Servants Series 8

by ss9

Motherhood isn't everything it was supposed to be but will Taplow's newest mother be able to meet the challenges? On top of that there is a motherin law and new grandmother to deal with and a christening to organise.

7. Chapter 6b

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The dull morning light finally roused the butler from his cramped and cold bed and for a moment Jarvis stared around in confusion, then everything suddenly came flooding back, Flora had betrayed him, Henry Watson's arrival and lastly the gruesome death of a good man. Swinging his feet out of bed the butler stormed over to his old dressing table, pouring out a bowl full of freezing water he splashed a handful on to his face and ignoring the shivers that wracked his frame as he began to shave.

Within ten minutes he was dressed and heading down to his office and from the worried looks his staff shot him as they endeavoured to get out of his way news of both Lord Montgomery's death and his own estrangement from his wife must have spread all over the county by now. Everyone was treating him like a volatile substance, a cannon that might at any moment explode in their faces and so had very wisely taken the decision to stay out of his way until after the fireworks had been set off by some other unfortunate wretch. However such a sensible course of action had obviously eluded his housekeeper.

Pushing his office door open sharply so it banged loudly Jarvis watched as Mrs Watson practically jumped out of her skin.

"Mr Jarvis!"

"Mrs Watson." Jarvis retorted civilly but coolly as he swept into the room and took his seat behind the desk. "And how can I be of assistance today? Hmmm something you wish discuss? Nothing weighing heavily on your mind is there?" He added sarcastically watching as the petite woman in front of him flinched at his harsh words and for a moment he felt a flash of regret, she had just lost the man she loved after all. A man who was an aristocrat who she had been dallying with under his very nose whilst her so called deceased husband was actually very much alive and searching for his lawfully wedded wife. Yet having met the oath in person Walter couldn't actually blame her for running away from him and her deception was probably a necessary one under the circumstances. He couldn't place his hand on his heart and say truthfully that had she told him she was hiding from her husband the first day they met that he wouldn't have simply packed her back off home.

"I know you must hate me Mr Jarvis." Molly began tearfully. "But I never intended for any of this to happen…"

"And yet it did, whether you intended it or not we still have to deal with the consequences."

Hanging her head Molly dabbed at her nose with her handkerchief. "I know and I am fully prepared to except them…I…"

Yet Molly didn't have a chance to finish what she was saying as that moment the butler's door was flung open and in stormed a very pale and breathless Andrew Adams.

"Andrew…"

"Mr Adams…. Shouldn't you still be in bed I specifically remember Dr Evans instructing you to rest and not rip your stitches?"

Shaking his head as if dismissing their concerns out of hand the unshaven under-butler limped into the room to stand over the butler's desk. "Mr Jarvis…I just had to come, you cannot send her away sir…She hasn't anywhere to go sir…"

Staring blankly up at his under butler over the rim of his glasses Jarvis waited for his subordinate to continue. "And precisely what part of that is my problem?" He added when Mr Adams remained silent.

"But sir…"

"Oh just stop Andrew." Jarvis finally snapped causing both of the Adams in his room to start at the coldness of his tone. "I have had it up to here with your family…First it's your drinking and gambling then it's your daughter turning up and then your flagrant liaison with her ladyship. All of which I have dealt with and covered up, then your sister arrives… A grieving widow you said, which wasn't in fact the truth now was it? I cannot blame her for wanting to leave her husband but to lie to me about everything, and now it appears you are not the only Adams with a taste for the aristocracy…Why the next thing I'll be finding out is that your daughter is carrying on with Lord Julian…" Jarvis added as he paced in front of his fire.

"Don't you bring my Lizzy into this!"

"Why ever not? Hmmm you seem to expect me to cover up all your messes for you but I have never been asked to cover up the real reason for a murder before unless of course you'd care to throw some light on old Lord Farquerson's mysterious death Andrew?"

Clenching his jaw Mr Adams bit back an angry retort. "No nothing, it was an accident the old fool was smoking in bed as well you know sir!"

"Yes well." Jarvis retorted as he turned to look at Molly Watson who had so far been silent during this exchange. "There is no way last night's little escapade can ever be treated as an accident. Do you have any idea what this is going to do to Taplows?" He added looking between the confused pair. "Well surely it cannot have escaped your notice that in the last year or so three of his lordship's visitors have suffered an unpleasant end at Taplows. People have been talking and his lordship is growing increasingly paranoid, he is convinced the house in cursed and now with the police creeping all over the place. A murder, of an aristocrat and a Member of Parliament, heads are going to roll for this, if his lordship doesn't insist on it then you can bet your wages Lady Francesca will do so!"

"She will see me sacked and ruined." Molly suddenly whispered. "She hates me."

Sighing deeply Jarvis settled himself back into his chair and steepling his fingers rubbed his nose against them as he tried to fight off the headache that was threatening. "At the moment Lady Francesca is too involved in playing the grieving widow to spare you a second thought Mrs Watson however when the gloss of that particular role wears off I have no doubt she will be having words with his lordship over the circumstances of her husbands death."

"Oh she won't be telling him too much." Adams snorted. "After all it wouldn't sit right now would it her husband dieing for another woman."

Jarvis had to admit that Andrew did make a fair point. "Indeed she will probably attack over the issue of your supposedly dead husband's presence at Taplows, why was he even here for example and who is to blame for it and in that my dear Mrs Watson I think you are going to struggle to defend yourself!"

"So you're going to let me go now instead aren't you?" Molly whimpered.

"Can you give me one decent reason why I shouldn't? You've lied to me since the very beginning, ever since you have arrived there was been upset and discord…"

"You mean with Flora!" Molly spat back spitefully. "This is what we are really talking about here isn't it? Not his lordship or Taplows or even Lady Francesca we're really talking about my going behind your back to support a friend!"

"You call giving a nursing mother drugs supporting a friend!" Jarvis hissed his face now darkening as his temper got the better of him. "I trusted you and stabbed me in the back!"

"So this your chance for revenge is that it!" Molly added getting to her feet as her natural Adam's vivacity reared its head. "Well go ahead put me out on the streets if you want I already lost everything that I gave a damn about!"

"Well I am sorry to disappointment you Mrs Watson but you are going to have to shelve your travel plans for the time being!" He added turning away and avoiding the stunned expressions on their faces.

"What?" Andrew and Molly asked at once.

Ignoring them for a moment Walter picked up his paper and scanned the headlines, which contained the expected explosive comments about his lordship's demise. "Didn't you hear me the first time?"

"But…"

Sighing the butler slapped the paper down and for a moment he almost wished he could photograph the pair of them, with their mouths open like that they passed a startling resemblance to a couple of his lordships coy carp. "I simply do not have the time to find a new housekeeper, let alone invest my energy in training her up the way I would like…I have other priorities for my time." He added softly.

"But…"

"Look if Lady Francesca intervenes I may have no choice but until she does I will not make any pre-emptive decisions so I suggest Mrs Watson if you want to remain at Taplows you spend that time thinking up your excuses for his lordship." He paused looking at Adams's confused expression and Molly's relieved one. "Now if you both wouldn't mind I was not jesting when I said I had other pressing matters to attend to…"

"Of course Sir." Adams replied automatically edgeing quickly to the door lest the butler should suddenly return to normal and change his mind. "Come Molly there is work to be done."

"In a moment." She added watching as her brother disappeared before turning back to the butler. "Why?"

"Why what Mrs Watson I am sure we have already stated my reasons?" Jarvis snorted angrily ruffling his paper as he glared at her over the top. "I have no desire to discuss things further, from now on you are on your own!"

"Understood." Molly muttered as she moved towards the door, pausing on the threshold she added. "I can never thank you enough Mr Jarvis."

Leaning back in his chair the butler remained focused on his paper and at first gave no sign of having heard her at all but as she went to close the door behind her he added in a low and serious tone. "Perhaps not Mrs Watson but you could start by staying out of my private affairs from now on!" Nodding glumly Molly left the butler to his own private internal conflict.

- - -

Lunch that day in the lower servants' hall was a rather sober affair with news of Lord Montgomery's death having spread like wildfire below stairs. The momentary absence of Mr Adams glaring down at them from one end of the table allowing the various rumours that were going round about Taplows' current housekeeper and the varied bets that were being placed as to whether Jarvis would boot her out before the day was over to be discussed in avid detail.

"It's just so horrible." Grace sighed as she pushed her food aimlessly round her plate.

"I know," Lizzie agreed "his poor children, they'll be stuck with that awful Lady Francesca now."

"I don't like it, these things keep happening here." Charlotte added with a slight shudder "People are beginning to talk, maybe there's some sort of evil spirit at work, I mean what had poor Lord Montgomery doe to deserve that."

"Oh give over Charlotte; you're starting to sound like old Lady Mary, or even worse, the Earl." Fred scoffed "Lord Monty just got on the wrong side of that madman's knife, nothing to do with any evil ghosts if you ask me."

"And anyway, by the looks of things it seems old Monty wasn't quite the saint he made out to be." Joe added. "Being an MP didn't stop him having a bit on the side if you know what I mean."

"I know, did you see her last night?" Grace added conspiratorially "Sobbing over his body was what I heard, apparently Gus, one of the stable boys, saw it all. Who'd have thought it, Mrs Watson and Lord Monty eh!"

"And her being a married woman and all." Charlotte tutted.

"Well if that lunatic who murdered old Monty really was her husband then I think even I'd choose someone else over him." Fred teased.

"I thought she was a widow though?" Grace asked in some confusion.

"Well doesn't look like it does it, if that bloke was telling the truth when they had that huge fight last night and he yelled at her. She seemed to know him alright as well. Ran away down south to escape from him I reckon." Joe declared.

"Ere Joe mate, what do you reckon? I think Jarvis will want heads to roll for this. If you ask me someone will be out by teatime." Fred announced knowledgeably as he attempted to spear a rogue potato on his plate.

"My money's on Mrs Watson, gotta be. I saw her earlier, face as pale as a ghost." Joe replied.

"She can't really stay after this can she?" Lizzie asked "I mean surely Lady Francesca would have something to say about that."

"Nah you guys are well behind on the news." Will cut in, plonking himself down at the table, having just arrived in the hall having been tending to the Earl who was of course in a state after the recent events.

"What more do you know then William?" Grace asked sceptically.

"Mrs Watson aint going anywhere. One of the scullery maids overheard Jarvis talking to her, she's not been sacked, well not for the minute anyway, depends if Lady F kicks up a fuss or not. She probably will go sometime though, can't see Lady F lying low about something like this." Will announced as he began helping himself to food.

"But what's she going to do about it, she can't tell the Earl to just fire his housekeeper can she?" Charlotte argued.

"Who knows what that old hag would do to get her own back." Will replied through a mouthful of food, shrugging his shoulders as he did so and gesticulating with his fork in Charlotte's direction. "I certainly wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of her, and if you ask me…"

"But I don't believe anyone was asking your opinion Mr Forest." Mr Adams voice suddenly boomed out across the hall "And I'm sure even fewer people would care to hear it."

"Yes Sir." Will muttered, returning to his food as he felt Adams glaring at him as he took his seat.

"The next person I hear gossiping will lose their wages for the next month, now belt up all of you and eat." Adams barked sternly, looking round the room as if daring anyone to speak.

After bolting down the rest of their lunch under the gimlet gaze of Andrew Adams, the lower servants made a welcome escape to their afternoon duties with Grace leading Charlotte down to the kitchens to where she was supposed to be helping Chef with the jam-making that afternoon. It was on their way that they bumped into one of the objects of their conversation, a rather flustered Mrs Watson making her way back from the kitchen.

"Ahh Grace there you are, now Chef was just looking for you, something about ummm…"

"Jam-making Mrs Watson. I'm just on my way down there now." Grace prompted "Charlotte was going to come and help me, while she waits for Doctor Evans to finish with the Earl, weren't you Charlotte?" she added with a subtle nudge to her friend's elbow.

"Yes, yes, if that's alright Mrs Watson."

"Of course, thank you girls. I'd better go tend to… ummm… well I'll see you later." Molly muttered as she hurried off again leaving the other two to stare after her.

"Well she doesn't look like someone who just managed to keep their job now does she?" Charlotte pondered.

"Yeah but if there really was something going on with her and Lord Monty then no wonder she's going round looking like the world's ended." Grace commented as she opened the door into a little room off the main kitchen.

"I still just can't believe that, she always seemed so…respectable."

"Yeah well seems not" Grace sighed as she lifted a basket of apples onto the table "besides look at her brother, he's always off after Lady Rebecca's petticoats whenever Jarvis's back is turned, must be something in that family!"

"Why hasn't Mr Jarvis done anything about him, or why hasn't he now sacked Molly then?"

"I think Mr Jarvis has enough to worry about at the moment. Here Charlotte give us a hand peeling these would you…" Grace added, handing Charlotte a knife as she did so "Haven't you heard, Jarvis has moved his stuff out of his and Mrs Corey's rooms, did it yesterday apparently." She continued in a slightly quieter voice in case the butler in question happened to be anywhere in earshot.

"What?" Charlotte gasped in surprise "But why? The christening was only yesterday and we thought they were finally settled and happy. Ellie looked so adorable yesterday didn't you think?" She added, absentmindedly running a hand over her own stomach causing Grace to frown at her thoughtfully.

"Yes well so did we all. Someone overheard them arguing yesterday though, after the christening and Mrs Corey left crying. Then next thing we knew Mr Jarvis had moved his stuff back into his old room and was going round with a face like thunder, though mind you nothing in comparison to his mood this morning." Grace explained as she carried on peeling and coring the apples.

"Poor Mr Jarvis, and now with this horrible murder. Maybe they'll make up soon, you know what those two are like though, almost happier when they're arguing." Charlotte mused.

"Aww Charlotte, married life hasn't made you cynical already has it!" Grace teased.

"Not at all Grace May" Charlotte retorted quickly, blushing slightly as she did so "I was just saying that with those two…"

"Ahh I thought I might find you two gossiping away somewhere down here!" Dr Evans' teasing tone interrupted her from the doorway before she could finish.

"We weren't gossiping, we were just…" Charlotte protested as he came into the room properly, shutting the door and planting a kiss on her lips making her blush even more.

"Exchanging news!" Grace finished, smiling at how smitten her friend still was.

"I'm sure you were!" Dr Evans replied in amusement, sliding an arm round his wife's waist. "How are you Miss May? Coping alright with Taplows?"

"Just about! I'm well thank you. Have you been seeing the Earl?"

"Yes, I've been here since last night really when I was called after…well after you know…with Lord Montgomery." he sighed, running a hand through his hair wearily. "Horrible business and his lordship now thinks he is the next 'target' or whatever he was rambling earlier. I gave him a sedative so that should calm his hysterics for the time being, give Mr Jarvis a bit of peace from him for a few hours."

"Probably what he needs right now, what with the police still here and everything else that's going on." Grace replied with a slight frown.

"Exactly my thoughts. I'm sure I'll be back here fairly soon though, it doesn't look like his lordship is going to take this event without a bout of hysteria at least once a week from now on!"

"Well that's something for us to look forward to I'm sure." Grace retorted wryly to which the doctor gave a sympathetic smile.

Well my dear," he added turning towards Charlotte "I don't know about you but I'm exhausted, shall we get going?"

"Yes let's. Sorry Grace, I've hardly done any of these, maybe I…"

"Don't worry about it." Grace dismissed it with a wave of her hand "Go on both of you, I'm sure I'll see you soon, Charlotte I'll come see you next week on my afternoon off."

"That would be lovely. I'll see you next week then." Charlotte said, taking her husband's arm as he led her out the door and leaving Grace to her peeling.

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Lady Rebecca sighed wearily as she crossed to the library window, a book hanging limply from her hand. She hardly felt in the mood for reading; her eyes were heavy from tears and her mind filled with thoughts of the brother-in-law she had just lost in such a needless attack, but yet she had found herself wandering the only room in the house in which she could find solace. The books adorning the shelves were a mixture of knowledge and escapism, both of which could in their own ways take her away from the confusion and foreboding in her heart, but the more she tried to read the more she could only cry.

The only thing that gave her life meaning was her young son, but right now she couldn't look at him without sobbing. What future did he have? Yes he would have money, but her relationship with Andrew was slipping through her fingers and the one person who had come to her rescue against the poison of her sister now lay dead upstairs as Francesca feigned grief. The sudden appearance of the handsome and utterly charming Colonel McCartney had only served to give her options she wasn't sure she particularly wanted, and her sister's encouragement of a possible union disturbed her.

Rebecca's mind wandered back to Monty and the relief she felt at not witnessing his horrific death. She hadn't brought herself to pay Molly a visit and she prayed Mr Jarvis could find it within him not to let her go, but the mood above stairs was subdued and Earl had taken to his bed again amidst talk of a Taplows curse. Rebecca felt even more alone than she did after Hugo's death and her broken heart ached for Montgomery. She thought back to their brief affair, before Francesca discovered their secret, then afterwards when she and Monty remained firm friends despite her sister's desperate attempts to sour things. It was only then that she realised just how much Monty must have loved her – he had remained a true gentleman and now she missed him dreadfully. Many men had fallen for the beautiful Rebecca since she stepped out as a debutante years before but few had been honourable or acceptable suitors. She had never, however, considered before meeting Andrew that the father of her child would be an under-butler, a secret which appeared to be more widely known than she would have liked. Suddenly she felt ashamed, then ashamed for feeling ashamed. It was then a tap on her elbow caused her to jump and drop the book.

"Andrew!" She exclaimed, clutching at her corseted chest. "You gave me such a fright!"

The under-butler scooped down and picked up the book, glancing idly at the front cover before offering it back. "M'Lady. I thought I might find you in here."

Pausing momentarily Rebecca studied Adams' face, which appeared curiously blank, then slowly removed the book from his grasp. "You know me too well, Andrew. It's lovely to see you. Everything has been so ghastly." She forced a smile then checking out the window leant in and kissed him softly.

"Did you mean that?" Adams asked, rather frostily. Rebecca blinked and shook her head. Usually the touch of her lips against his would make him smile, and want more, but today was different. Then again, today WAS different. It was the first day of many for Rebecca without Monty to turn to.

"Of course I meant it. I'm so sorry if I seem a little…distant. Monty's death was so unexpected and tragic, I can't believe he's gone. How is dear Molly? My heart bleeds for her."

Adams lowered his eyes. "She is how you might presume, but Mr Jarvis is a decent man and is allowing her to keep her position here at Taplows."

"Oh, that is wonderful news." Rebecca breathed, a genuine smile crossing her pale lips. "He is a most generous and discreet man, I fear Algie wouldn't be quite so understanding of your sister."

Clearing his throat, the under-butler ran a hand across his chin. A change of subject was required. "I would like to see my son sometime today, if that is agreeable, My Lady."

"Well, of course." Rebecca replied, raising her eyebrows. Andrew was always able to see his son, and she hardly cared for the formality he was showing towards her. "You know seeing Hugo is never disagreeable to me, Andrew. He is presently with Lizzie, I am sure you could see him now if you so wish."

Adams opened his mouth to reply but Rebecca's eyes flickered to over his shoulder and she suddenly appeared nervous.

"Thank you Mr Adams, yes I will be dining with Colonel McCartney and Lady Caroline tonight, I appreciate Mr Kraus' concerns. Colonel, how are you?" She blurted out, almost awkwardly, praying they had been talking quietly enough for McCartney not to have overheard. Adams nodded and stepped aside, playing out the well practiced reverence between servant and superior as if it were second nature and not reacting to the threat which had entered the library. The Colonel cut a dashing figure at Taplows, with a strong jaw and remarkable green eyes, but today he seemed somehow crumpled. A man used to seeing death in war, the death of his friend had nevertheless been difficult to take.

"Lady Rebecca." The Colonel took Rebecca's hand and kissed her knuckles. Adams snorted to himself and stalked off. "I am well, considering. Henry Watson will hang for his crime and good riddance."

Rebecca nodded gravely, but McCartney suddenly looked regretful. "Oh, I am sorry for such harshness, it has been a long and difficult day. How are you, more importantly? I know how close you were to Montgomery. Just how close."

Startled, Rebecca met his almost sympathetic gaze, only briefly, with wide blue eyes then hurriedly turned her back on him so she looked out through a misted window towards a dull, rain-soaked landscape. "My dear Laurence, I…I have no idea what you…"

"He told me, years ago. For what it's worth, Rebecca, he was devastated when it ended. I do not condemn you both, I know she is your sister but Francesca is a hard woman." The Colonel's voice was soft and understanding, but Rebecca couldn't bring herself to turn round and face him again. How could Monty have told him? But it seemed less important, somehow, now that Monty was gone.

"Rebecca." The Colonel moved next to her, an unusual air of caution surrounding such a self-assured military man. "Is there now anybody else? Anyone who…is the object of your affection? He would be a very lucky man, if it is the case."

Rebecca turned, her red ringlets draping around her face and catching the light in the room. "Well…" She began, but Laurence was staring at her intently, watching as her lips parted to speak but no further words came out. He was indeed an attractive man and he intrigued her. "No, there is noone. Noone since Hugo."

The Colonel appeared satisfied that the truth had been told and a weak smile tugged gently at his mouth. There was nothing unusual about the lie Rebecca had just told him, indeed she was used to telling it. What was unusual was that for the first time, Rebecca wished it were true.

"I will not be here for long." Laurence told her. "Once Monty is taken back up to Scotland I will have to leave. Will you be returning to Scotland soon?"

Rebecca shrugged and looked incredulous. "I…I've no idea what I'm doing any more, to be truthful, Colonel. Increasingly there is little reason for me to remain at Taplows, but at the same time the place holds such affection for me. Still, if I return to Highlands, I doubt I will come back here for a very long while, not until Hugo is older."

"Rebecca, may I be bold with you?" The Colonel took a step closer to her, and she knew what was coming. "I know this is hardly an appropriate time, but I feel that time for appropriateness has past. I was hoping that I could woo you a little, but I hope that you will wait for me to do just that on my return."

"What are you saying, Laurence?" Rebecca felt her face flushing as her heart began to race, but she thought of Andrew, and what it would do to him if she followed her head, as Laurence cupped her chin in his palm.

"My dear, darling Rebecca." The Colonel moved so his face was inches from Rebecca's. "You may not think me a good suitor, and if you do not then I will not ask again and we can remain just friends, but I have feelings for you which are more than a simply platonic friendship and I am sure I can become very fond of baby Hugo. Rebecca – will you marry me?"

For a moment Rebecca stared into his eyes, and she knew he meant it. She also knew that he meant the kiss they then shared seconds later. "Yes," She whispered as their lips parted, as tears pooled in her eyes, but it was not pure joy for which the tears fell. "Yes, I accept your proposal. I will marry you, Laurence McCartney."

- - -

Miss May recalled the look of love and devotion that had passed between the doctor and her good friend earlier that day. She was of course most happy for Charlotte that after many years of waiting she had finally found the man of her dreams, however at the same time every look between them was a pain in her heart. Although she hated to admit it to herself she knew she was jealous of the love her friend shared with his lordship's doctor. One may wonder why her mind is filled with such thoughts. After all Grace May appears to be the happy fiancée of Frank Keneally. Unfortunately as every day passes more rumours begin to reach her ears of her Frank's infidelity.

Grace wished she could dismiss these rumours but she was beginning to realise after so many it was virtually impossible. It wasn't as if it was just a few people with nothing better to do than gossip about her fiancé either, she had even heard Lizzie and Fred whispering on occasion about whether or not she should be warned. She also recollected her brief conversation with Emily on the day of Ellie's christening.

Emily had been trying to warn her about Frank…for a change. She was once again telling her to get out of the relationship before it was too late. Grace listened intently at first (though she wouldn't have Emily know it) but after Emily mentioned that Grace should go visit George her intentions became quite clear. The only reason she was trying to caution her against Frank was to butter her up enough to visit George. Well she wasn't going to have it. She didn't care what people were saying about her Frank, she trusted him and believed what he told her…

"Well Mrs Watson isn't going to be here for much longer, that I'm certain about. Wouldn't it be wonderful if Jarvis could get rid of that bloody brother of hers as well?" Frank murmured, glad Grace was unable to see the huge grin that he was unable to prevent spreading over his face.

Grace May was staring up at the dirty white ceiling above Frank's bed. She didn't even wish to think about the dismissal of Molly Watson. She'd just begun to grow on Grace and she wasn't ready for yet another new housekeeper to get on the right side of. "I feel sorry for the children most I guess," she whispers to Frank in a hope of changing the subject. "At least with Lord Hamilton-Hussey alive they had one half decent parent. Poor little Oliver especially, losing his father even before reaching his first birthday."

If she was lain just a little closer to Frank she would most definitely have felt him tense beside her. "I guess it's similar with poor little Hugo, even if most people know Lord Hugo isn't his real father."

"Indeed." That was all that Frank could manage to say as he thought about his son not too far away. His thoughts drifted to the night before as he had waited down the corridor from Francesca's room waiting for Oliver's nanny to pass.

It was at the exact moment when he saw Miss Constance pass that he just happened to step out from his hiding place and 'accidentally' knocked her off her feet. He managed the part of embarrassed clumsy fool easily. After he had pulled her up and whispered a few well chosen phrases in her ear it was clear that she was ready to swoon into his arms. It wouldn't be long before he would be seeing his son on a regular basis in between a few work out sessions with his son's very attractive nanny.

"Frank…" Grace whispered to him, stirring him from his reverie. "Where did you get to last night?" She finally asked him after days of holding back.

"I thought I told you," he stuttered distractedly. Grace shook her head. "Ahh, well I was tending to our newest guest." The excuse slipped off his tongue calmly. "Lord Julian was indisposed and Jarvis decided I should make myself useful."

"Of course," Grace answered.

"Do you doubt me?" He asked softly, pulling her towards him. "Surely you are not under the impression that I could have eyes for anyone other than you?" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head into his chest. He couldn't resist smirking as he recalled what he had really been doing the night before. "You and our little baby are my only concern at the moment and if I didn't have work to do I'd spend as much time as I could with you."

She wasn't sure what scared her more. The fact that he couldn't so easily lie to her or the fact that he could be so convincing when he did it. He had seemed so sincere when he had told her about being with Lord Julian and she would have believed him in an instant if she hadn't known that he wasn't possibly tending to the new guest. Charles had been given that delightful duty when no one had been able to find Frank, except Miss Constance of course (but Grace didn't know this). The main aspect which really scared her was how could she know that he hadn't lie to her in the past if he could be so believable.

She didn't want to think about it...

Unfortunately she knew she had to face up to it at some point. She sighed heavily. She had been so happy recently. Frank back to his old self and a little baby on the way. Now everything seemed to be spinning around her. She couldn't shake the painfully disgusting images from her head. Frank with one scullery hand, then another and another. They had all been right. All of them, Lizzie, Emily...George...

Oh god...poor George, who from what she had been told had done nothing to deserve the trauma he was going through at that moment in time. All alone...just like her.

She couldn't be surrounded by more people yet she hadn't felt so alone since she had left George behind in London. At this moment in her life she needed so much to talk to someone. A friendly face, yet she couldn't. Charlotte was far away. Lizzie had her own problems to be dealing with, as did Emily. Even if they were available she was almost positive she wouldn't want to talk to any of them. The only person she wanted to talk to was...no she couldn't see him. George was history. She decided long ago she wasn't going to speak to him again and she was going to stick to that. No matter how much she needed someone she wasn't going to cave in.

- - -

Pausing on the threshold of his sister's room Ardal waited for Flora to invite him inside, toying nervously with edge of his jacket rubbing the already threadbare fabric with the edge of his thumb an unconscious gesture he had had since childhood. For a moment the memory brought a fleeting happy memory to Flora's mind and a sad smile flittered across her face.

"Please Flora…" Ardal persisted shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another until an irritated Flora waved him inside. "I am truly sorry…If I had known how Walter would react…"

"What you couldn't have worked it out for yourself… How would any man have reacted on finding out his wife had lied and betrayed him and for what…I can't even tell him the truth he simply won't let me tell him and perhaps that's for the best. He already hates me for what he thinks I have done what if telling him the truth about father made him worse…Now he is fuming at me but I know deep down he still loves me…He might forgive me in time but if I tell him what happened."

"You think he might leave you?"

"Well can you think of any reason on earth why he would stay?" Flora asked whirling round to stare directly at her brother for the first time exposing her puffy eyes and drawn features. "He put his first wife away when he found out about her instability…true he supported her financially but that was it. Do you think I would be happy receiving a cheque in the post from my husband once a quarter? Do you think that is the sort of marriage I want!" She added almost hysterically.

"You haven't slept at all have you?"

"Sleep how on earth could I sleep…Walter has moved out my bed is so quiet…so empty without him there."

"Flora you need to sleep, things will seem clearer if you do."

"How on earth could things be any clearer…My husband has found me out, he has moved out of our rooms, he doesn't want me, he cannot love me any more and without him I have nothing worth living for…"

"You have Eleanor." Ardal replied comfortingly.

Snorting in bitter amusement Flora shook her head. "For how long will I be able to keep her Ardal…A year…six months…until she need's weaning if Walter is being generous…"

"He wouldn't take her away from you!" Ardal exclaimed in horror.

"I don't know what he will do!" Flora snapped her back, her thin frame shaking with emotion. "That is the problem, I have never seem him that angry…that cold. I have seen him furious with me before but there was always still something in his eyes that gave me hope, a warmth, an affection lingered no matter how much he yelled or pushed me away but now…Now his eye's are cold when they look at me, like stone, and I cannot see a flicker of love for me remaining…I think I really have lost him this time…"

"You'll still have me, your family!" Ardal tried once more to placate her, moving to crouch before her and hold her trembling hand between his larger steadier ones. "We will take care of you now."

"Oh my loving family." Flora hissed dragging her hand out of his as if they had burned her. "My loving family who care for my happiness and well-being so much they come here to destroy my marriage…"

"It wasn't like that!" Ardal snapped getting to his feet and acing the room as he ran his hand through his wavy locks. "You cannot believe we had anything but the best of intentions…"

"You might have." Flora conceded. "But not him…He just uses people Ardal can't you see that, wants them in his power so he can make them jump and dance to the tune of his choice."

"He has taken care of us…Helped us when no one else would…Guided us back…"

"From what?" Flora asked getting up from her chair to face her brother. "What has he done to deserve such loyalty from you…What has he saved you from Ardal that you will defend him even now?"

For a moment Ardal almost considered telling her, perhaps this was the very proof she needed, but no it was too personal too shameful a subject to discuss with even his own sister. "He is our father…"

"Step-father!"

"Regardless he is due our respect and obedience."

Shaking her head Flora stormed over to the door holding it wide for her brother to exit. "Never."

Sighing deeply Ardal lent and placed a soft kiss on his sister's icy cheek. "As wish sister, but remember we are here if you need us, it is a shame that our parting must be under such circumstances…We will be on our way this afternoon, your husband," he paused rolling the title round his mouth with obvious distaste, "has asked us to leave. Please come to us if you need anything." He added before slipping way.

"No." Flora whispered to herself, glancing around the sitting room she took in the life that Walter and her had tried to create. The walls hung with assorted watercolours from his travels, the fireside chairs plumped with cushions she had made, little mementos adorned the mantelpiece. Gritting her teeth she decided to give her marriage one last try; there was a terrible risk in telling Walter everything but it was one she was going to have to take regardless. She could never live with thinking what if…

Having made her decision Flora nodded at her reflection in the glass above the fireplace, then calm and composed she made her way down to her husband's office.

---------

Leaving Flora's room after she so bluntly showed him the door, Ardal wandered downstairs in a bit of a daze. He was trying hard to shake the feeling of guilt that had been welling up ever since his step-father had mentioned the plan to christen Ellie. He knew it was for the best, of course it was, Lorcan had explained that much over and over again. It was all for Flora's benefit, she would come round to their way of thinking and see it that way eventually. She was just upset at the moment and not thinking straight. So why did he feel so awful then? Why, when she had looked at him with those awful hollow-rimmed eyes, had he felt such a wave of guilt rushing through him.

It was Walter's fault he told himself, the man clearly had no real regard for his sister; otherwise he wouldn't have said such things to her, left her so devastated. Therefore they had done the right thing, made Flora see what a callous, cold-hearted, unfeeling Englishman she was married to.

Do you really think that though, his conscience whispered at him? You saw them when you first arrived, how happy they were, how much he adored Flora. Why wouldn't deep down that still be there? And you, you couldn't even tell Flora what Lorcan has over you, the real reason you have to do everything he asks, your own deepest, darkest secret. You can't even confide in her when she has trusted you in everything so far, how much of a good brother does that make you?

Suddenly feeling claustrophobic, Ardal made a dash for the nearest door, pushing it open, staggering outside and taking big gulps of the cold air. Leaning against the wall he closed his eyes for a moment before suddenly resolutely striding round to the other side of the house in the direction of the kitchen. Storming round to the kitchen door, he suddenly paused out of eyesight of those working in there.

Biting his lip nervously he suddenly wondered what he was actually going to do once he got there, after all, it wouldn't do to just burst in there and then stand there like a lemon, not knowing what to say.

He would just go in there and ask Felix for his advice, yes that was it. Felix knew his sister well, and he knew Walter too, he would therefore be the best person to talk to about this whole mess. Maybe he could talk to Flora before they left, convince her they were only acting in her interest, maybe even that she would want to join them? Deep down Ardal couldn't deny that when his step-father had mentioned that Flora might be joining them on the journey back to Ireland he had felt a selfish stab of pleasure. If Flora came home then it wouldn't just be him on his own against his step-father, it could be like when they were younger again and it was the two of them, against the rest of the world, confiding in each other. Maybe if she came home then he could finally tell her..?

- - -

Why was it everything happened all at once? It was a question that Walter had pondered for a long time. Why was it tragedies only seemed to occur all at the same time? Young lord Harry's death was a prime example, it couldn't have happened any other day in the year, no it had to happen on one of the busiest that of the Halloween ball. Oh and it just had to be one of his footmen who dropped him, the same footman whose lover, for want of a better word, decided to wreak her revenge by raping the orangery and leaving him to deal with the consequences. It was the same pattern over and over again…Lord Hugo's death…Lord Farquerson's…and Lastly Lord Montgomery.

It was a terrible thing to think but Jarvis was beginning to agree with his lord and master, Taplow's seemed to be cursed for the visiting aristocracy. At this rate there would be no one willing to risk their health to make the trip and Jarvis could hardly blame them. If only it could switch to existing members of the Sturges-Bourne family then perhaps it could be bearable he doubted any one would shed tears over the loss of Lady Mary or Caroline, and whilst you were at it you might as well bump off her irritating drunkard of a husband Lord Julian as well. It was just a bafflement how the Fiffington-Piffles had mananged to escape with their lives….

As it was the butler was so engrossed in his own thoughts as he enjoyed culling the ranks of the aristocracy that he didn't hear the gentle tap on his door nor the shadowy figure of his visitor until they were practically standing over him. Jarring him from his daydream Walter glanced up.

"Dear god didn't anyone tell you not creep up on anyone like that…Mother!"

- - -

Taking a deep breath, Ardal made his way over to the door and gently pushed it open, pausing hesitantly on the threshold as he encountered the busy to and fro-ing of the kitchen. Suddenly nervous, he had a vision of Felix berating him in front of the entire kitchen staff about what an awful brother he was, that he didn't deserve a sister like Flora if this was how he treated her. Just as his nerve was about to fail him and he was going to bolt back outside, one of the kitchen maids caught sight of him lurking in the shadows.

"Mr Ryan sir, what are you doing over there? Come on in why don't you."

"I…oh thank you, I don't want to take up your time, I know you're all very busy, I was just wondering…"

"Were you looking for me Mr Ryan?" one of the more brazen girls cooed, batting her eyelashes at the rather startled Ardal.

"Umm, I uh, no I'm afraid not ummm…"

"Betty" she supplied "We were introduced the other day remember?" she added, flashing him another beaming smile.

"I…ah Betty, yes of course. Lovely to see you again." Ardal stuttered, trying to stop the blush that he could feel creeping up his cheeks.

"Well it's certainly a pleasure to see you again sir. We were beginning to think that you had forgotten all about us ladies down here!" Betty added cheekily, giving him a saucy wink that only made him blush further and avert his eyes quickly.

"No, no of course not." he replied quickly, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck to cover his embarrassment.

"I'm glad to hear that Mr Ryan. Now you will stay and try some of these pastries won't you?"

"I, well, I really shouldn't…"

"Oh of course you should, Mary has been working on them all afternoon and they are fit for a king, even is she does say so herself." she replied airily, waving his protests aside before sashaying over and trying to feed a horrified Ardal the pastry herself.

"Ohhh! Th thank you!" he managed to gasp out as he quickly leapt back out of the way, snatching the pastry from her hand just before she could feed him.

"Now, now Mr Ryan, you don't have to be all jumpy around us, nothing but a bit of light-hearted fun is just what it is…"

"WHAT is everyone doing!" Felix suddenly exclaimed as he re-entered the room "I do not ask Mr Jarvis for kitchen maids that are going to stand around and chit chat all day long do I? How am I supposed to have dinner ready on time if all everyone is going to do is talk talk….Mr Ryan?" he suddenly stopped short, having caught sight of a rather scared-looking Ardal surrounded by all his kitchen staff "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"Mr Kraus, I'm sorry, they were just talking to me." Ardal replied quickly, dropping the pasty he had been holding onto the nearest workbench, as the rest of the staff hastily scurried back to their various duties.

"Not at all, don't worry about it." Felix replied affably, his demeanour of a few seconds ago completely gone.

"I, well, I was wondering if I could possibly have a word with you. If you're not too busy that is, I mean, I know you're busy so I could always come back later if that would be better for you?" Ardal rambled nervously.

"Of course."

"Umm, in private if possible?" Ardal mumbled.

"Ahh, just through here then." Felix said, slightly intrigued, leading the way out of the main kitchen and into a side room.

"What can I do for you Mr Ryan?" he asked as Ardal closed the door behind him before turning back to face him, a rather nervous expression on his face.

"I'm sorry to come here and disturb you like this Mr Kraus."

"Not at all, not at all." Felix murmured

"It's a bit of a delicate matter, I don't really know how to.."

"Flora?" Felix cut in softly.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"News travels fast in Taplows, and certainly when it relates to the never-ending saga of our beloved butler and housekeeper." Felix replied drolly "Ex-housekeeper." he added to himself.

"Are they often falling out then?" Ardal asked in some concern.

Hesitating before answering, Felix spoke carefully. "They've been through a lot. It hasn't been an easy relationship from the beginning, and Walter had to go to India for the first half of this year, which must have been hard for the both of them. But they always seem to work it out."

"I don't know if they will this time." Ardal murmured.

"Why not?" Felix asked sharply "What has happened? I know Walter has moved his stuff out of their room but I thought he just did that in a temper to make a point."

"It's complicated I think." Ardal replied hesitantly "Flora doesn't think he will be able to forgive her. She's worried he might try and take Ellie away from her."

"But why would he want to do that?" Felix exclaimed in confusion "Surely Walter would never dream of doing such a thing, he loves her too much."

"I don't know" Ardal said sadly, shaking his head "She thinks he might."

"But why?" Felix demanded "What on earth has she done that is so bad that Walter would even consider taking Ellie away from her?"

Bowing his head suddenly, Ardal didn't answer for a few moments, fiddling instead with a loose thread on his cuff. "It was for her own sake; for Ellie's." he murmured almost to himself.

"What was?" Felix asked, now very confused and more than a little worried.

"The day before the christening here, Ellie was christened into the Jesuit Church near here." Ardal said quietly, still not looking up at the chef.

"WHAT! Ellie was christened as a Catholic!" Felix cried, his eyes wide in disbelief "No wonder then that Walter is furious. You couldn't have imagined that this would have turned out alright really could you!"

"I didn't know he would react like this." Ardal protested, looking back up quickly at the chef and then away when again when Felix just stared at him disbelievingly.

"I bet it was your miserable old step-father's idea" Felix muttered venomously as Ardal just coloured slightly in acknowledgment.

"I was hoping you might be able to speak to her?" Ardal asked anxiously after a few moments of watching the chef pace up and down.

"To tell her what?" Felix asked in surprise

"Well, you know her well, and you know Walter too. Just, to let her know that we only did it for her, that we were thinking of her and Ellie all along and we never wished any of this heartache with Walter."

"Hmmph" Felix snorted "I don't believe that step-father of yours thinks of anybody other than himself and he certainly isn't looking out for anybody else's welfare other than his own. But she must believe that you didn't want any of this. What else would I be able to tell her?"

"Tell her that she always has a place at home with us, even just for a short while, at least until everything calms down here." Ardal said quietly, not wanting to look the chef in the eyes again, afraid of the contemptuous expression he might find there.

"You want me to persuade her to go back to Ireland with you?" Felix asked in disbelief "To abandon her husband, her home, and her friends, and run off to Ireland at the whim of that odious man I take it?"

"It's not like that!" Ardal protested

"Well that is how it is looking from here." Felix retorted "Her running away would not solve anything, and it certainly will not help things between her and Walter."

"But what if things can't be solved between her and Walter?" Ardal argued.

"Putting the Irish Sea between them is not going to help matters" Felix snapped back "Things can't be that bad anyway."

"Flora seems to think they might be. She's distraught."

"Well of course she is, Walter is everything to her. They will work things out, they always do." he added confidently.

"If he loves her so much, then how can he do this to her?" Ardal asked stubbornly "Surely it would be better for her to be with her family for a bit and have the security of that than be alone here?"

"It's because he loves her so much that he's reacting like this!" Felix retorted quickly "She's gone behind his back and done something he hates, no wonder he's angry!"

"But still, if he really loved her." Ardal persisted feebly

"Of course he loves her!" Felix exclaimed "They may have taken far longer than the rest of us to realise it, but they are perfect for each other, despite each of their personal faults, and they will work this out."

"Perhaps." Ardal muttered unconvincingly.

"How would you feel if you found out your fiancée had done something like this behind your back?" Felix suddenly asked causing Ardal to start in surprise.

"I…uh..it's very different." he stuttered, blushing deeply.

"Of course it isn't." Felix shot back "How would you then feel if she ran away to England?"

"I…I don't think it's very relevant at all. How I feel about my fiancée hasn't got anything to do with Flora." Ardal replied defensively.

"No, you're right. I don't think it does." Felix muttered under his breath "I still am not going to persuade Flora to leave Taplows" he added aloud "Walter is a friend of mine too, it would be a dreadful betrayal of his friendship if I did that."

"I see. I'm sorry to have asked then Mr Kraus." Ardal replied stiffly "I only wanted Flora to be with her family."

"Walter and Ellie are her family." Felix replied firmly "She belongs here, even if you would like her to go back with you." He added shrewdly, watching as the Irishman looked away in shame suddenly.

"She has her own life here."

"I know." Ardal whispered. "I should really be going now; my step-father is expecting me." He muttered after a moment, looking back up at the chef "Thank you for your time Mr Kraus. I'm sorry to have intruded so long." he added before turning towards the door.

'Mr Ryan" Felix called before he could turn the handle "You are leaving later are you not?" he asked when Ardal turned back round.

"Yes, later this afternoon."

"I will be busy with dinner preparations I'm afraid so I shan't be able to see you all off."

"Ohh I see." Ardal said somewhat awkwardly.

"I think goodbye is usually customary at this point!" Felix said with a smile.

"Yes, yes of course. Goodbye Mr Kraus." Ardal said formally "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure was all mine." Felix murmured "Goodbye Ardal" he added, offering his hand out to Ardal who hesitated for a second before man grasping it firmly for a moment, looking up at Felix as he did so before quickly turning again and disappearing out the door.

- - -

Calm and composed Flora stepped down the stairs nodding politely at the servants who passed her and doing her best to ignore the excited twitters, which started as soon as she was out of sight. She had left her mother saying goodbye to her beloved granddaughter and now free from that burden she was ready to face the lion in his den. She had gone over and over in her mind what she was going to say and how to phrase it…Pausing just outside Walter's office she went over her opening words carefully determined to get them just perfect when a sudden exclamation from inside caught her immediate attention.

"SHE WHAT!"

"Hush mother…" Walter's stronger baritone insisted until Flora had to step closer and strain her hearing to catch his next words. "It is all true…"

"But how could she…Oh I am going to go and give that little witch a piece of my mind and no mistake if she thinks she can get away with this…"

"Mother!" Walter cut in sharply and Flora paused waiting for baited breath to hear what he said next. "Now is not the time, we need to wait till that odious troop deign to leave us…Then I have the arrangements for Lord Montgomery to see to…Flora can wait after all she isn't going anywhere."

"She has hurt you deeply, oh my poor boy…"

"That she has…but I do need you help mother…I need you to help me look after Ellie…Flora has been continuing to take those damn drugs of hers and will not let them affect my daughter. I will confine her to her room if I have to, I'll need to search it first make sure she hasn't gotten any hidden away as no matter what Mrs Watson says I am sure she has…"

"You mean to confine her indefinitely?"

"If necessary…It is for her own good…Until Ellie is older then perhaps we can consider something else?"

"Sending her away?"

"Perhaps if necessary…" Walter muttered sadly. "Taplow's seems to be the root of her troubles so perhaps…"

But Flora didn't wait to hear what Walter intended she could see it all already, some so called hospital, a glorified mental institution with bars on the windows restraints on the beds…No there was no way she would let him do that to her, she wasn't unstable she was just exhausted. Whirling round she darted back up the stairs. She loved Walter more than her life but she loved Ellie even more than that. She little or no time left and she needed help. Taking a deep breath she paused outside her stepfather's door and swallowing her very real feeling of horror she knocked.

- - -

However if Flora had stayed but a few moments more she might have gained a rather different perspective on her husband's intentions.

"Sending her away?"

"Perhaps if necessary…" Walter muttered sadly. "Taplow's seems to be the root of her troubles so perhaps…"

"An institution? Well I hear some of them can do wonders…"

Whirling round in horror Walter fixed his mother with a disbelieving expression. "I would never send Keneally to such a place let alone my wife!"

"But Walter…"

"No buts Mother, no matter what Flora has done, no matter what is wrong with her I will not simply throw her into one of those places and forget about her. I made a promise for better or worse in sickness and in health and I will not break them no matter what the provocation…" Then having taken a calming breath he extended a hand of truce to his trembling mother. "I am sorry…It's just with Marie her family wanted her put away, I went and looked…It was terrible the things that goes on in those places mother."

"So what will you do?"

"I was thinking next spring when Ellie is old enough, I could persuade his lordship to take a little trip Brighton perhaps…By then with the good Doctor's help perhaps Flora will be strong enough, some time away from Taplows and the baby might be just what she needs…"

"And what about what you need oh my son…"

"She's my wife…Even if I can never forgive her she did give me my child and I do owe her a duty of care…"

Sighing deeply Emily nodded her agreement then reaching out she ran her hand across Walter's should giving him a brief one armed hug, even as a child he had shunned overt displays, so it was something of a surprise when he turned and rested his head against his mother's shoulder. "Why did this have to happen?" She heard him mumble softly, his voice muffled against her dress. Wrapping her other arm around him she held him tight like a little boy soothing him gently. "I don't know Walter…I don't know…"

- - -

"So you admit you need my help?"

Glancing up from the spot on the floor she had been studying intently for the past few minutes Flora expected to see a gloating smirk on her stepfather's face, instead the look of solemn contemplation surprised her. "I do sir…" She mumbled softly, her mind still numb from the day's events. "I cannot loose my daughter…I cannot be shut away in one of those places, I really will go mad."

Nodding gently Lorcan turned to meet both his wife and stepson's eye before continuing. "We are your family, we will do whatever we can to help you but…"

"But what?" Flora pleaded unable to believe that they would refuse to aid her at such a time.

"Flora if your husband insisted on your incarceration then I am afraid we would be powerless to stop him, technically you are his to do with as he pleases even stooping to such a level; he need only persuade two doctors…"

"I know that!" Flora snapped testily and for a moment she saw a steely glint come into her step-father's eye, but just as soon as it appeared it was gone, and she was left wondering if it was merely a trick of the light.

"You came here for advice my girl, I am only telling you the truth what will happen unless we act and act now!" Lorcan cut in sharply before leaning back in his chair tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Of course there is one obvious solution but I am not sure your resolve will hold my dear?"

"What solution?"

Taking a deep breath Lorcan sighed dramatically as though he had no desire to impart such news before adding theatrically. "Why leaving Taplows with us of course!"

"Leave?" Flora gasped in horror, it was unthinkable, to leave her home of so long. "But I love Taplows!"

"Yes and you love your husband and your daughter and no doubt your freedom too, I am afraid my dear you are going to have to choose between them."

"If I came back to Ireland…"

"I would be able to protect you…and the little one of course." Lorcan added graciously. "All modesty aside I have more than a little influence in our locality, back amongst our own people an upstart Englishman would have very little power."

Fiddling with her apron nervously Flora glanced up at her brother, surely he would help guide her in this it seemed so extreme, stay at Taplows and face loosing everything even her sanity or fleeing with her child but giving up any chance of rescuing her marriage.

"Think carefully Flora." Ardal cautioned ignoring his stepfather's glare. "You know we want only what is best for you…I think you could be happy back home and I know Lucy and myself would be only to delighted to have our big sister involved in our lives, but you have to do what is right for you."

"I cannot loose Ellie." Flora insisted that one thing set in her mind. She had never thought she could love anyone more than Walter but her daughter was her entire life now it would destroy her to loose her. "So I suppose I have no choice…"

"Excellent." Lorcan exclaimed leaning on his cane to get to his feet, limping over he patted Flora on the hand before ushering her towards the door. "Now go with your mother pack enough for the trip for both you and the child, we will secret them within our own luggage so as not to provoke their suspicion…Then we will leave as planned, no doubt your husband will come to wave us off, then when we are out of sight of the house we will stop and wait for you…Say you are taking the child for a walk to help her settle whatever it takes, it'll be hours before you are missed and we will be well on our way to Bristol by then."

Nodding glumly Flora took her mother's arm pausing only at the threshold. "Thank you sir…I know you do not have to do this and I appreciate it."

Smiling his most charming smile Lorcan merely nodded. "The pleasure is all mine my child." Then as soon as the door had closed behind the women he turned catching his stepson's suspicious gaze. "A penny for your thoughts?"

Shaking his head Ardal quickly replaced his expression with one of docile complicity. "It is nothing father, well I should be seeing to my own packing…" He added quickly heading for the relative sanctuary of his own room, unable to shake the feeling that his sister had just made a terrible mistake.

- - -

Pulling out his pocket watch Walter Corey stamped his feet impatiently trying to keep out the cold that was slowly spreading up his legs. "What the bloody hell is keeping them?" He muttered practically under his breath but from the amused glance Andrew shot him he was sure his under-butler had overhead him. "Ahh…" He muttered as the door opened and out strode his wife's family, his mother-in-law clinging to her daughter and granddaughter as though her life depended on it tears streaming down her wrinkled face.

"Sir." Walter greeted a tight face Lorcan, nodding politely in his direction but he did not extend the honour of a handshake, as far as he was concerned the old man deserved no such attention; a kick up the backside however…

"Ardal." He added when his brother-in-law drew level the young man's face contorted in a frown.

"Walter I…" Ardal suddenly stopped what he was going to say as if changing his mind, shaking his head he could no longer meet the man's eye instead turning quickly to place a polite kiss on first Emily's and the his sister's cheek. For a moment Flora seemed to cling to her brother like a lifeline but then their gazes met and he favoured her with an encouraging smile that she quickly returned. It seemed to Walter as though there was some silent conversation going on between the pair of them, a connection that only siblings could understand.

"Until we meet again sister…Keep well and safe."

"Until we meet again brother I promise I will." Flora managed to reply tears streaming down her face as she impulsively pulled her brother into a hug. Pulling away after a few moments Ardal turned and jumped into the waiting carriage, his eyes set on the road ahead and ignoring the other servants who were hanging around enjoying the show. Finally Flora's mother was prised from her beloved girls and assisted into the carriage by Will. Stepping forward suddenly Flora clung onto the carriage door until the last minute muttering something quickly in Gaelic as the horses pulled away.

Letting out the breath that he had been holding Walter watched in relief as the carriage pulled away, those leaches were finally burnt away and perhaps now the wounds they caused could begin to heel. Pausing for a moment as he began to step into the house, his eyes glanced across to his wife, tears streaming down her face that seemed pale and drawn. He could see Molly standing close behind her, the housekeeper's reassuring hand on his wife's shoulder and for a moment he felt drawn to comfort her. It was at that moment he caught her eye, for a moment she seemed to call out pleading with him to bend a little and show her some small sign of affection. However just as soon as that impulse flared so did his latent anger, no damn her, she wouldn't do that to him again. Catching his mother's eye he nodded towards his wife before turning on his heel and re-entering the house ignoring the small sob that Flora tried to stifle.

Watching Walter storm away without so much of a flicker of affection Flora felt her stomach suddenly flip, what if they changed their mind and didn't wait, what if they had only been placating her and had no intention of taking her with them. She could feel Molly's reassuring presence at her shoulder, and for a moment she sagged against her friend relishing her silent comforting presence. Then suddenly Emily was upon her, clucking and scolding and trying to take Ellie from her arms. Acting instinctively Flora whirled round on her mother-in-law her face cold as stone as she surveyed the older woman, the memory of Emily's comments in Walter's office still fresh in her mind.

"Here Flora let me take her, you go get some rest…"

"No!" Flora practically hissed fixing her mother-in-law with her most chilling glare, causing Emily to step back in shock. "I do not need a rest…But Ellie does…"

"Well I'll just…"

"You'll just nothing!" Flora snapped back. "I am quite capable of caring for my own child no matter what you might think, I am going to get her pram and take her for a walk until she settles after all who knows how long it will be before the bad weather keeps us indoors." Flora added more to herself than Emily who simply nodded shooting Molly a concerned glance that Flora chose to ignore.

"Well I could do with the exercise why don't I…"

"If you don't mind I would rather be by myself…I do not need nannying nor do I care for conversation."

"Well Walter…"

"If you are so concerned what my husband will think Emily why do you not go and ask him…I am sure you two have had plenty of practice of talking about me behind my back what is a few minutes more!" Flora replied airily before sweeping past the stunned Emily and into the house to retrieve the pram Molly scampering at her heel.

"Flora what on earth has gotten into you?" Molly demanded grabbing her arm after Ellie had been laid in her pram.

"Nothing has gotten into me, my eyes are just opened that is all."

"But talking to Emily like that what on earth will Walter think?"

Snorting in amusement Flora simply turned on her heel and pushing the pram headed out the door. "I do not doubt he will take it as a further sign of my loosing my marbles but you know Molly I frankly do not give two hoots!"

Walking quickly to try and keep pace Molly placed a restraining hand upon Flora's arm once more bringing her friend to a halt. "I don't begin to understand what you are up to Flora but as your friend I urge to think long and hard about it."

Smiling softly Flora lent forward and kissed Molly gently on the cheek and trying to keep the tell tale tremble from her voice. "I don't recall ever having a better friend, I know you mean well Molly but believe me I know what I am doing, it's for the best." Then unable to say more without betraying her true intentions she patted the housekeeper's hand before turning and striding confidently into the gardens.

- - -

Sitting in front of his desk elbow deep in the paperwork that had been building since his in-laws visit Walter tried to concentrate on adding up his debits and credits and getting the damn columns to balance. Glancing across at the dinner tray which sat virtually untouched on the corner of his desk he tried to get together the enthusiasm to take a bite of Felix's excellent stew but his appetite had deserted him. He hadn't been able to face the senior staff over dinner, knowing they would no doubt enquire about his recent estrangement from his wife in their less than subtle manner, Mrs Diggins alone must had been chomping at the bit to discover the latest gossip.

Hearing a gentle tap on his door he glanced up and waved when he saw who was waiting there. "Good evening Felix come to lecture me about skipping meals amongst other things I have no doubt!" Walter snapped bitterly before the Chef could even get two feet into the room.

"Honestly the pair of you are as bad as each other…" Felix retorted sharply when his eyes fell on the untouched tray. "But at least you bothered to inform me you would not be joining us for dinner, I've just sent a footman upstairs with something, but honestly my kitchen cannot continue to accommodate the demands of your family…Really I don't know why I bother you didn't touch the tray I so carefully prepared for you!" He added petulantly as he helped himself to a large brandy before slumping down into one of Walter's fireside chairs

"She didn't come down then." Walter mumbled resignedly. "I didn't think she would, probably trying to make me worry, manipulative little wench."

"Walter I don't begin to understand…"

"No and frankly it is none of your business." Walter retorted. "It is no one's business but mine!"

"And Flora's." Felix couldn't help but add, downing his brandy and getting to his feet. "So since you won't tell me what the hell is going on then perhaps she will!"

"Felix I am telling you to stay out of…" But Walter never got the chance to finish as his office door was pushed open by Will Forest.

"Mr Forest have you forgotten all your manners…Knock before you enter this office!"

"She's gone sir!"

"What?" Walter asked bemused unable to work out just what the panting footman was on about.

"Mrs Corey and Miss Ellie sir they weren't in their rooms like we thought…No one has seen her for hours…"

"Stupid bloody woman." Walter growled getting to his feet and reaching for his jacket. "When I find her this time I really will ring her bloody neck, Felix organise a search party we'll tear these grounds apart if we have to…"

"You don't understand sir!" Will snapped pushing into the butler's path and thrusting a loosely folded and tied piece of paper in his face. "She's really properly gone, Emily's checking her room now but it seems some of her and Ellie's things are missing, a only few dresses that wouldn't be missed but all of Ellie's toys and clean linen yet all of her trunks are there. She hasn't just stormed out into the grounds on a whim…She even left you this." Will spat shaking the paper once more turning it over to show the all to recognisable engagement ring tied to the ribbon. " I don't what the hell has gone on between you but you've finally pushed her too far it seems."

Scowling furiously at the young man's impudence Walter grasped the letter. "Get out Forest you've over stepped the mark once too often, get your things and get out of this house."

"You're sacking me?"

"Are you deaf as well as stupid boy?" Walter roared unable to hear anything but the rush of blood pounding in his ears and the need to punch anything, preferably William Forest's handsome young face, until it went away.

"Walter stop…"Felix's soothing voice tried to calm his irrational friend. "You can't sack him for this…It's not his fault if Flora…"

"Stay out of this Felix I can do whatever the hell I want, I have spent too long pandering and sympathising with this ragtag bunch and they have taken advantage well no longer…I won't have them use my household against me…"

"Oh fine go ahead sack me if it makes you feel better but it won't bring them back Mr Jarvis…Nothing is going to do that now, you've lost them both!" Will spat his own temper getting the better of him as he eyeballed the butler.

"Just get out of my sight!" Walter hissed unable to suppress the very real tightening of his gut at Will's words, the truth in them was almost winding and he sank into his chair clutching the note tightly in his hands. When he was able to breath once more he forcibly relaxed his grip untying the bow and smoothing the paper out so he could read it.

'Walter,

I hardly know what to write, I am sorry my love but I cannot stay here any longer. I know I have lost my place in your heart and that is unbearable, I only wish I could explain my actions but the truth was far too horrifying to repeat even to you my darling…

It is better for us both if I leave, I am sorry for taking Eleanor with me but I could not survive the separation, I know you can never forgive me for depriving you of your child but I promise I will spend the rest of my days putting her needs first.

I am only taking with me those things I can really call mine, the rest are yours to do with as you see fit and I am returning my engagement ring as I now know I do not deserve it. Perhaps I should leave my wedding band behind as well, but in all honesty I cannot bear to be parted from it, soon it and our child will be all I have left of you.

Keep well and try to find some happiness in your life, you above all men deserve that. I am only sorry that I, unfortunate wretch that I am, cannot be the one to make you so. God keep you safe.

Flora.'

"Walter?" Felix asked tentatively as his friend began to tremble. "It's true she has left?"

"Yes she has…" He gasped, unable to recognise his own voice it sounded so hollow, she had thought he despised her and so she had left this time for good and he had no idea where she had gone. If only she had talked to him if only he had let her try and explain instead of flying off the handle…There had to have been a reason for her unusual behaviour, but he had been just too angry to listen to her, he thought he had all the time…

"I have to…" Walter managed getting unsteadily to his feet. "She cannot be thinking straight, she needs me…" He added starting towards the door but Felix quickly stepped to block him unwilling to let his friend go anywhere in such a state. "I at least need to know why Felix, why she did all this? It has something to do with that blasted family, it has to she was happy until they came. I know we had our problems but doesn't every couple but then she just seemed to seize up, became so distant, I should her pressed her demanded to know everything." He added trying to push past the chef who despite his best efforts remained firm. "I knew there was something going on, well I knew her well enough to know she was hiding something and in her letter even she hints at it…Look a truth 'too horrifying to repeat' and it is to do with them, dear god that's where she has gone…" He added glancing up to meet those of his confused friend.

"This doesn't sound like an impromptu decision does it?" Walter insisted sure that he had cracked the problem. "It was just too well thought out, only enough taken so not to arose suspicion…and no trunk, not that she could carry one herself anyway. So someone else must have taken her things for her as she would never make Ellie do without…But this sort of subterfuge isn't like Flora, remember last time she walked out, she stormed off to London and everybody knew the reason why, if she decides to do something she just does it hell and blast anyone who tries to stand in her way. She wouldn't plan to slip away quietly…no this smells over another far more devious mind than that."

"You don't think?" Felix gasped finally grasping what Walter was suggesting.

"Well where else could she go Felix, a woman with no job, no money of her own and a child to care for…Flora would never put Ellie in jeopardy like that she would only have taken her if she was certain she could provide for her and who else would a woman turn to but her own family?"

"But they left her here…"

"All an act, they knew all along she would be going with them I should have realised something was up when Lorcan was too well behaved and Ardal was so jumpy, why he even tried to tell me something earlier then changed his mind."

"But what good does that do us?" Felix asked sadly. "She is still gone."

"Perhaps." Walter retorted confidently. "But at least now we know where…" He added reaching down to pick up the letter and the delicate ring tied to the blue ribbon which he stroked gently before placing in his breast pocket. "This wasn't a decision she wanted to make…If I can catch up with them, talk to her, I know I can bring her home…" Heading towards the door this time he pushed the un-resisting Felix out the way before striding down the corridor.

"Walter where are you going?"

"I'm going to see a man about a horse." The butler called back over his shoulder. "And then I am going after the truth."

- - -

It has taken longer than Flora expected to reach the edge of the estate, as soon as she had left the neat paths of the extended garden's she had been forced to abandon the pram as it's wheels were designed for city streets and not mud logged hillsides. Picking up her daughter with one hand and her sodden skirts with the other she determinedly tackled the hill, cursing under her breath Lorcan's plan, which demanded absolute secrecy forcing her to stick to the woods and not take advantage of the established paths. So it was much later than anticipated that an exhausted Flora finally reached the safety of her family's carriage and was only to happy to hand Ellie over to her mother whilst a concerned Ardal assisted her inside.

"We were starting to think you had changed your mind." Ardal muttered, but from his tone and worried expression Flora couldn't decide whether her brother was relieved or concerned that she hadn't.

"The going…was harder…than I anticipated." Flora managed to wheeze out as she lent back into the sturdy seat behind her, closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to calm her fluttering heart, lurching slightly as the carriage suddenly jumped forward at the crack of the driver's whip.

"Nevertheless we have still lost valuable time." Lorcan snapped his eyes narrowing in annoyance as a cold and hungry Eleanor began to wail in earnest practically into his ear despite Aoife's best attempts to sooth her granddaughter. "Can't you quieten that child?"

"Here Mother I'll have her." Flora insisted retrieving her daughter who returned willingly to her mother's arms but still did not lesson in her lusty squalling.

"Are we to be subjected to that all night?"

"She cannot help it…She's hungry." Flora retorted sharply, unable to keep the vitriol from her voice and she felt her brother freeze instinctively at her disrespectful tone. For a moment nobody spoke or moved, it was though all the air had been sucked from the room and everyone waited on tenterhooks for Lorcan's reaction.

"Then feed the little brat!"

"But…." Flora gasped waving at the assembled company, it was an unthinkable suggestion, feeding her daughter in front of them. She had been uncomfortable enough in front of Emily and Molly and the only man she would even consider breast-feeding whilst in the same room was Walter and even then she used a shawl. "I couldn't it wouldn't be proper…Couldn't we stop for a while?"

"No we cannot simply stop and wait for your highness." Lorcan spat back. "We've waited long enough for you already. To think a daughter of a farm hand giving herself such airs and graces, we'll have none of such uppishness from you back home my girl…You either feed her as we travel or not at all, I will not have my schedule disrupted any further by you and your brat!"

"Here Flora take my shawl." Aoife replied kindly reaching to help her daughter drape it properly so that she could conceal herself.

Swallowing uncomfortably Flora unbuttoned her dress carefully shifting her starving daughter quickly so as to stave off further embarrassment, a quick glance at her brother's beetroot expression and deliberately averted gaze brought her some measure of comfort but glancing back she suddenly felt her skin crawl as Lorcan was making no such efforts. Automatically tightening the shawl she shrank back against the seat trying her best to ignore the leering expression on her stepfather's face. Forcing her gaze away from those smirking eyes she kept her eyes locked on her daughter, her eyelids closed as she contentedly nuzzled into her mother's breast, hiding those striking eyes, which were exactly the same colour as her father's.

It was only now that everything was over, that the fear and tension of the last few hours was beginning to wear off that she could start to think things over. She had been running on pure adrenaline practically since her family's arrival that now she felt completely drained. She had left Walter. The knowledge was like a knife in her stomach, the pain was so real she would have sworn she was dying. Glancing down at her daughter's innocent face she couldn't quite believe what she had done, it didn't seem real; in fact the last few months seemed to merge together into a hazy netherworld. Just how many hours, or days even had she lost since her daughter's birth? Time that she should have spent enjoying her child and her husband and yet she had spent them resenting one and pushing away the other; easing her black mood at the bottom of a dram bottle. If only she could go back, she wouldn't make the same mistakes again, if she had known they would only have those few short months together then she would have savoured every moment.

It was too late now, Walter no longer loved her, she had betrayed and broken his heart one too many times and she had no one to blame but herself. Her own foolishness and mistaken pride and brought her to this point. Stifling the sobs that threatened she couldn't contain the tears that began to slip silently down her cheeks, hoping that the dim light would conceal them from her family as she adjusted her dress and rocked a now dozing Ellie to sleep.

"Don't waste your tears on that English Bd." Lorcan hissed angrily after a few minutes as her tears continued to fall. "Have you no pride woman? He's not worthy enough to clean our boots…Nothing better than a jumped up layman's son, all high and mighty because he's perfected the art of licking an aristocrat's backside!"

"Stop it just stop it!" Flora screeched unable to stop the words that literally barrelled from her not caring how Lorcan would react, not caring what his retribution would be. "You know nothing about him, he was a wonderful husband and father and an honourable man…I was the one who didn't deserve him I was weak and foolish and I let my fear and pride get the better of me. If I hadn't let you manipulate me into baptising Eleanor then none of this would be happening…"

The expression of complete and utter shock on her stepfather's face had almost been worth it. Completely speechless Lorcan's face had gone from pasty shade of off white to a now thunderous coronary red. Then as if a switch had been flicked his left hand shot out and backhanded the sobbing Flora sharply across the cheek. Gasping in shock she quickly recoiled her sudden movement jarring Ellie from her nap and so she woke up screaming.

"Shut it up or by heaven I will do so for you!" Lorcan bellowed his fingers tightening round the top of his cane as he glared with unrestrained malice at his stepdaughter. It was in that moment she knew what she had to do, madhouse or not, no matter what her fate would be at her husband's hands there was no way she would allow this man any influence in her daughter's life.

"STOP THE COACH!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, prepared for the sudden jolt as the driver pulled the horses abruptly to a halt. Fumbling with the handle she jumped and half fell from the carriage her steadying hand sinking into the muddy verge as she sank to her knees. Entangled in her many skirts she struggled to rise, her anger and determination fuelling a new fire within her.

"Head strong, impudent, little bitch!" She could hear Lorcan screaming after her, his voice growing louder as he rounded the coach. "Get your bones back here now!" But Flora ignored him, turning she headed back the way they had come, until a sharp crack connected with her lower back the sudden pain forcing her to her knees.

"You'll learn your place my girl even if I have to almost kill you to teach it to you!" Lorcan hissed before delivering another blow from his cane this time across the tops of her legs, her voluminous skirts doing little to soften the impact and she cried out from the pain. "You'll learn just like your sister to do what you're told when your told and to keep your pretty mouth shut about it…" He added with another strike across her more exposed back, the cane leaving rents in the bodice of her dress.

Stepping forward he grabbed her loose bun wrenching her back by the hair with one hand the other held the cane warningly. "And do you know why you'll break?" He hissed lowering himself so he stare her in the eye. "Because if you don't do as you're told I'll punish your daughter for your mistakes." He added running the tip of the cane against a screaming Ellie's tearstained cheek.

"Leave them alone."

"Don't make me laugh, the little whelp finally develops a backbone!" Lorcan snorted in amusement as he half turned to sneer at his stepson's attempt at defiance. "You'll stay out this boy, it is for her own good just as it was you…Besides do you really think you have it in you? You need me, you always have!"

"I said leave them alone!" Ardal repeated this time his voice shook at little but it still held, his fists clenching warningly.

"Get back in the carriage like a good boy Ardal and I might choose to overlook this little aberration. Your sister and I need to have a little 'talk'."

"No!"

Sighing in annoyance Lorcan quickly released Flora knowing she wasn't going anywhere soon he turned to face his stepson. "I said get back in the carriage or do you want to stand here and listen while I tell your sister why you need me to keep you on the straight and narrow…" He paused waiting for Ardal's normal pathetic capitulation, surprised when instead he stood his ground.

"So you want me tell her how I found you, rolling around in the mud like some disgusting animal your hands all over him and his on you…Touching each other…" Lorcan paused his entire face screwing up in disgust as he spat on the ground.

"Two little freaks together… Did you hear that girl?" He turned to Flora wrenching her round by the hair to face her brother, wanting Ardal to see the disgust and horror mirrored on her face. "Your darling baby brother nothing better than a dirty little faggot!"

"I told you take your hands off her!"

But Lorcan ignored him preferring to needle Flora further to force her to react. "Did you hear that Flora, do you still want him for your champion hmmm?"

"Ardal help…please…I don't care…I love you…please… I want to go home…" Flora pleaded her eyes locked with her brother whose eyes widened in disbelief at his sister's instant and unflinching support. Clenching his jaw he quickly advanced disarming the old man with barely any effort, seizing the cane he quickly brought it down over his thigh and ignoring the pain snapped it sharply into two before throwing the pieces away. Then pushing Lorcan aside as if he were little more than puff of air he helped his hobbling sister to her feet his arm wrapping around her middle to take most of her weight.

"Mother!" He called out watching as the delicate Aoife lent her head out of the carriage to stare at them in bewilderment. "I am taking Flora home to her husband…I won't be going back to Ireland…Come with us please, I can work and we can be happy…"

"You're not mine." Aoife's trembling voice carried through the twilight. "Unnatural animals turning on your father like that you should hang your heads in shame."

"Mother he beat Flora, he's beaten me for years and he threatened a mere babe in arms…"

"You deserved it! He was just trying to save you from yourselves." Aoife countered her eyes taking on a bright almost maniacal gleam. "You ungrateful wretches I wash my hands of you both…"

"Mother please…" Flora added her eyes wide begging her to reconsider.

"Don't call me that! You're no longer mine I disown you both…Just get out of my sight!"

Turning the siblings caught their stepfather's gaze. Lorcan had remained strangely silent throughout the exchange but now his face was contorted in a malevolent smirk of epic proportions that Ardal wanted nothing more than to knock it right off his face.

"You're nothing but an spiteful impotent old man!" Ardal shouted after Lorcan as he limped over to the carriage to join his wife.

"No Ardal he isn't worth it!" Flora insisted clutching at her brother's fist as he made a step forward to beat their stepfather to a pulp. "Please there is nothing we can do for her now…Ellie and I need you…"

Nodding slowly as he managed to rein in his temper Ardal wrapped his arm tighter around Flora's waist and carefully lifted Eleanor from her arms watching as his sister fussingly buttoned the child inside his greatcoat so she wouldn't catch a chill from the night air. "Let's get you home…"

--------

Pacing back and forth in his pantry, Felix Kraus glanced up at the clock for what must have been the fourth time that minute. He had left Walter's office about half an hour ago so by now he must have been on his way to finding Flora and Ellie. What on earth was Flora thinking? The chef knew things had been bad between her and Walter but he didn't think things were that bad. As he had said to Ardal only that afternoon, the pair of them were always arguing over something or other yet they did always seem to patch things up in the end. What was it that made Flora snap this time? Thinking back over the past few weeks Felix had to admit that the former housekeeper hadn't really been herself, true he had hardly seen her and maybe should have made more of an effort, tried to make her feel more included in the household again.

To be honest, he had been so caught up in Taplows affairs, what with the Earl being ever more demanding over the menu recently and having to spend time avoiding the increasingly ubiquitous Cat Postlebury, he hadn't really given much thought to his friend. Maybe that was what Ardal had wanted to talk to him about this afternoon? The fact that they wanted to take Flora away with them. He had dismissed it at the time as just wishful thinking on Ardal's part but now it seemed as though it was more than that, that it had been planned all along. Shaking his head he tried to shake the uneasy feeling from the pit of his stomach that maybe he could've got Ardal to confess all to him if he'd approached what Ardal ad to say less confrontationally.

One part of him was slightly relieved that Flora's family was on their way home, obviously if he ever saw Lorcan Gilroy again before he died that was a day too soon as far as he was concerned but his step-son was a little more of a puzzle. The chef couldn't deny that having him around had unnerved him somewhat and he was sure he wasn't imagining the fact that in turn, Ardal had seemed even jumpier than usual around him. He was also, undeniably, a very good looking young man, certainly easier on the eye than most of the country bumpkin stablehands that otherwise tended to hang around his kitchen making the place look messy and distracting the kitchen maids. But no, Felix told himself firmly, that's Flora's brother you're talking about! Some friend you are, what on earth would Flora think if she knew what you were thinking!

Clenching his fists, the chef whirled round to look at the clock once more. There must be something useful he could do, maybe he could go and see Emily. Yes, that was it, after all, she must be worried sick about Flora, not to mention the possibility of her little granddaughter being taken all the way to Ireland.

Resolved on a plan, Felix turned to go out the main door but suddenly froze upon hearing an all-too familiar and unwanted voice.

"I've already asked three times miss! Now can you please tell me where I might find Mr Kraus?" Cat Postlebury's shrill voice enquired of an unfortunate maid in the corridor outside the kitchen.

"I haven't seen him since tea Ma'am, but he did say he was very busy and didn't want to be disturbed by anybody."

"Oh well he won't mind being disturbed by me I am sure!" Cat replied confidently as she swept past the bemused maid and into the kitchen.

"Mr Kraus?" Cat called out into the kitchen that was conspicuously devoid of the chef, meeting blank looks from the rest of the staff that were in there. "Ah-hah is that where you're hiding!" she added when she heard a slight noise from the pantry, pushing open the slightly ajar door to reveal again a very empty room and no chef.

Jogging quickly up the back stairs, Felix risked a glance behind him, when he was certain he wasn't about to be accosted by the reverend's wife he slowed his pace down to a less conspicuous brisk walk. Not that he hadn't already surprised his kitchen staff by suddenly darting out of the pantry bent double to avoid Cat spotting him through the corridor window before making a dash out the back door to the stairs leading to the rest of the servants' quarters.

Turning to make his way up to Emily's room he was suddenly met by a very angry looking William Forest coming the other way and holding a large travelling bag.

"Mr Forest" Felix called sharply "Where do you think you are going? I have dinner to be served to his lordship in the next hour and you are on duty tonight."

"You heard what he said" Will snarled back "Pack my bags and get out of here. Don't really have much choice do I?"

"I don't think Mr Jarvis was thinking at the height of clarity when he said that." Felix replied, blocking the footman's path adeptly. "We can't have his lordship know what is happening and of you do not turn up for dinner duty then he most certainly suspect something."

"Well he should've thought about that before sacking me then shouldn't he! Stupid old git, serves him right if the Earl goes off on one about this after everything he's…."

"Mr Forest!" Felix barked sharply, cutting the footman off mid-rant "That is still your employer and superior you are talking about and as such you will show the appropriate amount of respect. Especially if you have any desire to still keep your position here."

"Fat chance of that happening. Jarvis hates me." Will muttered sulkily

"Well do you blame him!" Felix retorted disdainfully "And you weren't exactly polite to him earlier, what really did you expect? Praises and thanks for bringing him such good news!"

"No…but.."

"No matter," Felix continued "I think it is very likely that if Mr Jarvis manages to find his wife then by tomorrow he will have forgotten all about your little argument and you can continue happily as you were before. If, however, you decide to go storming off now then it will remind him all again and you will most certainly be fired for shirking your duties. Yes?"

"I suppose." Will conceded, looking down at the bag in his hand.

"Where were you planning on going anyway?"

"I…umm…I hadn't really thought that far."

"Now why doesn't that surprise me.' Felix muttered dryly, raising an eyebrow as the footman glared at him. "Good, that is all settled then" he added briskly, shooing the footman back the way he had come "Go put down that bag wherever you found it, and wash your hands before you come anywhere near my food!" he added, eyeing up the rather dirty looking bag with disgust "I want you in that dining room on time!"

Nodding at the chef, Will turned and dashed back the way he had come, leaving the chef to stare after him before frowning briefly and then continue on his way to find Emily.

- - -

It had been many years since Walter Corey had been forced to suffer the iniquities of travel anywhere on horseback, the veritable comforts of travelling by carriage or train had softened him over the years or had at least softened his poor backside, which after only a few miles was throbbing. At least he was on the right road, having passed through Tappleton one of the Cock & Bull grooms had confirmed a carriage matching the Ryan's description had passed through little more than an hour or so before. Urging his steed onward Walter tried not to think of all the possible turns they could have made from the main road in order to allude him, hopeful that the need for speed would have overturned any other considerations.

The dim moonlit road did nothing to aid him, the dark wintry nights meant he had to be very careful lest he steer his steed from the road and into the unforeseen dangers of potholes or steep roadside verges. His only consolation that the light would work against Lorcan as well as the weak light thrown out by the carriage lamps would do little to light the road and so the more vulnerable carriage would be travelling slowly as well. So it was something of a shock when out of the gloom two figures emerged heading back towards the town. It took Walter even longer to recognise them and for them to spot him. Pulling his horse to a sharp holt which nearly had him end up on the animal's neck he glanced over at his stunned wife and brother-in-law, his sharp gaze taking in Flora's muddy and tearful appearance and Ardal's pale panicked face as he cradled a sleeping Ellie to his chest.

Swinging down from his saddle Walter closed the distance between them in a few large strides, unable to believe what his eyes were showing him, all thoughts of how or what had happened flew from his mind as pure relief at finding his family safe flooded in. "Flora?" He whispered reverently pulling his shivering wife firmly into his arms and holding her tight lest she vanish in front of him, his hands running up and down her back as if to confirm she was real and not a figment of his imagination. "I thought I had lost you…Dear god do you know what hell I have been through…Damn stupid stubborn woman!" He muttered into her ear before leaning back planting blind kisses across her cheek until he caught her lips. "Don't you ever do anything so foolish again!" He muttered in between kisses his relief at finding her over-ruling all his questions and righteous fury until his wife pushed him away.

"Don't Walter I don't deserve it…" She added guilty her body tense within his arms, the welt on her back stinging as his unknowingly fingers dug in and held her firm.

"No you probably don't." He retorted sharply. "But that is a matter for more comfortable and private surroundings than these, you have a lot of explaining to do and mark me I will know everything." He added tersely his eyes stern but warm when he met her gaze, eliciting a nod of agreement. "Come we'll never make it back to Taplows tonight we'll have to stay in Tappleton, take a couple of rooms at the inn." Moving to take his wife's arm he felt Flora learn on him heavily, exhaustion clear on her drawn face. "We should hurry this night air cannot be good for Ellie's lungs."

Impatient to be off Walter set a brisk pace, but increasingly he felt his wife lagging behind, only his tight grip kept her moving. "Come now Flora it is not much further, it cannot be above half a mile…"

"Can you make that?" Ardal suddenly muttered his eyes taking in his sisters poorly concealed limp and tear stung eyes that the constant exacerbation of her injuries had stimulated.

"I'll be fine." Flora wheezed trying to ignore the ache in her lungs as her every breath strained her bruised ribs in and out, the welts across her back throbbing like liquid fire. Forcing a smile on her face for Walter's benefit she drove her poor body onwards, the pain was her punishment and she deserved every lash and probably more besides. It seemed like an eternity of agony but eventually they reached the outlying houses of Tappleton and then a few minutes later reached the centre where the pub stood.

"Just wait here I'll see about those rooms!" Walter insisted handing over the horse to the groom and leaving his precious family in Ardal's more than capable hands. "Just don't go anywhere." He added automatically before internally cursing himself at such an inappropriate comment watching as the pair openly cringed at such a careless taunt.

- - -

Knocking on Emily's door a few minutes later, the chef listened out intently for any signs of life beind the closed door. "Emily? Are you there? It's Felix." he called out after hearing nothing. Leaving it a couple of moments more in case she had been asleep, he turned back towards the main body of the house. Pulling out his pocket watch he saw he didn't have as much time as he'd thought previously before he really had to be back in the kitchen to supervise dinner.

Walking down the corridor towards the senior servants' offices after dinner had finally been served and the cleaning up was well under way; Felix suddenly caught sight of Emily leaving the housekeeper's office.

"Emily" he called "Finally! I have been looking for you, but you've been most elusive this evening!"

"Oh Felix, I'm sorry" she replied distractedly "I can't seem to focus on anything at the moment. What is this awful news I hear, Flora has left Walter and run off to Ireland, and taking Ellie with her as well?" Emily's voice began to rise worryingly toward the end of her sentence causing Felix to gently grasp her arm and steer her firmly into the butler's office at the end of the corridor. Pushing open the door he sat her down in one of the fireside chairs before pouring a couple of glasses of brandy for the both of them.

"Here, have this." he murmured, pushing the glass into her unresisting hands.

"How could she do this Felix!" Emily demanded a few moments later when she seemed to have regained her wits slightly.

"Emily, I don't think…"

"And with the christening as well!" Emily carried on oblivious "Does she have no respect for my son at all! I always thought she was a good influence on my Walter but then she goes and acts like his wishes don't matter at all! He's supposed to be her husband!"

"I know it's a lot to take in" Felix said soothingly "But there must be some reason behind it all. Flora wouldn't act like this for no reason, there must be something else going on."

"Yes I'll tell you what!" Emily retorted, taking a large swig of brandy before waving her finger knowingly at the chef "It's that interfering family of hers, coming over here and planting all sorts of ideas in her head, everything was alright before they showed up."

"You might be right." Felix murmured

"Of course I am." Emily replied confidently "I'll bet it's that awful step-father of hers. I have never had the misfortune to meet such an unpleasant man in all my days. He was just so rude! Absolutely no respect for anyone here, the way he spoke to that poor brother of hers as well…treated him just like a skivvy."

"Yes, well…"

"Though mind you, he was probably in on the plot as well." Emily muttered darkly, having no desire to think sympathetically of any of her daughter-in-law's family.

"Oh I don't know he was" Felix protested quickly "I spoke to him earlier and I'm not sure there was any plot he was involved in so to speak."

"Oh of course he was Felix." Emily replied dismissively "He must have persuaded Flora. I never really did like him either" she added matter-of-factly causing Felix to glance up at her in puzzlement

"But you told me before today how you liked him? How polite he was!"

"Far too good looking to be trustworthy." Emily carried on regardless, ignoring the chef's comment But there was always something else about him, like he was hiding something…well now we know what!" she added triumphantly.

"I think you may be jumping to conclusions a bit here Emily." Felix replied diplomatically

"Hmmm"

"Anyway, Walter has left to try and find her, I'm sure if he speaks to her then he can bring her back."

"Yes, and if she does then I will be giving her a piece of my mind! Taking my granddaughter away, I don't know!"

"I don't think that would be the wisest plan at all!" Felix retorted firmly, seeing all too clearly in his mind how Flora might very well be driven to run away again if faced with a motherly rant from Emily "Do you not think it would be best to let Walter handle this one. After all, it is between the two of them?"

"Hmm, perhaps." Emily grunted grudgingly.

"Emily!" Felix warned

"Yes yes, alright!" Emily retorted "I won't say anything"

"Good"

"Not immediately anyway" she added under her breath before returning to her brandy glass, making the chef glare suspiciously at her over the top of his own glass while she turned to look into the fire. Felix could fuss all he wanted, but there was no way she was staying out of this one permanently.

- - -

Ten minutes later Walter had finally bid his brother-in-law good night, pushing aside Ardal's attempts at an apology for the next morning and relieving him of his most precious burden, he finally returned to the room he was to share with his wife. Flora was where he had left her half sitting, half leaning next to the fire. She looked ready to drop but he knew that neither of them would be able to sleep that night not without getting a few things off their chest first. Yes despite knowing this Walter found himself unsure how to break the deafening silence that had descended. After carefully laying Ellie down in the makeshift crib Flora had fashioned he finally turned back to her.

"I've asked for them to send a bath up, you look like you need it, did you roll around in a mud patch?" He muttered jokily trying to ease them both into a conversation, which could have far reaching and possibly devastating consequences for their little family. Smiling weakly but not laughing Flora continued to stare into the grate and the uncomfortable silence descended once more. Shifting uncomfortably Walter practically sighed with relief when a few minutes later there was a sharp knock on the door and up came the scullery with the tin bath and the houseboy with two large pails of water.

"Just set it there will you…No that will be fine thank you." Walter insisted ushering the nosy pair from the room as quickly as he could. "Well it's ready…."

"Thank you." Came Flora's muffled reply and yet she made no move from her seat.

"Flora come now." Walter insisted crossing the room till he sat on the arm of her chair. "You need to get out of that thing…The scullery will get most of the mud out of it for you, it'll be almost presentable by tomorrow morning." Yet his gentle coaxing had quite the opposite effect than he was expecting, as instead of doing as he asked Flora suddenly burst into tears.

"You don't understand I can't move…It hurts Walter…"

"Where? I noticed you were limping did you sprain your ankle?" Walter asked. "Here lean on me let me help you." He added wrapping his arm round her waist and pulling her to her feet, almost dropping her with shock as his touch caused her to cry out loud. "My god what happened?" He gasped noticing for the first time in the stronger light the marks on the back of her dress where the material looked all worn and rough.

"He struck me…I wouldn't do as I was told…So…" Flora trailed off turning into her husband's arms so she could lean against his shoulder for support. "I was so scared…Ellie wouldn't stop screaming…"

"Here let me help you…" Walter muttered soothingly his fingers gently moving to the lacings of her dress, trying to be as gentle as possible whilst keeping a lid on the very real fury that bubbled just under the surface. Once her dress was crumpled haphazardly on the floor he made a start on the complicated lacings of her corset, cursing his fingers for being all thumbs and trying to ignore the whimpers of pain from his wife. Pulling the offending item away he had to suppress the bile that automatically rose in his throat, her thin chemise was stained with thick streaks of crimson.

"I'm sorry this is going to hurt." He whispered softly as he tugged the material away from her wounds his fingers skimming down her unblemished sides taking the final flimsy layer with it. "Let's get these cleaned up." He managed to choke out after a few minutes moving them over to the tub where he picked up a towel and immersed it in the warm water. Wringing most of the water out of it he gingerly dabbed along the top most welt, pushing Flora's sobs far from his mind as he methodically cleaned and dressed each one.

When all trace of blood and mud had been removed from her porcelain skin he shrugged off his own dress shirt pulling it over her head so she wouldn't have to put back on her own soiled garments. "Lie down on your front…I'll be back in a few minutes." He whispered tenderly kissing her on the forehead before bending to gather her torn and stained clothes, storming from the room he flung them at the startled scullery who had been lurking in the hall, barely making it to the nearest bucket before he emptied his stomach of what little of Felix's dinner he had managed to swallow. Then with shaky legs he descended down the stairs into the bar, ignoring the looks and comments from the other patrons about a man out in public in merely a vest and trousers. Ordering two large brandies from the barman he quickly downed the first tapping the glass for a refill then picking up the two full glasses he headed back up to their room. Pausing outside the door he took a few deep-calming breaths composing himself before he re-entered their room.

Pushing the door open he saw Flora was where he had left her, lying face down on the bed a pillow grasped tightly between her hands as she buried her head into it muffling the sobs that wracked her small frame. "Shush Flora." Walter was immediately at her side concerned that the pain was too much for her. "Do you want me to call for the Doctor…He could give you something for the pain help you sleep…"

"NO!" Flora insisted vehemently. "I won't take anything….Don't you see I can't." She added glancing up to meet her husband's gaze steadily. "I can't just take it once I know that now, I lie here and I cannot reconcile myself with the person I have been these last few months…It's like everything has been happening to someone else, a terrible nightmare, only it was real and I've only just woken up…"

"Alright but perhaps a brandy?" He added placing the glass he had brought up with him by her beside. "Come drink it, it will help you sleep." Walter insisted moving to rise from the bed but Flora's hand stopped him.

Shaking her head Flora persisted. "No I can't don't you see that. This is my punishment, I deserve it, I…"

"No you do not!" Walter exclaimed in horror. "I wouldn't have a beast treated like this, no matter what mistakes you have made you never deserved this Flora…Don't listen to that man's lies."

"No." She added softly. "But I deserved yours, no one would have blinked if you'd disciplined me after what I did but then your not the sort of man who could…who would punish me like I should be…Don't you understand it Lorcan was right in a way, not about which religion was the true faith or how he treated Ardal…" She paused unwilling to break her brother's confidence even to her husband. "I am wicked, I always have been, I needed to be punished…Then perhaps I can start to forgive myself…"

"Dear god is that what you would have had me do…" Walter gasped in horror. "I am no Lorcan Abrams nor a Henry Watson madam!"

"No, you're a good man and I don't deserve you…"

"So you'd prefer me to hit you, let me sink down to your level to assuage your guilt?"

"That is not what I meant…" Flora replied rubbing her forehead trying to sooth the headache that blared behind her eyes.

"Why?" Walter suddenly demanded his eyes narrowing as steel entered his voice. "Just tell my why…What hold could he possibly have had on you that you would do that to me…to us?"

"I can't tell you…" Flora muttered burying her head in the pillow.

"Why not it cannot possibly be worse that what I already think?" Walter snapped back sitting down on the bed beside her and lying back against the pillow he stared up at the ceiling. "If you want to try to save our marriage Flora then you have to tell me everything." For a long time his wife remained silent, he wasn't sure whether she was refusing to talk or simply taking time to gather her thoughts but suddenly Flora's throaty whispers filled the air, her words tripping over themselves as she blurted out her secrets.

"I didn't want to do it, you must believe that I just didn't see any other way out…Lorcan said if I co-operated then you'd never have to know but he lied, and now it's all for nothing…I just couldn't tell you the truth it was too shameful. I knew you'd hate me or fear me or both, I couldn't risk it Walter I thought I was doing the only thing I could to save our marriage but instead I ended up destroying it."

Running his hand through his thinning hair Walter pushed himself off of the mattress pacing the room for a moment before pausing in front of the fire. Staring into its depths he managed to find his voice and ask the question he dreaded hearing the answer to. "What was so terrible, so awful that you thought that deception preferable to telling me the truth?" Walter whispered his voice cracking as he felt his stomach turn over once more.

Closing her eyes Flora clenched the edges of her pillow screwing up her courage, turning she stared at her sleeping daughter, she had to do this for Ellie, she had to at least try. "Remember when Jean-Luc told you about my father and brother, how they died…" Flora paused her voice wavering as she shuddered at the memory. "You came and we talked remember and you held me and told me how sorry you were for me…You comforted me but it was all a lie…A lie I wanted desperately to believe but still a lie…"

Frowning in confusion Walter turned to stare at his wife, confusion clear on his handsome face. "But how…Your mother has certainly re-married so obvious your father did die…"

Mumbling on as if he hadn't spoke Flora forced herself to continue. "After hearing about Marie I knew I couldn't tell you, not after what you went through it wouldn't have been fair…"

"What the hell has she got to do with anything?" Walter snapped unable to keep the frustration from his voice as he tried to keep a lid on his temper but not wanting Flora to stop talking, just to stop talking in riddles.

"It wasn't an accident…He shot himself…" She paused her voice thick with emotion and for a moment Walter considered stopping her, unable to believe what she was saying.

"He was a very sick man…I'd seen it happen to my grandmother before him, I was only a child but she started acting strangely, we'd find her outside of her cottage in only her shift and babbling to herself…We couldn't help her and she started to get violent when upset so the elders decided to put her in the local sanitarium…I used to visit with my mother it was indescribable I used to have nightmares about being locked up there but then she died and everything seemed forgotten…"

"And then?"

"And then…" Flora added biting her lip to hold back the tears. "I grew up and went away to service but I would get letters from home, I got some from my father they didn't seem to make any sense he went on about people conspiring against him. He sounded paranoid, irrational, then I heard from my mother he had thrown my elder brother out of the house, accused him of being in league with his enemies even of being possessed! Then just before Jean-Luc and I were due to be married I had a letter…Both my father and brother had died, everyone was insisting it was a terrible accident but Lorcan said differently. He said my father was so delusional he pushed my brother under the plough then once he realized what he had done he turned his shotgun on himself…That it had been him who had found them and covered it up and so we all owed him a debt of gratitude."

Closing his eyes Walter could understand the horror and shame Flora felt if such a thing had happened in his family then he would have wished it covered up and forgotten as well but why had she kept it from him surely he of all people would have been able to understand and support her. "Why not tell me, do you think so low of me that you think I would judge or think less of you?"

"Don't you understand he was mad…my grandmother was mad….What if…It seems almost inevitable to me and there were times recently when I honestly thought I was loosing my mind and then you'd have to lock me up and I couldn't go into one of those places I would rather die first!"

"What? Why on earth would you think I would ever do that….It's that man he put that idea into your head…" Walter snapped resuming his pacing, wanting to hit something and hit it hard, whilst muttering under his breath. "If I ever get my hands on that miserable old bastard then he's got it coming…" Turning in his heel Walter caught sight if his wife her shoulders shaking as she tried to muffle her sobs. "Flora…" He whispered softly moving over to crouch beside her, his hand covering her clenched fist until he could hear her breathing return to normal. "Flora love look at me, I would never send you anywhere near one of those places!"

Shaking her head Flora lifted her tear stained face from the pillow fixing her husband with intense scrutiny. "You're just saying that to pacify me but I know better! Only yesterday you said so to Emily in your office, sending me away for my own good or did I mishear?"

Pushing away from her as if burnt by her accusation Walter suddenly realized why she had fled, she had been eavesdropping and had misunderstood what he had said, thought he would incarcerate her so instead she fled preferring a life under Lorcan's iron rule than her grandmother's fate. "You misheard my love that wasn't what I meant but it is up to you whether you believe me or not?"

Catching his eye Flora stared hard at him for a moment searching for the truth in his words before a slight smile tugged at her lips and tears pooled in her eyes. "It was all for nothing then…Just a stupid mistake, one in a long line…"

Pinching the bridge of his nose Walter clenched his jaw things were beginning to clear for him, the Ryan family had far too many skeleton's in their closets and Lorcan was just the sort of man to take advantage of them and his wife and daughter had been the pawns caught in the middle, the victims of that bastards quest for power. Yet there was one thing that rested squarely on his wife's shoulders and hers alone. "But what about the Laudanum…You promised me so faithfully that you had given it up and I believed you but then to find out you lied from Molly Watson of all people…Do you have any idea how that felt, not only did you destroy my faith in you, you undermined my position as butler and also our marriage…"

Sighing deeply Flora thought about her answer before deciding simply to tell him the truth. "There isn't an excuse I can offer. I just didn't see the need to stop; I thought I was right and that you were wrong about it. I thought it was the only way I could get through the days I needed it and nothing else was important. I thought I could just slowly cut down and I had been, I know you have no reason to believe me but it's the truth but then having my family it just made it all so much harder. It took today to realise just how much it had affecting me."

"Why today?" Walter asked genuinely perplexed, if she depended on the drug like she said she did surely today's events would have the opposite effect.

"I was just sitting there looking at Ellie and thinking about the months since her birth how everything seemed to drift together, every day seemed just dull and the same. It was just so hard to get from one to another, the only bright spots where the times we were together and I think it did begin to get better, but when my family descended on us suddenly things were worse so much worse. I was just reacting one moment to another never having time to think… I truly thought at moments I was loosing my mind and it seemed easier to go along with the person who shouted loudest so I didn't have to think for myself." Flora paused her voice dry and thready so she reached for the brandy on the bedside table taking a sip and relishing the burning sensation as the alcohol traveled down her throat.

Risking a glance across at her husband to see how he was taking this news she continued warily. " It wasn't until I had burnt all my bridges and actually faced the reality of never seeing you again that I realized what a fool I had been and then Lorcan started insulting you and I felt angry, so angry… It was the first real thing I can actually remember feeling for ages, it felt good I almost felt like myself and then he struck me and I knew what to do. I just made up my own mind in an instant and I didn't second guessed myself or turn to anyone else. I knew I had to come home regardless of what happened to me or to us, I had to put Ellie first and I knew she would be better here with her father than having Lorcan in her life and that even if you could never forgive me it was the right decision. "

Reaching for Flora's brandy glass Walter quickly finished off the remaining alcohol, his mind swimming with all that she had said, but it was more the way in which she said it, the tone of her voice was so desolate and resigned that he felt his heart constrict; it was though she had simply given up. "Why didn't you come to me, why didn't you tell me everything, how you were really feeling? I'm you husband if you cannot talk to me…that's what I'm there for after all!"

Snorting in twisted amusement Flora returned to staring at her pillow before remarking bitterly. "Oh and admit to you and myself what a failure I was…What a bad mother I was. Oh Emily would have loved that!"

"No wait one minute!" Walter snapped suddenly angry both at her remarks about his mother and at her warped sense of reality. "You haven't failed, you aren't a bad mother and it's got nothing to do with my Mother!"

"Oh hasn't it?" Flora snapped bitterly. "Every time I do anything it is constantly under scrutiny! First I get sacked and then if that wasn't humiliating enough I had to turn to a drug to get me through the day when all I had to was care for my child but even that I can't do properly I just go through the motions."

Shaking his head Walter moved, grasping her chin roughly he forced Flora to look at him, his eyes narrowing as he tried to drill into her. "That is not true, this scrutiny thing, it's just in your mind, you've set yourself these impossible standards, not me and not mother. Dammit Flora the only one who thinks you are a failure is you yourself! You are a wonderful loving wife and mother, and you'd be able to see that too if only you'd let this irrational fear of failure go…"

Fighting back her tears Flora tried to look away from Walter's penetrating gaze and tried to ignore his words. He just didn't understand the true depth of her disgrace. "I am a bad mother…You don't understand you can never understand…"

"I can't if you don't talk to me, if you keep all this to yourself then how the hell am I supposed to understand?" He hissed back his eye flashing with barely restrained anger, dammit the woman was just so frustrating. "Just say it, whatever it is just say, shout it if you have to…"

"I didn't love her!" Flora suddenly snapped out, her eyes widening in horror as she realized what she had admitted out loud, watching as her husband's expression went from one of confusion to understanding to revulsion. Sinking down as if she had punched him the stomach and knocked all the wind out of him Walter slumped down next to the bed his head cradled in his hands as he tried to take in this new revelation.

"I tried, I really tried." Flora muttered trying to do anything to wipe that expression from Walter's face, she just couldn't bear to see him look at her like that. "But when I looked at her all I saw was this tiny squirming thing, I didn't have that flood of maternal feelings Emily gushed on and on about. I hated myself but all I wanted was to be anywhere else but with her, back running the house, anything. A home a husband and a child was all I thought I wanted and yet when I had them I had never felt unhappier in my life."

"So it's all been a lie?" Walter choked out. "You've just been playing a part?"

Nodding Flora hung her head guilty as charged. "Yes and no…It used to haunt my nightmares that I might be a mother like Lady Francesca, a woman I always despised for the way she cast her own children aside. Yet I was just like her, I wanted to change so I went to the other extreme pushing away people's offers of help because I thought if they got too close then they'd find out so I did every feed, changed every nappy, stayed up every night hoping that I could make myself into a good mother…I wanted to be a good mother…."

"Dear god." Walter whispered under his breath swallowing down the choked up feeling that was welling up not noticing as Flora turned and buried her face into her pillow hiding her red cheeks. "I had no idea…I should have realised, I knew things were not perfect but not that things were that bad but Flora no matter what you say or even think you are a good mother…No Love please let me finish." He cut in when Flora tried to argue. "Forget what happened in the past and think about what you did only today….

"What is there to be proud of, I ran away with my daughter because I was selfish, I tried to deprive Ellie of growing up with a loving father!"

"No it's that you didn't go through with it! I know you Flora, better than you think at times; you are and will continue to be a wonderful mother. You haven't failed me, it's no use blaming anyone, if anything it's both of our faults, yours for keeping all this to yourself and mine for not pushing you to talk to me…I've failed you by not being then when you needed me, I wanted everything to be perfect and so I chose to pretend that it was."

Biting her lip unable to believe how forgiving he was being Flora confided the one fear that still lurked deep in her gut. "What worries me now is what if Ellie has sensed it? If she realised her mother didn't love her, is that why she cried all the time? What if I have harmed my child?"

"No…No she will only know you have been there for her…It's her mother's arms she knows best, it's you she looks to and no matter how you have felt you have always done the best thing possible for our child. And you do love her now…Don't you?"

"Yes I do love her Walter…I didn't realize how much until today, I knew I couldn't loose her, I just didn't think why; it was just a gut reaction but the when Lorcan threatened her it didn't matter how hard he struck me, I knew I would die to protect her…"

Reaching over Walter silently took her hand, squeezing it tightly with his own, words were no longer necessary; they had said everything that needed saying. Meeting his eye Flora smiled softly, turning her hand over so she could return his gesture. "I love you." She mouthed silently unable to find her voice.

"I love you to…"

"I never stopped." Flora managed to croak out.

"And I never will." Walter countered leaning forward to place a kiss on her forehead.

"But…"

"No Buts!" Walter insisted. "I'm not going to pretend we can just forgive and forget Flora, it is going to take time but if we still love each other then I think we can survive this, that is as long as you want to try?"

"I want to…" Flora replied softly, her exhaustion now clear in her voice. "I am just not sure how to begin…"

"Neither am I, one day at a time, I think that is the best we can hope for at the moment." Walter replied softly, a glance at the clock on the mantelpiece confirming his suspicion over the lateness of the hour. Lifting up their linked hands he brushed his fingers down her cheek before tucking a stray lock of hair back behind her ear. "You should try to sleep now…It's late and we have to be up early."

Nodding Flora nuzzled into her pillow pulling his hand up she kissed the back of it before closing her eyes and finally beginning to relax. She was dozing lightly when she felt him tug his hand free, the remainder of her conscious mind waited for the shifting of the mattress but when after a few minutes it didn't come a part of her began to panic. "Walter?"

Turning back from the window Walter surveyed his sleep-eyed wife. "Go to sleep Flora."

"Can't sleep…need you here." She mumbled patting the space beside her. "Couldn't' sleep last night too cold to quiet, no snoring…" She quipped trying to cover her plea with humour. "Please."

Kicking off his shoes Walter quickly crossed the room, sliding in between the covers that Flora lifted for him, but he knew that there was no way he would be able to sleep that night. His mind was too full, so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, on one hand he was furious with her, more that she had kept all this to herself for so long and almost let it destroy them than anything else. On the other he ached for her, the pain and despair she must have felt were like a dull knife in his side and what was worse was there was nothing he could do to take it all away. He couldn't make it all better, he just had to sit and support her and hope she came around on her own.

Rolling over he stared long and hard at his wife's sleeping profile. The woman was pure exasperation, if anyone had told him at the beginning of his acquaintance with one Flora Ryan that he would endure both the depths of hell and the delights of heaven all in one person he would have called them mad and laughed it off as a joke.

"Stop staring." Flora mumbled suddenly although she kept her eyes shut.

"Couldn't help it, it's an especially nice view…"

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Which one?" Walter scoffed regretting it when a pained expression flickered across his wife's face.

"Walter..." Flora began hesitantly and he automatically felt the tightening in his gut, what more could there possibly be? "No more secrets correct?"

"No more secrets…"

"There is something else I need to tell you. When I was five something happened..." She paused dramatically and Walter couldn't help but think the worse. "I stole a little porcelain dog from a peddlers stall, I just thought you should know..."

Unable to help it Walter burst out laughing, it just felt good, turning back to his wife his delight was increased as Flora was giggling into her pillow. "You are pure evil sometimes."

"I know…It was in terrible taste but I just couldn't help myself oh but your face…Priceless."

Reaching over Walter pulled the blanket further up over her shoulders brushing his fingers across her cheek. "Sleep now that's an order."

"Yes Mr Jarvis." Flora replied in her best lowly housemaid imitation before kissing his fingers. "Night love."

"Good night." Walter replied surprised, as he had to stifle a yawn watching as Flora drifted off to sleep and he found himself drifting off as well.

- - -