Hi everyone! Sorry for the long wait in updating, but after much writing and rewriting here, finally, is the next chapter. Might not be that great due to a minor bout of writers block though, but hopefully its readable:-) As always, R&R !

Title:Guilt

Author:SupernaturalandLostfan

Rating:PG13

Genre:Angst/Drama

Characters:Dean,Sam,Meg (a.k.a.evil bitch), OC's

Spoiler warning:"Scarecrow" I guess since we meet Meg for the first time in that episode.

Summary:A mistake is made. Can one of the brothers forgive the other? If so, can he forgive himself?

Disclaimer:I own nothing "Supernatural" related, yada, yada, etc.

Guilt

Ch.8

Opening the door, Sam sees his brother is awake in his bed, several iv's and monitors attached to his body, staring expressionless at the ceiling above him.

"Knock, knock."Sam says with forced cheer in his voice."Can I come in?"

Dean doesn't look at him, but seeing the slight shrug of his shoulders, Sam chooses to take the gesture of indifference as a yes, and enters the room, leaving Meg to wait in the hallway.

"Umm...so how you feeling man?"Sam asks hesitantly, not entirely sure of what to say to his brother.

"Fine."Dean answers in a clipped manner, still looking at the ceiling.

This is awkward, Sam thought staring at his brothers pale face.

"Dr. Landreth says that you're going to be fine."Sam said after taking a deep breath,"You can probably check out in a couple days even."

"Great."Dean muttered, his voice lacking any enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Look Dean, I know you're pissed at me, and have every right to feel that way. I've been an ass these last couple days, and am so sorry. I..."

"Save it Sam. I'm not pissed at you.."Dean cut him off.

"But.."

"I really hate hospital food It's so tasteless, like eating cardboard or something."Dean interrupts again.

"What?"Sam asks, tilting his head to the side in a gesture of confusion.

"And there's not even any good looking nurses here from what I've seen so far."he continued, seemingly oblivious to Sam's words."How can you have a hospital without hot nurses? That kinda thing makes a man think twice about coming to visit, you know."

After staring silently at his brother for a minute, Sam finally asks,"Why Dean? Tell me that at least. I think I deserve that much. Why in gods name would you try and kill yourself?"

"You know what? I think I'll take a snooze. I'm kinda tired, and one can never get enough beauty sleep. Now that I look, you should definitely think about doing so yourself."he continued, looking at Sam speculatively.

"Stop with the bullshit Dean! Tell me why you would let things come to this. Do you know what it was like for me to walk in that room and find you like that?"Sam said, in an angry, wavering voice.

"That's so typical. Everything is about Sam isn't it? The whole world revolves around you, right?"Dean asked quietly.

"What? How can you say that?"Sam asked in disbelief, tears welling in his eyes."You're the selfish one Dean, not me! Speaking of typical, you're just trying to turn things around to deflect the fault off yourself! Just like you always do."

"I can't do this now Sam. Just leave me alone. Please."Dean said.

"You tried to kill yourself Dean, and almost succeeded."Sam said accusingly."You had a freaking heart attack because of it for gods sake."

"You're right Sam. I did try to kill myself and nothing I can say to you right now will change that fact will it? So why bother to try and make up some bullshit story to try and say it was a big accident or something when it wasn't?"Dean replied with a bitter chuckle, adding."You know it's kinda funny if you think about it Sammy. Big bad Dean can off a little girl with no problem whatsoever, but can't manage to do something as simple as killing himself.. That's pretty pathetic isn't it? I guess the whole pill and vodka thing was the wrong route to take huh? A gun probably would have been much more effective don't you think?"

"Shut up! Just shut up with that shit right now Dean!"Sam yelled at him, not caring that he was probably attracting much unwanted attention by doing so. He did lower his voice slightly as he continued though."What the hell is wrong with you? So yeah, you did accidentally do something wrong, but the key word in that is accidentally. We've both been hurt many times, and so have lots of other innocent people who had nothing whatsoever to do with whatever case we were working on at the time. It happens Dean, and I know I'm one of the the last people that you'd expect to hear say it, but it comes with the territory. It's expected in our line of work."Sam said pacing angrily at the side of his brothers bed. "And you know who taught me that? You did, that's who!"he continued, now standing still and pointing a shaking finger at Dean to emphasize his words.

"You don't understand what it's like Sam."was Deans almost whispered reply."To have to live with the guilt of knowing that you killed a little girl. She'll never get to do things that she should've been able to while growing up, like going on dates , to the prom and even getting married and having kids of her own and its my fault. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't agree with your whole little "every innocent person who accidentally gets involved in our work is equal rant", cause that's bullshit and you know it, so get the fuck out of my face and leave me alone!"he practically yelled the last part,his voice having grown louder as he spoke.

"Okay, fine Dean. If that's what you want, but let me tell you this before I leave. I don't think...no wait, I know, you don't really want to die no matter what you say, and I'm not going to let you. You can lay here wallowing in self-pity all you want, but this isn't you man, and deep down you know that. I love you, you're my brother, and I know you love me too, and like it or not, we're gonna get through this together one way or another." He finished, glaring defiantly at his brother, and turned on his heel to exit saying,"I'm going, but I'm not leaving this hospital. Heck, I think I'll just pull me up a chair right outside your door here just in case you might need anything, but don't worry. I'll sit where you don't have to see me."

"I suppose you rang dad right up to tell him about this didn't you?"Dean asked, stopping Sam in his tracks.

"God, is that what this is really about Dean?"he asked, turning back around to face his brother again."Cause if it is I'm so sorry for calling and telling him anything in the first place. I would've never said a word to him if I knew it would lead to this. The only reason I did in the first place was because I was worried about you and didn't know what to do. I was afraid something bad would happen and in case you didn't know, you're the one who I always talk to about my problems, well most of them, and I couldn't exactly do that in this case could I? "

"So you call up the man you haven't had an actual conversation with in years and pour out your heart about me? That's something that you shouldn't ever have done Sam. That would be like me calling and telling him every time you have one of your little crying fits or something."

"Really Dean, I think this is a little bit different don't you?"Sam asked, pulling a chair up to his brothers bed once again, turning it around backwards, and sitting down, resting his crossed arms on it."You've practically quit eating, you go out drinking all the time, and you were even letting it effect you when we were on a hunt. To make things worse every time I try and talk to you about it its like I'm conversing with a brick wall. What did you expect me to do? Just sit back and watch you self-destruct? I see what good calling dad did though. He still hasn't shown his face. All it did was cause you to almost die, and to answer your question from earlier, no, I didn't run and call him when this happened. I was too worried about you to even think about it to be honest, and I'm sorry if I did something wrong by calling him before Dean. I won't do it again. I won't ever speak to him again if that's what you want. He's my dad and I love him, but you're much more important to me."

"You know I would never ask you to do something like that Sam. After all, finding dad is kinda what this whole hunting thing stemmed from you know. And yes, you did try and talk to me about what happened, and I really thought that I was starting to kinda accept that it was just a freak accident. I mean, I realize I can never take it back or change the outcome. I couldv'e turned myself over to the cops, and I still could, but what would that have helped? Then I would just be rotting in prison while you were out getting yourself killed trying to take on all this dad shit alone. At least I could still be doing something good by killing as many of these supernatural bastards as possible to help prevent anybody else from getting hurt. That line of thought and rationalization was going well for a while. Hell, I almost even had myself believing it."he said with a sigh, rubbing his still sore chest as he spoke.

"Until?"Sam pressed, sensing that though it was obviously difficult for him to talk about it, this was something his brother really needed to get off his chest, and the very least he could do after being such a total ass the past few weeks was listen.

"Until I saw her in that alley, still wanting to give me back my sunglasses that I left on the table that day. If I just hadn't left those fucking glasses there she wouldn't be dead Sammy."Dean answered, his voice breaking at the last part as he turned his face away so Sam couldn't see the tears welling in his eyes.

"Dean, I'm sorry I didn't believe you before when you told me that you saw her. If you say you did then you did. That being said though, I have to add that I really don't see how she would hold you responsible for what happened. She was a child, and it's a child's nature to forgive. Sure we've encountered more than our share of the "not so forgiving" sort in the past few months, but I consider myself a pretty good judge of character, and she didn't strike me as being one of those kind."

"Well that doesn't change the fact that I have seen her Sam, and not just once either. She was there at the college too, and she must want something or she wouldn't keep popping up would she?"

"Ahhhh...so you just assumed that she wanted you dead too? That that's what she wanted? For you to come and keep her company?"Sam asked incredulously.

"Well, why else would she keep showing up Sam? You said yourself that she couldn't possibly be just wanting to return the sunglasses didn't you?" Dean asked with a sniff, turning his head back to look at his brother with red, watery eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose I did say that, but I don't think she wanted you to try and kill yourself either."Sam said with a frown, and suddenly stood up as he continued speaking,"Tell you what. She obviously wants to tell you something or another, so lets make it happen."

"Exactly how do you plan on doing that little brother? Last time I checked only a channeler could contact spirits when they wanted, not demon hunters. Not even demon hunters with "the shining".

"You're absolutely right Dean, but luckily for us lowly demon hunters, there's a very powerful channeler who I bet would be more than willing to come and lend us a hand in figuring this all out."Sam said excitedly.

"Who? We don't know any...Oh no, not her Sam."Dean said, shaking his head after realizing who his brother was speaking of.

"Why not? She's perfect. I'll just give her a call, tell her the situation, and ask her to come down in a couple days."

"Yeah, and she'll tell dad about this too."Dean said, raising his arm and waving it around, indicating the hospital room.

"I won't tell her everything Dean. We'll just make sure that she comes after you get discharged. The doctor said you could probably leave in a few days if you kept improving. Also, I'm willing to bet that the psyche ward people will be paying you a visit soon Dean, so you better be coming up with one heck of a lie as to how you ended up taking your Vicodin and Vodka cocktail if you don't want to be wearing one of those nice little straight jackets they have."

"Don't worry about that. I'm way ahead of you. I thought up a story about five seconds after I woke up in this room."

"Good. It's settled then. I'll give her a call and set it up. Now you look tired, so get some rest . "Sam ordered, grabbing his brothers hand and squeezing it tight, then leaning over to hug him awkwardly,before standing up."Please never do this again Dean. I love you and we can always work things out, no matter how bad they seem. We're family, and that's what family does."

"Oprah would pay big bucks for some shit like this. Could you imagine the ratings that the Winchester's would pull in for her. We'd be the best dysfunctional family of demon hunters that had ever been on her show."Dean said, doing just as Sam had expected by not wanting to take part in a chick flick moment, even under the circumstances. This time , his own tear filled eyes betrayed him though, and Sam could tell he was fighting hard to regain his macho facade once again..

"I want you to promise me Dean."Sam pressed despite his brothers attempts, giving his hand another squeeze.

"I promise you Sammy."he finally said, taking a quick swipe at his eyes before giving him a tired smile and adding with a chuckle,"Anyway, it would appear I'm not very skilled at the whole suicide thing. I should go on TV and do one of those public service announcements saying how if you plan on killing yourself, do something other than mixing Vodka and pain pills kiddies, all that will do is give you a heart attack."

"Dude, that's not funny."Sam said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Aw, come on Sam, if I can have a sense of humor about it, then so can you."Dean said with a shrug.

"Yeah, okay, whatever you say."Sam said with a roll of his eyes, patting his hand one last time before letting it go.

"Where you going? You're not leaving are you?"Dean asked quickly, embarrassed afterwards by how whiny his voice sounded even to his own ears.

"Nah, I told you I'm not going anywhere bro, I'm just going to step right into the hall here and tell Meg you're ok. And make that call, then I'll be right back."

"She's here?"Dean asked with a frown.

"Yeah, showed up a little bit after they took you to the O.R."

"Oh. Hey, have you seen anything else on the news about them finding Kelly's body?"Dean asked hesitantly, dreading to hear his brothers reply.

"No. I haven't seen anything at all about it, but you know that."Sam replied.

"You mean she didn't tell you about seeing it on the news?"

"Who didn't tell me what?"Sam asked, a confused look on his face.

"Meg. She told me last night that she saw on TV where the cops had found a young girls body in another town, and that they had a lead on a suspect in the murder."

"Huh. No, that's the first I've heard of it Dean."Sam replied. Why would she mention it to Dean and not him?

"Oh well. Guess I'll know they found out it's me when they come slap on the old cuffs then won't I?"

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it Dean. Now get some rest, you look like a drunk who's about to pass out."Sam said, noting his brothers drooping eyes.

"Alright."Dean said, his eyes already closing, but just as Sam reached the door he turned back around to silently stare at his brother, just to convince himself one last time that he was truly alright.

He prayed that his brother had been sincere in his promise to not try anything else.

"Sam. Quit it, you're freaking me out."Dean said, surprising his brother, who'd thought he was asleep, not even opening his eyes as he spoke.

Sam chuckled, and shaking his head, walked out of the room.

When he was gone, Dean opened his eyes, finally letting the tears he'd held in while his brother was there flow freely.

Though he hated the thought of facing the girls apparition again, he knew it was the only way to gain some closure and find out what she wanted from him. Hi sanity depended on it. He just prayed that it didn't somehow backfire on them.

TBC

Okay, no Meg this chapter, but there's plenty of her evil ass to come. I just thought Sam and Dean needed a chapter alone to themselves to discuss what had happened. I tried to keep them in character but I know there was a few un-Dean like cheesy moments, but hey...It's my story so If I want to take a few liberties every now and then I can, right:-) Seriously, I hope it was okay. R&R! I will update sooner next time. I promise.