Thirty-Six

Jacob had been laying on the foldout portion of his couch for hours, trying to calm down. Day had slithered into night and he had watched the sky change from grey to blue-black. Across the street, at the Evergreen Bar, the neon sign was on, shadowing his tiny apartment in an electric green afterglow. As he stared mindlessly up at the ceiling, he counted the headlights of the cars that drove passed, their headlights illuminating the dishevelment of the small space that he called home.

When he closed his eyes, all he could see was Renesmee's face. The way the sadness etched itself there like cracks in a porcelain doll. Up until that moment he had never seen her cry, not since she was a baby, at least. He figured, that up until today she had never had a need to cry. Opening his eyes was the same as closing them. He felt anew the shattering moment when Edward told him that they were leaving. Partially, Edward had confirmed because of Jacob.

Edward had said, "I can't have you around my daughter now." And he was right.

Jacob could still feel the string of his rage, the raw edge of his anger pulsing like a fresh wound. He hadn't felt right in hours.

Across the room, on the table top, he could hear his phone buzzing with missed calls and texts. He had stopped, frantically, checking for Ness, after the first few hours of silence. Jacob wasn't sure if Bella or Edward had taken her phone away, or if Renesmee was choosing not to communicate with him on her own. She had been so excited earlier. He could feel it in every word that she had typed to him, and then nothing. An infinite silence, sharp enough to deafen him.

The silence was more frightening than any action. His apprehension while driving the three miles to Charlie's house was interminable. Enough to shock his system into an adrenalin rush of fear and panic. Enough for him to feel the shift of his wolf form across most of his body.

The phone buzzed again, long and steady, a call, rather than a text. It was coming right on the heels of the last call, which made him spring up from the couch. His only hope was that it was Renesmee, trying to reach out. Who else would call him back-to-back like that?

Jacob stood and quickly crossed the room, grabbing his phone from atop the table, his fingers fumbling to unlock the screen. The caller ID read, Rebecca, his sister. The phone screen was also telling him that he had already missed two calls from her. He swiped his thumb up to answer. "Hey, Becks."

"Hey, yourself," her voice was calm, and sweet, like he always remembered from a childhood of misbehaving with Rebecca to sooth him. She didn't seem angry that he had missed her calls. "You're impossible to get a hold of, Loco."

He smiled, despite himself. She was the first one to teach him the limited Spanish that he knew. Loco was her favorite nickname for him. "I'm sorry. I know you called me yesterday. I was going to call you back, I just…"

"Got busy. Work, work, work. All work and no play, makes Jake a dull boy. And no time for your favorite sister."

He wandered back to the foldout bed and sat back down. "Well, you are my favorite sister, that's true." His conversation with Rachel a few days ago was still in the back of his mind. "So, how are things going in Hawaii? How's Solomon?"

Rebecca laughed. Jacob was struck by the musicality of it. He had memories of his biological mother, but when he thought of the word, it was Rebecca's face that came up. "He's good. Still surfing. We're trying to work on the house a little bit—and by work on the house, I mean go to Lowes, buy all the supplies and then procrastinate, mercilessly."

"Say the word, Becks, and I'll be on the first plane over to help."

Her voice softened, "I know, baby bro. I want you to come visit, so badly."

"Well, I've never seen your surf shack. Can't wait to, honestly." It was true. Rebecca and her husband Solomon always came back to Washington, no one from the Black family had ever flown to Hawaii to be with them. It had been a trip that she and Jacob had spoken of often, over the years, but it hadn't yet come to fruition.

"My door is always open," she told him. "Have you heard from Rachel?"

Jacob inhaled. "So that's why your calling?"

Rebecca hummed, appreciating how he was picking up the undertone of her question.

"Yeah," he said simply. "She brought me coffee the other day. We talked."

"She's worried about you. She said you're refusing to talk to dad."

Sighing, he explained, "It's not that we're not talking. It's that he's completely unreasonable. He wants me to be someone I'm not."

She hedged, "By wanting you to be someone else, does that mean he wants you to be in love with someone other than Renesmee?"

Jacob let his head fall back, letting his eyes scan the ceiling again, still greenish from the bar's neon lights. Hearing her name was luxurious, even if Rebecca didn't understand the full context. "It's not just that."

"But you do love her, don't you?"

"She's younger than me." Jacob waited for her to interject, but she remained silent, letting him feel out his thoughts. "It wouldn't be right, us being together now."

Rebecca tsked her tongue in sympathy. "Does she feel the same way about you, though?"

Shaking his head, wondering, he said, "I don't know. I think so. I hope so… But I honestly don't know."

"First of all, baby bro," she began, her voice chiding, but there was very little edge to it. "I asked to be introduced to her last summer when Sol and I were there, but you thwarted my plans."

"Baby bro prerogative, sis," he argued.

Rebecca giggled, "I know. Always! But, seriously. I did really want to meet her. I still want to meet her. You talk about her so much, and so vividly, I feel like I know her already. She seems so sweet. I can tell that you cherish her."

Cherish, Jacob thought, was a good word for it. Renesmee was precious to him, still so child-like, but recently, so much now, she was on the cusp of an electrifying womanhood.

"Are you still making that bracelet for her?"

"Yes." Offhandedly, his eyes wandered to the kitchen drawer where he kept the bracelet that he had been trying to make for Ness for weeks. It was a traditional jeweled Quileute bracelet. Different than the one he made for Bella all those years ago, with the carved wolf. Rebecca had been helping him with the beadwork. Jacob had to admit that he had often times skipped the beadwork class in the reservation school, arts and crafts having never been his thing. With Ness, though, he found himself wanting to create it. He had chosen blue beads, like the ocean, and the sky, symbolizing that his devotion for her was similar to both. "Still working on it."

"You'll finish it," she reassured him. "I know you will. And I know she'll love it when you work up the nerve to give it to her."

"Yeah, maybe someday."

Rebecca had asked him once, how old Renesmee was, and he had lied, only once, telling her that she was still in high school. He had been nineteen at the time, and the lie had held for nearly two years. She hadn't asked since then, but he knew she must be wondering.

"So, like I said, I talked with Rachel…"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Next time she knocks on my door I'm going to pretend I'm not home."

"Don't say that," she insisted. "She loves you, in her own way."

"She's so harsh. So, mean. So much like—"

"—Dad, I know."

He huffed. "What else did she tell you?"

Rebecca paused, placing her words together carefully. "First off, she told me that Emily is about ready to give birth."

"Yeah, I heard that. Haven't seen her in a long time, honestly."

"Rach mentioned that you mostly stayed in town these days."

"Not a lie," he confirmed.

"Jake," she said cautiously. "I'm worried about Rachel. She said… Well, she kind of mentioned things were getting intense with Paul."

Jake felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. "What did she say?"

"Calm down," she warned. "And, it's not so much what she said and what she didn't say. It just seemed like things were off between them."

"Rach is a killer, Becks. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that she kicks Paul's ass into the middle of next week."

Rebecca laughed. "I know, she's the momma bear amongst us. Momma bear with strangely low maternal skills."

Chuckling, he asked, "Wait, you're not saying she's pregnant, are you?"

"God, no," Rebecca confirmed. "Rachel doesn't want kids."

"What about you, Becks, are you going to make me an uncle here soon?"

She was silent.

"Wait, seriously?"

Laughter bubbled from her lips. "No, baby bro. I'm not even thirty. No babies yet."

Jacob made a relieved sound. "Phew. That's a relief."

They lingered in silence for a moment. Talking to Rebecca always made Jacob feel lighter and more alive. He didn't want the conversation to end.

"Hey?" She added.

"Hey?" He echoed.

"I miss this."

He smirked. "What do you miss? My baby bro charm?"

"Yes," she teased. "I miss everything about you."

"All you have to do is come home, sis. You could have baby bro time, one-hundred percent of the time."

"Or you could come visit big sis, bro. I'm just a plane ride away."

Distance, Jake realized, could become like a scar. He felt the first slash when Rebecca went away, but to leave Renesmee would cause a chasm so deep he may not recover. Then he thought it again, Renesmee in Canada, lost to him. The miles that separated them opened like a cavernous mouth.

"Did I lose you?" She asked, questing his silence.

"Still here," he reassured her.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Always."

Rebecca took a breath. "Will you go check in on Rach? Make sure things with Paul are, okay?"

It took him a moment to answer, weighing the trip back to the reservation, potentially seeing Sam and the other pack members again. Potentially seeing his father again. "Yeah," he obliged. "I'll check in."

"You don't have to deal with dad if you don't want to. I understand that things are tense between you two."

"Yeah," he agreed. "What should I do if I find out that Paul is being a jerk to Rach?" He could see it, all too easily. He knew better than anyone how intense the imprint bond could be. If Rachel got home late from work without texting him it could have set him off.

"I give you full authority to dole out some bodily harm, with the understanding that Rach gets the first punch, and I get the last one."

"All the way from Hawaii?"

"My reach is long, baby bro. I shouldn't need to explain that to you."

He laughed. "So true."

"Promise me you'll finish that bracelet and give it to that girl?"

"Becks…" he started. "It's not that simple."

"It never is," she reassured him.

"I think her family is moving out of state." Out of the country, really. Jacob had told so many lies to Rebecca, what was one more?

She exhaled, slowly. "Distance shouldn't matter that much to you. If your feelings for her are real, and before you start to argue with me, I know they are. Anyway, if your feelings are real, then time and distance won't matter. If she loves you like you clearly love her then everything will work out. Everything else is just your mind playing tricks on you."

Love, he thought, the word simmered in his blood. He could almost taste the declaration: "Renesmee, I love—"

"Thanks, sis," he told her.

"Anytime. Will you call me tomorrow and not just text?"

Jacob spluttered a bit. If he had his druthers he would talk to Rebecca every day, but he was always making promises to her that he could rarely ever fulfil. "I will call you as soon as I can. I love you."

Sighing, she echoed his sentiment, and slowly hung up the phone, leaving Jacob back in his earlier silence.

He did feel calmer now, steadier. More able to tackle the racing of his thoughts and the apprehension of his dread of the future. He walked to the tiny kitchenette, plucking the half-done bracelet from the drawer. Fingering the beads gently, he felt all of the promise that he was weaving into the jewelry, longing to one day slip it over the soft crescent of Ness' wrist. Touch his hand to her skin, trace the silken thread of freckles and moles. Inhale the honey-scent of her neck.

He slammed the bracelet back into the drawer. Who was he kidding? Edward would never let him get near his daughter again, and Jacob couldn't blame him. Before he had imprinted, Jacob had never known any two people as in love as Sam and Emily, and just looking at the scars on Emily's face reminded them all about how fragile the tether between human and animal truly was.

And now all of this with Paul and Rachel.

The blood in his veins felt like it was boiling again. He started to pace the small length of the apartment, front to back. The sky outside was a deep black with the fragile pinprick of stars overhead. Jacob could hear the pounding of rain against the windowpane and against the gravel down below. He thought briefly of taking a cold shower, but just as quickly he figured he could get the same affect by riding his motorcycle out in the rain. He wanted to check on Rachel. Rebecca was clearly afraid for her, and Becks wasn't one to mention that, if she wasn't really concerned.

Still in a huff, he pulled his leather jacket from the back of the kitchen chair and flipped his helmet up, catching the keys as they fell from the skull. He locked the door and took the outside stairs down to the parking lot three at a time. His heartbeat was skipping: Renesmee, Renesmee, Renesmee, but he ignored it. It was late enough now that the odds of running into his father would be slight, and his intention was making a quick trip to Rachel's and then leave.

Making quick work of the ride out of Forks he wove his way through the backroads, passed La Push Beach, just a dark shilluette, until he crossed the treaty line into the reservation. He passed the elementary school first, a rickety building where Leah worked. Purposely avoiding his childhood home, he went the long way, passing along the outskirts, near the museum and high school, finally taking the turn that led to the tiny rambler where Paul and Rachel lived.

The porch light was on, and one light farther in the back, but other than that, the house was dark. Jacob parked the bike out front and pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He probably should have texted his sister before driving all the way out here. Just his luck that he was back on the reservation for the first time in months, and for whatever reason, Rachel was off of it.

He pulled up Rachel's contact information. God, it had been over a month since he had texted her.

Yo, I'm outside your house.

Jacob stayed on the bike, waiting for her response. He had to wait several minutes before she responded.

What? Why are you outside my house? What's wrong?

He replied:

Nothing is wrong. Just wanted to talk to you. Are you here? Can you let me in?

More then a minute went by before Rachel responded:

I'm not there, but Paul is. He can let you in if you want to talk to him.

Rachel's diversion annoyed him. He typed:

Where are you? I didn't come all this way to talk to Paul. I wanted to talk to you.

Another minute went by without a response, but finally:

Well, I'm busy. Next time, call first, I guess.

Jacob scowled. Rachel had dropped by a few days ago without saying anything first, but he needed to reach out to her before he surprised her with an unannounced visit. He revved the engine on his bike, preparing to drive away, but the front door opening startled him.

"Hey?" He heard Paul yell. Paul stepped out onto the porch, shirtless and barefoot.

Jacob lifted the visor on his helmet, exposing his face.

"Jake, is that you?"

"Yeah, how are you, Paul?"

The distance between the porch of the house and the curb was only a few feet, and Jacob watched Paul step into the road, moving carefully against the wet gravel. "I'm good, man. Real good. I haven't seen you in a long time."

Paul seemed drunk to Jacob, but he didn't comment on it. "Yeah, not since the fourth of July, I think."

"Yeah. Yeah, that's right." Paul crossed his arms over his chest, appearing to shiver. Paul, like Jake, had the wolf gene. Jacob knew better than most how hot they all ran; he would have no need to shiver from the cold.

"Are you okay, Paul?"

"Are you here to see, Rachel?"

Jacob shrugged, trying to remain ambiguous. "I wanted to see her, but it looks like she's not here."

Paul shivered again. Raindrops slid down his skin. "Did you talk to her?"

Looking him over slowly, Jacob said, "Yeah. I just texted her."

"Did she...?" Paul stepped back, apparently aware of how he must look to Jacob. "…Did she say when she'd be home."

Jacob was blunt. "No. She didn't say. Is everything okay between you too?"

Taking another step away from Jacob, Paul said, "Yeah. Everything is good. I think she's just working late."

Shrugging, Jacob reasoned, "Which she's allowed to do, right?"

"Sure," Paul obliged. Jacob noticed that his fingers were scratching deep lines into his forearm.

"You're not doing anything to make her want to stay away. Are you, Paul?"

He took another step away. Jacob noticed that he was almost back on the porch again. "No. Are you crazy. She means everything to me."

Addiction or love, Jacob couldn't make up his mind.

"I'm going to go, Paul."

"You don't have to, Jake. Why don't you come in and stay for a bit? Rach will be home soon. Sooner than you think."

"That's okay," Jacob told him. "I have somewhere else to be." And suddenly he did. He could recognize Paul's desperation as his own, and Jacob didn't want to wait around anymore. He needed to see Renesmee, now.

Paul frowned, tightening his arms around his body. "You sound so much like your dad when you say things like that."

Jacob knew it was meant to be an insult, but he refused to be baited. "I'll see you later, Paul. Tell Rachel I said 'hi.'" He reaved the engine, kicking the plate up from the ground.

Paul must have said something. Jacob could see his lips mumbling a strained response, but Jacob couldn't hear him over the noise of the bike. Jacob didn't know what would make the sinking feeling in his body feel worse: if Paul were cursing him or begging him to stay.

He burned to see Renesmee; ached for her, like a festering wound. Consciously he pushed his hands against the clutch of the bike, weaving through the traffic that he hit as soon as he left the reservation, heading straight for the Cullen compound. Each moment away from Renesmee was agony, seeing her again was the only cure. If Edward and Bella were resolved to take her away to Canada, then so be it, but they couldn't stop him from seeing her now and they wouldn't stop him from going up there every chance he got. In his wolf form he could get to the Canada border and into B.C. in a matter of hours.

As he drove up the gravel driveway to the Cullen's main house, he was unsurprised to see Alec and Jasper waiting in the front yard. Behind them, he could see Emmett and Alice on the porch. Scanning the rest of the yard he looked cautiously for Carlisle and Esme, but he couldn't see either of them. It was always preferable to find Esme nearby, he noticed, without fail, that the other Cullen's were much calmer when she was around.

Jacob let the bike come to a stop, and turned off the growling engine. He knew his bike could be heard from the cottage in the woods. He hoped that Renesmee knew he was close by.

Jasper greeted him, "Jacob, I'm surprised to see you here."

Edward must have told them all.

Shrugging, Jacob said, "You shouldn't be. Esme gave me a stranding invitation."

"That was with the unspoken rule that no harm would come to us," Alice argued. Her tiny pixie voice was sharp from the porch. Beside her, Emmett smirked.

Jacob held up both palms, placating. "No harm, Shortie. I come in peace." He had hoped that his old nickname for Alice would soften her, but he could tell from the stern look on her face that it did not.

Jasper stepped forward, closing the distance quickly as only a vampire could. Before Jacob could take a breath, Jasper was right in front of him. "I don't think Bella and Edward want you here right now."

"So, they told you what happened, yeah?"

From the porch, Alice sighed, "We know exactly what happened."

On second thought, maybe Edward hadn't said anything, but rather, Alice had seen it all with her trippy physic powers and she had told. The thought of her somehow watching him without him knowing it creeped him out. It always had.

"Okay," Jacob argued turning to face Alice, "You weren't there."

Jasper snapped his fingers, bringing Jacob's attention back to him. "No need to talk to her. Talk to me."

Rankled, Jacob spat, "I'll talk to whoever I want to."

Alec, Emmett, and Alice all shifted forward, suddenly predatory to Jacob's eyes. Alec stood close to Jasper's back, while Emmett went from the porch to the yard in the blink of an eye. Alice, for her part stood off to the side, ready to attack in a triangle formation if she was needed.

Jacob could feel his body instinctively tightening into his wolf form. The heels of his feet twisted into the gravel, and he could feel the adrenaline of his change tense the set of his jaw. Still spitting with contempt, he said, "I'm not afraid of any of you."

Alec ventured, "I could take away that bond you have, again. Make you forget. Don't threaten my family."

My family. Jacob hadn't missed that. Not the Cullen's, or this family, but my family.

Alec took a step forward, hand extended, a pose similar to when he used his powers on Jacob days ago. The growl that emanated from Jacob's mouth was primal, lethal, lupine. A war cry.

Movement of feet crunching across the gravel startled them all. Jacob heard two sets of feet. From the smell it was Rosalie and…

"What's going on here?" Rosalie insisted. Jacob didn't need to turn to see the scowl forming on her face, painting her words a thousand shades darker than they usually were

Renesmee, behind Rosalie spoke, in a shaky voice, "Jake?"

Jacob burned to look at her, but he could feel himself on the edge of transformation. His blood still boiled. "Stay back, Ness." He extended his arm, warning her off.

Nonchalantly, Rosalie left Renesmee's side and wondered closer to Jacob, oblivious, or so it seemed, to the danger. "You need to leave, right now. You are no longer welcome here, mutt."

Jacob breathed through his teeth, trying to control his anger and the shift from taking over his body.

"You heard her," Alec taunted. "You need to leave now."

"Stay out of this," Jacob growled.

Renesmee said, "Jake, please, stop."

He heard her take another step forward, and he shuttered with the power of his need to shift. Another thunderous howl erupted from his throat.

Alice yelped, "Rose, wait!"

Rosalie, jaw set, and hand raised, charged him, sensing in her own way that Jacob was on the edge of transformation. She jumped, hoping to meet him, arms extending to drag him down to the ground, but the change had already taken hold. With one paw of his own extended he swatted her away. Behind his muscles and bones Jacob felt the steal of Rosalie's frame go from dense to ragdoll as she fell away from his touch, twirling through the air until she smashed into the side of a tree several feet down the hill. There was liquid on his paw, not blood, exactly, but some viscous matter that emanated from the wound he had inflicted on Rosalie's chest.

Jacob was immediately remorseful, and he shed his wolf skin in a strangled growl of pain. Crouching to the ground to cover his exposed nudity. He could hear Renesmee screaming, running to Rosalie's side, while Jasper and Alec both bared down on Jacob, grabbing his shoulders and pinning him down to the ground. Jacob let them hold him down, he didn't struggle. "Is she okay?" he heard himself say, but his voice was muffled, spoken into the gravel and mud on the driveway.

Emmett and Alice must have gone to Rosalie's side. Jacob could hear Alice trying to sooth Renesmee.

Jacob began to call out Renesmee's name but Alec shoved him harder into the ground, barking for him to be quiet.

Eventually he heard Rosalie's voice, shaky but insistent, telling Emmett that she was alright and beckoning Renesmee to come over. "This isn't a game," he heard Rosalie say, followed by, "He's dangerous."

"Ness?" Emmett asked.

Jacob couldn't see her, but he could hear her replay, thick as it was with anguish. "I don't want him here."