Terror of Life
You know you're a nobody. People don't care about you. They think your some kind of a slutty whore and you'll fight back, but you won't win. You can't. You're just a weak, stupid, teenage mortal girl that nobody even knows exists. They don't know the real you, only the person you pretend to be. You could never show them the real you. If you did manage to get past your fear and show them who you really are, they wouldn't care. What's the point to go on trying?
I walk down the hallway, clutching my books and staring at the ground. Someone shoves their shoulder into me and my books fly everywhere. I pick them up, avoiding the persons glaring eyes. "Watch out you little slut!" the person shouts at me and kicks the books out of my hands again. "I…I'm sorry." I mutter as I get up and hurriedly walk to my next classroom.
Once I get to the classroom, I quickly find a seat in the far back corner where I won't be noticed. I grab a leather bound book and a pen out of my bag and begin to write.
See I told you so. Nobody cares about the poor, helpless little creature you are. They never will. You truly are a nobody. Tonight's the night that you will choose between life and death. Which will it be?
"Anna, what's the matter?" A man's voice asked. I felt a hand placed gently upon my shoulder. Wincing and moving away, I look up into the stranger's eyes, tears well up in my eyes. Why does he want to give me a chance when no one else even cares? I thought, as a single tear falls down my cheek.
His hand brushes it away and he pulls me close to him. I begin to cry and he pulls me closer, but I try to pull away. He holds me gently and doesn't let me go. "It's ok. Shhhh…what happened Anna?" he said, worry in his voice. "Anna, it's Jacob. Don't you remember me?"
I had to admit, his voice and touch did seem familiar to me. I look up for a brief second to notice that it was indeed Jacob, a boy the age of thirteen, with brown hair and brown eyes. Over the few years that I've known him, I've grown to like him more and more.
I shake my head and lay it on his shoulder. When I speak, my voice comes out as a whisper, "It's me. Everybody hates me. Whenever I'm not with you, people are mean to me." I tell him about what happened in the hallways, the tears fall down my cheeks. When I'm finished telling him, he pulls me into his arms and holds me there.
"I know sweetheart, I know." Jacob replied, while holding me, "We can pull through this, just you and me. Nobody will get in our way."
I hear the door slam in the front of the classroom, and look up to find the teacher walking in. "Ok class. Pull out your journals. It's time for class to begin."
I reach into my bag and pull out the leather bound book again. Grabbing my pen, I begin to write.
The never-ending poem
(Jacob this is for you)
I'm walking down this path
This path I'm not supposed to take
This forbidden path
This dangerous path
But at the end of this path
You stand there
Waiting for me
To come get you
So we can be together
I walk down that path
And after a long walk
We finally meet
Then we walk down a different path
A much safer path
As we walk down that path
We are holding hands
As we walk down that path
We run into some problems
And we know we can get through those problems
Because we are together
As long as we're together
We'll survive
As we walk down this challenging path
Nothing can separate us
For when we walk down this path
We are not alone
Surrounded by those who care
Those whom we love
Those who will always be there
They too
Walk down this never-ending path
Looking for their loved ones face
Searching for their loved ones hand to hold
For comfort
We're all in this together
Not a single one of us will ever be alone
As we walk down this path
That never ends
It just goes on and on
Just like our love will
Our love will never die
Even when we are under
We will still love each other
This never-ending path
Is like our life
And our love
It will never die
Going down this path
Is like a test
A test to prove our love
If we pass this test
We will be together forever
If we fail
The rest of our time will be fatal
We both know that we'll pull through
Through this perilous path
Of doom
Darkness is closing in
But together we are the light
Showing others the way
Down this never-ending path
Sometimes people will try to stop you
From continuing down this path
But you won't let them block the way
You'll barge through
Together
As an unstoppable couple
Still the path continues onward
And onward we do go
Together
We are the other persons shield
Together
We will pass this test
And nothing
I mean nothing can stop us
From being together
No one can stop us
From being together
No one can stop us
From walking down
This challenging path
We are an unstoppable couple
But still
Even tough we're together
Inseparable
The memories of the past return
Haunting every step we take
They make the path we chose to take
Even more challenging
The pain of the past
Comes pounding after us
But together
We will face it
But together
We will fight it
We will be here for each other
Still we once again
Continue onward
Down this path
Jacob this poem is for you. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I wouldn't be doing what I'm going to be doing tonight if it wasn't for your sake. Please forgive me. If you don't see me tomorrow, then it's good-bye forever. I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I can't bear to see you go through all the pain I've gone through. I love you.
I close the journal and carry it with as I walk out the door. The bell had rung and I hadn't even known it until I looked up to find everyone in the room gone. I quickly make my way to Jacob's locker and put the journal in it, placing a note on top "Read this". As I head to my locker I wonder what he'll think about all this, mainly about the journal. We had been going out for nearly six months and I knew he was the person I would spend the rest of my life with, if indeed I would be alive to do so.
Walking out the school doors, I find my bus and get on, saying a quick hello to the bus driver, I make my way towards the back. Here I won't be bothered with my thoughts.
I wake up to someone nudging my shoulder, telling me it's my stop. I must've dozed off while I was on my way home. Shaking my head, I gather my backpack and coat, slowly walking down the isle and down the steps of the bus. Before me is my two story white house. It looks like a mini model of the white house.
My legs are shaky, knowing what I'll be doing tonight, is making me afraid of going into the house. I walk up the walk way and into the house.
Once I get in my room I lay on my bed. This is the night that I will choose between life and death. Which will I choose? I pondered over as I lay there, not moving. I hope Jacob won't miss me. I don't want to hurt him. He means so much to me. I love him with all my heart. If this wasn't for him, I wouldn't be doing it. He deserves better than I can give him, something more.
I drift off to sleep again, dreaming about Jacob and me, riding horse in the meadow, with nothing to worry about. Then I see Jacob falling off a cliff and I snap awake, quickly sitting up. I'm sweating and breathing hard.
Slowly getting off the bed, I look at the clock and walk over to my dresser drawer, pulling out a knife that I've had for a long time. It had been given to me by my great-great-great-great grandfather Pete when he was in the war. It had been passed down for generations of course, but now it's mine and that's all that matters.
This is what I deserve. Death. Nobody would miss me anyways. Good-bye Jacob. I love you. I think to myself, while holding the knife high above my head. At that moment, the phone rings. Carefully I set the knife down and run over to the phone. "Hello?" I ask.
"Oh my God, thank the Lord I called you in time. Anna I love you. Don't take your life away. I love you. I couldn't bear losing you; you are the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please, for my sake, don't kill yourself. I need you here. Without you I would be lost." Jacob said, his voice shaken with fear. "I love you."
I'm silent for a few seconds, and then I burst out crying. "I'm so sorry. I'm scared Jacob. I can't take it anymore. What everybody's doing to make us unhappy is unbearable. I don't know what to do." I cry.
"Anna, let's not worry about that now. Are you ok? I'm here for you. Ignore all those people. Go on in life; be proud of what you got. Be happy, don't always be so sad. I love you. Promise me you won't kill yourself." Jacob said with seriousness in his voice. I know I could never do it now. So I go a put the knife away. When I speak, my words are full of sincerity, "I promise. I love you too"