now I have to go to his frickin funeral.
Title Card:
"The Batcaves"
EXT. BATCAVES-DAY
We see the batcaves for the first time. It is dark inside the caves. There is a large, neon sign above that reads: "Batcaves". We hear BATMAN and his assistant STEVE talking.
BATMAN
Ahh, you spilled the coffee!
STEVE
I'm sorry Batman, please don't hurt-
INT. BATCAVES-DAY
Inside, Batman is levatating Steve in the air. There is a cup of coffee on the ground, spilled. Steve's arm is being bent back as he scrreams in pain.
STEVE
Ow! Stop that Batman!
BATMAN
You spilled the coffee!
STEVE
Stop it!
BATMAN
Hahaha!
Title Card:
"Gochen's funeral"
INT. GOCHEN'S FUNERAL-DAY
Tofu is sitting in the church, next to him, sits a snake with two heads.
TOFU
This funeral sucks, why couldn't I have gone easier on him?
We see the preacher at the front of the church, talking/
PREACHER
He was a good boy, blah, blah, blah...
Behind him, the casket begins to creak open.
TOFU
Oh no! He's coming back to kill me!
PREACHER
Blah, blah, blah...
Gochen emerges from the casket in a ray of golden light. He is laughing maniacallly.
Title Card:
"Justice League"
INT. JUSTICE LEAGUE-DAY
Five odd looking individuals sit around a circular table. One, VAGINAMAN, speaks up.
VAGINAMAN
We must stop the giant meteorite!
The others stare at him, confused. The leader of the Justice League, CAPTAIN JUSTICE, addresses him.
CAPTAIN JUSTICE
You've been watching WAY too much Armageddon, Vaginaman.
The phone rings, suddenly. Captain Justice answers it.
CAPTAIN JUSTICE
Hello?
It is Steve, Batman's assistant.
STEVE
Help me!
Capt. Justice hangs up.
VAGINAMAN
Who was it?
CAPTAIN JUSTICE
Salesperson.
Title Card:
"Back at the Funeral"
INT. GOCHEN'S FUNERAL-DAY
The casket is open and Ghost Gochen and Tofu are staring eachother down. Suddenly, they both grimace.
GOCHEN
Ohhh, I'm constapated.
TOFU
Ehhhh, me too.
Title Card:
"Kiekie's Mental House"
INT. KIEKIE'S MENTAL HOUSE
MR. OGACHAKAMI is in a cell, pacing back and forth in a humped position. A man comes up to the cell. He is a guard.
GUARD
Mr. Ogachakami, you've been cleared to leave.
A smile spreads across Mr. O's face
OGACHAKAMI
The inner monkey inside me, thanks you.
GUARD
Oh boy.
Title Card:
"Back at the funeral"
INT. GOCHEN'S FUNERAL-DAY
Gochen's dead body lay on the floor, Tofu stands over him.
TOFU
I killed him...again.
CUT TO:
PREACHER
We are here to mourn the death, reincarnation, and death again of a good friend.
The casket is closed behind the preacher. Tofu sits in his chair. He looks bored. Suddenly, we hear a crash and pan the camera over to reveal Mr. Ogachakami, smashed through the wall.
OGACHAKAMI
I AM MONKEY! HEAR ME ROAR!
VOICE (OS)
Evacuate the building!
Tofu jumps out of his chair.
TOFU
Wait, don't leave! Die, monkey man!
Tofu raises his arms in the air and an orb materializes. He fires it at Mr. O.
OGACHAKAMI
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
CUT TO:
Tofu is standing over Mr. O's dead body.
TOFU
Hm, another death. I'm on a frickin roll.
Tofu looks over and sees two cops staring at him.
COP
Tofu? You're under arrest.
Title Card:
"Tofu's Jail Cell"
INT. TOFU'S JAIL CELL
Tofu is resting his head on the jail cell wall.
TOFU
I have to escape.
Mr. Ogachakami's ghost materializes next to Tofu.
OGACHAKAMI
Tofu, oh Tofu...
TOFU
Huh?
OGACHAKAMI
Fight me again!
TOFU
Never!...Well, ok...But just for a little bit.
CUT TO:
Tofu and Mr. O each have a lightsaber in their hands.
OGACHAKAMI
Tofu, come to the monkey side!
TOFU
NEVER!
They clash, sparks fly everywhere.
TOFU
Dieeee!
They pause, breathing heavily.
TOFU
You killed my father!
OGACHAKAMI
No, Tofu, I AM your father!
TOFU
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mr. O gets a smile on his face.
OGACHAKAMI
Monkey man just kidding.
TOFU
Oh, ok. That's good.
Title Card:
"Kiekie's"
INT. KIEKIE'S MENTAL HOUSE-WARDEN'S OFFICE-NIGHT
A guard is talking to the warden.
GUARD
Uhh, sir?
WARDEN
What?
GUARD
Ogachakami stormed a funeral.
WARDEN
OH NO!
GUARD
Yes, it is quite unfortunate.
WARDEN
No, I spilled my coffee.
The camera pans down to the warden's desk. It is drenched in coffee.
Title Card:
"Tofu's Jail Cell"
INT. TOFU'S JAIL CELL
TOFU
You will die now!
Ogachakami is pinned into a corner.
OGACHAKAMI
No! Don't kill monkey man!
Tofu goes from psychotic to no expression.
TOFU
Oh, (bleep).
OGACHAKAMI
What!
Tofu grimaces.
TOFU
I think I'm constapated!
Suddenly, Mr. O gets the same look on his face.
OGACHAKAMI
Ehhh, me too.
THE END