Title:Guilt
Author:SupernaturalandLostfan
Rating:PG13
Genre:Angst/Drama
Characters:Dean,Sam,Meg (a.k.a.evil bitch), OC's
Spoiler warning:"Scarecrow" I guess since we meet Meg for the first time in that episode.
Summary:A mistake is made. Can one of the brothers forgive the other? If so, can he forgive himself?
Disclaimer:I own nothing "Supernatural" related, yada, yada, etc.
Guilt
Ch.7
It was the night of the first formal dance he and Jess had attended as an official couple.
She was wearing the same black strapless dress she'd worn then. Looking at her,seeing how beautiful she was , his heart sped up just as it had before, and he wordlessly took her hand, leading her to the dance floor.
Were it not for the fact that they were the only couple on the floor, or more precisely the only people at all in the whole place, Sam might have been fooled into thinking it was that exact night again. Unfortunately, as sometimes happened to him, he knew that it wasn't real, and that he would eventually wake up to find himself thrust back into reality, a reality where she was still dead.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything Sam?"she asked with a smile.
"I really miss you Jess. More than you could ever imagine."he managed to say, hugging her closely to him.
"Oh, I think you're wrong about that. " she replied, resting her head momentarily on his shoulder as they danced.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me."
"Baby, you have to quit blaming yourself for what happened. It wasn't your fault."
"But it was, if you'd never dated me then,"he started to protest, but she put her finger to his lips and stopped him mid-sentence.
"Dating you was the best decision I ever made in my life Sam Winchester, and I don't ever want you to believe I regretted one moment of our time together. Ever."she said, then kissed him softly. After a minute she reluctantly pulled away with a sigh, and said"Look, I don't have much time Sam, but I need to talk to you about something. When you wake up you might not remember all that I say, but hopefully some of it will stay with you."
"What is it Jess?"he asked, wanting to say so many things to her that had been left unsaid. Somehow he knew now wasn't the time though, and that if he tried to press the matter, then he might not find out what she had to say or get to tell her his feelings.
"This woman you're with..."she started with a frown.
"What woman?"he asked in confusion, then smiled as he realized who she was talking about."Oh Meg. Look Jess it's not like that, we're just frien..."
"Sam."she interrupted a look of impatience on her face."I wasn't going to ask if you were dating her."
"Well, if you were going to, then I'd say you have nothing to worry about, and that you'd have no reason to be jealous. You're the only girl for me."
For some reason, him saying this seemed to sadden her, and she turned briefly away from him, as if to compose herself, then faced him again, continuing what she'd been saying,"She's not what you think she is Sam."
"What do you mean?"
"She's well...I can't really go into details, but just believe me when I say she's not a good person Sam. She's trying to drive a wedge between you and Dean, to turn you against one another."
"She hasn't done anything to turn us against one another Jess. If anyone's trying to hurt our relationship it's Dean. He almost got me killed today."
"Its not anything you can see that she's doing Sam."she said,then added emphatically,"Dean is your brother Sam. He would never do anything to hurt you or let anyone else if he could help it. He's a good man, and he loves you."
"Oh great. You met him one time and now you're a member of the "Dean Winchester fan club"."Sam said with an exasperated look."Wouldn't he get an even bigger head if he knew that even in the afterlife he's a chick magnet."
"Sam. You know which of the brothers will always hold my heart, in life and beyond."she said chidingly, but couldn't help adding,"He is a babe though."
"Wha..?"Sam started, a surprised look on his face.
"I'm just kidding Sam."she said with a laugh, then turned serious once again, saying,"You are all Dean has now Sam, and he thinks you don't believe in him."
"He killed a little girl Jess. It was an accident, but he still did it. I thought that we could work through it together, but he's just...I don't know...cracking up. He feels so guilty that he even thinks he's seeing her ghost I'm afraid if he keeps on this way some other innocent person might get hurt too."
"Listen to me Sam."she said, taking his face between her hands, and staring him in the eyes."That whole situation isn't what it seemed, and Dean is as much an innocent victim in it as anyone else is."
"What do you mean Jess?"he asked, and she started to speak again, but suddenly turned her head to the side, a distressed look appearing on her face."Jess? What's wrong?"
"I don't kn... Oh my god, you have to wake up right now Sam."she answered frantically.
"No, I don't want to. I haven't gotten to tell you all I need..."he argued, but she interrupted him again.
"Sam! You need to wake up now. Your brother needs you."
"He's fine Jess. You're the one I need to be with now."
"I love you Sam and I always will, but there's nothing you can do for me now, and if you don't wake up soon you'll regret it."she said, unshed tears pooling in her eyes, hating to have to part with him again, but knowing it was a necessity.
"I..."he wanted to stand there and argue with her, but there was an urgency to her words that told him he should do as she said. "Will you come back? Will I see you again?"he asked after a pause.
"I'm always with you Sam. No matter what."was her only reply as she lifted her face to kiss him one last time, then pulled away saying loudly,"Now wake up, hurry and go to your brother. And I want you to try and remember what I said about Meg"
Sam's head jerked up, and he wiped his still wet eyes. For a moment he was disoriented as to where he was and who he was with, but looking over to the drivers side of the car he was in, saw Meg sitting there and it all came back to him.
They'd went out to eat earlier, but upon arriving, Sam had discovered he really wasn't hungry. Not to mention the pain medicine he'd taken earlier had made him so drowsy he'd almost fallen asleep on their table in the restaurant during the 20 minute wait for the food.
Finally he'd told Meg that he shouldn't have came out with her, and though he was very sorry for ruining her meal, thought he needed to go back to the hotel and get some sleep.
A brief look of anger had crossed her face, but after looking at her watch, she had smiled at him, saying that it was fine. They could just get the food to go, and she could eat back in her room.
He'd smiled thankfully at her, and after they'd gotten some to-go boxes, they left the restaurant.
He had thought about ordering food to take to Dean, but decided to instead give him his since he now had no appetite whatsoever.
They gotten in the car and instead of talking she'd turned the radio on, and Sam was soon lulled into sleep by it.
Now he'd awoken, and looking at the clock on the cars console, saw he'd been asleep for over 40 minutes since they'd started back home.
"Where are we?"he asked with a yawn, waiting for the fog to clear from his mind.
"Just riding around. You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't have the heart to wake you up."she answered with a smile.
Sleeping, he thought with a frown, recalling that he'd been dreaming about Jess. It wasn't his usual dream of her death being replayed though. He couldn't remember exactly how, but it had been different this time. Looking at Meg again, he was almost positive it'd had something to do with her, but what?
"Why are you looking at? Don't you know it's rude to stare?"she asked kiddingly, feeling his gaze on her.
"Oh..sorry."he replied, looking quickly away."Take me back to the hotel Meg. Now."he ordered, a urgency suddenly coming over him.
"Aw, come on. The nights still young. What are you 80?"she asked, rolling her eyes.
"No, I'm just ...somethings wrong with my brother."he finally blurted out in explanation.
"Please Sam, I'll be so bored if I don't have anyone to talk to."she argued,pouting at him.
Just from her actions, Sam got the feeling that for some reason or another she didn't want him to go back yet.
"I'll have to take a rain check this time Meg. I need to go check on Dean. I think there's really something wrong.. He hasn't been himself lately and I shouldn't have left him there in the first place."Sam said worriedly raking his fingers through his hair.
"My god. What's it with you and your stupid brother anyway? Don't you want to have a life of your own without that nut case?"she snapped angrily.
"Shut up, and don't ever call him that again."Sam said angrily, wanting nothing more to get out of her presence after hearing her words."Now take me back to the hotel ."
"Fine."she said shortly, and doing a U-turn started back towards it."Just don't come crying to me anymore when he does something to you. Not that that'll be a problem after tonight."she mumbled under her breath, while grinning at Sam.
He was too lost in his thoughts tohear what she had to say. A feeling of urgency had taken possession of him, and the closer that they got to the hotel, the stronger it grew.
When they were maybe a mile away, fragments of he and Jess's dream encounter surfaced, and it seemed they were all too jumbled up to make sense of. Then the last part about Dean came clearly to him, her urgent insistence that he wake up and go to him and all. That was the only part he could remember clearly.
"Go faster."he ordered Meg, who ignored him, continuing at the same speed.
What seemed like an eternity later, they finally reached the hotel, and Sam jumped out before she could even park, running quickly up the stairs to he and Deans room.
Unlocking and flinging the door open he stepped inside the dark room, and quickly flipped on the light.
He let out a strangled gasp when he turned and saw Dean laying, fully dressed , across his bed, one arm and one leg hanging limply off the side. An empty bottle of vodka also laying on the bed.
"Dean!"he yelled, running over and pulling him up on the bed."Oh my god. W-what did you do?" he asked looking at his unusually pale , sweat covered face. Going by looks alone, he at first didn't think he was breathing. Hesitantly he reached out a shaking hand to check his pulse. He let out a sigh of relief when he found one, though it was slow, and slowing more by the beat.
What was wrong with him? This was not just from drinking too much. There had to be...
Then he saw it. A yellow prescription bottle laying on the floor near where Deans hand had been hanging off the side of the bed, hidden partly beneath it, where it must have rolled when he'd dropped it.
Sam picked it up, staring in disbelief and shock. The horror of what Dean had done hitting him like a ton of bricks.
"Why would you do this? Why?"he asked his limp brother.
"Sam, is everything alright?"Meg asked, having stepped into the room after finding the door open.
"No, it's not alright. Call an ambulance!"he yelled in reply, now sobbing.
"What happened?"
"I said call an ambulance!" he yelled again, turning his tear streaked face to glare angrily at her.
"Okay."she said and walked over, picking up the phone.
"Dean! Come on, wake up and look at me."Sam pleaded, smacking his brothers cheek lightly in an attempt to rouse him."Please, don't do this to me. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Please?"
He got no reply from him, but noticed his breathing was even more labored than earlier, his lips taking on a slight bluish tinge.
"Are they coming?"he asked Meg frantically.
"Yes Sam, so calm down. They'll be here in a moment."
"How can I calm down? This is all my fault."he sobbed, hugging his brother tight to him."I never should have went out with you tonight Meg. I'm sorry Dean. Please don't die."
They heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs, and after knocking once, the EMS team entered the room.
"We need you to move out of the way son."one of them said, and when Sam looked like he was going to argue, the man added,"We're going to do everything we can for him. I promise he'll be in good hands, so just move aside and let us work."
Sam squeezed Dean's hand tightly, then reluctantly moved to stand out of the way, staring numbly at the surreal scene before him.
"Sir,do you have any idea what he took?"a female voice asked from beside him.
"What?"he asked distractedly, eyes still trained on his brother.
"What type of medication did he overdose on? Can you tell me that?"
"Oh, um...yeah. It was Vicodin I think." he replied, then remembering he still held the bottle in his hand, handed it to her."I found it on the floor beside the bed. It was mine."he added, saying it reminded him more of the fact that he'd been responsible for this in so many ways.
"How many did he take sir? How many had you already taken from the bottle? "she asked.
"One. I took one."he replied quietly.
"Okay people, let's get him in the ambulance. "one of the men said to the other two in the room.
"Is he going to be alright?"Sam asked, watching them pick Dean up and put him on the gurney.
"We've got him stabilized for now, but with all he took, it's still too early to say one way or another."
"You riding with him?"one of the other men asked Sam after they'd put Dean in the ambulance, holding the door open for him.
"Yes!"Sam said loudly, and after hurriedly getting in the back, sat down on the side seat, holding Deans hand while they continued their efforts to keep him stabilized.
"I love you man. You have to be okay."he said quietly.
Then all hell broke loose as the heart monitor attached to his brother suddenly went crazy, its alarm going off as Deans heartbeat started racing.
"Move kid."the man in the rear of the ambulance with him ordered, pushing him aside as he started working on his brother.
A second later the man yelled up front to the other man,"What's our ETA?"
"We're here now."he replied as he backed up to the ER door.
They unloaded Dean, his monitor still beeping as his heart beat increased, then as quick as it had started beating rapidly, it slowed to almost nothing.
The doctor met them at the door.
"What do we have here boys?"
"Male, mid- twenties, OD'd on Vicadin. Took a whole bottle of them. We had him stabilized in the ambulance."
"What's his name?"the doctor asked, shining his light into Dean's eyes.
"Dean. It's Dean."Sam replied, and the doctor looked at him, noticing he was there for the first time.
"Thank you."he said with a smile, then turned back to Dean.
"Dean, my name is Dr. Landreth. You're in Medic Springs hospital. I need you to try and wake up for me."but Dean remained unresponsive.
"Let's take him back to the O.R. now fellas."he said finally.
"Is he going to be ok?"Sam asked, his fearful expression making him look years younger than he was.
"We're going to pump his stomach , and try to get the meds he took out of his system. Then we'll just have to see."Dr. Landreth replied, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'll come out and talk to you as soon as we finish ok? So just sit tight."
Sam went over to the waiting area, holding Deans coat, which he'd grabbed up on the way out of the hotel room for some reason, and sat down , staring dejectedly at the floor.
This was his fault. He'd treated Dean like shit the last few days, and with him already having so much stress on him over the accidental shooting it must have been too much for him to take. He must have felt so alone, Sam thought, remembering how he'd pretty much told Dean he was crazy, and when Dean had walked in while he'd been leaving their dad a message, the look of sadness and betrayal on his face had been heart wrenching,
"I'm sorry Dean. I should've believed you."he said aloud."I'm so sorry."
"Hows he doing Sam?"a female voice asked, and he looked up to see Meg standing in front of him.
"I...I don't know yet, the doctor said he'd come out and talk to me as soon as they finished working on him."he answered her, wondering why she was even there at all
"Look, I just want to apologize for what I said about him earlier, calling him a nut case and all. I don't know him or what he's obviously been going through to lead up to this, and it was unfair for me to pass judgement. I feel like this is my fault for insisting you go out with me in the first place. It's just unless you didn't notice I really don't have any friends except well...except you, and with all the traveling I've done lately it just gets old not having someone to talk to. I guess I was so anxious to sieze the opportunity of actually having someone for a while that it turned me into a total bitch in other areas."she finished, giving him a small smile.
"Its okay, I'm the one to blame if anybody, not you."Sam argued, picking Deans coat up and putting it in his lap so she could take the seat beside him."I just can't believe he would ever try and kill himself. He's always been so strong and tough, and to be honest I'm the whiney crybaby of the two of us by far. I just wish he would have talked to me about whats wrong before doing this."
He did try you asshole, he thought bitterly to himself, but all you did was think he's crazy and call daddy on him.
"Mr. Winchester."Dr Landreth said, walking towards where he sat.
"How is he? Will he be alright?"Sam asked, jumping up quickly to meet the man halfway.
"It was touch and go there for a while. The drugs caused him to go into cardiac arrest, resultig in a very mild heart attack, but we have him stabalized and are moving him to a room in the ICU so we can keep a close watch on him tonight, if everything goes well, we'll move him to a private room tommorrow."
"Wait a sec. Did you say he had a heart attack? Isn't he too young to have one of those?"Sam asked, his mouth hanging slightly open in shock.
"Given the right conditions a baby can have a heart attack Mr. Winchester. And giving he did take a whole bottle of Vicodin I'd say he is extremely lucky. Being young is a big advantage in his case. though, and I'm confident that he'll be able to make a full recovery."
"Oh, well ummm..thanks for everything Dr. Landreth."Sam said, reaching to shake the mans hand."Can I see him?"
"Tell you what when we have him settled in, I'll send a nurse to show you to his room, ok?"
"Yeah, that'd be great."Sam said with a thin smile.
After the doctor walked away, Sam went and sat back down silently beside Meg, staring at the floor beneath his feet.
"Well that was good news."Meg said cheerily, smiling at him.
Sam had no ideawhatthoughts were really running through her head as she smiled at him.
Dammitt! What am I gonna have to do to get rid of him? Kill him myself? she thought angrily.
She'd really thought that her plan would be successfull, but oh no, stupid Sam just had to wake up in time to dash to big brothers rescue.
She wasn't going to give up though, she'd never failed in accomplishing what she'd wanted, and would be damned if she'd start now. Plus her father would be very unhappy with her if she failed her mission, and having witnessed it once before, knew it was something she never wanted to see again.
She'd also grown a little attached to the younger Winchester, and knew as long as Dean was around it would be very hard, if not impossible, to sway him in the right direction.
"Mr Winchester?"a young blond nurse asked loudly, stepping into the waiting area, and looking around to try and spot the man the doctor had described.
"Right here."Sam replied, getting up and walking towards her, Meg following close behind.
"Come with me and I'll take you to your brothers room."she said with a smile.
"Okay."he said and he and Meg followed her closely.
Sam wondering nervously just what exactly he was going to say to Dean, and Meg already formulating the next plan to get rid of the pesty nuicance that they were on their way to see.
"Here you go, he's right in there."the nurse said, pointing at a closed door on the left, then continuing on down the hall.
Here goes nothing, Sam thought, and taking a deep breath, pushed the door open and walked in.
TBC
Hope this chappie was okay. The Jess part was probably a bit hokey, but I had to think of a way to get Sam back to his bro on time. Also I'm not that skilled on medical terminology, but hope what little I did use was passable.
Anyway, R&R and let me know what you think! I've got lots more in store for the brothers, so hope ya'll keep reading!