October 9th, 2011, 12 p.m. - Minnie's POV
Autumn is just the worst fucking season of them all.
I mean, sure, the colored leaves are a pleasing sight, but that's pretty much all there is to it when it comes to the positives. Otherwise, it's just a time where everyone's doing tons of work nobody really wants to do. Collecting, cutting and reshuffling wood, regularly removing the tons of leaves from the school grounds (thankfully a problem that got less and less annoying over the years because we're doing a fine job cutting some of the trees down every year), and the general sense of uncertainty whether we're really good with the food and water situation regarding the upcoming winter.
Although the food situation isn't really that bad this year, all things considered – that plan we devised to essentially 'declaw' the walkers all around the school, especially in the nearby woods (meaning removing their jaws – an idea that Sam and James came up with) is working a treat. We practically never find worthwhile animals that were tainted by walker bites. And water, well, with the pretty clean creek we've got nearby... it's a bit annoying when temperatures drop below 32 degrees, but it never completely froze over before.
After that stunt Marlon pulled, I'm not ready to join any sort of hunting trip anytime soon though. Of course the opinions about that were split – some were understanding, other were lamenting that I was making things harder because I was one of the most precise archers out there. Marlon was in the latter camp, which was so unbelievably presumptuous that I almost managed to break his jaw. Not my problem. His precision with bow and arrow are the only respectable qualities he brings to the table, so he might aswell put them to good use. Redemption arcs and all.
I on the other hand try my best to concentrate on... anything that involves me not having to leave the school grounds. It's not as bad as it was, at least the terrible nightmares have subsided, but still... there's this constant feeling of dread around. I know I don't seem like it sometimes, but this school and my companions – whether it's my siblings, my friends, people I love for and people I don't particularly like – mean everything to me. I'd do my damndest to defend it, and I'd rather die defending it than to be killed as a slave of some sort. Troubling. The apocalpyse killed almost all of the doctors, nurses, postal workers and anyone else who actually contributed something positive to society, but the human trafficker scumbags seem to be alive and well. Or they were. I hope they got mauled by a gorilla, if there were more of them around. I hope they weren't.
Speaking of killing... I currently feel like dying, honestly. I promised Omar to help him and Mitch woodworking, and that started like six hours ago. I did more axe swings than I could count, and I'm soaking with sweat all over. Combine that with the usual winds of that season coming around, and my body doesn't know whether its overheating or freezing. Just my luck. If Tenn was around right now, he'd repeatedly encourage me to cover myself up, fearing that otherwise I could be catching a cold. My siblings are polar opposites in that regard – one can't stop worrying about me while the other one is so carefree that me getting lost for a week wouldn't faze her. I hate autumn, did I mention that already?
The big advantage I can take from this whole ordeal is that we at least don't have to go outside of the walls to find some usable wood. Yet. Eight years of needing to keep warm did a lot of damage to the plant life around the school grounds though. Apart from the small piece of semi-forest behind the gym hall, we're about to be running dry on that front. Maybe we'll have to bribe James to help us out to create an actual safe zone where we can work without having to worry about walker attacks, if it ever comes to the worst case. That is, if there happens to be one of the rare occasions of running into him. And maybe the other James – with whatever dumbass nickname he comes up for himself, what's he calling himself these days, Jay-Z or some shit – can be ahem persuaded to give us a hand too. Should maybe ask Mavis to help us out in that regard – she does seem to have a spell over him. It's hard to believe him, Sam and Alex actually are siblings. I almost never see them interact. Mitch may have a hand in that. Speak of the devil... I see skater boy approach. Oh no wait, it's woodworking boy these days. Damn, time flies. Must've been years since he last even touched a skateboard.
„Done yet?", he says in a provocative, yet somehow pitiful manner, rolling the rusty old wheelbarrow towards my position. Yes, I am. I spent hours almost killing my arms for like 15 wheelbarrows of wood. I'm gonna take my break whether he likes it or not. I don't answer, and just frown at him conspicuously.
„I can't help but think you're not in a good mood, Minnie.", he dryly responds.
I just shake my head: „No shit. I'm finished, for today at least... unless you're a gentleman and let me do the easy work.", to which he just smirks: „What easy work? You know how hard it is to push these loads?"
„Oh my god. I can't tell if you're serious or just fucking with me." I close my eyes, trying to keep my breath in order. The guy has some nerve, I swear.
„Take a guess. You're doing much better with the axe. I'm not constantly pissed off like you are, so I doubt I'd achieve the same results. But you're damn pale. Wanna sit down?"
„YOU are not constantly pissed off? That's an optimistic point of view if I've ever seen one." I laugh at him. Do I have a short temper? Fuck yeah. Is he any better in that regard? I very much doubt it.
But his suggestion about sitting down works. I actually planned on doing that anyway, lowering myself down on the tree trunk that I misused the last few hours to fulfill my workload, sort of whining: „Whose fucking stupid idea was it to do this kinda stuff now, and not on a relaxing summer evening? I feel as I've been run over by a truck. "
„Not my idea. Ask him.", Mitch replies, pointing behind me, where I see a completely dirtied Omar slowly walk towards me.
„Don't tell me – tell that to Louis, Marlon, Sam and the rest of the bunch that act like they're on the verge of starvation whenever there's no hot food in the evening.", he responds with heavy breathing in his voice still walking towards us, instantly managing to defend himself, before stopping a few feet in front of us, kneeling to get a hold of himself.
„Then just tell them to shove it and cook themselves.", I respond. Why does he have to do all the work in the first place?
Omar just chuckles at that: „Cook themselves? Huh... I could try, but I believe that would end up in disaster sooner or later. Does the name Lamar still ring a bell?"
Yep... it does. Poor guy. Charlie never forgave himself for that mess.
„Plus, this is the perfect season for stuff like this. No one's not gonna die of a heatstroke and it's also not cold enough for you to catch pneumonia. Sorry to bother you all with that, but I couldn't do all this work on my own even if I tried." he continues.
„Uuuuh... you're welcome." Mitch awkwardly responds.
„What he said. What happened to you anyway? You look like you spent the day in the attic. So dusty.", I assess him. He does look like he was just involved in a mining accident. All covered in a light brown coating. Can't make his labored breathing any easier.
Mitch laughs out, saying: „Think he decided to stack up those wood pieces in the same spot as usual. Only problem being that there's a shitload of sawdust and spiders around, the last few pieces remaining were only removed like three days ago. Maybe find a different location for it next time? Right next to the fireplace would be a hot suggestion." Leave it to Mitch to shove the 1:100 chance where he actually has sensible ideas into someone else's face instantly.
„Omar... you seriously need to stop letting people walk over you." I answer back into Omar's direction. I actually feel for the guy. He does a ton of work that goes underappreciated by almost everyone.
„You know how much I hate confrontation. I'd rather do extra work than to deal with any outrage.", he tries to defend himself.
A strong gust of wind proceeds to blow through the school grounds, chilling me to the core. I can understand not wanting to alienate anyone, but there has to be a limit somewhere. „That may be, but do you really wanna spend your life doing what other people want and not doing what you want?"
„I mean, doing what someone else wants us is our day-to-day life, no?", Mitch adds without being asked, having knelt down on a dry patch of grass, quite transparently referring to dear leadership fire mystic himself.
I interject, feeling that this just isn't right: „Perhaps, but we're stacking wood, hunting and patrolling because we'd die without it. Nobody's gonna die just because they have to cook their meat themselves instead of waiting for Omar to turn the world around for them."
Omar acknowledges that with a hopeless look onto the ground: „Going back to your question... it would be easier if I unquestionably knew what I wanted. There were three achievements I was gunning for back when I was a kid: Owning a restaurant with three Michelin stars, parachuting out of a 727 like D. B. Cooper did and getting my father to face justice. But then came... all of this here, and my plans were blown away like the leaves by the autumn winds."
„Huh, poetic." Mitch cannot hold himself back from providing some more derogatory comments, and I cannot stop myself from standing up and giving him a feigned slap. I know he's not serious, but still... unkind.
„I somehow expected that you slapped the shit outta me. Don't tell me you're getting soft, Minnie." he responds in kind with a played expression of pain on his face that is even less convincing than his favorite story about the private lesson with Tony Hawk.
„Later, maybe. But currently there's the rare opportunity to get Omar to speak more than three words in succession. Gotta use that when you can." And that me and Mitch aren't trying to rip each other's limbs out is also a welcome exception that has to be cherished.
Omar looks at us for a short moment, then picking up a small piece of timber, suddenly throwing it towards Mitch who just manages to catch it. Another toy he can use for his whittling. „You know what my issue is. I just tell myself the less I talk, the less chance there is provoke any fights."
„This conflict aversion is well-intentioned, but you're gonna get nailed about something no matter what you do. You mean to say there's nobody around who ever remarks about your silence? I mean, you're not Asha, people know you won't retaliate if they say something negative about you." I answer to his concerns.
Omar slowly gets up again, eyes closed, having managed to catch some sort of breathing rhythm again: „I know. Jill at least can't stop herself from cracking jokes about that every time we meet. I know she's not serious, but still, I'd prefer if she just avoided doing that entirely."
At least someone admits to that for once. One shouldn't misunderstand – Jill is a very kind-hearted person, and we'd be screwed without her botanical knowledge – but she can be quite pesky and unintentially hurtful with her childish jokes.
„Then fucking talk to her. Goddamn, I hate it when people don't just admit stuff and beat around the bush." Aaand of course Mitch needs to make a scene about it to show off how manly he is. God forbid anyone doesn't meet his idea of masculinity.
„... like you'll admit that you had a little rendesvouz with Sam yesterday?" Omar responds to that statement, making Mitch's jaw drop. I'm not as shocked, but still... that's one hell of a weird couple if that was true.
„I... I don't, like, have any clue what the hell you're talking about. How'd you even get that idea?" Mitch is stumbling over his words, clearly getting caught off guard. Getting surprised and his generally terrible lying... not a good combo.
„You and her disappearing into the attic, perhaps? You ain't the only one running beside that stairway, brother." Omar responds with an expectant grin on his face.
„So? We were just... excavating. Anyway, I gotta go, do... other important stuff now. Don't fall over." he says already walking away, clearly not trying to come up with any convincing answer to that, leading to the two of us remaining and snickering at his unwillingness to stand by his words.
„So you do know how to verbally smack the daylights out of people. You should do that more often.", I firmly suggest to him.
He crosses his arms, looking deflated: „It's easy against Mitch. I don't wish to demean him, but... he's not exactly the brightest lightbulb around. But I still don't like it. I feel bad about it, honestly."
I always have to breathe deeply and look up into the sky for a short while when hearing such
statements. Omar tends to bring you on the edge of despair with his unspeakably good faith that borders on naivety. But what are you gonna do – I can't expect everyone to be as open with their feelings as my beloved sister is. „Listen up – when are you starting with dinner preparation today?", I proceed to ask firmly.
„Umm, like always, around five. It takes quite some time if you're doing stuff all by yourself." he answers with a self-ironic tone in his voice, coupled with a nervous laugh. Does it? We'll see about that.
I steadily walk towards him to make my point clear, pointing at him with a determined look: „You won't be doing that today. I'll be on the spot at 5 p.m, not a minute after. I'll try to convince Tenn and Alex to help us out too. The more the merrier. But there's a few select people out there that need some clarification that you too are only human and not a machine. We'll sort this all out, don't you worry about it."
I can see that he appears to be a bit sceptical, but I won't tolerate any sort of backtalking about it. „... just so that you can properly prepare yourself. So... you need anything else or may I move on to anything that won't almost cause me to collapse now? Just askin'."
He holds up his hands trying to wave it off: „Nah, no, it's all okay. Crystal clear."
„Well then... see you later, Chef." I reply with a benign implication... but I can't walk two steps before he talks up again.
„Minnie?"
„Yeah?", I answer, turning back to him. To my amazement, he extends his left hand, as if he wanted to achieve a handshake of agreement... an offer I of course wouldn't refuse.
„Thanks. For the axe swinging. And the general support. It's appreciated.", he continues.
„Always. I'd hug you for reassurement now, but... I'd rather not dress up as a red-haired cinnamon roll today.", I answer back, in regards to the layer of dust that still covers his entire frame.
„That'd be too close to comfort, haha... but good to know regardless. I'm gonna continue stacking, if anyone's asking.", he retorts, with him being the one making the walk back.
I look at his frame slowly leaving my point of view, of course not without calling on him not to forget to shower himself off. And after he's out of sight, I'm at first just joyful that I can now plan for a prolonged break...
Oh God, Omar... I'd say that he's a difficult personality, but to be fair, who around here isn't? At least he manages not to cause any interpersonal conflicts, like myself and a certain few other people around here do. And hard work does have its advantages – nobody has the time and the nerves to cause a scene.
I let myself do a short inspection of the still somewhat wet grass and allow myself to lie down, of course not before I get my coat off and use it as a padding, so that at least my upper body gets some chance to dry off. Just as I manage to position myself comfortably, not having the long strands of my hair brush onto my face, and look directly into the skies, I realize that there's a layer of clouds moving over the entire area, covering the up to that point relatively easily detectable and slightly warming sun. The singing of the birds that I've intermittently heard has almost completely fallen silent, and the entire scenery appears almost spooky... hopefully it only seems that way. Ghosts are the last thing that we'd need. Imagine Davey showing up at night to give me a lecture about the Standard Oil Company. Scary idea. But after everything that's already happened on the school grounds none of them have shown themselves yet, so I try not to have any worries and to instead enjoy the fruits of my hard labor. And after a few minutes and despite my drenched clothes I'm actually about to take a nap on the hard earth surrounded by a flowery smell...
… until I almost jump on my feet again because something important comes to mind again. Damn, I almost forgot. I'm supposed to get this stupid crossbow working again. Sophie once again managed to do the impossible and break it somehow. I would give her mine instead – it's not like I really need it anyhow when I never go beyond the walls these days – but she doesn't have a fucking clue how to use a bigger two-hander crosshow, and I'd rather she armed herself with something that she actually knows how to operate. Even if it's only Louis' stupid chair leg... I'd much prefer if she didn't go out of school bounds in the first place. But my sweet little big sister has always been a tad too naive for her own good.
Crap... and here I thought I was gonna have an actual break. Can't there be a single day without me having to go on the edge of a nervous breakdown? I'm beginning to understand Brody's behavior. I seriously hope that the entire trip planned for today will be going well, without any bigger problems... I'd just like to celeberate in the evening for once, without my thoughts being engulfed in either work or worry. Hell, maybe I can bribe Alex into smuggling out a bottle of this delicious old rum that is just sitting around in the chambers of dear buzzkill leadership. I don't get Phoenix's attitude. We're truly doing enough to keep the entire machine running. Nobody's starving, nobody's freezing, we can even properly wash ourselves with steaming water once a week... that dude has it easy talking about his working morale, because the hard tasks are what we're doing while he's so weak he can barely stand up from his own desk. But... what can I do about it? It's not like the system is unpopular. And yeah, I'd rather work my back off on most days than having to dig any more graves.
Speaking of graves... while I occupy myself with this weirdly detailed inner monologue, I've already started making my way to the courtyard. If my sense of time doesn't completely screw me over, the crew should be starting their mission soon. I gotta get a hold of Sophie before that, because I have absolutely no idea where she even hid that crossbow. Probably buried under a mountain of paper and pencils again. She is so damn scatterbrained and messy that I'm surprised she even still has that thing. It's why I'm not willing to loan out anything to her anymore... it happened more than once that a great concept for a song was lost because she decided that she just had to show it off to Tenn and then she didn't have any urgency to return it, instead „storing" it in that mess of her side of the room.
Well, an undesirable problem that one is confronted with when going from the spot where we cut down the tree back in the direction of the courtyard is that you're forced to move through the wilderness behind the school's admin building... where the most depressing place on the entire property is located. The graveyard. Or the „Memorial of the Gone but not Forgotten", that is the official name, thanks to Kim's kinda exceptional concepts of poetry. Just as I arrive there, I can see the sun return from behind the clouds. At least one positive about this otherwise just dark and dreary area that lies in the shadows for almost the entire day. The only thing is that I'm not the only one around there... poor guy.
I just try to get a short overview and hastily count to prove that everything's still standing... yep, looks good. So many wooden crosses, almost too many to count on short notice. All of them in a straight line directly bordering on the gravel path leading through it. 36 gravesites, but only 34 of them with actual remains inside of them. 30 for our colleagues, friends, siblings. One for our mascot Clay, an American Bobtail - also got called „Shorty" due to the characteristic short tail of that race. He used to belong to Ms. Martin, and usually spent his jealously-inducing free time flopping around through the entire property. He also just loved to annoy Cassie and later Alex by constantly taking afternoon naps on the only chess set that still had all the pieces left. And although they were naturally supposed to hate each other's guts, it wasn't that uncommon for him and Rosie to take a little stroll around. Even after his dearly beloved mistress wasn't there any longer, it didn't demotivate him from exploring every single treebranch and windowsill. Until six months ago... when he went asleep on one of the tables in the courtyard and never woke up again. We were all pretty shocked, although it wasn't much of a surprise, realistically – he was 22 years old, a respectable lifespan when you keep in mind that he had never seen any veterinarian again after all hell broke loose.
The other two for Bo's parents, who we decided to too fish out of the sunken car in the Ohio River that drowned all three of them. One for Ms. Martin herself... I hope she did finally find peace. And the last one... nobody would actually believe it if we didn't see it with our own eyes. Anyone who's gonna join our group will be gobsmacked by it. Those four certainly were when they first showed up. And as for Sharp and Price... it wasn't worth the effort. Walkers gotta eat too, I guess.
But shifting focus from that unfortunate business, it wasn't Clay's final resting place where a small figure with some deep breathing and a typical rather somber moon was kneeling at – it was at Stevie's. Oh Tenn. It's common for him to go here at least once a week, just standing there where he lays, trying to find words talking to someone who could never respond again. Normally Willy would join him, but this time it's an exceptional circumstance, I guess. One little boy's brother, and little boy's savior.
I manage to walk towards him almost without making a sound – not too silently, I wouldn't want him to be scared – and stop myself, standing right next to him. Only then even see a small tear roll out of his left eye, which he swiftly wipes away with his sleeve as he notices me being there on the lookout.
„Hey, Minnie." he quietly says, not looking up from the ground where Mitch had placed a neatly-constructed wood figure several months ago... looking like a sculpture of a grilled cheese sandwich. Fitting to remember a guy who despite his thin frame couldn't live without bringing up food regarding any subject he was talking about.
„Huh, that so? Think imma need to give you some sorta perspective, cause it ain't that simple. If you think his entire situation is weird, I promise you to all things holy, me and Willy's upbringing was even weirder. My old man was completely loco. At least the dude took himself out. Only sensible decision that douche ever made. Now at least I get to eat all the goat cheese I always wanted. And I won't have to share any friggin' horse no longer. Neat."
We all didn't know the guy too long, but he certainly was a character – who to this day is a major influence of the actions and morals of the little man that used to look up to him, literally. Willy was a four year old tiny tyke who could barely stand by himself while Stevie was already as tall at 12 as Omar is today. He wrote a list of how to be a decent person (he called „The Commandments of how not to be like Dad") on a piece of tissue and gave it to his little brother like two weeks before he died... Willy later framed it and to this day both him and Tenn (who wouldn't be here anymore if it wasn't for Stevie's heroism during that fire, something I'll always be grateful about) do their best attempting to live by these rules – trying to avoid swearing, no drugs & alcohol, no physical fights, help those in distress, don't let yourself be unnecessarily provoked – and despite Willy now using Mitch as a sort-of-replacement for his big brother, he managed to make that stick and not be too negatively influenced by Mitch's rather... colorful vocabulary.
„Hey, Tenn." I retort, not trying to get too close for comfort. „The crew prepared for today? They're gonna have your work cut out for you. Better than axe-swinging, at least."
He finally stops being fixated on the cross with his hero's picture on it, instead looking up to me with a mellow expression: „Huh... oh, right... Omar said you were gonna be busy. I think they're already on the way."
An unfortunate bombshell to be dropped. „Craaap... so I can start searching for the needle in the haystack again. Unless... you have an idea where Sophie could've hidden her crossbow. Pretty please, with sugar on top? I've just spent six hours taking apart blocks of wood with nothing but my will... and a sharp instrument to spare. I really can't be assed to hone my archaelogical skills on her side of the room right now."
He gives me a more judgemental look, saying: „Oh, so you finished just now. So that's why you don't look so good. And don't smell that way either."
I deadpan at that remark, closing my eyes and internally eye-rolling. Suave as always. What Tenn lacks in initiative, he counters with bluntness. „Pretty much, yeah. I feel... kinda sticky, to put it that way."
„That... sounds weirder than you think it does.", he answers back, with a sceptical look and some sort of Why though? arm movement. Goddammit, he's right, now that I think about it... I'd rather not make innuendos in the presence of pre-teens. It's cringeworthy enough when I make them in front of Louis. I awkwardly scratch my forehead, failing to find any thread to properly continue this conversation when Tenn directly looks at me and clears the air: „Minnie, can I ask you a question too?", to which I could only nod in agreement.
„I know it looks weird and all, standing here. I feel like some lost souls are just looking at me from both above and below." he utters, again bringing to my attention what a thorough concept of afterlife he's created to keep his own sanity.
„It'd look weirder to me if you tried to snatch Marlon's bow and hit all the targets with it. You being... here is pretty much in the norm. This entire area is yours and Ruby's pet project. And it looks pretty damn good, if I may say so. So, what's the question? I'll try to answer it and not go off topic, like you did with mine. I'm such a generous big sister, aren't I?"
„You joke, but... you kind of are. So... what would you call that feeling... or the thoughts that maybe if you or I personally did something differently, certain people would still be with us today? I'm scouring through the philosophy books that you all decided to gift me last Christmas, but I still haven't figured it out just yet."
I saw that sort of question coming from a mile away... „That's called, uh, 'survivor's guilt'. And yes, before you ask, everyone has it. No one makes it obvious. Well, except Lou and dear leader himself, both of which still can't get over their girlfriend's demises, it seems."
To which he doesn't answer immediately, instead letting his looks wander over the rest of the gravesites. Goddammit, I should really consider to stop making jokes about someone's losses. It's easy for me to talk lightly... unlike most other people in the world, I can't say I've lost anyone I genuinely care about. Apart from Rocky, maybe... but I tell myself he's out there, still, he's gotta be, and that usually calms my worries. Even if it may be bullshit that only serves to make me feel better.
Trying to salvage whatever goodwill he still has, I continue after a short cough. „Point being... I assume this is about Stevie? Tenn, you and Willy were four years old when that dining hall burned down. You could barely speak back then. Even guys like Trey and Nessie were confused as fuck about what was going on and took half an eternity to understand the problem. And they were already teenagers by that point, so what chance did you two have?"
„I know you're right... but, you know how I feel about it. If I was only five feet closer to the exit when he came running down the hall... maybe he could've made it. Just a second would've made the difference. Therissa would probably still not have survived, but he... he deserved better than to be crushed by a falling brick wall is my point, I guess."
I could just shake my head at those remarks. My little brother is quite the enigma sometimes. But figuring out his train of thought is one of my favorite sibling-to-sibling pastimes, so... I'm glad he's not as outspoken as Willy in that regard. „Taking care of the memorial really takes a toll on you.", I assess. „Maybe I should take a look around for someone who relieves you of that burden for a while... if that means more work for Marlon, that's fine by me."
He just chuckles and shakes his head at that idea. „That... wouldn't help. I get a reminder about it every time I see myself in the mirror... you know that's why I'm always sitting outside, right?"
„Welp, guess we'll have to take that mirror down too." Oh shit... I outright overlooked that fact. It's not like he really needs one though... he invests a grand total of zero minutes a day into improving his style. For that lacking investment, his hair still looks pretty fine.
„Hey, don't you dare.", he responds in fake outrage. „Lexi... ´wouldn't have liked that. She always used that mirror to show off the facepaint artworks she'd use my face as a canvas for... made me forget that giant scar for a few hours a day at least. That broken old thing still stands for something."
I pick up a small rock, throwing it down the path, half-heartedly trying to hit Dewey's cross with it. „I always sweep it under the rug that most of y'all had roommates one time. Don't blame me... me and Sophie... and Marlon and Louis, we're the only school-ordered couples still sharing our space. Used to annoy me back in the day... now I couldn't imagine waking up in the morning without seeing my sister snoring and halfway fallen out of bed. Zed was the only one who never had to do the honors of sharing... lucky motherfucker that he was most of the time."
And as fate would have it, that rock I throw doesn't hit Dewey's grave head-on, but instead jumps a little further landing directly next to the empty bottle of Whiskey on Zed's memorial. „Fuuuck, I miss that guy. I've got a good mind to include some Robbie Williams tracks in my next jam session just to do the honors for him. But I'm not gonna do the rap finale of Kids, even if his spirit appears in person and dares me to do it. I've got some dignity left."
Me and Tenn walk a few more steps into the direction of the courtyard, where the more recent graves are located. He stops directly at Lexi's final resting place, right between Dewey's and the more or less empty space we have, uhm, 'reserved' for Rocky just in case, characteristically fumbling with his hands again. „I miss her even more, you know. I can thank Stevie for saving my neck every day, but that's about the only thing I still remember about him. Lexi on the other hand... she was the best roommate I could've asked for. That's another 'what if'-scenario I contemplate sometimes. What if I was the one who went on that trap inspection trip with Rocky?"
„... then you would be the one laying six feet under, after having frozen to death because of two days in negative degrees temperature with the wrong clothes, yes."
„I wonder what happened to him. I really do."
„He went back to the border, found his long-lost Mexican flame and is living happily ever after with her, scuba diving on the tip of Baja California, looking for orcas, all the while visiting his uncle's grave every day. And Becky's sometimes visiting him on vacation with her dad. At least that's my head canon." I have a dreamy smile on my lips telling Tenn the imaginary story I made up to ensure myself he's safe and sound somewhere... secretly telling the universe that I really would've liked him to give me a peck on those lips once or twice. I had such a crush on him, it's almost ridiculous. Dwarved even what I feel for Lou and Vi these days. Enrique Torres... you're the man. Never forget that.
„That's actually a more positive outlook than I have about it. You know, after those raiders almost got you and Sophie... I started thinking he somehow got captured, Lexi escaped, but she couldn't find the way home anymore, and that's what..." he pauses, breathing in deeply a few times to keep some composure. „Her last few hours must've been a nightmare. What do you think?"
„I don't know. I know he never would've left her without a very good reason for it. But that's the thing, it's only guesswork. He's the only one who could enlighten us about it."
I know I tease Tenn about it a little every now and then, but I too constantly make up scenarios about events that were and that may be in the future. One of my favorite make-believe stories is hearing a roaring engine on the front gates to see Lin in her riced out Impreza with both Rocky and Becky in tow... and Joseph Price brought back from the dead in her trunk so someone can torture him to oblivion again. Very bizarre. Very morbid. Then again, Tenn's the one who sometimes does drawings of rotten corpses. We all cope in our own quirky ways, I suppose.
I can't be bothered to go looking for Sophie's crossbow right now... and I can't be bothered to have a philosophical discussion about death and destiny right now either. Change of topic imminent. „Another thing I think is that you need to do something to get your mind off of... whatever you normally occupy yourself with. Because now even I get nostalgic, and that's never a good sign. So, funny not funny story: Omar's rather miserable because he has to do all the cooking by himself, so I... sorta promised him that me, you and Willy will help him out in the evening. Which may have been a bit hasty, but it's not a problem because my brother's a well-behaved adolescent who doesn't mind giving his companions a helping hand... riiiiight?"
„Umm, where'd that come from?" he asks a bit surprised, to which I just lightly shug. „I'm not sure I could be of much help... but then again, I'm probably better at that than I am at handling walkers. It's fine by me. You got a plan how to convince Willy for it yet? You're gonna need more than asking nicely for him to do more work than he really has to."
Actually yes, I do have a plan for that. Very sophisticated, only someone with my oh so superior intellectual brilliance could come up with it. „Willy would kneel before me and proclaim me his Supreme Queen of Excellence if I promised him an extra trout for dinner. Don't think that's gonna be much of a challenge."
Tenn nods, turning around to take a look at the swampy wilderness of the area between the path and the barely visible outer walls, I stand behind him, putting both hands on his shoulders to reassure him: „Also, my sisterly senses can tell you're worried about Sophie. Don't be. Asha's there, Paige's there... and Marlon knows I'm gonna strangle the living daylights out of him if she gets as much as a scratch on her under his watch."
Tenn shakes his head in disbelief. „You're never gonna get over that, are you?"
He's lucky he doesn't see how my face contorts when even entertaining that thought. „... be honest, would you appreciate being sold out to a bunch of methheads that look like they just stumbled out of a brothel? Doubtful. I didn't break any parts of his frame, other than his nose. I've been very civil, all things considered. I'll get over it... in a decade or two perhaps."
I crack a devious smile, being upfront about my slightly evil motives. „Or when he swallows his pride and kisses both of my feet while apologizing profoundly at one of the weekly meetings, like I suggested."
„Ew, what? You can't be serious." He tries his best to sound disgusted at that idea, but I think secretly even he would have a laugh at that situation playing out.
„Oh, I totally am. But the douchebag sadly still has some self-respect left, so he refuses to do it, even if means I'll continue tormenting him. Hey, if you don't take an easy solution when you're offered one... I can only do so much."
Tenn carefully takes my hands off his shoulder, turning around to face me. „Do you... hate him? Like, unquestionably? Or do you see a scenario where the two of you would finally get along again? I don't expect you to get married or anything, but at least the basic level of respect you and Mitch afford each other would be nice."
I cross my arms and take a few seconds to formulate a thorough answer, taking some deep breaths. „You know, on my personal scale of antipathy, I compare everything I hate and despise with what I felt about Price... Marlon's gotta do a whole lot worse to compare to him. I'll admit, even I can see that he tries to make amends, tries to better himself. He's doing everything he can to take work loads off of me and sis, whether we want him to or not. He's an idiot, that's for certain, but he's not a malicious idiot." I comment, shaking my head in frustation with this guy. As much as I want to bash his head in sometimes... I don't think Sophie would appreciate it too much. She's a lot more receptable to making amends than I am. To an uncomfortable extent, even. „And quite honestly, I currently don't have the energy for active hatred of any sort. You know, six hours of axe-swinging. Remember that?"
„Hmm." he takes notice almost silently, closing his eyes. It's so hard to figure him out at times. Meanwhile, the winds are picking up – and even from the distance it is above us, you could still hear it howling as it passes through the cracks and openings of the attic. A typical autumn afternoon. I'm still not completely dried out and I begin shivering, barely noticeable, but still. „Question answered well enough?", I ask, trying to snap him out of his train of thought.
Even he begins somewhat trying to cover his upper body with his arms, clearly not being all too happy with the temperature. „Well, yeah... but can I ask something else?"
I slightly grin and shake my head, putting one hand on my hips. „You can ask me all day, to be honest. I'm not in a rush, at least not completely. The travelling circus is already underway anyhow."
He holds his left arm with his right hand, looking a tad bit guilty: „Sorry if I'm holding you up. You know how rarely I get to even talk to you. I feel like we barely ever even see each other. You're busy doing your job, almost never at the courtyard, while I'm almost always there... or right here when Ruby once again needs some support."
„You, Omar and Alex don't have much in common, but if there's one characteristic you all share, it's that you're letting people walk over you way too easily. Like... no one's gonna mind much if you stick up for yourself to Marlon, Mitch, Sam and the rest of the guys who have a bit of a problem with respectful treatment. I'm not gonna say You have fists, use them! or something else that might be going a bit overboard, but simply walking away and giving the middle finger might just do the trick.", I voice my thoughts with a hint of suggestion.
„I don't think Stevie would be appreciating that too much.", Willy lightly chuckles, before turning to his brother's grave again, moving around the dirt in front of the cross with his feet.
„Fuck that codex of good behavior for once. Willy adheres to that shit too and yet no one's stomping on his feet. A fierce 'No, I don't have time right now' and ignoring all subsequent guilt trips can work for you too."
„I don't think that's..." he tries to argue against it, but gives up almost instantly, accepting I might just have a point. „Fine. But no middle fingers to anyone. Basic level of respect and all that."
„Am I having a more convincing stance today or what's the reason why nearly everyone agrees to my suggestions? That's a new one." I'm so not used to people simply agreeing to my propositions – what's next, Lou and Vi agreeing to a threesome? That'd be the fucking highlight.
I'll admit, there's quite a bit of relationship drama in our group – but most of it only happens between two people. What's going with us three is a bit of a different story. Just a really weird triangle situation that works... somehow? Although that all really is just part of an elaborate scheme to get these two to fall for each other. Sounds absolutely insane. Probably is. But... I genuinely believe those two deserve each other more than I deserve either of them. If they ever found out some of the things I did... neither of them would ever speak to me again.
„Minnie, hey! Snap out of it!" My rambling train of thought is suddenly interrupted by Tenn's voice, and I look at him puzzled, he only shoots me a sympathetic smile and shakes his head.
„Aw shit, I was daydreaming again, wasn't I?" is the only thing I could cough up.
He looks at me with an analytical mind. „Yeah, and you had that look on your face. The deeply concerned look I mean, not the thinks about perverted stuff look. That's still worrying though."
I have a hard time registering what I'm hearing here. He's gotta be... no wait, he wouldn't fuck with me that way. Dammit. „I have a thinks about perverted stuff look? Are you for real? How many more of these so-called looks do I display?"
„Plenty. I know you don't notice, but when you look slightly up in the sky with a dreamy grin on your face... Sophie and I can about guess where your thoughts are. Why'd you think you lose almost every card game you two play? You have the worst pokerface in the entire world. Don't want to be blunt, but that's the way it is."
Well, that is just great. Any more of my deepest, darkest secrets I've accidentally laid open? Then again, it's not totally unexpected... discrepancy was never much of a strong suit for me.
„... sometimes you're too honest for your own good. I'd rather not have known that." is all I can respond to that. That doesn't do much to make my day brighter. But better to know now than to find out in a painful experience later on, I guess.
„I know. That's... why I avoid talking too much most of the time. Haven't had a conversation like I had with you today in months. Sorry." Tenn spends more time being sorry than he does enjoying things. Typical.
„It's... fine. No, really. It's such a rare occasion to have a deep conversation with you. Don't beat yourself up over being... too honest, Nobody's perfect. I know I'm not."
That exchange leads to a few seconds of awkward silence that he breaks with a statement I should've seen coming a mile away. „So... I'm guessing you're moving to the courtyard. Moving empty pots around. Jill did ask me like a normal person this time... think the cut she got killed her sarcastic energy. But she's also using at an excuse not to lift weights, so..."
„She cut herself? Again? We're gonna run out of band aids by the time she's done. And you... yet again coming up with excuses not to have to have a chat with big sister? I'm hurt, I truly am." I try my damndest for it to come across as genuine disappointment, but alas, he sees right through it.
„That... was unconvincing, right? I'll never make it in Hollywood, I presume. But wait a minute... I'm not letting you off the hook that easily."
„What do you mean?" Oh, he's about to find out.
I open up my arms as wide as I can, looking like I'm about to go toe to toe with a grizzly bear, having an expecting expression on my face. „Sibling hug of dismissal! Come on, you're not too old for that just yet."
„You are so..., okay, offer accepted." and after a few seconds of deliberation, I can actually convince him to join in on it. Gosh, he's growing up. Maybe he'll only be half a head shorter than me in a few years.
„Love you, little man. I hope you know that. And don't become a moody teenager just yet, 'kay?"
To which he just chuckles. Still the same after so many years. Some things never change. „No promises. Love you back."
And so goes the departure... if only there was a train I could run after to make it look even more dramatic.
So... I've finally done it and after what felt like an hour of solving interpersonal conflicts and giving motivational speeches, I'm at the courtyard... which presents itself to be noticeably devoid of anyone else, especially the scouting group.
„Fuck me senseless, man. This is going nowhere."
With one glaring exception shouting out his frustation.
It's James... but not the one I'd like to see, unfortunately. Which is telling because zombie-friendly James can be pretty damn creepy at times, what with his 'walkers are technically still human' concepts. But at least he's got some manners. This fine specimen right here... not so much. What is he even doing? It looks like he's placed a wooden spear upright in the ground and tries throwing his dumb baseball cap with skull motives onto it like a frisbee, hoping it sticks. Weird idea of target practice. I walk up to him – not in silence, mind you, but he doesn't even seem to realize it.
„What... are you doing?" I ask bluntly, which seems to shock him somewhat.
He stops what he's doing, putting his cap back on his head – in some wannabe skater sideways stance, as usual – and turns to me in a swift motion. „Y'know, I'm aware I sound like Phoenix here, but goddammit, how about some solitude?
I just shake my head. As a matter of fact, I do that so often whenever speaking to him that I'm shocked I haven't gotten whiplash yet. „Dude, apart from your little brother's locker, this is about the last damn place around here where you can expect to do solo acts without being interrupted."
He proceeds to take the spear out of the soil, carefully inspecting it. „Eh... worth a shot. As you know, half of the crew including your darling sister are on some sorta suicide mission that I think is gonna blow up in... someone's face. Probably Sophie's, even though you probably wish it was Marlon's. That... doesn't sound right. Ew. Anyway, now's a better time than ever to do some cool shit here out in the open, without the chance of Willy running into my path again and without Asha being around to give me a silent judgemental look of disapproval."
„Do you really have nothing better to do, James?", I ask pugnaciously. I just feel like wriling him up, I don't know why.
„Who? Hate to disappoint, there is no James to be found here. He's out there in the woods, probably practicing some necrophilic ritual on those corpses he collected in the barn... wouldn't surprise me, at least.", he blabbers, aiming the spear at the target for bow practice, throwing and hitting it... peripheral. Room for improvement.
„Theeen, what the fuck do you call yourself these days again? It changes on a semi-daily basis." I dig further.
He exhales, clearly being frustrated at my apparent ignorance. „The name's JCF. Or Jay, to make it short. Stands for, you know – James Chaytan Fairbanks. My legal name. If you've forgotten already. I know you haven't. You're a smart girl, and you're only acting like a fucking idiot for clout. That's my very optimistic assumption."
„Oh no, really? Thought it stood for Jackass Clownface. Thanks for the clarification." That sounded better in my head. Shit. And he fucking laughs at it too. Ouch.
„Woah there edgelord, don't cut yourself. Violet's scarcely left the hallowed grounds of the courtyard, the next angry lesbian is already in line to display how tough she is. You guys need to get over yourselves. When even Sam can come up with better puns, you're about to enter the Hall of Shame."
I put my head to the side, crossing my arms and giving him a glare of disbelief. „Do I hear that correctly coming from the guy whose biggest literary inspiration is Ludacris? Come the fuck on."
„Hah. Point taken." he dryly responds, taking the spear from the wooden target and leaning it onto the tree next to it. „Now, to answer your question, unlike you, I'm not actively searching for stuff to do. I do the bare minimum, and goddammit, if that doesn't work like a charm. You could try that too, but you have too good of a heart... or your reputation matters too much to you. Can't quite figure it out."
„I've got my reasons." I quickly blurt out. Really not in the mood to pour my heart out to this guy. Saying that we're friends would be a huge stretch.
He walks up to me, coming pretty damn close to invading my personal space, standing there with both hands on his hips. „The reason being that your 'tough bitch' persona is a facade and you're just a scared little girl behind it? Because that's new. Right."
I could barely hold myself back slapping him... but he got me, to a point. No reason to escalate... yet. „Go fuck yourself, man – as if you've ever been in that sort of situation. When's the last time a bunch of psychos tried to recruit you for their wars?"
„I kinda was in that situation, once... but you already know this story. Randall guy. Blew my dad's face off. Michonne blew his face off. Lotta faces ruined that day. Messy exchange. Burned down mansion. The whole shebang. Shit happens. If you can't stomach it fast enough, this world might not be a good fit for you. Isn't really for me either. But hey, you still have siblings, I still have siblings... can't take the Ryan-esque escape route just yet."
„It's a shit hand dealt, but that's not the point. Did your sister try to sell you out to the enemy? Otherwise it's not comparable by much."
„No... but her lacking talent as a negotiator didn't help the situation. Didn't help my other brother either. I'd love for him to tell you himself, but I think his face too got broken, well whataya you know."
Fuck... he's got a point there. A bit insufficient, but still. I'm so damn lucky that all of my siblings are still here with me... and that I didn't have to watch my parents die. It's much easier not to think about them that way. And that they were kinda crappy at their job helps to forget too.
„So, allow me to come up with a question aswell: Are you now done searching for reasons to antagonize me? Then please, do me a favor, get a hold of your little GF and stop pestering me. I didn't ask for your opinion, and I especially didn't ask for your presence."
Before I could formulate an answer to that, a powerful and almost ear numblingly sharp whistling sound reaches us both. What's he even doing outside?
„Hiding is futile." Neither of us can really see who's standing at the gate from our current angle, but he knows we're there, so yeah, no point in acting like we didn't hear it. Lo and behold, it's the bossman himself on his bright white stallion... and I can see why he's been busy. That's... never a good sign.
„As expected. You wouldn't mind opening the gates, would you? When you're already so conveniently standing right there, bickering over trivialities."
„What's the magical word that opens all the doors and barriers?" Jay tries to be a smartass about it, which as you'd expect Phoenix doesn't really take all too well, his gaze darkening and his voice becoming more commandeering. „Open the gates, please, before I break your hideous visage in half. Debonaire enough for you liking, boy?"
„Ehh... close enough.", he digresses, unlocking the gate, me actually having to help him out opening it. Those metal bars are heavy as hell. Least one good thing the school used the public spending for.
He trots into the courtyard, exhaling in apparent frustation. I make the move and decide to be upfront about what I see. „You expecting any unwelcomed visitors today?"
He turns the entire horse around to look at me when giving me the answer to that. „Maybe. Perhaps. Possibly. Does it matter?"
„You showing up with that... greatsword is never a good sign. Did your crystal ball foresee some bad news?" Jay throws in, asking something I'd like to know too in the dumbest possible way.
„Very amusing. No. Solely a precaution. As you know, I don't feel particular enjoyment in the act of beheading, but it appears to be of necessity every now and then. Unless of course you feel guilty for the three... or let's rather say three and a half lives lost that unfortunate day."
To which I just shake my head with a stern expression. No... I honestly think they've died quicker than they should've. Not that I'd openly admit it.
„And no, I don't plan to publicly execute Marlon unless he gives me a very good reason to. So very sorry to disappoint you."
He then points to the left side of himself, directly behind him, onto a brown piece of leather. „Heads up. Take a look at the contents of this saddlebag. You'll find something of personal interest there, I believe."
I took some steps forward, trying not to scare off Barry - he can get very jumpy when you come near him too quickly – slightly scratching his fur to reassure him. I open the bag, and just by reaching in, I can feel a familar shape. Pulling it out... and it's actually it. Sophie's damn crossbow.
I look at him in somewhat of disbelief, exclaiming: „How the fuck did you... you know what, I'm not even surprised."
He begins yet another tiresome monologue: „Because, as you've certainly noticed by now, I have working ears. You are aware you've been whining about this on multiple occasions within the past few days, right? Be proactive, child. It's easier when you're not a cripple just yet. But then again... you've been quite active today already, by the looks of it. I'd strongly suggest showering."
After he successfully remarked about my dirtied clothes and my disheveled haircut, he then shifts his focus on Jay, clearly being unimpressed with his attitude, gesturing at him. „It's the gentleman right here who needs to show some more engagement. Or I can just proceed to tell you what you should do for work... and when to eat, breathe and sleep. Like a dementia patient. Did I mention they too love playing with inanimate objects? Maybe I should have you tested."
He then moves away from him, focusing on both of us simultaneously. „Or maybe both of you need some sort of occupational therapy. And as luck would have it, you can now help a disabled fellow citizen get off of his horse without breaking his neck. If you'll indulge me?"
Getting the guy off of the horse is not an easy job. It's especially not easy getting him down in one piece. We essentially have to position ourselves on that side of the horse where his healthy leg's clamped in, somehow grab onto him while he carefully tries to remove his wooden leg to put it over the horse's back, and then manage to hold onto him while he manages to maneuvre himself to safe grounds.
„You're fucking heavy for a guy with a frame as thin as yours, anyone ever told you that?" I advise him. Could also be that giant ass sword strapped to his back. Thinking about it, I never got to hold it in my hands. There's another target to be accomplished this week, I suppose.
„Understandable. It must be my big and joyful heart full of love and sunshine that just wants to connect with the planetary surface. The price one has to pay for being a benevolent soul." His response is as you'd expect overflowing with sarcasm. Some people make fun of his age, others of his weight... guy's used to some shit. Then again, so are we, which is why we in the end manage to have him stand upright with both feet on the floor. And Jay, obliging as he is, hands him the cane fixated in a makeshift strap on Barry's poor back.
„Now... S." He takes his time to prolong the accentuation of the name, clearly mocking his mostly ridiculed attempts to establish himself under a new nickname. „If you'd do the honors and bring my trusted comrade back to his feeding trough, it'd be most appreciated."
„Which is a very complicated way of saying you're done working for today, right?" Jay utters with a sense of hopefulness in his tone, to which Phoenix just gives him another lecture.
„You do recall the consequences of the most recent event where you tried to be smug, correct? Or do you wish to give the lawn on this entire property another make-over? It'll be your hands who will be in pain for the next three days, not mine. I would strongly reconsider my responses if I were you."
„Man, I have no idea what you're talking about. Didn't say anything." he tries to justify himself. Our trusty leader just points in the direction of the admin building, his hair being hit by yet another autumn breeze. „Don't play dumb. Go forth. Wish granted. Get out of my sight and take care of the good boy here. He's earned himself a treat."
„Fucking A." Jay remarks to that, being quite stunned that his joking request was somewhat granted.
„Hey man, you saw where Vi went to after...?", I attempt to get some information out of him before he disappears on the horizon, to which he just snort-laughs, snippily responding: „Take a guess. You know where."
A mere seconds later, a small black mass comes shooting down from the skies landing on Phoenix's shoulders. An approving nod follows and he takes out the small piece of paper stacked into the small metal transport device tucked around Fuego's neck. A medieval way of communication, I'd wager, but hey... Sam has figured out electricity. Cellphone towers? Not so much.
„What'd the message say?"
„It's a confirmation that Mavis hasn't forgotten how to read. I try to be as discreet as humanly possible, but I've... persuaded her to pose as a secret service protection to save your sister from herself. Now, that might appear slightly derogatory, but I've doubts about her self-defensive abilities. Better safe than sorry. Even if that means my sisters have to get their hands dirty for once. It's not going to kill them."
He gives me a slightly unsure look and a shrug. „Most likely. We'll see. I can only hope those countless sword swinging lessons I reluctantly gave Raven will come in handy."
„Now if you'll excuse me, methinks I'll just have a seat on one of those tables back there – waiting for the inevitable return. I have a bad feeling about this. And don't you dare – you're not Jeanne, you don't have to point out everything that sounds like a Star Wars reference. You're dismissed. Actually no, one minute, be forthcoming – light those few stacks of wood at the fireplace and put the fire iron inside, pointy end first. Just as an... insurance policy."
„Whatever the code dictates." I get out my lighter and a few pieces of paper I conveniently stored inside of my jacket pockets (one wouldnt believe how much paper I waste trying to come up with miserable song concepts) and it goes into rapid fire mode quite fast. A short-lived luxury, it's gonna be a bit more difficult with the freshly cut wood yours truly axed to pieces in the morning.
„Have a good one... bossman." I wave him goodbye in a sorta-serious, sorta-joking manner.
„Ha. I love your sense of humour." he answers back. „You know where to be when you hear screams of agony. I hope the smell of burning flesh doesn't cause any distress for y... no. From what I know about you, it most certainly won't.", clearly referring to... that. Holy shit, he's ruthless. But at least my secret's safe with him... it better be.
So... admin building, stairs, follow the piano music... would be the normal par de course. But here's the thing, there is none to be heard. Which is interesting or worrying depending on the situation. Now I'm really fucking curious. I go into tippy-toes mode in the direction of the music room to see the door opened just slightly. Just as I'm about to take a peek, I hear a loud thud and two cries of distress. I quickly throw the door open expecting to find something scary going on, and I find... something scary. But also unexpected. And weird. And exactly what I wanted to happen.
I lean on the doorframe, neither of them actively taking notice of me, before provocatively asking into the room: „I'm not interrupting the two of you... right?"