Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. That's why I work for a living. The song is "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson of course. Not mine either.
A/N: I can't believe I wrote this. I swore to myself that I would never write a song-fic. But this song wouldn't get out of my head. The story wouldn't leave me alone. I hope everyone enjoys it.
Sara sat at the table sipping her third drink of the night. She wasn't drunk. Not by any means. She wasn't sober either. She was hanging on the edge where everything seemed so vibrant, jokes were funnier, colors were brighter, her skin more sensitive. She was watching her newly married friends as they danced and kissed and smiled under the flashing lights of the ballroom. She was dangerously aware of the man sitting in the chair beside her. His forearms rested on the table and he slowly turned the glass of scotch in small circles. When he leaned over and said her name she jumped and her shoulder brushed against his. She felt the heat all the way to her fingertips.
"Huh?" She turned stormy eyes in his direction. "What did you say?"
"They look happy don't they?" Grissom's voice was warm and the scent of scotch and clean skin surrounded him.
"Yeah, they do." Sara gave a sad smile and turned back to watch the dancers.
Grissom studied her profile for a moment, his mouth working silently. When words failed he faced the dance floor once again. Why was Sara the only woman that rendered him speechless? Oh hell, he knew the answer to that. Because she was different. She wanted more than a casual dinner, more than sex, she wanted his heart. She wanted to share his life. Not that the others didn't want those things. She was just the only one he wanted to give them to. He brought the glass to his lips and drained its contents.
Grissom stood and looked over at Sara. He noticed that her glass was almost empty. "Would you like another drink?"
"Yeah. If you don't mind." Sara smiled up at Grissom and watched him walk away. Why does the man have to be so hot? Seriously, couldn't he just be short and dumpy? It wouldn't matter. He would still be Grissom. But, for the moment, Sara couldn't even catch her breath. He had on a tux. His iron gray curls begged for her hands. She wanted to feel his beard scrape her face while those incredible lips caressed her mouth. The crisp white shirt set off his tan. The black jacket made his shoulders look amazing. She jerked her eyes away from Grissom when Nick called her name. She glared at the knowing look in his eyes.
When Grissom returned, Nick and his date were sitting at the table with Sara. Sara gave him a quick smile of thanks. He resumed his position watching the amber liquid swirl in his glass. He was vaguely aware of Sara and Nick talking. They were regaling Nick's date with crazy case stories. What was her name again? Julie? Holly? Something that ended in a long 'e'.
When Sara touched his arm he jerked his attention back to her. "Where's Nick?" he asked.
"They went to get more drinks and find Greg and Sasha." Sara studied his face, her eyes a gentle caress. "What were you thinking about?"
Grissom sat for a minute while he tried to formulate an answer. Finally he said, "Sam really went all out didn't he?"
Sara saw that statement for what it was -the blatant dodge of an intimate question. "He did. But Isuppose they deserve it." Her eyes traveled around the room. Sam Braun had spared no expense on his daughter's wedding. The buffet dinner, the open bars, the candles and tables, the gleaming china and silver, everything screamed high class. There was no detail that had been overlooked. And in the middle of it all, Catherine and Warrick held court.
"Well, Cath married Eddie at one of the chapels. It was a 'had to' kind of thing. Then there was Warrick's drive through wedding. Maybe they both deserve something more." Grissom shrugged at the surprised look on Sara's face. "What? You don't think I think about these things?"
"No, it's not that…" Sara's voice trailed off and she ducked her head in embarrassment. "Okay. You got me. I honestly wouldn't have guessed that you ever thought about it."
Grissom just smiled, enigmatically, and turned back to his perusal of the room. The scotch was making his words flow a little easier. He remembered why he never joined the team when they were going out for drinks. He couldn't risk being that close to Sara with a little alcohol in his system.
Her scent was intoxicating, her skin glowing in the light of all the candles in the room and her mouth called to him like a siren's song. Her hair was up, leaving the soft nape of her neck bare to his gaze. He knew that he should leave. He was formulating his excuse when Sara excused herself and stood to go to the restroom. His mind suddenly forgot all the reasons he shouldn't be there. She was wearing a coral colored halter dress. The plunging neck line exposed the gentle curve of her breasts. The flowing skirt stopped a couple of inches above her knees. Her arms and shoulders were bare. Every inch of her looked incredibly touchable.
"Will you be here when I get back?" Sara asked and then smiled when Grissom nodded.
Sara saw Grissom sitting where she had left him. Then her eyes were drawn to the woman sitting next to him. Sofia. She watched as Grissom laughed at something she was saying. She watched the casual way Sofia touched his arm and smiled. She felt her heart break one more time. How could he let that bitch touch him when she wasn't even allowed to stand too close? Before either of them saw her she detoured and walked around the edge of the dance floor. She approached the D.J. and carried on a quick conversation. Satisfied, she made her way back to the table.
"Sara," Sofia purred, "How are you? You look very nice."
"I'm fine. Thank you." Sara's smile was tight, little more than a grimace.
"Good. Gil, I'll see you later." Sofia's hand lingered on his arm and her smile was predatory.
Grissom nodded absently, "Sofia." He remained quiet. He could feel Sara's anger vibrating off her in waves. He didn't understand why she was so upset. He knew that there was tension between the two women. His gaze was pensive as he turned to study the brunette next to him. "Sara?" he started.
"Don't Grissom. It doesn't matter." Sara turned and gave him a wide, fake smile.
Grissom had opened his mouth to say something when the D.J. said, "This is a request from Sara. Hope you're having a good time tonight." Grissom's eyes widened a little in surprise.
"Will you dance with me Grissom?" Sara's eyes pleaded with him. Her cheeks flushed under his scrutiny. Just when she thought he was going to turn her down flat, Grissom stood and held out his hand. He placed his hand on the small of her back and escorted her to the floor.
As he pulled her into his arms, left hand to her right, right hand splayed on the warm skin of her back where it met her dress, Sara said, "This song makes me think of you." With that, she laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
Brass was talking with the sheriff when he heard Sara's name. He tried to keep up with what the sheriff was saying while his eyes looked around for Sara. He smiled to himself when he saw her settling into Grissom's arms.
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Nick and Greg were at the bar when they heard Sara's name. Greg looked around and saw Grissom leading Sara onto the dance floor. He elbowed Nick and pointed out the couple that was now swaying slowly to the music.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Catherine and Warrick were sitting at a table with Lindsay when they heard Sara's name. They exchanged a shocked glance and began looking around for the woman in question. When they saw her lay her head on Grissom's shoulder Catherine actually gave a little squeal of excitement and Warrick made a note to collect his $50 from Nick.
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
The music rolled over them. The artist's voice pulsed with the anguish of the words. And Grissom felt the wall around his heart crack. Is this how Sara really felt about him? Had he, honestly, done this much damage to her while trying to protect himself?
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
As the music faded, Grissom moved his hands until they were cradling Sara's face. The pain in his eyes mirrored that in Sara's. "I'm so sorry."
Before the first tear could escape, Sara wrenched his hands from her cheeks and hurried off the dance floor. Grissom stood there. His expression was bewildered. His shoulders slumped. Defeat was written all over him.
"Gil!" Catherine's snapped as she walked up to him. Her voice finally penetrated the fog in his mind. "What the hell are you doing? Go get her!"
The words were a catalyst. He hurried after Sara. When he reached the lobby and didn't see her, he broke into a run. He spotted her waiting for a cab in front of the hotel.
"Sara!" Grissom gasped out her name. "Please look at me." When she continued to stare straight ahead he walked around so that he could see her face. What he saw there was his undoing. He reached out and dragged her into his arms, wrapping them around her slender waist even as she went rigid in his embrace. "God, Sara, I am sorry. I didn't know it was this bad. I…" Grissom's words trailed off as he began placing soft kisses on the top of her head. "I didn't realize that I had done that to you."
Sara stood perfectly still. Why couldn't he let her go? After all the times she wanted him to hold her and he wouldn't now he couldn't seem to stop. It was the story of her life. They could never be in the same place at the same time. Finally, she brought her hands up to push at his chest. "Grissom please let me go. I need to go home. I shouldn't have done that."
Fire flared in Grissom's eyes and he snapped, "Shut up, Sara!" When she drew back in shock he slammed his mouth down on hers in a kiss born in anger and desperation. He kept up the ruthless assault on her lips until he felt her arms slide around his neck and her body sink into his. Then his touch softened and he worshipped her. When they pulled apart they were both breathing heavily. Slowly, he released her. Reaching out and taking her hand, he said, "Come on. I'll take you home."