Chapter 7

Jaguar gasped and sat up in the middle of the night, clutching her chest, where her heart was pounding wildly. She had just remembered the full events of that day, so long ago now, when Kestrel had been murdered. Before, she had only a few dim memories of finding her cat in the middle of the street, and burying it later with Katrine. And though she did remember her interrogation, she had thought they were questioning her to find Kess' killer.

But where had these memories come from? And Jaguar knew she had killed the fat girl. Sashi..? How had she known the fat girl's name? Jaguar didn't dwell on that question as she leapt out of bed, full of energy. She paced back and forth several times, her mind racing faster than she had ever thought before.

I killed her. Them! I killed all three of them. I am a murderer. They killed Kestrel, and I killed them. And the fat girl's whole family! But why didn't I remember any of it? And why was my memory different when they gave me truth serum?

The answer came to her, like a whisper on the wind, and the hairs on the back of Jaguar's neck stood up.

Nivea.

Jaguar didn't want to believe it, but it had to be true. Who else could it be? Who else did everyone listen to?

Okay, so… Nivea altered my memory, but not the memories of the investigators or the fat girl… Maybe they got to her too quickly, or maybe Nivea couldn't enchant them all at once… I dunno… I'll think about that later… But she altered my memory, but not too well, obviously. Why? Why would she do that?

Again, an easy answer. No one wants their niece to be condemned as a killer.

Yeah… That makes sense… She wouldn't have wanted me arrested… But still, why wouldn't she be angry with me?

Jaguar remembered Aunt Nivea taking her out for ice cream after questioning.

I killed 7 people, and Nivea takes me out for a treat…

Her head seemed to be spinning. She wasn't surprised. Somewhere deep in her heart, she supposed that she had always known that she was a killer. Her brain had forgotten, but her heart had always had a slight heaviness that she had never even noticed until now. That weight was lifted.

How did I do it? I wasn't anywhere near the fat girl's house, and I never touched any of them.

Magic. Well, duh.

Jaguar was astounded at her magical powers. There were no adult wizards who could kill people the way she had, even at close range. At least, there were none that she knew of. That was another motive Nivea might have used… If anyone had realized that Jaguar had done all of that damage with loose, unconscious magic, who knows what the Ministry might have done?

Despite the fact that Sirius' father ran the entire Ministry, and Jaguar's mother was head of the most important department, Jaguar had been raised to be very wary of the Ministry of Magic. In the past, and especially during the reigns of various dark witches and wizards who seized power, and during World War II, many horrendous experiments had taken place in the Ministry building. Children were experimented on, to figure out what exactly made them magical, and to figure out the division of power between twins and triplets, and the different races. Jaguar only knew basic information about those periods, because most books about them had been destroyed, and the ones that still existed were entirely forbidden for someone her age, even if she had somehow been able to find them. Monica had books, of course… Their mansion had a full library. But none of the books were very interesting, and a great many of them were muggle-written.

She didn't want me to be experimented on…

Although the experiments on human beings and other animals had officially ended, as far as the public knew, they still carried on inside the Ministry, under other titles… Experimental Medication was one of these. Nivea would have known that Jaguar might be taken if the magic that had been released had proven to be hers. And even her authority, and that of Sirius' father, who would have defended Jaguar as well, and Monica, who ran the department that ran these tests, could not have prevented it. Jaguar was Nivea's niece, and among adult wizards, this was a very significant thing, although Jaguar had never been sure why that was.

Pacing faster and faster, Jaguar spun too fast and twisted her ankle, causing herself to fall to her knees. Panting loudly, she stared at the floor, trying to remember what she should be feeling.

She had just realized that she was a serial killer… She should feel guilt, or remorse, or regret… Shouldn't she? Or was she so merciless that she could forget about her crimes completely or not feel bad at all?

It seemed that the latter applied to her. She didn't feel bad at all. She remembered the rush of anger, but she hadn't killed on purpose, no matter how much she had wanted the fat girl dead. Now, her recalled memories were more like a movie she was watching. As though none of it was real enough to waste any emotion on.

She had to keep reminding herself: seven people were dead, and it was her fault.

The worst part about it was that she kept thinking, wow! I killed seven people. How incredible is that! She couldn't prevent a smile from spreading across her face. Soon, the smile grew wider and wider until she was grinning from ear to ear. And then the laughing started. Just a small chuckle at first, which increased to heavy giggling, and then she collapsed on her face laughing loudly.

Finally, when her belly ached, and her voice had nearly vanished, she lifted her head from the floor, looking straight out through the balcony door. The moon was nearly full, and shining brightly over the land. She gasped, horrified.

The Goddess was watching her delight in her sin. But what else could she do? She'd had enough depression to last her a lifetime. There was no point in regret, especially over something she'd never had any control over in the first place.

And then it hit her.

The Goddess must have been controlling her. Jaguar blinked several times. The Goddess had decided that Jaguar Brazil was special enough to use for her work on earth. It was the greatest honor a mortal could ever hope to receive. Breathless, Jaguar bowed her head to the floor again, and whispered a prayer to the Goddess, before leaping up and running down the hallways until she reached Nivea's bedroom.

It was evident to Jaguar after she had pounded several times on the door that Nivea was not in her room.

Slightly detoured, but still completely exhilarated, Jaguar pushed the door open and peered around the threshold. She had never been in Nivea's room before, and for some reason she was nervous as she stepped into it. It was very cool. At least 20 or 30 degrees colder than the rest of the house. It had a restless feeling to it, as though it were the sort of room where you could lay in bed all night and never fall asleep. But more than that, it had a familiar feeling… Like the sort of place that always felt like home, no matter how cold and twitchy it was.

But it was obvious that no one had been in this room for a very long time. Jag couldn't have explained why, but this room seemed left behind, isolated from the rest of the house. And the rest of Nivea's life.

Moonlight shone brightly through the windows, revealing several doors in the walls, but Jaguar went no further. Nivea wasn't there, and that was all that mattered. If it had been daylight, she might have explored more, but she was eager to tell Nivea about her memory. She had the strangest feeling that it might be extremely important. She was also filled with questions.

After racing through the mansion, at such a speed that it seemed as though the world were humming at a higher pitched frequency, Jaguar finally reached the Quidditch Room without seeing her aunt.

She was searing with the need to move. The urge to run was nearly overtaking her, and since she was closer to the broom closet, she grabbed one, and leapt onto it. Her senses were strangely heightened. She soared through the sky, closer and closer to the moon, her Goddess, who seemed to be staring at her.

She changed her position slightly so that she was headed straight up into the sky. She sped up, going faster and faster, so that soon she was flying faster than she had ever flown before. The moon grew in her sight, which was slightly impeded, but amplified in a way she couldn't explain by the tears pressed out by the force of the wind. Her breathing quickened as she was forced to take in more oxygen from the thin air. And then she was flying so fast that she couldn't breathe at all.

Throughout her entire flight, she had been screaming in delight, and pure happiness. Now her voice died out, as her vision collapsed in, and she seemed to fall into a black tunnel. The only thing she felt was the rush of air past her eardrums as she plummeted.

The broom took a wide swoop toward the earth, with the unconscious girl as a passenger. The ground was a very long way away, and the descent took several minutes. The broom sped up considerably as it approached the ground.

Jaguar jolted awake suddenly, as she neared the ground. Still 300 feet above the ground, she realized that she could no longer hold on; her limbs were slack and useless, and her reflexes were dulled. She knew that she was flying, and that she was on a broom, but it seemed that she had forgotten why she was there, and how to fly at all.

Panicking, Jaguar pressed her chest onto the broom, concentrating on moving her arms. The broom was headed nearly straight toward the ground, and Jaguar realized that she could no longer hold on.

With 50 feet left, the broom slid away from her, leaving her freefalling with a sick feeling in her stomach. It continued to fall, while Jaguar's fall seemed slightly slower. She barely had time to scream before hitting the ground with a loud thud. The breath was knocked completely out of her body, and she stared at the sky far above. The Goddess had never seemed so close. She wondered if she was dying… Every colour seemed to be twice as bright as usual. Gasping for breath, the stars reeled around her head.

And then someone was there, saying her name. But it was as though the voice came from far away. It was trembling, maybe even crying. But Jaguar was delirious, and couldn't understand much. Her body felt completely limp, her adrenaline rush gone. Peacefully, she allowed herself to float on the voice.

Then someone was shaking her gently, and a drop of wetness hit Jaguar's shoulder. She focused her vision on the person sitting next to her.

Sirius.

She had known it initially, she supposed.

Slowly, she lifted her head, coughing a bit. Maybe she had a concussion; her head was killing her.

"Siri…" she murmured. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you. Don't hate me."

He moved so that her head fell back down in his lap. "I don't hate you, Jaggie! I was just so sad."

She struggled to say something.

He looked down at her, his features etched with worry. "Do you know where Nivea is?"

She shook her head faintly.

Sirius seemed to be moving all over, even though she could feel his knees under her neck, and knew that he actually wasn't moving at all. His energy seemed to be exploding from him in odd bursts.

"Damn it!" he swore. "Are you okay? You don't look so good… I heard you screaming, and I ran out here… But what happened? You never fall! Jaggie… Jag! Wake up, Jaguar! I'm going to call your mother. Or—or my mother. Or anyone's! Shit… You don't look good at all…"

Jaguar felt her head hit the ground gently, and coughed again, choking on blood.

"Oh, damn!" Sirius exclaimed. He seemed torn between turning her over, or leaving her still. He made his decision and took off running, yelling back, "Don't die, Jaggie!"

"I'm okay…" she whispered slowly. And she was. She was in extreme pain, especially because of her head. None of her limbs were under her control at all. She couldn't make them move, or stop moving when they began twitching. That didn't matter, because she felt like the Goddess was inside of her body. And if that was true, then she was protected.

All of her memories seemed crystal clear, and she began to wonder if this night was really a dream. What could have prompted all of her memories to come back at once, so vividly, as though she had never forgotten them at all?

She wanted to talk to Nivea. But Nivea was gone… Nivea was always vanishing, and Jaguar ought to have been used to it, but she still felt slightly broken to realize that her aunt was gone, and she might be dying.

Yes, the Goddess was protecting her, but something was still wrong with her head. Her vision was all wrong, and her hearing was off, and her taste buds seemed to tingle, while her sense of smell was more vibrant than ever. She could feel every blade of grass against her skin. It was uncomfortable, while at the same time being a very familiar sensation she had simply never noticed before.

She sensed Sirius coming before she saw or heard him. She could feel a change in vibrations through the house. Someone was with him, but she was either fast asleep, or had passed out by the time the two people arrived at her side.