May 4th: What exactly is identity?
Obviously you can look at someone and say, 'that's who they are', and, to a certain level, that is absolutely correct. Of course, that person would be considered a unique entity and personality that isn't the same as someone else.
Why is that? The most straightforward answer is that they're, obviously, different people. So what makes someone different? What makes them them? If Person A and Person B have the exact same genetics and upbringing, would they be the same person? Would their thoughts and the way they approach things be the same? While identical twins could be similar, they wouldn't be exactly the same. One might be cautious while one brash; a preference for sweet over richness.
The term is individuality. Even though they might experience the same things, they might react differently. They could very well have the same reaction in a lot of instances, but over time they'll eventually make their own diverging opinions. In a situation one will think one way and the other in another way. There's no apparent rhyme or reason other than what felt right to them.
So, are the thoughts and opinions of a person what gives them their identity? Is doing what they think is right what gives them individuality?
The overarching question doesn't seem too hard to figure out, and yet the answer is proving itself to be rather elusive.
To make the question more complicated, if a person lived their life and made their choices, and then all of the sudden that physical body was put in the same situations again with completely different thoughts and opinions, would the identity be the same? The whole point of these questions was to definitely say,' no, that would be a different person.'
And yet, it doesn't feel like I'm a different person.
I have nightmares. I have them a lot. I never had them before.
I thought life was complicated before and now I think that I'm one of the most foolish fools to ever be foolhardy. I gave up trying to make sense. This world was not meant to be understood by those pretending to be 'normal' and what made me 'normal' before made me 'strange' now.
Piecing together answers. That's what my life has been relegated to and, so far, I've been struggling.
To backtrack long before I found myself sitting in front of a cult - I was an old soul. So old that I'd consider myself a person a lifetime away from everyone else and not explain why that makes me cackle so much.
To be honest, I used to be a carefree person. The times before, whatever I used to be before, had its own problems and, in those moments, they seemed pretty major to me. I had dealt with panic and stress and uncertainty with a somewhat modicum of grace. This was different.
This was beyond different and being well adjusted before did not mean adjusting would be easy now.
To put aside all of the cryptic bullshit. I'm someone else… at least I'm fairly certain I'm someone else. Was I a person before and was put into someone new? Or was I just someone who had someone put in me? I would be lying if I said I had a solid hypothesis. I don't. I'm confused and scared.
To simplify things, my physical body was one thing, my spiritual body was another and my mental state was a weird amalgamation of the two plus some existential strangeness.
An identity crisis that transcended time and space. Hello, that's me.
The strange part was that I knew who I am now. No, I don't know who I am now, I knew. I have what I think are memories. They could be prophetic visions to the future, and if they are whatever god is alive is playing a sick joke on me. I don't like being the butt end of a joke so I'm going with memories.
They're not kind memories. They're of when this body of mine is older and the person involved, who looks like me but doesn't really seem like me, was a part of a bloody chapter in history that ended up being completely redacted. I was a footnote to a disgraceful story of this world and my legacy gets burned away in black flames.
I think I go blind. I still shudder at the thought.
But who that was. Who that will be… that can't be me… I think?
"Boy!" a man roared, and I snapped back to reality and found myself face to face with the cult again.
Ah yes, the cult. They may not be, but for the sake of my own interest and the potential story it could make, I'm calling them a cult.
"Yes?" I asked pleasantly. When in doubt, polite it out - someone I used to know once said to me. Who and when or where I'm not sure at all. I wish I knew because there's this fondness I feel linked to that memory, but it's faded to the point that I doubt it will ever come back.
The older man in front of me frowned. In fact, the large group of people around me seemed a bit put off or displeased about my actions. Rude of them, since a kid my age should be prone to spacing out. If these weirdos wanted to pick a five year old kid off the streets, they should at least be patient.
I like to take walks. Mom understands that and lets me. It helps with the anxiety and she always gives me enough money to get extra snacks for her. It was another late night trip to the store that was seemingly typical, but then a group of strange men and a rather pretty girl approached me. They all kind of looked the same. They asked me to follow them and assured me it was worth my time.
They didn't seem like the type to take no for an answer so I went with them. In my town, everyone knows not to hurt me. If they didn't know, then they would face the fury of a thousand suns - my mother - and end up meeting their ancestors.
We ended up at the outskirts of the village entering the most stereotypical cult setting I had ever seen. It was an underground shrine, with long torches that illuminated a spacious area filled with dark figures. Ancient writing and paintings lined the walls. The writing was so old I couldn't even decipher it.
At the forefront of the room were a group of elders that sat proudly. Their haughty expressions probably meant they thought they were better than me. They may be, or they may not be. I could care less.
It was a beyond interesting situation to find myself in and I was excited to see how it would go, but then the man in charge completely threw me for a loop with his introduction.
So fate has finally led us together, Shisui, he had said. He used the blasted 'f' word and then the 'S' word. A heavy weight got shoved onto my chest and I completely lost my grip on reality.
It was a can of worms that I found myself getting into a lot. Who was Shisui? Was that me? I think it very well may just be me, and if it was, then what was my fate?
Darkness. The cold sensation of water. It's the river. The river he grew up in now swept him away. He didn't cry. Maybe nobody cried. It's cold.
No. I refuse. Not me. Hell no.
A hand landed on my shoulder. It was warm. I found myself looking at the cult leader, his eyes were a red and black that spun slowly. I recognized those eyes. They were the same as mine and the same as my mothers.
"Who are you?" I asked weakly.
The man's eyes lingered red for another moment before turning back to a deep, dark brown. His hand remained firm on me. "Are you alright, Shisui?" he asked slowly, carefully.
I didn't lose myself at the mention of the 'S' word this time. I nodded slowly.
"I am Kaito, head of the Uchiha clan," he told me. "Your grandfather was my older brother. I… we wanted to offer you something, but that can wait. What bothers you, young one? Does Sanami know about your Sharingan?"
"Mom?" I drawled, suddenly more aware. "She… she does." Suddenly I remembered the advice she gave me countless times. "She said to not associate with the Uchiha. That you are not trustworthy and that you'll take me from her."
There was a sad smile on Kaito's face. "I would be surprised if she didn't say that. The Uchiha clan has scorned your mother and she has renounced her relations to us. Usually that is not allowed, but your mother is the only exception in the known clan history. Is she taking care of you?"
"Yes," I answered immediately. "She's perfect."
This world was an impure one, the one before was a little less, yet my mother's love was the purest thing I have ever felt. Her arms were a castle that washed away all my fear and anxiety. No matter who or what I am, I'd always be her son.
She held me the night my Sharingan awoke and she knew I was scared. I think she was scared too, since she didn't know how to protect me from my anxiety. She treated me with respect and went out of her way to find solutions to help me. I felt comfortable leaning on her.
Kaito looked into my eyes with a thoughtful gaze. Since most people knew better than to look an Uchiha in the eyes, most never knew that it was the window into their hearts. Uchiha's eyes never lie.
My eyes did not lie.
"Okay," he said softly, after a long moment. "I owe you an explanation."
Despite everything Mom has ever said about the Uchiha, Kaito seemed like a nice guy. The other's around me, I wasn't sure, but they seemed to huddle off into their own little discussions in an attempt to give us some privacy.
"Your grandfather was a great man," Kaito explained, "although your mother will venomously disagree. Part of me disagrees as well, but one bad chapter does not ruin the whole book. He was the strongest Uchiha since Madara, and protected the village in the shadows. But his quest to become stronger and protect the village… it consumed him and he became engulfed by the darkness he lived in. The blame belongs to the clan. The stronger the Sharingan, the harder the road one walks and the stronger the darkness gets. We left him to walk alone and he became lost. We heard you unlocked yours and had to check, with or without Sanami's permission."
Kagami. The name spurred a distant memory, but it was fleeting and blurry. He's my ancestor, that's all I can remember.
"Are you confused?" he asked bluntly. "Upset? Anxious? Emotions are not so easily explained, but there is an explanation for the intensity of your feelings. Tell me, Shisui? Are you learning shinobi arts?"
I didn't have an answer, and if I did it would probably be an indecisive 'maybe.' Inherently, the person I was before rejected and the person after rejects the current idea of Shinobi. It was barbaric and financed in blood. If I chose that path, would my destiny take me to the river on that cold night? Would it be that dark?
Everytime that idea comes to me I shudder. Being a Shinobi was not for me.
But with my Sharingan awakened, I knew that my path wasn't for me to decide. Not all Uchiha awakened it, Mom had told me, but those who do have no choice but to be Shinobi. The chakra affects our brains, our emotions, and the only way to keep our sanity is to use and expel that chakra through jutsu.
The idea of being an agent of chaos seemed repulsive, so we were trying to find another way.
She taught me tricks and simple Ninjutsu to help exert my chakra, but I was basically just a civilian with some cool gimmicks. Becoming a ninja was more than just flashy techniques, and I had no drive to learn the nitty gritty.
I was okay learning to spit fire. It burned my mouth and my eyelashes got singed, but the feeling was exhilarating and I could understand learning Ninjutsu as a hobby and lifestyle, but the practical applications? Burning people? Burning villages?
None of it is human. I'm a human. Whatever strange freak of nature I am… I'm human. I'm sure of it. I did not want to be a shinobi and Mom respected my decision.
I decided to shake my head and Kaito let out a sigh.
"Sanami is so sure she's above the clan she thinks she can defeat our curse her own way," he murmured, before speaking up, "your mother has done well, but it is not enough. As an Uchiha you are bred for war. Your Sharingan will compel you to copy techniques and evolve it - it always wants more power. That's natural. Your eyes are strong. You need to fully embrace your training or you'll never find peace of mind. Become a shinobi, and become powerful. Your mother should have enforced that idea long ago."
I stared at him like he had three heads, because that might as well be the case. Why was he speaking in such an absolute tone? Like it was a simple solution for a common problem. It didn't seem simple to me.
"Peace of mind?" I basically scoffed. "You sound delusional. This… these feelings are anything but peaceful. I get so anxious I can't breathe," my breath hitched, "it's so scary. And the anger… I'm not an angry person... yet I get urges to lash out and hurt things! What's natural about this? I'm going crazy! I can't control my own head and you're saying that it's natural?"
Embrace my training? I already knew that I needed to use chakra, but the next step was beyond me. Why violence of all things? I understand that some things can't be solved through words, and it is even more pronounced in this world, but why do I have to be involved?
"How do you use the words 'war' and 'natural' in the same breath?" I asked vehemently. "Peace? You attain peace through war?" He didn't say much, but the whole concept really pissed me off.
He didn't need to call me all the way over to his little shrine and tell me how to live my life better.
Mom was doing the best she could, there was no need for him to discount her. The Uchiha clan didn't know us, and they were arrogant to think that they did.
"Shisui!" Kaito called sharply, drawing me out of my thoughts. "Breath deeply," he said, "and suspend your disbelief. You're young, but you're smart, so act with more decorum. Yes, to most civilians my words are crude and twisted, but you are not normal."
Yes I was. I'm normal. Just because I was the only person on this planet that rejected shinobi did not make me abnormal.
"You are an Uchiha," he continued, "and that makes you special. Our blessing is an outstanding ability to understand jutsu and fight, but that is also a curse. We are fundamentally unbalanced, and finding balance is not easy. If you want your emotions to calm down and stop hurting you, then you must embrace the Uchiha way."
"Is the Uchiha way to be a weapon? To kill my enemies and burn their homes? Do you find peace of mind being the Hokage's weapon?"
Kaito had a disapproving look on his face. It made me snarl. The Hokage would doom his family if it benefited the village and yet he was supposed to be respected that much? What was this circus? Why was everyone so short sighted?
"No, I find peace of mind protecting what I love," he countered calmly. "The world is not perfect. Don't act like you have all the answers because you don't even have the resolve to stand up and fight for these 'convictions' you like to yell about." His words stung me and I glowered at him.
"You're being immature," he continued, "and unable to see the world as what it is. You want to think outside of the box? Well, you're missing the picture completely by doing that. People kill. People die. Yes, that's horrible, but that does not mean people do not love. People kill for love. People die for love. Do you see the difference?"
"Not entirely," I admitted. "Every evil in the world can and will be justified by someone. Is your reason love?"
"Pride and conviction gives an Uchiha our direction, and our love gives us the strength to walk."
"What does that even mean?" What was he proud of? What conviction? The conviction to kill? Was I missing something?
"You're lost," he unknowingly confirmed my last thought, "and we will have an impasse if we continue to talk while you continue to run from who you are."
"I know who I am," I lied. I didn't - not at all. Despite that, I would not let an old man who disrespected my mother talk like he knew me.
"You don't. You might have an idea on what you want to be, but not who you are. Torn between your nature and your childish ideals - if you can't choose to be somebody then you are a nobody."
"Better a nobody than an Uchiha."
The clan head sighed deeply, a myriad of emotions passed through him as he looked at me. The best way I could describe the look on his face was if a man has spent his whole life growing a tree that would produce the sweetest oranges in the world, and when the tree finally bared fruit he bit into one and realized he was growing a lemon tree all along.
"I want to help you, but you get caught up on all the wrong things. You are just like your mother," he muttered, resigned
As if on cue, a strangled scream pierced through the shrine. A young Uchiha flew down the stairs into the room, writhing in pain and holding his midsection.
Kaito muttered a curse under his breath as a dark figure descended down. Everyone in the room was tense, kunai were drawn and Sharingan blazed to life. The Uchiha looked ready for an encounter with death itself.
I, however, barreled into the figure and wrapped my arms around the newcomer. It was her. She came for me.
"Strange choice of friends," her voice said softly, washing away my uneasiness, "I thought I taught you better than to run off with strangers."
I relished the warmth of her arms. "Not my best decision," I admitted. "You're right, by the way. The Uchiha suck."
"Don't remind me," she let out a dramatic sigh before looking at Kaito with a lazy expression. "Kidnapping kids late at night, Kaito? Somehow you keep getting lower and lower."
"It's been a while, Sanami. You haven't changed a bit," the clan head remarked, his exasperation tinted with nostalgia.
"You have gotten very old very fast."
A man sitting at the head of the room, with the elders, suddenly sprung to life."Your disrespect is disgusting, Sanami!" he roared with such a beastial vigor that my jaw dropped. That's an Uchiha?
"Four years and disgusting is all you got, Fugaku-chan?" She mocked snidely, "if honorable uncle here didn't arrange for you and poor Mikoto to get together you'd die a lonely virgin that the fattest Akimichi wouldn't touch even if you were deep fried! And with that greasy personality of yours I wouldn't be surprised if you did fry like the shrimp you are."
Mom was in good form, and Fugaku was obviously not prepared. His entire form turned red, from his neck to the tips of his ears. Both his eyes were ruby red Sharingan that spun around urgently, as if he was in serious danger.
"Speaking of shrimp," Mom continued with a smirk, "how disappointed was Mikoto-chan the night of your wedding when she saw that sorry little excuse for a shrimp in your-"
"Please!" Kaito, interjected for the younger Uchiha's sake. "Please, Sanami, can you stop bullying your cousin for once in your life?"
I had a feeling that this was not the first time he'd asked that.
"But what else can make me happy when I'm surrounded by such drab and horrible people?" My mother cried dramatically before quickly regaining her sardonic tone. "Oh yeah, leaving this wretched place should be pretty satisfying."
"You said that last time," an elder at the other end of the room remarked dryly.
"Unlike your sense of humor, that joke doesn't get old," Mom replied as she picked me up and walked away. The guards glared at us as we left the shrine.
We walked home in silence. I didn't ask any questions because I had a sneaking suspicion that there weren't enough answers in the world to explain exactly what happened.
Call it a personality flaw, but I wanted to know exactly what happened. The night I first encountered the Uchiha was an errant itch in my mind and the same emotions that Kaito tried to explain to me were burning in dissatisfaction.
Yes, I was struggling with who I am and who I should be, but to call me immature? To call me a nobody? To reject what I was struggling with? Whatever point Kaito had was lost among the harsh demeanor of his attempted reality check.
The worst part was he seemed kind in the beginning. I wasn't sure if he was another Uchiha prick or if my mindset was what triggered him.
He was so sure his way was right. Kaito was convinced that the world was meant to be this ugly. Embrace the darkness, dive in and live an unhappy, 'honorable', life. That was our destiny and I was confident that most shinobi would probably agree with him.
So I found a shinobi that wouldn't agree with him. Thankfully he wasn't hard to find.
"It's been a while, " Dan, my mom's former teammate and her close (only) friend, greeted me. "I feel like I haven't seen you in years."
"Weeks," I corrected as I made myself comfortable. The dango restaurant was one we frequented a lot whenever he watched (I hated the term babysat) me, and I felt comforted by his presence immediately.
Mom was… an enigma, to say the least. I had no idea if my dad was alive or not, he wasn't involved, and she seemed like a recluse. Dan was the only person I'd ever see her be friendly with. Since I, believe it or not, could not befriend other kids, Dan was the only other person I could talk to. He was the only thing keeping Shisui and Sanami away from complete hermitry. He embraced and enjoyed that role.
To say that he was a great foil to my mother was an understatement. Mom was aloof, to the point and dripping with a cold sarcasm that made most people laugh uncomfortably. In contrast, Dan liked good conversations and always tried to be inviting.
How they even got along, I did not know, but they were good for eachother now and Dan was my friend.
"Weeks, days, years… Shisui withdrawals always hit hard," he said with a smile. "I was starting to think you finally got rid of me."
"Not even your girlfriend could cure us of your presence."
"She's still working on infections. She'll cure tenketsu cancer before she solves me." He rustled my hair before leaning back in his chair comfortably. "You're not the type to invite people out, so clearly you need some advice. What's wrong?"
Usually Dan liked to banter a bit, but he was clearly concerned. You don't become a shinobi of his caliber without being smart and he could read between the lines. Being around me since I was born probably helped, as well. It was obvious to him that something was bothering me.
The reason I had not seen him in so long was because I needed some alone time. I pondered and pondered and simply could not find the answers to my of my brain agreed with Uchiha Kaito, but my soul screamed that he was wrong.
I don't think the head of the Uchiha clan was stupid, but I just couldn't accept his grim reality.
I spent a long time looking for an answer, but instead found myself with a different question. "Dan… what does it mean to be a shinobi?" I asked.
I thought that the root of my problem was the idea of being a shinobi. I reject the bloody lifestyle it implies, but surely there was more than being a murderer. Kaito killed for love, and many more people died for love. Was that the shinobi way?
"You don't want to be a shinobi," Dan pointed out.
"I may not have a choice."
"You do have a choice."
"I don't!" I growled. "I just don't get it Dan! I have to be one or else I'll go crazy… but I feel like I'll go crazy if I do become one!" I ran my hand through my hair and sighed deeply. "I can't accept it. Even if my only chance to stay sane is to be a shinobi, I feel like I'll be giving away what makes me me."
"A shinobi, huh?" Dan glossed over my dramatics and looked at the ceiling. "I don't think that it's an acute question at all, but I'll give it a go. In order for you to understand my answer, however, I need to ask you a few things."
"Answering my question with questions. Well, I welcome the new approach. Usually people just tell me what they think as fact and discount my opinion."
"Talk to a lot of people?"
"Not really."
"Okay, I figured. Anyways, do you lie to your mom often?"
My eyebrows rose. "I don't lie to her at all," I admitted.
"You may not lie, but do you omit truths from her?"
"Well… yeah," I said after a pause. Who doesn't do that? Especially to a mother who is as overprotective as mine.
"Why?"
"I don't want to burden her. She understands me and understands that I'm struggling, but I don't think she understands why I'm struggling. I try to explain to her that something isn't right with the world but she doesn't know why that hurts me."
"If she doesn't understand why you're burdened, then how would she be burdened?"
"By not knowing how to fix my pain. I'm her only child and she's a shinobi. In her life all she ever needed to solve problems was some ninja wire and fire release. Ninjas and emotion aren't very involved, ya know."
"I disagree," he said gently. His long blue-ish hair seemed to make his smile appear even softer. "I'm not gonna say that Sanami is some sort of empath, I remember our childhood very well and she's definitely not, but I do disagree with your ninja point. I think that ninja and emotion are very deeply involved and that might be where you're confused."
I racked my brain for information that would support his point, but I found myself coming up short. "How so? I thought that shinobi are supposed to release their emotions and become finely tuned weapons that help support the village."
"While that is a common conception, I don't agree and I know you don't either. Emotions are what gives us strength. We need them to survive."
"Aren't those very same emotions disgusted with how far you have to go and how dark the world is?"
"Well of course," he said like it was obvious. "Why wouldn't they be?"
That was my whole point. Dan was highly accomplished and has done everything that could be asked of a shinobi except die. His opinion was important and regarded, and he agreed with 'immature' me!
"Then why walk that path?" I asked. "It's a disgusting and flawed world! Where is there peace in that horror? Where is the sanity in that? I don't want to be a part of that!" I was borderline frantic now. My hands were waving wildly and I was huffing like I was actually my age.
Dan laughed airily. There was a fondness in his eyes that I didn't understand. Did he not understand the gravity of the situation?
"You look like your mother," was his cheeky response to my glare. "Sorry, it's just I felt relieved."
"What do you mean relieved?" I asked rudely.
"It's just… you're not your mother," he said. "Let me explain.. My genin team was doomed to fail. Sanami would insist on taking charge and Sakumo was too much of a pushover to ever say no. They were both geniuses that narrowly got beaten out by Tsunade and Orochimaru-san for top of their year. They were truly gifted individuals. I was just a middle of the pack civilian. Safe to say, while Sakumo was nice, he didn't care much for my opinion. Sanami didn't even realize I had an opinion."
Sakumo died when I was very young, so I don't remember him, but apparently he and Mom were very rarely talked about him.
Why Dan was bringing up their genin days was beyond me, but I wanted to hear his stories. They never talked about those days.
"The reason I bring this up," he continued, "is that Sanami and Sakumo were so adamant about proper shinobi guidelines and tenants that they forgot a very important fact. A fact that I'm glad that you remember. Shisui, you're human."
"Human?"
His smile seemed somber. "In the end, Sakumo chose his human side and the struggle between what was right as a shinobi and what was right as a human tore him up. He couldn't be both. He's dead now. Sanami was consumed with hatred after what her father did, and she's a shell of a human now. If it wasn't for you, she'd be completely gone."
I didn't know what to ask. Sakumo committed suicide after choosing his team before the mission. What the details were of that mission, I didn't know. Apparently it was a disgrace to the village. To save your team, the people you know and care for, and be vilified for it. That was just another disgusting truth to being a shinobi.
What happened to Mom was an even bigger mystery. She never mentioned her parents, ever, and I only knew of Uchiha Kagami because of his brother, Kaito. I had no clue that there was even a conflict between my mother and grandfather.
"What happened?" I finally decided to ask, looking for two explanations.
"Who knows?" he said wistfully, giving me no answers at all. "I was a human trying hard to be a shinobi, so I threw myself neck deep in ANBU, which is a secret that you didn't hear from me. I wasn't there for them when they needed me the most. I'll regret that forever. Soon, I left ANBU after realizing something."
"I thought that Sakumo tried to be human in a shinobi world," he continued, "and it broke him. Sanami can't help but act like a shinobi in her human world, and she's lost. To me there was a clear distinction - I was wrong. There is no human or shinobi. It's not black and white. It's complicated and nothing really makes sense. Someone can be praised one day and crucified the next for the same reasons."
"So life is subjective?" I pondered sarcastically. "What does that even mean, Dan?"
"It means that, right now, there is no right or wrong, just how things are. I realized that the status quo has been set and nobody has bothered to change it. Hashirama-sama, bless his soul, tried and walked us towards the right path, but he didn't completely succeed and nobody has tried to continue where he left off. So that's what I'll do."
"Do what?" I asked, incredulously, not fully following. "Become Hokage?"
"Yes," he answered strongly. "I'll become Hokage and change the system. People are so quick to separate humans from shinobi that they don't realize that shinobi are human. We forget that it's in our nature to abhor violence and killing. It's not natural and kids do not need to grow up learning and worrying about having to kill others just because of the political landscape. I'll strive towards creating a world where jutsu is simply a hobby."
"That's…" I was lost for words.
I wasn't too sure if Dan could accomplish that. Senju Hashirama was supposed to be the greatest shinobi ever. While Dan was definitely an elite, according to Mom, I don't think that he had the power that the Shodaime did. Matter of fact, did Dan ever become Hokage in my memories?
"What?" he asked with a chuckle. "Is my idea stupid to you?"
"No, not at all," I quickly defended. "I think it's amazing. I agree with you. I think that the world is needlessly violent and that the darkness of it is consuming and terrifying. It changes who we are into something not human - that we call shinobi - but is your solution to just become Hokage and… fix it all?"
"Yup. It is."
"And how will you do it?"
"I'll try," he said staunchly, "Kami know's I'll try harder than anyone else has ever tried."
"Do… Do you think that's enough?" His answer, while taking a while to get to it, was surprisingly simple. It was idealistic and reminded me of someone who came - wait - comes in the future. Did he succeed?. Was it possible? I couldn't remember.
"A shinobi, to me," he explained, "is someone who tries and tries no matter how hard the world knocks them down. Even if it means death, I'll try and do my best in order to achieve my goals. I'll endure the pain and live my life my way."
Dan's smile was pure. He always stayed true to what he believed in and if that's what he really thought was right, then I'd believe him too. If he was Hokage, then the world could become a better place.
The future that I was scared of, Dan could solve it. He would never let me fall into that river. He wouldn't leave me to the darkness and cold.
Wait. So how did it even happen, then?
...It hit me like a ton of bricks.
Dan would die. He would die in a pool of his own blood.
He would not become Hokage. He couldn't save me.
All of the sudden I couldn't breathe. My heart was going crazy and my lungs couldn't keep up. I was dizzy. The world didn't have the same color. This wasn't fair. This wasn't right.
Dan knew what the world wasn't right. He agreed with me - he understood me.
He was going to die. I was going to die.
Dark. Cold. The river. I failed. It hurts. It doesn't hurt. It's okay. It's cold.
I needed to relax.
"Dan," I choked out.
"Yeah, Shisui?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had to calm down.
I need to calm down.
I have to tell him.
"Dan."
"Yeah?" his look became concerned. His dark green eyes reminded me of the leaves that protected our home. To me, he was an important part of what my home was.
I can't tell him.
"What… what if you can't?" Was all I managed to get out. Internally, I was screaming at my cowardice. Even if Dan didn't believe me, eventually I could prove it. But could I prove it before he died? Would his last thoughts be of how he should have listened to me?
"Can't what?" he asked. "Become Hokage? Achieve my dream?"
I nodded slowly. I managed to start breathing again but the breaths were labored.
"Then…" he punched my arm lightly, "I'd leave it to you," he said, completely relaxed.
I stopped functioning. My whole body paused.
"If I can't do it, Shisui, then I'll leave it to you," he repeated, more to himself than to me.
My body regained its movements. "I… I can't!" I cried.
"Can't or won't?" he asked with a smirk.
"I can't! I'm not strong like that! I'm too scared and I don't even know if I can control my emotions! I get too scared or too angry and the thought of failing makes me so anxious! How can you entrust your dream to someone like me! That's insane! That's crazy!"
"The world is crazy, isn't that what you said? You disagree with how fundamentally broken the world is and you think you're better. So do it better, Shisui. Improve the world.
"That's impossible. Not for one person."
"Hashirama did it," he pointed out.
"Hashirama was special!"
"You're special," he argued. "You reject how this world is right now. I'm sure Hashirama was the same way. And Hashirama wasn't actually alone. He had Madara and Nidaime-sama and Mito-sama to support him."
"That's a pretty good supporting cast," I commented dryly.
"Well, at least you have me! I'll try to handle it, so just follow me. As we progress we'll find more people to support us. I'll go as far as I can, and if I can't find the answers then I'll leave it to you. If you can't then help nurture the next generation so they can. Hopefully we can do it fast, if we can't we'll take baby steps."
"Baby steps?" I repeated with astonishment.
"One step at a time."
"That… seems like a distant dream," I admitted, sounding rather lame. "I feel like a perfect world needs sacrifice to achieve. Even if I don't have a lot. I can't sacrifice what's precious to me."
Konoha was just a village to me, but my home was in this village. It wasn't a district or a building - my home was a very specific group of people.
"I can't imagine Sanami losing to anyone," Dan assured. "She's crafty and has a skillset that makes her unstoppable in a one on one fight. Given how she's in internal affairs, she rarely leaves the village. She'll be fine."
But she may not be, I thought, since she wasn't in the memories of the future. That scared me more than anything. She could be gone. Dan could be gone. If I lost them, then did I even have a chance? Would I even want to live without them?
If they died… my life would be cold. I was afraid of the cold.
Rin's morning was shaping up to be a good day.
She had slept very well, despite the brutal training Minato-sensei had given them the night before, and she was proud of the progress her and her team were making. Obito and Kakashi still got along like fire and ice but they both respected her opinion and could begrudgingly work together when needed to.
Not only that, but Obito was late again and Sensei had spent the extra time they spent waiting helping her with advanced chakra control. It was only a matter of time before she could move up to the next level of the Diagnostic Jutsu.
After an hour and a half, Sensei had sent them to fetch Obito. He usually wasn't this late and Rin attributed it to the new place he had just moved into. He had already told them, multiple times, that he wasn't used to the new route to their usual training grounds, so he was either lost or at home sleeping. Either way it would take a while for him to find his way unless they found him first.
Kakashi's reaction to the address, however, was quite strange. He seemed stiff and she couldn't think of a time when Kakashi got nervous when Kushina wasn't around. He had this poor habit of making one too many snide remarks to the redhead, which usually ended up with a beating or an extremely annoying, but clever, prank.
"Kakashi-kun, what's wrong?" she finally decided to ask. "Don't tell me we're going to Kushina's?" She was the only thing that Rin could think of that could cause such apprehension from her teammate.
"Please don't tempt fate," he remarked with a shiver (the last prank had been bad) "and no. We're going to another troublesome house."
His sigh, while out of character, was quite cute in her opinion.
"Really? And how bad is this place to make you sound like Shukaku-san?"
"Well," another deep sigh, "it's the house of an exiled Uchiha. There's only a few reasons Obito would be staying there and none of them surprise me. At this point I think Sensei sent me out of spite because of how I left you guys yesterday..."
The objective of the training yesterday was to capture a flag on Minato-sensei's belt as a team. It was similar to the bell test they had taken earlier that year but this time they actually had to succeed. It ended up eerily similar to when they were first formed as Team Seven. Kakashi had run off after they failed to succeed as a team and left Rin and Obito to wander the training grounds. It was only after they had found him tied to a tree that they had followed Obito's, of all peoples, plan and they succeeded in dramatic fashion.
Rin was trying not to mention it, but she couldn't stop the giggles from coming out. The only way she could describe the plan was that it was a spectacle among spectacles, and that it was something only Obito could think of.
Kakashi's eyes widened slightly and he looked absolutely mortified. "Hey," he called, sounding tough, "we all promised that it never happened."
She covered her grin with a hand and nodded weakly. Kakashi had been so upset at the outrageous plan and even more upset that it worked. When Sensei had started teasing him he snapped and did something nobody expected.
He swore at Minato-sensei.
It was so unexpected Obito had thought it was a Genjutsu. Sensei had laughed it off, but his feelings were clearly hurt. Kakashi himself couldn't believe what he had done to his hero and Rin couldn't help but find it all comical.
"An exiled Uchiha," she wondered out loud, throwing Kakashi a bone and moving on, "that's not something I ever heard about. From what I hear at the hospital, the Uchiha are very tight knit."
Kakashi hummed a small agreement and walked a little faster. They ended up at a secluded, but nice, house at the outskirts of the village. If Obito was here then it was no wonder he was getting more and more lost. Kakashi had found a needle in a haystack without a single wrong turn.
She went to go knock on the door but her teammate's hand quickly caught her wrist.
"Security seals," he said, and she gasped in response. She was the student of a highly adept Fuinjutsu practitioner and knew how dangerous it could be."
"Thank you," she replied as she watched Kakashi start to decode the seal. "The way you are unlocking it… is that Sensei's work?"
He simply nodded. Minato-sensei's security seal was complex and needed a specific flow of chakra to unlock. She had only seen her mentor's seal on his own apartment and knew that the combination Kakashi was using was different from the one for their teacher's.
Right as he finished the door opened, revealing a young boy that was undeniably Uchiha. He looked at Kakashi with a raised brow before his focus came onto her. He smiled brightly at her and Rin couldn't help but smile back.
As rare as they were, Uchiha had beautiful smiles.
"You're beautiful," the boy remarked. He seemed to be around four or 5, too young to be a charmer, and Rin couldn't help but laugh lightheartedly.
"You're cute," she responded in kind. He grinned and led them into the house. It was a comfortable living area that wasn't as clean as she would have expected from an Uchiha.
"I'm Shisui, I have a feeling Kakashi has never mentioned me, has he?" The boy dug into an extremely nice icebox and pulled out cups of cold water. With a glance inside, Rin realized that it must be one of the expensive ones with a seal that allowed constant cooling, rather than normal ones that require manually putting ice in. She had only ever seen them in the hospital.
It was a very nice home and judging by the way Kakashi lounged against a counter, her teammate was quite familiar with it.
"Nohara Rin, and no, Kakashi has never mentioned this place. Since we were sent here to find Obito I guess they've been keeping secrets from me."
"Shame on you, Kakashi," Shisui said, to which her teammate simply shrugged. "Somehow Obito set his alarm for eight instead of six. I'm not sure how you do that on an analog clock, but for a ten year old he does stuff like that a lot."
Kakashi's palm met his forehead and Rin let out a weak laugh.
"We love him anyways," she insisted as she looked at a clock, "he'll be up soon so we might as well wait. I want to hear about how you know my teammates anyways, Shisui-kun."
The boy had open and friendly body language, and despite his age he talked like he was an adult. It reminded her of the single year she spent in the academy with Kakashi. He was just smarter and more mature than anyone else his age and got along better with people who are older. Since she was a frequent worker at the hospital she considered herself mature enough to appeal to him. If Shisui was anything like her masked teammate, then he could use a friend.
"My mom was on a genin squad with Kakashi's father," Shisui explained. "When I was an infant Kakashi and his father would come visit. For some reason I was extremely attached to Sakumo-san, maybe it's because my dads gone, or maybe I just really liked him. Either way, it helped rekindle the relationship between Mom and Sakumo-san. Kakashi would babysit me a lot."
"That explains why he was so good at those D-ranks," Rin said to Kakashi's chagrin.
"After Sakumo-san's… death," he seemed uncomfortable bringing it up, as did Kakashi, "Mom decided to look after Kakashi for him. He lived here for a while until he decided he was independent enough to have his own place. Mom teases him endlessly, but he still stops by every now and again."
"How cute," she remarked foxily, making Kakashi blush.
"He is pretty cute." Shisui caught the empty cup thrown his way easily. Kakashi found her amusement embarrassing but she was genuinely happy that her teammate wasn't as big of a loner as he appeared and actually had a place he could belong in .
"How did Obito get here?" Kakashi asked, quick to get the topic of conversation off him. "Sanami must have some twisted plot involved for taking in my teammate of all people."
Shisui simply shrugged.
"Believe it or not, she actually didn't do it to tease you in some way. We somehow ended up at the Uchiha clan meeting a few weeks ago and Mom ended up insulting the clan heir to the point of tears. Well, he didn't cry but it looked like he was. Anyways, Obito had finally been allowed to participate in the meetings and actually laughed at Mom's insults. They were funny, but he got kicked out of the compound anyway."
"And Sanami picked him up because he laughed at her jokes," Kakashi finished for him.
"Yup," he said with a pop. "Obito is the anti-Uchiha and she loves it. I guess it's a breath of fresh air for her and it is nice to have him around."
"Thank you for taking care of him, we know he's a handful sometimes but his heart is in a good place. Sanami-sama sounds like a great person." Rin definitely wanted to meet the one who could make Kakashi so flustered at just a mention. Taking in Obito only cemented a positive image in her mind.
"Well, we didn't take him in to gain anything, but I'd like to ask a favor if that's alright."
"Sure," she agreed right before she noticed Kakashi waving his hands frantically. Was this going to be a mistake? Surely a kid wouldn't be that unreasonable.
"I just wanted to ask you guys something," he continued, "don't worry Kakashi, I won't torment you. I'm actually genuinely curious about something. Anyways, here it is, what is your ninja way?"
"Our Nindo," Kakashi echoed, before raising his brow, "why would you want to know about shinobi?" Rin found that question strange, since Shisui was an Uchiha that was literally born to be a shinobi, but glossed over that in order to think of her answer.
It wasn't something a ninja thought of often, or even at all. It was the conglomeration of personal experience and values that they learned inside their village. The Academy played a major part in instilling a Nindo, but in the end it was up to the individual.
"I'm curious, Kakashi," Shisui started, "I want to know why you fight. You guys are both smart and could contribute to the village in a bunch of ways, and yet you choose to be a combat team. Why embrace the danger and the impending violence?"
Rin found herself surprised that she couldn't find an answer that easily. Shisui wanted her to explain complex feelings, and it wasn't something she was well versed in.
"Life is dangerous," Kakashi answered first. "Not just life as a ninja, but life in general. Everyone has their own battles, it doesn't have to be a ninja battle for it to count. I never understood that before, but I've been seeing life a little differently. I never told you about my parents."
Kakashi, to her, was always someone who carried himself with confidence. To be so skilled and so certain about combat, he needed to have little doubt about what he was capable of. Kakashi wasn't emotionless, just withdrawn, and Rin realized that this might be the first time he'd ever opened up around her.
He glanced at her momentarily, steeling himself, before moving to sit near Shisui and face away from her. If it was easier for him to pretend she wasn't there, then she'd put all her stealth training to use. After all, she knew from the hospital how hard it was for career shinobi to speak about themselves.
"Since I could walk, being a Shinobi was common sense to me. I was born for it and excelled in every way. Mom always said I'd be better than they were and Dad was so eager to teach me that I was sure that he saw it the same way I did - common sense. After da… after Dad died. I was confused. I still am in a lot of ways. I wanted to know why. The first person to find me was Sanami, so I asked her. All she said was that I knew why."
Shisui was paying rapt attention, he tried to place a hand on Kakashi's knee, but stopped half way. Instead, he simply moved a little closer.
"The mission?" Kakashi let out a hollow laugh that didn't suit him. "That's all anyone wanted to talk about. The details were classified, so I had no clue why everyone treated him like trash. They don't know, he said. Don't judge them for not understanding. I promised him I wouldn't, but Sanami did. She told me that Konoha didn't deserve him. She told me what happened."
"Mom knows?" Shisui seemed shocked.
"Of course she knows - they were teammates for almost two decades. I… it was bad. Everyone thought he let someone important die, but that person was going to die from poison anyway. It's just they wanted a scapegoat. Dad decided to choose to save someone instead of no one and chose his team instead of the Daimyo-" Kakashi choked. His eyes widened frantically as he realized what he just said.
Rin couldn't help but let out a startled breath. She felt her knees weaken and almost lost balance.
The Daimyo? Hatake Sakumo failed to protect one of the most powerful men in the world? At first glance, that was definitely something to be crucified over, but if the poison was lethal anyways, then it was better to cut your losses before everyone died.
"No medic?" she asked quietly.
Kakashi shook his head roughly. "Mom was the medic - she died first. Team was separated. Dad was alone with the Daimyo but couldn't save him. He left him to die. He saved his team. I used to be upset that he failed the mission, because a true shinobi would choose the mission over anything, but when I found out the truth? That he had to deal with the grief of losing her and then wonder if it was right to leave his friends to die?"
"He left you," Shisui said, sounding uncharastically cold. "He had a duty to stay with you."
"He was dead the second he watched Mom die," was Kakashi's solem answer. "Afterwards, Sanami was too busy cleaning it all up and I was the only person who could watch you. Dad could barely face me and I was barely home. He probably thought I didn't need him. I was too young to realize that he needed me."
Rin wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, but it was probably the last thing Kakashi wanted to hear. It wasn't right for a ten year old to have such a burden but he seemed resigned to the guilt.
"In a matter of months I was an orphan," her teammate continued. "I wasn't bitter, but numb. All of the sudden I didn't know why I was a shinobi. I took some time off and stayed here, but I was missing something. I appreciate Sanami for taking me in, but she was mourning harder than I was and couldn't help. Minato-sensei was the one who helped me. He told me that Dad had saved him on that mission. To not abandon your teammates despite knowing he would be ridiculed for it - he made the hardest decision and that took a lot of courage."
"That's when I decided on my Nindo. Being a shinobi made my parents proud - so I'll continue and be better than both of them were. I want to have the courage to make the hard decisions like Dad did. My Nindo is to follow my convictions with courage. Even if I'm called trash or a failure, I'll do what I think is right."
It was hard for Rin to hear how much pain her teammate had bottled up. It always seemed like Kakashi thought he was better than his peers. He would ridicule Obito's shortcomings and constantly left them whenever they held him back in training. Though, whenever they were in the field he always went out of his way to cover their backs and carry the majority of the load.
Teamwork was hard for him, but he was dedicated to protecting them, Rin realized. He wanted to protect them and take all the punishment for himself just to prove that he can take the stress better than his father. Part of being better than his father was to never let the world break him - and that was playing with a very hot fire, in her opinion.
There wasn't much she could say, however, because it would be wrong to try to put out the flame that Kakashi had lit inside himself. The best she could do was act, rather than speak, and make sure that she was ready to protect him when he needed it.
She wasn't weak, but she was nowhere near as strong as Kakashi. It was selfish of him to think that he could do everything for them, yet there was a strange sense of satisfaction she had. Kakashi couldn't heal, she could, and he leaned on her whenever he needed to. If he wanted to continue on that path of his then she could help him.
It made her realize exactly what her Nindo was.
"My reason may not be as deep rooted as Kakashi," she admitted, "but I feel strongly about it."
The attention was shifted onto her and nodded firmly, feeling her resolve grow stronger as she thought about it more.
"As a medic I could easily spend my life in the hospital, but I chose to stay on this team. Kakashi's father saved people on that mission, and those people will save more and so on. Soon that lone action could bring a lot of good to the world. I'm not a gifted ninja or blessed with a bloodline, but if someone in front of me can be saved then I'll save them. Even if it's just one person I'll be happy."
She felt no shame that her reasoning wasn't like Kakashi's. It didn't mean that she wasn't working hard. She had no illusions of grandeur like being the next Tsunade. If she can make sure people like Obito and Kakashi or Sensei were alive, then they could change the world and she'd be satisfied. Hopefully, she'd have the chance to save a lot more people and return them to their families.
"I can rest easy knowing you're behind me, Rin," Kakashi said, his voice having a warmth that she had never heard before. "Thanks."
She couldn't stop herself from blushing and looked away, smiling.
Shisui laughed mirthfully and the aura of the room became a lot lighter. The young Uchiha clenched his fists and let out a deep breath.
"I got it. Thank you so much," he said with a few absentminded nods. "You guys are really strong. I can't help but feel motivated."
"For what?" Kakashi questioned.
Shisui seemed hesitant in answering, like the answer was unable to come out in words, but he was luckily saved by a loud ringing and an equally loud banging noise.
"Oh, sleeping beauty is up," the young Uchiha commented, smirking. "Graceful as always."
She wanted to defend Obito, she really did, but watching him barrel down the stairs and end up a groaning pile on the floor was too much, even for her.
Friday was takeout night. Well, with how busy his mom was, a lot of nights were takeout nights. Shisui didn't mind, however, since she knew all the best restaurants in town and always brought extra desserts.
More appropriately, Friday night was noodle night. It was some long standing tradition dating back to her genin days. Since it was about her past, his mom never talked about it, but at least he had a healthy appreciation for udon that couldn't be ruined by her crypticness.
"You want to ask me something," Sanami commented while he enjoyed his noodles.
"How would you know?" he asked back quickly, before going back to slurping intensely. Soggy noodles were the worst and he had no desire to make some more.
"You know I can read minds," she said like it was as obvious as the sky being blue.
There's no way, Shisui thought to himself, before the multiple memories of her always knowing when something was wrong came to him. Whether the motherly instinct was actually that strong, or his mom could actually read minds, he didn't know. What he did know was that hiding things from her was really hard.
He finished his broth and slammed the bowl into the table. "I've made up my mind," he said robustly. "Teach me to be a ninja."
Sanami raised her brow and lifted her bowl, slowly sipping the liquid for at least thirty seconds. After she finished she put down the bowl and delicately patted her mouth with a napkin.
"No," she said after all that wait. "Way too busy."
"Come one," was the groaning reply. "You can find time somewhere."
"And sacrifice my precious sleep?" she asked like the idea was sacrilege. "I'm a diplomat, Shisui, I spend all day dealing with assholes and all night dealing with fucking Suna nin that only travel at dark and show up at three in the morning. Not only that, but Intelligence and Crypto won't leave me alone either. It's exhausting and I'd rather spend our time together relaxing."
"Fine, I'll ask Dan." He had already figured she would say no. Whenever anything politically sensitive happens she has to go to work, it makes her schedule ridiculous. The fact that she even found time to always hang out with him was a blessing.
"Dan can't take a student. He would have to choose between you and Tsunade and she'll kill him. Seriously. Like murder murder him, and she'd get away with too since she's a princess."
Another loud groan as her response. Her son pouted and put his head down, grumbling as he did.
"Why?" she asked. "We agreed that you don't have to be a shinobi."
"Wants versus needs. I don't want to be a shinobi, but what I need to do involves being one. I've decided the path I want to walk."
"Wow, what wisdom, my little philosopher," she said sardonically.
"Ha ha," Shisui's voice was beyond dry, "I'm being serious. I've figured out my Nindo and I'm feeling as motivated as I ever will be."
"You're being serious, huh?" Sanami grabbed his hand with hers and ran her thumb over his palm. His hand was bigger than before, but it was still so small compared to her own. She wanted to make sure he was safe so that, one day, his hand would dwarf hers. "Aren't you scared?"
"Of course I am. I wish I wasn't, but I am," she admired his honesty, "but I can't let that fear cripple me. I don't want to be so afraid of failure that I won't even try. I'll try hard, harder than anyone else."
"You sound like Dan."
"Well, I admire him, so that's a compliment to me."
"There's worse people to admire," she admitted. Dan was an idealistic fool, but he was dependable and deserved her trust. Did she wish that he wouldn't influence her child so much? Yes, of course. Despite that, she admired him too.
"I couldn't find the answer myself, so I went to people whose opinion I valued, and I asked them to help me. To look at the overwhelming odds and be brave enough to try and beat them, that's what my Nindo is. My goal is to protect at least one person. If I can save someone I love from being hurt, then I'll be happy."
Kaito called him a coward for not even having the resolve. Kakashi said that he would have courage, even in the face of doom. Dan said he had to try, and if he couldn't succeed then hopefully someone will continue for him. Rin said she would save whoever was in front of her for the greater good.
All of them gave him valuable viewpoints to work off. They helped him, knowingly or not, find the focus to embrace the cold world of shinobi and try to change it.
Maybe those memories are what will happen, or maybe they're just what could happen. He was banking on it being the latter. Whatever the full story was, he wasn't sure, but what he did know was that the people he cared for were in danger and that he had to try and prevent it.
Everything was foggy, but he knew that Dan, Mom, Obito and Rin weren't around when he arrived at the river. He remembered the feeling of failure Shisui, that version of himself, felt when he tried, and failed, to fix the problem alone. What the problem was, he wasn't too sure, but it wasn't something he could do alone.
He wanted to save all of them. He needed to find out what killed them and prevent it from ever happening. Once he did that, then he could rely on them to help him with his own death. There were surely more people who could help, but he couldn't ignore the ones in front of him.
Even one. If he could save just one of them. Even if Obito wasn't the best ninja, if his life could be saved then that meant the memories weren't absolute and the river could be avoided. All he needed was confirmation that the future could be changed, and the anxiety would leave him.
Sanami squeezed his hand. "Save one person? At least you don't dream too big."
"I'll save much more," he assured, "but if I can at least protect you, then my life will be complete."
"What a cute little knight you are," she said, unable to contain her smile. "Just so you know, I made a similar promise to you, once upon a time."
"What's your Nindo?" Shisui asked, his brown eyes meeting hers. Sanami felt her smile falter a little.
"Nindo is a… well it's more of a Senju concept," she clarified. "Uchiha have a different mantra. Even though I hate them, it was the way I grew up, so I can only explain it like one of them. 'For Uchiha, our pride and conviction gives us direction, and our love gives us the strength to walk,' my mother always used to say.'"
"Kaito said something similar."
"Kaito is a hypocrite and you should avoid him. He likes to lace his words with saccharine concepts and appear like a righteous old man. The truth is the Uchiha clan is bathed in a darkness that'll poison you through osmosis."
His mother's hostile tone worried him, so Shisui decided to skirt around the subject as much as possible.
"So what are yours, Mom?"
Sanami, who was lost in thought, broke out of her trance and smiled pleasantly. He was the only one whom she ever smiled at genuinely, and he couldn't help but marvel at how beautiful she was.
"You, Shisui, you're it."
"I'm it?" he echoed. "I'm your Nindo?
"I hate the Uchiha more than anything, and the path I walk is one that takes me as far away from them as possible," she explained. "I take pride in rejecting these evil eyes, and my conviction is to never become as desperate as my father. My strength is from my love for you, because you are perfect. You are so wonderfully perfect that I must protect and cherish you in the ways I never was."
Her Sharingan activated, and then morphed into something different. The atmosphere in the room changed and he was shown true power for the first time in his life. His breath hitched and he could only find one way to describe how she looked...
Cursed. Her eyes were cursed and he felt true terror when they met his.
"You're everything, Shisui. You're everything to me and I'll keep you safe." Her eyes reverted back and he let out the breath he was holding. "I promise. So promise me something, okay?"
"What?" he asked weakly.
"Always come back to me. You said that you'll never give up, so use that bravery to make sure you don't leave me. No matter what happens, come back."
"That was the plan anyways, Mom. I promise."
"Good," she stood up and enveloped him in a hug. It lasted a while, but that was no bother to him. Shisui lived for moments like these, and no enemy would stop him from returning to her arms.
"Sleep on it, Shisui," she said. "I'm sure this is what you want, but take the night to cement your decision. If, in the morning, you're still up for it then I'll find someone to train you."
Shisui knew that his choice wouldn't change. This was the only path he could walk. There were no decisions, only consequences.
Shisui would be more than just a shinobi. He wanted to be a great one that changes the future.
That night, I did not have any nightmares. It was a welcomed change and I slept like a rock. Which only made me more confused when Mom woke me up at the crack of dawn.
"Still wanna be a ninja?" she asked. I blinked sleepily and nodded, closing my eyes and attempting to doze off.
The next thing I knew she grabbed me and we disappeared in a blur.
The Shunsin was as exhilarating as it was nauseating, and I could only hang limply under Mom's arm as we crashed through a window and ended up in a classroom, of all places.
I guess she placed me in The Academy. I was five, so I guess I'll be put in a class of people around my age and start the indoctrination process early.
Instead, when the world stopped spinning, I realized that the classroom was pretty much empty except for three people.
"Sanami, where's his gear?" a male voice that I could only describe as a smooth rasp, asked.
"He doesn't have any," was her reply.
"Amazing entrance!" a younger girl screamed. "That was awesome, sexy lady!"
Mom let out an amused chuckle and dropped me onto the ground. I groaned and rested on my hands and knees, breathing heavily.
"Rochi-nii! That's a baby!" a boy whined. "We can't work with a baby!"
"It's Sensei to you," the male voice swiftly responded. "I won't take disrespect from you, Nawaki. You shall refer to me as Orochimaru-sensei."
The blurriness in my vision faded, and I was left staring at the group in front of me. The girl who called Mom sexy was some purple haired pineapple head that was smirking at me, the boy had light brown hair and eyes and looked at me like I was a mosquito and Sensei was a tall, dark haired man who was uncomfortably pale.
Some distant memories of mine were screaming, but I couldn't figure out why. All I had was a subconscious thought that bubbled to the top of my mind.
I'm doomed.
authors note: thank you for reading.
the whole concept is a case study in desperation.
the timeline will be explained a bit more later. For reference, Kakashi is 5 years older than Shisui.
does Shisui know canon Naruto? Kinda. He's hyper focused on his own death so the rest is suppressed somewhere.
I tried to focus on setting up the characters first rather than action.
It's been a while since I wrote, so it's a bit stiff. sorry. i'll work on it.