AN: Hmm... I wonder if anyone is reading this story any more. Pity, cause it's starting to get to the good bit now.
Cloister Ten
The monkeys were given a proper burial, as Isaaru had promised. Two small stones marked the place where they rested beneath the bare ground at the back of the Palace.
Isaaru knew he should have been at least a little bit sad, if only for the human Beclem's sake, but his mind was much too busy to be worried about things like pity at that moment.
Isaaru's new rooms were right across the hall from Beclem's, and eventually Beclem sought him out there, looking for the simplest form of comfort available; simple companionship.
They didn't say a word to one another, merely nodding to acknowledge one another's presence, and that was all either of them needed. Beclem had never been in Isaaru's old or new rooms before for more than a few seconds, and he wandered around until he came to a photograph of Isaaru and his two younger brothers, looking a few years younger than they were now.
They were all smiling, although Beclem could tell Isaaru's expression was forced, and were standing on a peaceful looking dock somewhere.
"That was back when I had just started my journey as a Summoner," Isaaru told Beclem. "I grew up in Kilika, and that is where I also received my first aeon."
"Your hair was longer then," Beclem noticed. "Why did you cut it?"
"Have you ever tried growing long hair?" Isaaru asked him. "It gets annoying sometimes as it is; always tangling itself up and being difficult."
There was something in Beclem's expression then that made Isaaru consider growing his hair longer again. That reaction in itself was enough to frustrate the ex-Summoner.
He shouldn't have cared what Beclem thought of his hair. He shouldn't have cared whether Beclem wanted to dance or not last night.
Unless of course he was attracted to or in love with Beclem, and then it was completely understandable. He just wished that he knew for sure whether this was attraction, love, or just a ridiculously strong bond of friendship.
He had already thought of one way he could easily find out, but that could…
His thoughts were interrupted as Baralai appeared at his door.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you," Baralai said, glancing between Isaaru and Beclem.
"Not at all," Beclem answered for the both of them.
"We called a meeting to discuss the finer details of what's been happening while I've been gone," Baralai explained. "You should be there."
"All right," Isaaru answered. "I'll be there in a second."
Isaaru waited until Baralai was gone, before making a spur of the moment decision. He walked over to Beclem, who was still staring at the old photograph, and whispered in his ear.
"Meet me in Cloister Zero at noon," he told Beclem, before walking out of the room.
Beclem froze for a couple of moments as a shiver ran down his entire body from the warmth of Isaaru's body and breath being so close to his own.
When that warmth had completely disappeared though, he began to wonder what could prompt Isaaru to ask him for such a meeting. Was the ex-Summoner regretting letting Beclem get close to him? Had the dance last night just been Isaaru's way of saying sorry and goodbye? The only reason Beclem could think of for a meeting such as this was his arrest or execution.
He would go to his death bravely though, he decided. He glanced at the clock to find he still had a couple of hours before it was noon. There was only thing he needed to do before then.
"Hello Beclem," Lucil greeted him. "Just the person I wanted to talk to."
"Hello Lucil," Beclem said, trying to smile as he did. "Elma," he nodded at the darker woman in greeting.
"I still can't get over the fact that you're not wearing Chappu's helmet anymore!" Elma said excitedly.
"It feels so strange actually getting to see your facial expressions."
"Hmm…" Beclem growled, crossing his arms in impatience.
"Have you made any progress in Via Infinito lately?" Lucil asked him. For a moment Beclem considered telling the two women about the incident with the monkeys, but decided against it.
He hadn't even been able to summon the courage to tell them about the encounter with Chappu. All he had told them was that he had broken his helmet in a fight against a strong fiend. Besides that, Isaaru had been right; it might have been a fiend, but that didn't mean it had been Chappu that had killed the monkeys.
"No," Beclem answered after a moment's thought. "We haven't."
"How was the ball last night?" Elma asked.
"Fine," Beclem told her.
"So that means that Lord Baralai is once more in charge of Bevelle, correct?" Lucil checked.
"Correct."
"Good then," Lucil said, smiling warmly at Beclem. "How would you like to come back to headquarters then?"
"What?" Beclem exclaimed.
"Well; Isaaru isn't Praetor any more," Lucil explained. "So Maroda can go back to being our contact in Bevelle again.."
"The only reason we sent you," Elma added, "was because Maroda was too close to Isaaru to be able to give a proper report. With Baralai back in power, Maroda should be fine. That means that you can come back to Headquarters now!"
"Is that an order?" Beclem asked; his response shocking both women. They looked at one another for guidance, before staring at Beclem; surprise and confusion written plainly on their faces.
"You want to stay?" Lucil asked, double-checking to make sure she had heard Beclem correctly.
"If I could."
"We'll look into it," Lucil assured him, confusion still written plainly on her face. "Stay in contact until then."
"Will do," Beclem said, and switched the Commsphere off before the two women could ask him why he was so eager to stay.
Beclem hesitated at the entrance to Via Infinito, wondering if this would indeed be his last few minutes as a free man. He glanced at his watch; it was already ten minutes past noon. He had been debating with himself about whether this was such a good idea for over half an hour.
He took a deep breath, calmed himself down, and promised to himself that he would go and face his death, if that's what this was, with his head held high. He stepped onto the transportation glyph, and then put one foot back, the sign for going to Cloister Zero.
Isaaru was already there waiting for him, and had begun pacing across the chamber in impatience. He stopped when Beclem entered, and smiled at him.
There was something strange about the expression on Isaaru's face. It was almost like the ex-Summoner was nervous about something. There were no guards around, so Beclem forced himself to relax. If he wasn't being arrested, then he didn't know why he was in Via Infinito, but undoubtedly Isaaru would soon tell him.
Isaaru approached Beclem, and stood before him for a couple of seconds, fidgeting with his hands in a way that made Beclem sure that the other man was nervous.
"I need your help with something," Isaaru told him.
Isaaru's hands reached out and grabbed Beclem's, and the next thing he knew, Beclem felt Isaaru's lips thrust onto his own. At first Beclem was too shocked to even close his eyes. Soon his eyelids slid shut however, and he let himself give in to the pleasure of this; his first ever kiss.
He moved his lips against Isaaru's, rejoicing in every small sensation. His arms had soon wrapped around Isaaru's neck and shoulders, instinctively pulling Isaaru closer to him. It didn't register that Isaaru was supposed to be normal. All that mattered at that moment was this intense feeling between them.
Isaaru's hands wrapped around Beclem, pulling him right against the ex-Summoner.
Beclem moaned into Isaaru's mouth as he felt their bodies press against one another, making Isaaru start and pull back from the kiss.
Isaaru looked down at Beclem with what appeared to be confusion, before pulling away from the embrace all together.
"I'm sorry," Isaaru said. "I didn't mean for that to happen. I just… sorry."
With that he ran out of Via Infinito, leaving a rather shocked Beclem wondering what exactly had just happened between them.
This was bad, Isaaru though. That was not how it was supposed to happen.
"Lord Isaaru," Baralai greeted him when he reached the meeting room once more.
"I'm sorry my break ran longer than it was supposed to," Isaaru said, bowing deeply. "I had to take care of something, and it took a little while longer than anticipated."
"That's all right," Baralai said. "Some of the other officials aren't even back here yet."
Isaaru took a seat at the table and just thought seriously about what had happened.
It had been a simple enough experiment in theory. He would kiss Beclem, find out that he didn't enjoy it whatsoever, and then he would never have to worry about his sexuality again.
He wasn't supposed to enjoy it.
He had though. He had found it to be the most wonderful, exhilarating experience he had ever been lucky enough to be a part of. Now though, there was the question of what he was going to do next. He wondered what a relationship with Beclem would be like, and whether he was brave enough to take that next step. It wouldn't be worth it if this was only attraction, but he wasn't sure how to make sure it was love.
He tried to imagine what life would be like without Beclem, and realised that he could no longer picture spending even so much as one day without the ex-Crusader's company. The lead-up to the Ball had been bad enough. If Beclem was to suddenly return to Youth League headquarters, then Isaaru knew he would have to eventually give in and follow the other man all the way back to Mushroom Rock Road.
He would die for Beclem, even though he knew a pledge like that didn't seem so impressive when it came from him. He would kill for him, which was probably saying more than the other pledge could in his case. He would be willing to break every taboo and law that Beclem wanted him to. What's more, if Beclem wanted him to live, then he would do that too, no matter how much it hurt. If that wasn't love, then what was?
Maybe a relationship was possible, even though it was technically breaking the law. Technically, using machina or questioning the laws or leaders of Yevon were still crimes, but no-one paid any attention to those laws anymore. Maybe homosexuality was the same.
"Lord Isaaru; are you all right?" someone asked him. Apparently the meeting had started and someone had noticed the vacant expression on his face.
"Sorry," Isaaru apologised. "I am fine. I just have a lot to think about at the moment."
The meeting continued, and Isaaru drifted off once more. A thought gripped him as he realised he hadn't taken into account one of the most crucial factors for a relationship with Beclem.
What if Beclem didn't want a relationship with Isaaru? He couldn't just assume that he would want to be with Isaaru simply because Isaaru was the first man that had ever fallen in love with Beclem. Maybe Isaaru wasn't Beclem's type.
A painful knot formed in Isaaru's stomach, confirming without a doubt that he was in love; otherwise he wouldn't be so afraid of having his heart broken.
"Perhaps you should invite Beclem to the next meeting," someone said, immediately drawing Isaaru's attention back to the conversation. Isaaru realised that the speaker was addressing him.
"It would certainly show how much our bond with the Youth League has grown," Isaaru said, hoping that this would be an appropriate response.
"I thought you would agree with me," Dorian said, much to Isaaru's relief. "Then he can report straight back to the Youth League headquarters instead of having to confer with you, Lord Isaaru."
Isaaru froze. Had he unintentionally destroyed one of his few legitimate reasons to be spending time with Beclem?
"I would still like to work through Via Infinito with him," Isaaru said.
"Yes," Dorian laughed. "We have all noticed that the two of you seem to be growing quite close."
Only one face at the table didn't smile at this comment. Maroda, Captain of the Bevelle guard, and the elder of Isaaru's two younger brothers, frowned.
Maroda cornered his older brother after the meeting. Isaaru was disappointed to see that there was a frown on the dark male's face..
"What's wrong with you?" Maroda demanded.
"I'm fine," Isaaru answered.
"Then why were you acting so strange in that meeting?" Maroda shouted. "These past few days I've barely been able to recognise you!"
It was then that Maroda reached for Isaaru's arm, pushing the fabric up and uncovering the skin on the ex-Summoner's wrist.
"Some of these are new," Maroda cried, as he stared at the pale scars on Isaaru's wrist. "You've been… been trying to…"
"Don't worry," Isaaru said, placing a hand on Maroda's shoulder in comfort and squeezing gently. "I haven't even picked up a knife in two weeks."
"What about before that?" Maroda hissed.
"Fine," Isaaru sighed. "I did try to kill myself, but Beclem stopped me. I have no intention of killing myself any more. I promise you."
Isaaru reached to Maroda's face and pulled their heads together so that their foreheads touched in a symbol of their closeness.
"I promise you," Isaaru repeated.
Maroda sighed, pulled back and stared at his brother.
"Beclem stopped you?" he repeated Isaaru's words. Isaaru nodded. "So that's why the two of you are so close now?"
"He understands me," Isaaru explained. "And I think I understand him."
Maroda nodded glumly and walked off, leaving Isaaru to stand by himself and wonder about their short conversation.
"He understands me," Isaaru repeated to himself.
Beclem's face flashed before his mind and he decided that it was time to find the ex-Crusader. He couldn't run away from this particular problem forever.
Beclem stared at the end of the Cloister, his eyes barely even moving. He wasn't even seeing what was in front of him at the moment. The kiss played in his mind over and over again, as it had since Isaaru had left Via Infinito, and Beclem continued to wonder why the other man had done what he had.
So far, several reasons had come to mind, none of them at all likely. He wanted to hope that it had been genuine; that Isaaru had enjoyed it; but then why would the ex-Summoner have apologised?
Footsteps echoed across the Cloister, and Beclem turned his head behind him to see that Isaaru had joined him in Via Infinito.
"What are you doing down here?" Isaaru asked him. "Have you stayed down here the whole time?"
"Ever since you…" Beclem answered, finding himself unable to finish the sentence. "Yes. I've been thinking."
"You haven't eaten anything?" Isaaru asked, before shaking his head. He walked over to where Beclem was and sat down on the floor next to him. "Do you realise how long it has been? The sky is starting to get dark outside."
Beclem didn't answer and continued to stare pointlessly in front of him.
"I am sorry if I have upset you in any way," Isaaru said. "That was not my intention. I just needed your help with a little… experiment," he explained.
"An experiment?" Beclem asked, looking towards Isaaru with doubt in his eyes.
"Yes," Isaaru said. "I had never even considered homosexuality as a possibility before I met you, and when you told me about it, I had a lot to consider. I needed to make sure that I was still normal, and I thought that I could prove it to myself by kissing you. If I did not enjoy it then I would know I was not like you and could get on with my life."
Beclem sighed and resumed staring at nothing. At least Isaaru knew he was normal now, leaving Beclem with the depressing knowledge that he could now forget about such foolish notions such as hope.
"I never thought that I would actually enjoy it; let alone that I would like it as much as I did," Isaaru said, making Beclem start and turn to stare at him. His heart began racing, and he hoped against all hope that he hadn't misheard Isaaru.
"I did some thinking over the past few hours as well," Isaaru continued, smiling at Beclem as he did so. "And I came to the realisation that I have fallen in love with you."
Beclem froze. The only rationalisation he could find for this was that he had fallen asleep in the cold chambers of Via Infinito and was now dreaming.
"I know that this may sound a little forward, but… could I kiss you again?" Isaaru asked shyly; a small blush forming on his cheeks.
Beclem could only nod dumbly, making Isaaru smile widely. They both leaned forwards at the same time, bringing their lips together once more. Their arms moved to wrap around one another almost immediately, pulling each other closer so that soon Beclem was practically lying on top of Isaaru.
Isaaru's tongue soon lapped at Beclem's lips and he opened them submissively, letting the other man explore the inside of his mouth. There was warmth forming inside him and growing with every movement Isaaru made, and it was a hundred times better than any alcohol or pleasure that he had ever felt before, and twice as addictive.
One of Isaaru's hands brushed a weak spot on Beclem's back, and he moaned in appreciation. Isaaru smiled against Beclem's mouth and caressed the same spot again, loving the feeling of Beclem curling closer towards him and moaning in pleasure.
Beclem's hand moved to tangle in Isaaru's hair, and soon he had accidentally pulled out the tie keeping Isaaru's long tresses in place. His silky hair soon spilled over his shoulders and through Beclem's finger.
With every second Isaaru was forced to give in and lean a little further back, until the two of them fell against the floor. Beclem was now half lying and half sitting on Isaaru, but their lips had still not left one another's.
One of Isaaru's hands continued to explore Beclem's back, while the other moved to entwine with Beclem's. They finally pulled back from one another after what seemed like a comfortable eternity, and Beclem lay down on Isaaru, tucking his head in the space between Isaaru's shoulder and neck. They were both panting, and they lay there for a few seconds as they simply waited for their breathing to return to normal.
"I love you too," Beclem eventually whispered in Isaaru's ear. His hand brought Isaaru's up to his mouth, and he kissed the other man's fingers lovingly.
Isaaru smiled, and placed a soft kiss on Beclem's forehead. Beclem simply stared at their interlocked hands for a moment, before suddenly sobering and frowning.
"You're not doing this just so you can die are you?" Beclem asked Isaaru.
"What are you talking about?" Isaaru asked in return.
"We could die," Beclem said sadly. "The punishment for being involved in a relationship such as ours is death. They couldn't kill us for just kissing, but if we were to ever take this further then they could…"
Isaaru frowned as he felt a burning behind his eyes that signalled the formation of tears.
"This is not fair," Isaaru whispered. "I finally have something that I want to live for and Yevon says I must die for it."
"Do you still want to do this?" Beclem asked him.
"Of course I do! I have never had anything that I have been so afraid of loosing," Isaaru answered, surprising Beclem by the amount of passion behind his words. "We will just have to be careful. We have the perfect meeting place here."
Beclem took another quick look around the Cloister and smiled. Soon a low rumbling noise erupted between them and Beclem blushed. Isaaru chuckled as he realised the source of the noise.
"Perhaps we should get you something to eat," he suggested, poking Beclem's stomach gently. It rumbled gently in response, and Beclem got to his feet, Isaaru quickly following.
Their hands linked as they began walking back to the entrance. They paused for a moment before they reached the glyph, and stopped for one last kiss before their feet touched the transportation glyph, and their hands fell to their sides once more.