Chapter 2

"Why don't you just admit it?" Arthur urged as his steed cantered onwards, heading deeper and deeper through the woods of Camelot. Merlin glanced over sharply before shifting his gaze forward to keep an eye on the rocky path.

"Admit what?" he said coolly. "My distaste for hunting? I thought you already knew. Have you ever paid attention to me when I talk?"

"You know what I mean," Arthur replied, exasperated.

As if Merlin wasn't typically enough of an idiot, he'd now taken to being purposefully obtuse. Sometimes Arthur wondered why he put up with him.

Merlin's face darkened in annoyance, and his hold on the reins tightened as he pulled his horse ahead and free from their side-by-side trot.

Arthur rolled his eyes.

His steed picked up speed, accustomed to taking the lead. A couple steps later, he pulled even with Merlin once more.

"All right, fine. You don't have to answer," he conceded.

Merlin scrutinised him suspiciously. "Really," the servant said, skepticism in his voice.

He peeked over at his prince. A grin stretched across Arthur's lips.

"Of course," the prince nodded agreeably. "For now."

Arthur allowed the horses to walk a little further down the path in silence, then…

"As long as you confess what you like about me."

Merlin shot him a glare. "Arthur!"

"It's a different question," Arthur insisted, grin firmly in place. He maneuvered his steed until he forced Merlin to a halt. "So, come on," he demanded, leaning in as far as his saddle would allow, "how have I charmed you? What do you like about me?"

"I like how you're not an insufferable prat… Oh, wait," Merlin said in faux surprise, as though hit with a sudden realisation. He tugged at his neckerchief in agitation, then fumbled to regain a hold of the reins as his horse tossed its head.

Arthur chuckled with a good natured, patronising shake of his head. "Merlin, Merlin. It's just the two of us. You don't have to worry about anyone overhearing."

"Is that why you dragged me out here?" Merlin demanded, his voice rising an octave in chagrin. "To torment me? I suppose killing hapless small animals just isn't enough for you anymore!"

"I can do both," Arthur retorted with a shrug. "It's called being efficient. Something you never seem able to grasp."

"I never doubted your ability to multi-task," Merlin shot back peevishly. "You certainly have no problem being both stupid and an arse."

He pulled his horse away from Arthur's, continuing down the forest path, grumbling under his breath. Arthur pretended not to hear, and eventually, as he knew it would, the grumbling turned into mindless rambling about one thing or another. Merlin probably thought the matter was dropped. It was pleasant enough, except...

"Aren't you forgetting something, Merlin?" he called out, interrupting him mid-sentence.

His manservant paused. He blinked owlishly at him for a long minute before visibly brightening up.

"Oh, your crossbow?" he asked innocently, slipping the weapon off his back and presenting it to his prince.

"The question," he deadpanned. "You still haven't answered the question."

"Hm? What question?" He shoved the crossbow into Arthur's chest and then abruptly turned to lead his horse down the path and into a commonly-used clearing. Looking up at Arthur, he frowned when the prince didn't follow. "Well? Are you going to kill rabbits or what? I do have other duties to take care of today, as you should know."

"Merlin, who do you think-"

"Deer," he cried, pointing behind the prince.

Arthur's head snapped around, catching a disappearing glimpse of soft fur and hooves. He was thoroughly distracted as he raced to track their vanishing company, forgetting it all in his determination to bring such an admirable catch home.

ooo

After an exhausting week of coaxing, Arthur had to admit he'd been wrong; Merlin was much tougher to crack than Arthur initially surmised. His efforts to extract a confession had been...formidable, to say the least, but Merlin held fast.

"Would you stop it already?" Merlin finally shouted after several days of persistent interrogation, having finally been pressed far past the limits of his patience.

Despite noting Merlin had been edgy all week, Arthur blinked, still taken aback by the outburst.

"I just want you to admit the truth," he said defensively. Hoping to goad Merlin into an argument, he allowed himself a smug smirk. "Come, Merlin, it's perfectly understandable. I'm a handsome prince who's saved your scrawny neck more times than I can count. I'm completely out of your league, but I'm sure no one could blame you for pining."

Merlin opened his mouth, and then closed it, his lips forming a hard line.

Arthur suddenly felt a vague misgiving at the harsh expression, and nervously wondered if he'd pushed too far. Nevertheless, he forced himself to hold his smile.

"Look, Arthur," Merlin finally said venomously, fueled by the week of continuous stress. "Let's just suppose you were right, and I'm in love with you."

"You admit it," Arthur declared, although his triumph subsided under Merlin's glare.

"I did no such thing," Merlin hissed. "We're speaking hypothetically."

"All right, Merlin," Arthur agreed.

His voice was condescending, and he really should stop riling Merlin up, but he wasn't sure how to face this sudden anger. He'd never seen Merlin so furious with him before, or with anybody, really. It was a futile hope that by maintaining his normal attitude, Merlin would fall back into his usual patterns as well, because it seemed his servant was truly well and done with his teasing.

"Shut up," Merlin snapped, and continued before Arthur had the chance to scold him for speaking to his prince like that. "Let's just say I did like you like that. So what?"

"What do you mean, 'so what'-"

"I mean, what are you going to do about it?" Merlin cut him off. "What would, or could, I do about it? You aren't in love with me. So why would you need to know?"

"It's good to be honest about this sort of thing," Arthur protested weakly, beginning to feel a trifle guilty under the onslaught of Merlin's ardent mood. Perhaps he'd gone a bit too far with his teasing.

"Why? Because we're friends?" Merlin demanded. "If you're my friend, isn't it rather cruel of you to mock me, when there's no chance that you'd ever be in love with stupid, clumsy Merlin?"

All of a sudden, Arthur felt rather sick from Merlin's interpretation, because that wasn't why he'd done it at all. He hadn't meant any harm by it, he'd just wanted-

He'd just wanted-

"We are friends, aren't we?" Merlin suddenly asked, voice going low, vulnerable, and imploring. Arthur had never felt so put on the spot. Of course they were friends, but he couldn't admit that, because Merlin was-

"You're a servant," Arthur blurted, and he was about to add that Merlin was the bravest and most loyal servant he'd ever had, and that Arthur wouldn't trade him for anything or anyone. Even though Arthur couldn't admit that they were friends, he could certainly imply it.

Unfortunately, caught by the lump in his throat, he hesitated just a second too long in choosing his words. At his silence, Merlin took a step back as though struck.

It was only then that Arthur realized what his previous words would have implied, and oh no, wrong thing to say-

"Wait, Merlin, I didn't finish. I meant that-"

"Never mind, my Lord," Merlin interrupted bitterly, his expression darkening, and then blank. "That was my mistake."

"Merlin, wait-" Arthur caught his arm, holding on tightly even while Merlin roughly tried to shake him off.

"It doesn't matter, anyway," Merlin said bitingly, prying at Arthur's fingers and refusing to look him in the eyes. "I'd never be in love with someone who could be such an ass."

"Merlin-"

Gwen came around the corner just then. She was out of Merlin's line of vision, but certainly not Arthur's. The prince's eyes widened at her sudden appearance, releasing Merlin's arm in surprise. He regretted the action immediately when his servant took the opportunity to dart off, slipping past the way in which Gwen had come, barely seeming to see her as he fled.

"My Lord?" she asked uncertainly, watching Arthur with wide eyes that darted between him and the corner around which Merlin had disappeared.

"Guinevere," he said faintly, thrown entirely off balance. He wanted to chase after Merlin; their conversation had gone terribly, but he didn't know what he should say. Nor did he know what he would tell Guinevere, if he suddenly ran off. It was completely improper.

"Are you all right, my Lord?" she asked hesitantly, looking like she wanted to chase after Merlin herself. Propriety stopped her, as she lingered to check on her prince.

"I think," Arthur said, swallowing loudly. "I think I might have done something… cruel."

Gwen stared at him suspiciously. "What did you say to Merlin?"

"I may have been, well, poking fun at him, for being in love with me," Arthur admitted, shamefaced.

"Merlin is in love … with you?" Gwen asked cautiously, carefully watching Arthur's response.

"Well, he never actually said," Arthur admitted hastily. "Of course he denied it, I just wanted him to be honest with me."

"So you just assumed he was in love with you," she said, obviously disapproving.

"Yes?" said Arthur uncertainly.

Gwen paused, taking in the information with an incredulous expression. She looked at Arthur like he was quite dense, a look he was quite familiar with thanks to Merlin, but he wasn't used to seeing it directed at him so blatantly from Gwen. He prickled peevishly.

"Oh, Arthur," Gwen sighed. "It's incredibly rude to just assume these things. And you made fun of him for it?"

"I didn't mean any harm," Arthur said defensively. "I mean, it's Merlin. He can handle a bit of ribbing."

"This isn't just a bit of ribbing," Gwen snapped, taking Arthur aback. Biting her lip, she seemed to remember her place, before taking a breath and gathering her courage.

"If he is in love with you, it would hurt him very much if you mocked him for it," she said. "And if he isn't in love with you, it would still hurt him, because he does care for you, even if it isn't romantic. Either way, he knows now that you don't take him seriously, and that's... It's not a good thing, to know that you can never be anything more than servant and prince, whether it's friends or lovers. By mocking him, you didn't respect him as a person with feelings."

She finished quickly, fidgeting with her dress. "I'm sorry, my Lord. It's not my place, but I think you just reminded Merlin of his place. And... It's not for me to assume, but I'd wager that you didn't intend to do so. I don't mean to overstep-" she continued anxiously, before Arthur cut her off.

"It's all right, Guinevere," he said, to spare her further rambling. She'd gotten better at controlling the nervous habit, but it still reasserted itself on occasion. "You… have a point."

They stood there in awkward silence. Arthur stood with his arms crossed as Gwen eyed him warily.

"Perhaps you should go after him?" she suggested tentatively, when Arthur still didn't react.

"Yes," he concurred, even though he had no idea what he could say to him. He'd never had a friend before. Not like Merlin. And now he'd made a thorough mess of it. "I should go after him."

Still, he didn't move, and now was Guinevere watching him with something approaching pity. "You don't know what to say to him, do you?"

"Of course I do," Arthur said quickly. Silence fell again. Eventually he deflated under her skeptical gaze. "Well. Maybe not," he admitted reluctantly.

"Well," Gwen said slowly. "I don't know about Merlin, but... are you in love with him?"

Arthur gaped at her.

"It's all right if you are," Gwen continued hurriedly. "I really didn't expect you to wait around for me, and I'll be fine, so I don't want you to hold back on my account. Merlin is my best friend—well, aside from Morgana—so I want the two of you to be happy... Not that I don't want you to wait for me, but I'll find my own happiness no matter what. Oh! And I'm not against the fact that you're both, uh, men or anything, that's fine, and oh, I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

She cut off her own babbling as Arthur gaped at her in vague panic.

His response might have been slightly belated, and a tad loud, but that was only because of the shock.

"Of course I'm not in love with Merlin," he denied, off-key. To his increasing agitation, it only gave Gwen reason to view his declaration doubtfully.

"I see," she said. She hummed and then continued absent-mindedly, "He might have forgiven you more easily, if you were..."

"What do you mean?" Arthur demanded.

"Well, if you were in love with him, you could have apologized, and explained that was the reason you wanted him to admit his own feelings so badly," Gwen elaborated absentmindedly. She paused, thoughtful. "Why did you want him to admit it so badly?"

"I just-" Arthur began, uncertain how, or if he even could explain. "I just got carried away." Gwen, though, seemed to reach her own conclusions. "Guinevere, I don't want you getting the wrong idea-"

The rest of the words fell into silence as he was struck by a sudden thought.

"Wait. So you think that if I really was in love with him, he'd be more inclined to forgive me?"

"Yes, but since you say that you're not," she said, her brow furrowed warily. "I think you'll just have to apologize."

"But I could say that I am," Arthur pointed out, growing excited at his budding plan.

"Arthur," Gwen said anxiously. "You can't mean to fake feelings for him?"

"It'd just be for a while," Arthur insisted. "He'll snap out of it soon, right? He just has a little crush. I won't need to fake them for long, and besides, I... I do care for him. He's my-" he stumbled for a second, but when the words finally managed to come out, they rang terrifyingly true. "He's my most trusted friend."

The admission made him feel slightly embarrassed, but surely he was man enough that he could admit this much to Gwen. Arthur knew she wouldn't mock him-

Oh.

Suddenly, he felt terribly guilty all over again, because now he finally understood exactly how he'd mocked Merlin. He'd mocked him the same way in which he'd feared it being directed at himself. Even worse, he'd mocked his romantic feelings.

Abruptly panicked that Merlin wouldn't forgive him, Arthur felt all the more dedicated to the new plan. He would be "in love" with Merlin as long as he needed to, so long as Merlin forgave him. He couldn't not forgive him. Arthur couldn't imagine having Merlin hate him.

Well, actually, he could. Their first meeting came to mind. But instead of the amusement he typically felt towards those memories, he felt a deep terror that they would somehow return to that, now that he knew Merlin's impression of him had changed.

"Arthur, this could hurt Merlin very much," Gwen told him urgently. "Even if you care for him, if he finds out-"

"He won't find out," Arthur insisted. "And I'm not mocking him with this. I want to make things right between us, and for that I need him to forgive me."

"He might not ever forgive you if you go through with this," she continued, frustrated.

"It's just a crush," Arthur maintained. "It's harmless. I'll pretend to love him until he's over it, and no one needs to be any the wiser."

"It's not honorable. You're a better man than this, Arthur Pendragon."

"I-" Arthur started, but he stopped quickly, enthusiasm dimming. She was right. He'd been so caught up in the idea, he hadn't even considered the dishonor of pursuing someone he had no interest in.

He just wanted Merlin to forgive him.

"You're right," he relented, his shoulders hunching. "Of course. You're right."

Gwen deflated as well as she frowned in sympathy. "It's all right, Arthur. Just go apologize. I'm sure he'll forgive you when he sees you're sincere."

"Sure. It's Merlin, after all. How long can Merlin, of all people, hold a grudge?" he asked weakly.

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