Trail by Furry - Can Kim defend Dr. Drakken when he's put on trial by talking critters for 'crimes against inhumanity'? Funny Animals meet So The Courtroom Drama in the first installment of The Last Kim Possible Story! Whatever you do, do not reveal the surprise shock ending!
Trial By Furry
A Kim Possible Teleplay by Shawn Q. Evans
Kim Possible and related characters copyright Walt Disney Co.
Effie M. Bondie copyright 2006 Shawn Q. Evans
Tyrone Raccoon ('Ty Coon') copyright 2006 Shawn Q. Evans
Watch Kim Possible on Disney Channel, ABC Kids and Toon Disney. Check local listings.
Scene 6 - Testimony against Drakken concludes.
Forest creatures (2 birds, a rabbit, a skunk and a beaver) take the witness stand.
Prosecutor Fox: What happened on that day in May?
Rabbit: Drakken attacked our home!
Skunk: In the forest.
Beaver: He blew it up!
Birds: Tweet Tweet!
Fox: And how do you know it was Drakken?
Rabbit: We have proof!
Skunk: Photographs.
Beaver: Highly incriminating photographs!
Birds: Tweet!
The photos are displayed on screen. It's Drakken, Shego, his henchmen and another woman, in the forest. Fox points to the photo.
Shego: Hey, I remember that day! But where'd those photos come from?
Drakken: My mother wanted a keepsake. She had an instant camera, so...
Shego: And then she leaves the photos behind? Gah! Family will be the death of us!
Fox: Lady and Gentlemen of the jury, I draw your attention to the defendant, Drakken, and his weapon, the Sonic Disruptor, that he used to blast the forest home of our witnesses.
Fox (to the forest animals): Thank you, good citizens! All yours!
Ron: I don't remember that mission.
Kim: You weren't there. That was the one I went on with my mom. On Mother's Day?
Ron: Oh, right! I had to clean out the garage for my mom. That gnome still haunts me!
Defense Attorney Effie: Defense declines to…wait. Mother's Day?
Effie examines the photos closely.
Kim: Effie?
Effie: Ah think ah see something. Can you blow the photo up? More? Thank you.
Effie examines the enlarged photo.
Effie: Hmmm.
Effie points to the woman in the photo (not Shego). The woman has a red beehive hairdo.
Effie: Mr. Rabbit, can you identify the woman in this photo?
Rabbit: No.
Effie: Anyone?
Skunk: No.
Beaver: Not at all!
Birds: Tweet.
Effie: Well, ah can. That's the defendant's mother! A woman who has never been in involved in any criminal activity!
The crowd murmurs.
Effie: This was in May? Do you know what date?
Rabbit: Dates aren't a forest-type thing.
Effie: Then ah'll tell you - it was Mother's Day! Do you know what they're holding?
Skunk: Baskets?
Effie: Yes. Specifically, picnic baskets! And picnics attract ants. Do you know what's used to repel ants?
Beaver: Fish?
Birds: Tweet?
Effie: Ultrasonics. Which would come from a sonic disruptor! So everything in those photos have an innocent explanation! Drakken was on a Mother's Day picnic with his mother and had a sonic disruptor to keep the ants away, but he accidentally set it off at its highest setting. Possible, yes?
Rabbit: I- I suppose so!
Skunk: It's one explanation.
Beaver: Yes, I see how one could come to that conclusion.
Birds: Tweety tweet!
Effie (sing song voice): So you agree - there's something there - that wasn't there - before!
Animal Gallery (singing Chorus): Oh yes, there's something there that wasn't there before!
Kim (to Iago the Parrot): Um, what's going on? Why are they singing?
Iago: This happens a lot when human females hang around us animals.
Ron: And you just go along with it?
Iago: Eh. Why not? Never really thought about it before.
Fox (sing song voice): Stop! Not so quick! You expect us to believe - it was a picnic?
Effie sings and dances (twirls) in front of the animal gallery.
Effie (singing): See-ing - Be-liev-ing - In my heart I know what's true!
Animal Gallery (singing Chorus): In her heart she knows what's true!
Drakken: Stop! Stop singing! If I'm on trial for my life, I won't have it demeaned by, by singing!
Effie stops singing and returns to the defendant's table. She looks shocked.
Effie: Uh, Kim, was ah singing?
Kim: Yeah, you were.
Ron: And dancing. Don't forget the dancing!
Effie: Oh no! I'm so embarrassed! Please don't tell anyone!
Kim: Is there a problem?
Effie: It would ruin my rep! If potential clients found out ah sung, they might also learn ah did 3 years summer stock while in college!
Ron: That doesn't sound so bad.
Effie: It was musical theater!
Kim: Gasp!
Ron: Whoa.
Kim: 'Ice in her veins', huh, Ron?
Ron: Well…definitely chilled.
Fox: The prosecution calls Tyrone Raccoon to the stand.
Ron (thinking): Tyrone Raccoon. Why does that name sound familiar?
Ron(excited): Oh yeah! I know where we met him! Remember that mission where we found out Rufus was having save the world adventures on his own, without us?
Kim: I remember.
Kim stares at Rufus.
Kim: Those were the good old days, when that's ALL he was doing without us!
Ron: Kim, are you still upset Rufus didn't tell us about his family?
Kim: It'd be nice if he kept us informed!
Ron: Kim, Kim, Kim, I'm sure this is all our fault!
Kim: OUR fault? How is it our fault?
Ron: If we had shown more of an interest in Rufus' personal life, I'm sure he would have told us! Why, I bet if we asked him right now, the little guy would tell us all about his extracurricular activities!
Kim looks at Rufus. Rufus sweats.
Kim: Oh. Really?
The raccoon approaches the bench. He's wearing a striped, prisoner uniform and handcuffs.
Ron: Ooh! Wait, Kim! They're starting!
Rufus wipes his brow.
Rufus: Whew!
Fox: Tell us, Mr. Raccoon, of your relationship with Dr. Drakken.
Raccoon: Everything I am I owe to that man! He gave me the means by which we shall strike back at our oppressors!
The animal gallery erupts in scattered cheers and applause.
Animals: Whoo hoo! Yeah!
The judge bangs his gavel.
Judge: Order!
Fox: Isn't it more accurate to say he gave you the means to commit your crimes, crimes which you have been duly convicted of?
Raccoon: That is the view of the powerful, yes.
Fox: Thank you. Your witness.
Ron: Ooh! Oh oh! Let me do it!
Effie: You can refute his testimony?
Ron: Oh yeah!
Effie: Then go ahead.
Kim: I don't think that's such a good idea.
Effie: Kim, ah'm beat. Besides, it's a simple cross-examine. What can go wrong?
Kim: That's what I'm afraid of.
Ron: So, Mr Raccoon…
Raccoon: Hello, Ronald. Future servant.
Ron: Let's start with…what did you call me?
Raccoon: Ronald. And you can call me Ty.
Ron: Okay, 'Ty'! Wait…Tyrone Raccoon. 'Ty Coon'? Uh uh, no way I'm calling you that!
Raccoon: You will, in time.
Ron: That'll be the day! Now then, is it not true that you stole your world-conquering machinery from Dr. Drakken?
Raccoon: Stole. Borrow. Acquire. For those of us without power, it's all much the same thing. But the fact remains, if Drakken had not made it available, I never would have been able to use it.
Ron: And is it not true that you forced other animals, groundhogs and naked mole rats in particular, to name only a few, to aid you in your scheme?
Raccoon: Sigh. The life of a revolutionary is not always easy. Some sacrifices must be made. I was doing what I must to stand up for my people.
Ron: You were doing nothing of the kind! You were feeding your fat gullet!
Raccoon: I had to do something! You humans fired the first shot when you let the giant roaches take our feeding ground, the Middleton dump, from us!
Ron: Oh, now it's our fault!
Raccoon: It was the Sudetenland all over again.
Ron: What?
Raccoon: History, Ronald. When the Allies gave away land that wasn't theirs to give, thus turning their enemies' predatory ways towards a third party?
Ron: I must have been absent that day.
Raccoon: Do they teach you nothing in that holding pen called Middleton High?
Ron: Hey! Don't insult my school! And is it not true you conspired to take all the Bueno Nacho for yourself?
Raccoon: Yes, that is true. I did try to take over Bueno Nacho, and, in fact, all of your most popular fast food establishments. For one day we will be free and it is you who will serve us Bueno Nacho!
Ron's very angry and has to be restrained by the guards.
Ron: NO! You'll never take Bueno Nacho from us! Never!
Effie: What? Did ah miss something?
Kim: Ron's a big, big fan of Bueno Nacho. BIG. He even invented the naco.
Effie: The naco? That was his? Wow. I'd keep a close eye on him, if I were you.
Kim (concerned): I know!
Tyrone Raccoon is led away by the guards. Animals cheer.
Raccoon: Viva la revolucion! No more garbage cans forever!
Ron slinks back to his seat.
Ron: Dirty, lousy, Bueno Nacho stealing raccoon!
Shego: Way to start a human/animal war, Stoppable!
Kim: Hush, Shego! Ron, are you okay?
Ron: Sorry to let you down, KP!
Kim: No, you-you did fine! You discredited his testimony against Drakken, so that was good. Right?
Kim looks for support from Effie, Drakken, Shego. They all look away.
Kim: Sighhh.
Effie: It'll be okay, Kim.
Kim: How can you say that?
Prosecutor Fox: The prosecution rests, your honor.
Effie: Because now it's our turn!
Next: What you've all been waiting for - Defending Drakken!
Who will defend him - and why?
But how could anyone defend him - he's evil, right?
Read it and see!
Notes
The forest critters weren't seen in the episode Mother's Day, but everyone else was there - Drakken, his mom, Shego, henchmen, the Sonic Disruptor and picnic baskets.
"There's something there that wasn't there before" is a song from Beauty And The Beast. Quick, who starred as Belle in the Broadway stage production? Answer: Kim Possible's Christy Carlson Romano! This being (supposedly) the last series of Kim Possible tales, everyone's getting a cameo shot! (So someone else does the voice of Effie M. Bondie, but Christy does the singing lines).
Tyrone Raccoon (Ty Coon) was an original character created for a story about Rufus. I have notes on the story, but who knows if it'll ever get written. There are so many other stories I'd like to write before that one. For Ty, think of a cross between Donald Trump and Che Guevara, with the voice of Kelsey Grammer. Ty may seem like a nice, charismatic guy, but never forget what he is: A monomaniacal, selfish, hedonistic (although highly intelligent) would-be world conqueror. Fun to be around? Sure. He'd like you, too - in a waiter or waitress uniform serving him, waiting on him hand and foot!
Sudetenland - The Sudetenland was an area of Czechoslovakia coveted by Germany. In 1938 the allies (France, Great Britain) appeased Nazi Germany and gave them free reign in Czechoslovakia. Stalin accused the Allies of turning Hitler's warlike intentions towards the Soviet Union.