I wish you didn't love me
I wish you'd make this easy
It was love that caught me
Now it's fear that keeps me with you
It's been 5 years since Phil left. 5 long years, full of regret, and tears.
At first I couldn't stand it. I sat in my room, and cried, day and night. And when mom did decide that I had to be sent back to school, I spent as much time in the girl's toilets as I could, just crying. Everyone was sympathetic, but behind my back there were whispers. Whispers saying that I was pathetic, and stupid, and that I should just get over Phil. But I couldn't. It wasn't that easy.
And then I met Dean. He was great. To begin with.
We had fun. We were almost complete opposites, but it didn't matter. He was different from Phil. And that was the best part.
Then he started getting mad, and hitting out. Usually on my face, and arms. Then he would apologise sweetly, and even though, I knew he would do it again, I forgave him. Because if he left, I'd be all alone. And I'm afraid to be all alone. Loneliness means more time to think of Phil. And more time to think of Phil, means more crying, and even more pain than Dean causes me.
I've grown accustomed to wearing long-sleeved jumpers to hide the bruises on my arms, and make-up covers the worst of the wounds on my face. I hide behind a mask when I go out. Nobody knows the real me. Only Phil ever will.
Which is why it surprised me when Dean proposed. He was always telling me how useless I was, and that I was stupid, and worthless. So when he proposed, I didn't know what to say.
But I said yes anyway.
Because if Dean doesn't get his answer, then he'll hit me.
And if I say no, he'll leave.
And then I'll be all alone. And I don't want to be all alone again.
It will get less depressing...;-)