Trial By Furry - Kim thinks she can do anything, but can she defend Drakken when he's put on trial by a bunch of talking critters for 'crimes against inhumanity'! Uh oh! Is Kim Possible going 'funny animal' on us? Well, not quite. First in a series of stories that will blow the lid off the world of Kim Possible and lead to The Last Kim Possible Story. Whatever you do, do not reveal the surprise shock ending!
Trial By Furry
A Kim Possible Teleplay by Shawn Q. Evans
Kim Possible and related characters copyright Walt Disney Co.
Effie M. Bondie copyright 2006 Shawn Q. Evans
Watch Kim Possible on Disney Channel, ABC Kids and Toon Disney. Check local listings.
Scene 4 - Testimony begins in the prosecution's case. Various animals take the stand to give testimony against Drakken.
Mouse: When Drakken melted the house of cheese, we thought it was a great day. But look at me now. Look at me! Sob!
Camera pans back. The mouse is grossly obese.
Mountain goat (seen in profile): I had a home once in the mountains. Until Drakken blew up his mountain lair! It was such a great home, too. So warm.
Prosecutor Fox: Mmm, I think that was due to the nuclear reactor.
Mountain goat (from the front. The goat has three eyes): Really?
Bear: Once, Drakken stole a lake, and all the fish in it, too! Oh, those poor fish!
Prosecutor Fox: Thank you, sir. That will be all.
Bear: It was terrible! I mean, I could have starved to death if…
Fox: THAT WILL BE ALL, SIR.
Bear: What? Oh, right. Sorry.
Cat: It was a dark day indeed when Drakken enlarged his dog, Commodore Puddles, to giant size! How were we cats to deal with that?
A huge Commodore Puddles chases cats.
Dog: You think you had problems? Puddles' fleas grew to humongous proportions, too!
Camera pans back. A very large flea is attached to the dog's side.
Roachie appears.
Ron: Roachie! How have you been? (Ron makes roach noises)
Roachie: (Roach noises)
Ron: Ah. Eating garbage, that whole 'circle of life' thing! I gotcha!
Lion: Roar!
In the gallery, Timon plays a recording of Simba roaring. Pumbaa laughs but Simba is not amused. Nala rolls her eyes.
Simba: Will you two cut it out? You're embarrassing me!
Ron: O-kayyyy. Um, Roachie, what are you doing here? (Ron makes roach noises)
Roachie: (Roach noises)
Ron: You're interpreting for the head lice?
Roachie interviews a dish (lice are on the dish). (Roach noises)
Ron sits at the defense table.
Ron: The lice..say..Drakken's shampoo..took over their minds..and forced them to serve Drakken! Oh, come on! When are we going to cross-examine?
Kim: Ron, Effie knows what she's doing! Right, Effie?
Effie: Fox is trying to goad us, Kim. If we attempt to discredit the cute little critters, the jury will turn against our client. Besides, they don't have evidence of any direct acts Drakken took against animals.
Ron: Uh, I think that may be about to change!
Dr. Jacques von Hamsterviel (from Lilo and Stitch) is wheeled in. He's strapped to a gurney and wears a muzzle/restraint like Hannibal Lechter. The courtroom audience murmurs.
Prosecutor Fox: Dr. Hamsterviel, we understand you have direct evidence of Drakken's anti-animal acts. Is that true?
Hamsterviel: Mmm mf mmph
Fox: Ah. Sorry.
Fox takes the muzzle off.
Dr. Hamsterviel: I was once a happy little hamster. Until I met Dr. Drakken! He - he turned me into the monster you see before you! Sniff
Crowd gasps: Ohhhh
Fox smiles.
Fox: Your witness.
Effie M. Bondie: With pleasure. Dr. Hamsterviel, do you recognize this?
Effie clicks a remote and a screen in the courtroom turns on. The screen shows a photo of Hamsterviel with one of his take over the world devices.
Dr. Hamsterviel: Where did you get that?
Effie: Here's an enlargement.
Paper reads "Dr. Hamsterviel's plan to take over the world."
Dr. Hamsterviel: Many people have take over the world plans! So?
Effie: Pay particular attention to the small print.
Another enlargement. Paper reads "A plan by Dr. Hamsterviel with absolutely no credit given to Dr. Drakken."
Dr. Hamsterviel: Lies! All lies!
Effie: Oh, really? Then what about this?...And this?...And let's not forget this!
Effie clicks through photo after photo of Hamsterviel and his schemes.
Dr. Hamsterviel: That's just...it's...
Effie: Last, and certainly least...
Effie clicks on a photo of Hamsterviel in hamster underwear, decorated with tiny pics of hamster chow.
Dr. Hamsterviel: Hey!
Crowd laughs.
Effie smiles at Prosecutor Fox, who fumes.
Effie: That will be all, your honor.
Hamsterviel is wheeled out of the courtroom.
Dr. Hamsterviel: I'll get you for that! I'll get you all!
Guard attempts to muzzle Hamsterviel.
Guard: Party's over, pal!
Dr. Hamsterviel: I'll..mph! Wait! I want to hire you! Call me! Mphff! Mmn
Ron: Score one for our side! Booyah!
Kim: It was a team effort, Ron!
Kim turns to talk to Lilo and Stitch. Jumba and Pleakley are also there.
Kim: Way to go, Lilo!
Lilo: No problem, Kim. Us world-saving girls have to stick together!
Stitch: Ohana!
Kim: What?
Lilo: Ohana means family.
Kim: That's sweet.
Jumba: Speaking of family, we also brought in the little one's family. They wished to see their humble breadgatherer 'in action' as you Earthers say.
Kim: You-what?
A female mole rat and two young mole rats stand up on the seat behind Lilo and wave to Rufus. Rufus pokes his head out, waves back and smiles a big 'ol grin. Ron and Kim are surprised.
Ron: Rufus, you d-Rufus! Way to go, my man!
Ron high-fives Rufus.
Kim: Ron, I thought when Rufus wasn't eating he was sleeping in your pocket?
Ron (serious face): I'm as surprised and shocked as you are, Kim, at this turn of events.
Ron (happy face): Alright, Rufus! Down low! There we go!
Kim: Shhh! Court's back in session.
Next: Fox springs his surprise witness - Bambi!
Also: The American Dragon is in the house and Maggie buzzes by!
Notes on Cast (So far)
Some of the animal characters are my invention (the more generic ones), while others are from Disney animated TV series or movies, some of whom I'm only vaguely familiar with. Some of the characters may play roles they didn't have in their original appearances (lawyer, judge), as their future occupations are extrapolated in order to move the story along.
Here's the rundown:
Mercury the Carrier Pigeon - Valiant
Aeron - mine
Destiny, Mr. Pears - mine
Launchpad McQuack - DuckTales
Galloping horse - generic
Blue Fox, Yellow Trout - inspired by the Animal Attraction episode
Dog guard, Pig guard - generic
Iago the Parrot - Aladdin (I wanted Mr. Limpet for the public defender job, but he wasn't a Disney creation. Gilbert Gottfried is just as good as Don Knotts, though, right?)
Fox - Foxey Loxey's dad from Chicken Little (whether he was in the movie, I don't know. I'm assuming she has a dad. I wanted a fox character for the prosecution).
Chippy - from The Full Monkey episode
Winnie - Winnie The Pooh
Wolf bailiff - generic
Liverlips McGrowl - The Country Bear Jamboree (Wasn't in the movie, but an original theme park Country Bear). A country bear judge seems to me the kind of anti-city slicker 'hanging' judge' you would find in a rural area. (think Fred Gwynne from My Cousin Vinny). There didn't seem to be the right type of character for this role in the movie, so I borrowed one from the original attraction. I really needed a Country Bear for one joke.
Human lawyer Effie M. Bondie - a character I created for another story. She's an amalgam of many famous trial lawyers. The name's a takeoff on F. Lee Bailey. It's a name with more humorous interpretations. She could be known as 'FM' for the way she lets everyone know what she's doing (she appears on a lot of TV shows). Or she could be known as 'Ef M' for what she does to her opponents in the courtroom. ('Effie' would be short for a name like 'Ephramina', which doesn't mean anything). Her characterization owes a lot to Gerry Spence, who used that 'country lawyer' thing to the fullest. And she's female because a lot of lawyers are these days.
Witnesses Mouse, Mountain Goat, Bear, Cat, Dog - generic
Drakken melted the house of cheese in Bueno Nacho.
Drakken blew up his mountain lair in too many to count.
Drakken stole a lake full of fish in Job Unfair.
Drakken enlarged Commodore Puddles in Rufus vs. Commodore Puddles.
Roachie - from the episode Roachie
Simba, Timon, Pumbaa - The Lion King
Dr. Hamsterviel - Lilo & Stitch. Only seen a few episodes, but as the only animal Drakken conspired with (in the Lilo & Stitch crossover with Kim Possible episode Rufus), he's the logical choice to 'turn states evidence' and testify against Drakken to get a lighter sentence. As an animal villain, he would be the one the animal audience fears/loathes/is fascinated with the most. On Lilo & Stitch, his efforts are concentrated on acquiring the most deadly weapon ever, Experiment 626 (Stitch), but as that series' 'Dr. Drakken' (major villain), it's not a stretch to imagine him involved in all kinds of diabolical take over the world plots.
Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley - Lilo & Stitch
Rufus' family - a story for another day.
(I thought of having Sebastian from The Little Mermaid testify against Drakken, but figured it was an unnecessary piling on).