Harley collapsed against Dick's chest as she giggled. Dick's gasping was periodically broken up by his own laughter; with Harley on top of him, he couldn't tell where her body ended and his began, both of them tangled in the mess of bedsheets. A thin layer of sweat glistened on Dick's neck, the smell of alcohol on his breath racing past his lips.
"I'm not quitting- until you do-" he panted, laughing again. His mask was askew over his eyes, his hair a knotted mess falling to his shoulders. "I can't let my arch-enemy win," he giggled, rolling over so that he was above her, pinning her down. Handcuffs were clasped around only one of her wrists, the other half hanging open against her arm, and Dick kissed her slowly. He started laughing against her lips.
"I'm not-" Harley paused to giggle, hiccuping slightly, "I'm not the one who-that stopped." She gave him a quick kiss, the open handcuff falling against his back as she grabbed his shoulder. "I could do this for hours," she slurred. Dick moaned, biting her neck as he growled playfully and his hands tangled in her hair.
"I haven't been this hammered since college," he talked against her neck, and then burst into laughter. "Get it? 'Hammered' like- you're Harley Quinn-" Dick giggled and bit her ear.
"I haven't been this h-ic-hammered in a while either." She snorted as she tried not to laugh, her legs tightening around Dick's hips to hold him against her. "And I'm not talkin' bout the liquor." She burst into a fit of laugher. "Get it? Hammered? As in the," she lowered her to a loud whisper, "sex." She giggled. "Good one jester."
"Good one," he complimented her, his hair falling over her eyes as he kissed her, still smiling and laughing quietly, his arms planted firmly on the mattress beside her head. Dick shook his head and pressed his hips into her, a hand grasping her leg. "You always think you're so funny," he laughed. "You were always funny."
She bit her lip, panting slightly. "I'm hilarious," she gasped. "And I'm also so drunk..." She tilted her head back, her hands running up his shoulders and grasping at his neck. "But the funny is sorta my thing, ain't it?"
"Maybe on the villain side," he smirked. "I'm the funny hero, and I don't like- competition-" He grinned, pushing into her with every word. She gasped, her hands clawing at his back. Dick took his mask off so that he could see her better, his eyes sleepy with intoxication and arousal as he kissed Harley's neck. Darkness had fallen not long ago. They still had an entire night to waste, and Dick sat up, knocking over empty bottles as he groped for the full one on the nightstand, bringing it up to his lips. The alcohol spilled onto his chest as he took a drink.
"So that's what this is? We're the funny competition?" Harley giggled. "Aside from-" She cut off, the smile sliding off her face. "I'm gonna be in so much trouble," she whispered.
"Trouble? That's backwards. I think I'm the one in trouble," Dick laughed, leaning down to kiss her again. Harley giggled.
"Good one, hero."
"I know right," he beamed at her praise; the cutest, most carefree grin. Dick hummed quietly as his hands felt up her torso, his lips planting light kisses along her shoulder.
"You have the cutest little smile," she giggled. Her hands sifted through his hair as her eyes focused hazily on his face.
"S'it cuter than his?" Dick slurred, raising his eyebrows. He moved his hips against hers and groaned, biting her lip. "Am I better than him?" A giggle escaped his lips before he was kissing her again, his liquor-drenched lips making her head spin more than it already was.
"You know you can't ask those quest-gins," she mumbled. She was having difficulty breathing let alone thinking. It was sweltering hot, but she still wanted to be closer to him. Her mind was a jumble of bad ideas and no control.
"Fine, jus' let my ego be wounded," he said casually, pulling her hair away from her damp neck to kiss under her ear. He pulled her knee higher up around his waist, biting her ear gently. "Say it's me," he whispered seductively, his hips pushing into her with more force, and she let out a loud moan. She could feel him smiling.
"That's not fair," she pouted, her body tensing. She trembled slightly, her hands tightening in his hair. She didn't want him to stop. That was the last thing she ever wanted. But even through the drunken fog, she knew that was one question she should never answer. It was a question she didn't want to answer; she didn't want to know what would happen if she did. "Besis-besides. There are rules." She pulled his face up to kiss him before yanking it back to kiss along his neck. "What about Batgirl?" she mumbled against his skin. "Who's better?"
"You," Dick moaned into the dark air. She could tell he was too drunk to care. Or maybe... Could his answer be clearer than his thoughts at the moment? She couldn't read him. He smiled, gripping her hips tightly. "What do you have to say to that, oh queen of hearts?" he grinned, giggling as he pressed his nose to hers. "You stole mine away and I never want it back."
This was a bad idea. All of it. It was just as stupid as the first time, and Harley couldn't process it in her drunkenness or didn't want to process it. She blinked her eyes to focus on his. She couldn't tell if he was swaying above her or if it was her.
"I say..." She leaned her forehead against his. At the moment there was only one thing she could process, only one thing she knew she wanted. "Fuck me." She pulled his face down to kiss him hard, her chest pressing against his as she wrapped her legs around his back. Dick returned her kiss, his hands grasping at her legs as he moaned against her lips.
I love you. He laughed, screaming the thought in his head. "Harley, I-" she stopped his mouth with a kiss again before he could say the words. She kept his mouth busy against hers, her hands tightening almost painfully in his hair as she held herself against him. Dick groaned again, one arm sliding underneath her back as he pressed down against her, his hand sliding down her leg around his waist.
"So are you gonna hammer me?" she teased, biting his lip. "Or do I need ta take care of it myself?" She grinned up at him. She kissed along his chest, tasting the spilled liquor before giving him a slow kiss. "After all," she murmured against his lips, "it is my specialty." Dick smiled and laughed and kissed her passionately, his fingers digging in to her hips. His chest rose and fell fast with his breathing, matched in time with hers, as his hips bucked against hers.
He was caught in her desperate embrace. Every movement of her body under his hands drew him in, making him want her more. There was nothing that could have distracted him from this moment; Dick took in the hot scent of the heavy air between them, her pale skin slick against his, the pounding of their hearts in their chests against one another's, her kiss so addictive all he wanted was her tongue in his mouth, her lips on his; it couldn't have been better. It couldn't have felt more right. The alcohol clouded his thoughts so that all he wanted was her touch, all he knew was the cries of her pleasure filling the night that he'd occupied for years.
Dick lay tangled in Harley's legs now, his chin resting on her hips as he stared at her, one of her legs draped over his shoulder. She traced his spine with her toes and giggled. Sleep was weighing on him as he watched her face. She smiled down at him tiredly, her makeup smudged and smeared. Her head was propped up in the pillows, one of her hands playing with the messy dark hair hanging down beside his face. Dick closed his eyes. He was still drunk, he could feel it- his whole body felt hot and fevery, and his cheeks were flushed red, his eyes unfocused. His dark hair hung in tangled waves over Harley's hips.
He may have been more drunk than he'd ever been, but he wasn't stupid. He'd never gone down on someone quite like that, not even the previous times with her; he'd been careful to try not to leave any marks on her skin, but there were still bruises forming on her hips where he'd held on to her. He smiled as she rubbed the marks on his shoulder. There were scratches down his back and he'd wager on his neck as well, and Dick closed his eyes at her touch, lost in thought; he wasn't sure exactly what had happened at the beginning of the night, things were starting to get dark in his memory. He'd already gotten used to the room swimming around him.
"What are you thinkin' bout?" she whispered. Dick opened his eyes again and took a deep breath, his hands on either side of her waist, a thumb stroking her pale skin.
"The circus," he slurred, trying to remember why. Harley giggled. "I... I haven't felt this home since then. Um... I think, anyway." Dick lifted his head a bit and kissed just below her belly button. "I just wish that I could whisk you off to that place. Haly's was... A dream. Haly was synonymous with heaven. Heaven's circus," he hiccuped and then laughed, again resting his chin below her waist. Harley laughed. She brushed his hair behind his ear. Her other hand was handcuffed to the bedpost, but she didn't think her hands were nimble enough at the moment to pick the lock and the key wasn't on the night stand anymore. She yawned. Between the alcohol and the exhaustion, it didn't even register with her to care.
"So," she grinned, "if Haly is heaven, does that mean you're my guardian angel?" She giggled. Dick smiled a little, blinking sleepily.
"I guess so."
"Which is weird right?" She nodded before elaborating. "Cuz I'm a bad guy. Who kills people... and makes them dead... and kills 'em dead and laughs. I laugh a lot. Which makes me a bad guy. So why are you here? Cuz you're a good guy." She looked at Dick like he was an illusion.
"Well sometimes angels fall," Dick whispered sleepily, smiling a little. He watched her.
"Isn't the devil a fallen angel?" she asked curiously.
"Yes. But he fell because he resented humans. I fell because I'm in love with one," Dick mumbled, his eyes closed. Harley continued talking like she hadn't heard him.
"Cuz you see, all you heroes are the angels protecting your little city. Even Batgirl," she added and hiccuped. "But then there's us villains. And we do the bad things. I do bad things. Except when I'm with you," she amended and giggled. "I guess to keep off the streets and ways of crime just give me Dick." She giggled harder. He snorted and laughed, his eyes still closed as he smiled.
"So what you're saying is I'm doing my job correctly. Keeping you off the streets," he slurred, turning his head and resting it on her stomach. He could hear her breathing, and it was relaxing.
"And keeping me in the sheets," she laughed. "Ya know, for me supposed ta be getting intel from you, I sure got something else."
"An' here I thought I'd won you over with my charming good looks and increb- increg- really good wits," he mumbled, giggling. Harley laughed, blinking her eyes closed as she smooshed her head more comfortably into the pillow.
"But you weren't supposed ta win me over," she mumbled sleepily. Dick smiled to himself and lifted his head up to kiss her belly. He shifted against her, the movement sending a shock up her spine. Dick kissed up her stomach and over her chest to her lips, and when he kissed her, it was so deliberate and slow that her heart beat faster. His lips fell away from hers and he moved to the side, laying down beside her.
"I probably shouldn't sleep," he muttered, pulling her into his arms wrapped around her waist.
"An' I shouldn't be here," Harley sighed. She nudged her head onto his shoulder. "I'm not supposed to see you at all anymore, yet here I am." She yawned.
"Here we are," he sighed. It felt right, holding her like this.
"Here we are," she repeated, stretching a little before settling. "Handcuffs and all."
"Shit," Dick sat up in alarm, groping for his belt on the floor. He pulled his lockpick out and quickly undid the lock of the handcuff still holding one of her hands to the bed. He rubbed her wrist gently and kissed her fingers as he laid back down. "Better?"
"Yup," she sighed, tucking her arm against his chest. Her eyes remained closed. "Thanks Puddin," she mumbled.
Dick winced, biting his lip as a knot formed in his stomach.
"Get some sleep, Harley," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead as he closed his eyes. His cheeks burned in embarrassment, but he didn't say a word. She didn't even know she'd done it.
"Okay," she breathed, already drifting off with her head tucked against his chest.
Dick knew he shouldn't sleep, he might not be able to wake up; but he pressed his comm into his ear before he closed his eyes, slipping into unconsciousness.
It didn't feel like long before he could hear a voice. Not Harley's, not his own; but Jason's.
"Dick. Dick. Come on, you son of a-"
"-what?" Dick opened his eyes, the sunlight blinding him. He gasped. "Jay where are you?" he mumbled in confusion.
"I'm at the tower moron," Jason snapped over the comm. "It's shift change."
"Shift change? I don' work at the police anymore," he slurred groggily, stroking Harley's hair. "Jesus she's so cute…"
"Damn it Dick, Bruce is going to kill you," he warned. "And are you drunk?"
"Yes," Dick groaned. "I'll be back at the cave in a minute-" he slid out from under Harley clumsily, tripping over bottles as he tried to collect his clothes.
"Not the cave, Dick," Jason sighed. "Jesus."
"The tower..." He suddenly whined angrily. "I miss the Batcave," he whimpered. Dick glanced down at Harley and groaned. "Can't I jus' stay? I'm not hurting anyone," he slurred. "Oh... my head..." Dick sighed, pulling his boots on the wrong feet. After searching for his Nightwing shirt to no avail, he abandoned it and pulled his jacket on over his bare torso. Dick smiled down at Harley and leaned over to kiss her head. "Love you," he whispered quietly.
"Shit Dick. When Bruce is done yelling at you, I will," Jason told him. "Now get your ass back here."
"Mmkay," Dick shrugged, suddenly realizing that Harley was wearing his Nightwing shirt. The balcony doors were closed as well, she must have gotten cold and put it on before shutting the door. Dick put his mask on clumsily and stumbled to the door. "Well let me figure out how to get this working…" he muttered, grinning as he walked out onto the balcony with his escrima stick. He cast one last glance at Harley. He could hear Jason sigh over the comms.
"Did you drive to wherever you're at?"
"I only drove… to the bridge, but I honestly can't remember which way is there," Dick looked around after he landed on the ground again. The sun reflected on the glass buildings, hurting his eyes. He couldn't tell which way was North.
"I'll pick you up at the bridge, but don't make me come find you," he warned.
"Will you… play hot and cold with my tracker?" Dick giggled, heading in the direction he hoped was South. He wandered through the streets. "Jason. What if I become zombie food?"
"Just look at the street signs you dumbass."
"Come on, Jason, I-" he looked up. "Oh. I'm on an Avenue. Isn't that a weird word? Avenue," he laughed, then assumed a terrible British accent. "Ello sir, can I 'ave a new hat?" Dick burst into laughter. "I'm almost to the bridge."
"Do not try and drive yourself. I'm on my way."
"I'm stupid enough to screw the clown prince's girl and get drunk before my patrol, but I'm smarter than drinking and driving," Dick muttered, and a police officer on guard glanced at him in shock. Dick waved and leaned against his bike.
"I think you forgot the stupidest part," Jason said, and Dick could hear his bike in the distance.
"What's that, buckethead?" Dick quipped, crossing his arms. He didn't bother to zip his jacket, the sun warming his bare chest. Jason waited until he'd pulled to a stop in front of him, switching his comm off.
"You fell in love with her."
"Hopelessly," Dick grinned. "And I think she loves me. Maybe. Not really, but I can help her," he sighed. "She's an angel." He giggled like a teenage girl, stumbling and nearly falling onto Jason. "Wow, how am I still drunk…"
"Because you got really, really drunk." Jason waited until he was situated on the back of the bike before taking off. "And I warned you not to get feelings for her."
"I've warned you about a lot of things, but did that stop you from pranking Bruce that one time? Or did that stop you from sleeping with Kori? Or wearing that horrible costume-"
"-Dick," he cut across him. "I know I'm the one who suggested that you see her, and I even suspected that you'd... But you actually falling for her is..." He sighed. "She's with the Joker, man. She's probably just toying with you. Don't cross that line."
"You're probably just toying with… yourself…" Dick retorted lamely. "Don't poke holes in my perfect dream, or I'll just jump off the bike."
"You have to face the truth that she's probably seeing you because the Joker told her to for some twisted reason," he persisted. Dick let go of Jason's jacket and shifted around on the back of the bike. Before Jason could ask him what he was doing, Dick stood up on the seat. "Sit down!" he yelled. Dick laughed and carefully sat down.
"Relax, if I can't keep my balance drunk on your bike, I don't deserve the mask."
"Relax," Jason mimicked back, "if you can't listen to the facts, you probably shouldn't be seeing the girl."
"Ok I'm gonna tell ya something," Dick knocked on Jason's helmet forcefully. "I know, mmkay? I know," he sighed as they stopped in the garage. Dick nearly fell on his face trying to get off. "I know. She's already told me that she's playing me for intel. Right after… Well I don't remember what she told me. But it was… she told me that I'd won her over," he smiled dazedly at the memory. With Dick's chest exposed under his jacket, Jason could see his torso riddled with bite marks, hickies... and Harley's lipstick. It was on his ear as well, and smeared on his face. Dick grinned. "I don't care."
"Yeah? Say that again when you're throwing up." Jason shut his bike off. "And you again caused quite the scene at shift change, so are you going to comm the big man, or do you need me to?"
"I left my comm."
"You were talking to me on it five minutes ago," Jason reminded him. Dick narrowed his eyes and groaned.
"Hey Brucie, I'm hooome..." He said hesitantly into the comm. "If I'm gonna get a slap on the wrist we should get it over with so I can go do my job, right?"
"Are you at the tower?" Bruce demanded.
"He is," Jason answered for Dick, "and he's very drunk."
"He is not!" Steph chimed in since they were using the city patrol feed.
"I may be a little not," Dick laughed. "Wait what? Hey Steph."
"You're trashed," Steph giggled. "Hey, say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
"Stephanie, this is not the time," Bruce scolded.
"Superkonandtimwereacouple," Dick snorted, before bursting into laughter.
"Come on," Jason said, shaking his head as he smiled. "Let's get you upstairs." He started to steer Dick toward the elevator.
"I gotta go out and protect the Blüdhaven. City needs me," he groaned, laughing.
"What happened to him?" Kate asked, joining into the comm feed.
"I got ma drank on," Dick sang. "Wow, my head hurts…"
"Good," Jason muttered.
"So Dick," Steph spoke up, "you do know I was on Arkham patrol last night, right?"
Dick leaned against the wall of the elevator, trying to process what she'd even said. He glanced at Jason and punched his shoulder. "Hey. Did you deflower Poison Ivy yet," he punched him again, grinning, his tongue caught between his teeth.
"Stop it." Jason smacked him.
"Jason wasn't the one I saw on my patrol screwing with the enemy," Steph taunted.
"Damn straight," Dick laughed, glancing at Jason. "Do you think that if you did Poison Ivy her lady parts would kill you? Like her poison kiss?" Jason smacked him again without saying anything.
"But seriously, please close the window if you guys are going to scream that loud," Steph begged as Kate laughed. "Please."
"Hear that, Bruce? I make the Joker's girl scream so loud that Steph thought someone was getting attacked," Dick laughed, doubling over as he did. The elevator doors slid open in Bruce's penthouse. Bruce was waiting for them, glaring at Dick from behind his cowl.
"I'm out," Jason muttered, remaining in the elevator. The doors closed behind Dick and he pointed a finger gun at Bruce, clicking his tongue.
"What were you thinking?" he asked in a deadly quiet tone.
"Um, it's the end of times and I was on break?" Dick leaned against the wall.
"But you're not on break now, and you're in no way fit to be on patrol."
"Oops," he shrugged. "So punish me."
"And what do you think your punishment should be?" Bruce asked. "What's good enough to fit this incident?"
"I don't care, Bats. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care." He laughed. "Whatever you decide is the command, my Lord, but you've got it twisted, King Hamlet- we're the only ones you don't scare." Bruce studied him before shaking his head.
"Jason, you're on break right?" he commed.
"My head just hit my pillow," Jason replied sleepily.
"You're covering Dick's Arkham shift."
"What!?" he cried. "Since when am I the responsible one?"
"Since Dick can't be responsible for himself." Bruce flicked his comm off, returning his attention to Dick. "You're not going on patrol in this state."
"Oh boo hoo I'm so disappointed," Dick mocked. "Whatever. Who cares, anyway?" He did feel remorse for Jason having to cover his shift.
"Glad to see you understand the ramifications of you actions," Bruce said drily.
"What's the point of this anymore!?" he snapped.
"What's the point of what?"
"This. It's been a year. The labs are nowhere close to a cure, and people are dying, Bruce. Face it, all we're doing is penning them in for when the zombies finally break in," he slurred, shaking his head. He frowned. "Damn I need a shower."
"Then you don't have to be here," Bruce snapped. "If you feel penned up, leave. No one is making you stay here and do anything. But I will do everything I can to protect this city and everyone who lives in it. And if that means running strict patrols, the people that are here to help need to understand that." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Go get showered and sobered up. I've been away from my patrol long enough."
"Fine," Dick muttered, punching the elevator button. Bruce watched him before turning away.
"And be careful."
"Yeah of course..." Dick bit his lip, pressing his comm as soon as he was in the elevator to change frequency. "Harley you up yet?" There was a long pause.
"What?" she said groggily. "Yeah, I'm here just make it stop beeping at me."
"Push the little button, beautiful. What are you wearing?" Dick snorted. Harley muttered to herself until she got it to stop and then fell back against the pillows.
"Um," she looked at herself, "I appear to be wearing your shirt. When did that happen?"
"I don't know. I just got back, got yelled at by Batman half drunk and shirtless. Hope your day goes better than mine," he chuckled, leaning against the wall. "I miss you."
"Is this comm supposed to be this loud?" She squinted and pulled a pillow over her face. "And is the sunlight supposed to be so bright? And," she groaned, "is my head supposed to feel like I hit myself with my own hammer?"
"Mmmm it wasn't your hammer," he bit his lip, smiling as he stumbled into his bedroom. Harley giggled a little before groaning again.
"Don't make me laugh," she complained. "It makes it worse."
"Sorry. As long as we can agree that I'm the funny one," he laughed, walking carefully to the bathroom and stripping his clothes off. He got into the shower and turned the water on, sighing as the hot water ran over his face.
"Never," she mumbled into the pillow. Dick laughed, leaning against the wall.
"Your loss. God that's good," he chuckled.
"You better be talking about me, Wonder Boy," Harley smirked.
"Of course," he laughed. "I mean the hot shower is good too."
"Don't taunt me. I know what good can come out of a shower." She giggled a little. She was starting to remember bits and pieces from last night. Dick laughed.
"Care to join me? You'd be a lot safer here than I'd be in Arkham," he smiled, wincing as he looked over his shoulder at the claw marks on his back. "You really did a number on me."
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't think I was in control enough for it to be my fault. I'm blaming it on the Jagermeister." She sat up and looked around. "Where even are my clothes?"
"I think I left something else there, too, I can't honestly remember much that happened last night- I mean, it was good," he laughed. "But that's all I'm getting."
"I don't see anything of yours but this place is trashed," Harley told him. She covered her eyes with her hands. "Oh yeah!" she cried. "My clothes are in the bathroom."
"That mystery solved," he chuckled.
"Just call me Sherlock Holmes," she joked, falling against the pillows. "Isn't this typically the day you're supposed to be in this part of town?"
"Typically, yeah. One of the reasons I am Batsy's number one little disappointment today. Funny, I think I'm infuriating him more than Red Hood lately," he laughed.
"Happy ta help." Harley grinned. "Shit!" She suddenly panicked, tossing the sheets aside as she hopped up. She stopped when the room started spinning. "If today's your patrol day, I'm not supposed to be in Uptown."
"Uh oh, someone's in trouble," he smiled, getting out of the shower to dry off.
"Don't taunt me," she complained. "I'm sweating pure alcohol." She stumbled over to the bathroom sink and splashed cool water onto her face. Dick laughed, glancing at himself in the mirror.
"Same," he groaned a bit, feeling nauseous.
"Who's idea was it to drink a whole liquor store?" she asked before drying her face.
"You ask like I might remember," he sighed, dropping into bed.
"I didn't take you up on your offer ta call ya any name I wanted, did I?" She started pulling her clothes back on.
Puddin. Now that, he did remember. "Nope. Don't think so," he mumbled.
"Good, cuz I didn't want to." She stumbled across the room as she pulled her boots on. "Now I just need to get back into Arkham without being seen. Any advice?"
"Well you weren't trained by the lord of darkness, so I've got nothing. Except…" Dick sighed. "Go in and interact with the people. Don't go straight to the Joker. Then he'll know you were up to something. Make him come find you, then he won't be able to pinpoint any area you've been, he'll see it as just… 'around'. Like you lost track of time within the city walls… if that makes sense." He clearly sounded disturbed.
"Sweet. Alright, I can handle that." Harley nodded. "Maybe stop by Red's and get cleaned up. As long as I don't die tryin' ta use this grappling hook on the way outta here."
"Please don't," Dick laughed.
"Oh ye of little faith." She took extra precaution aiming and did trip a little on the landing. "You didn't see it, but I assure you, it was a ten." She giggled. Dick answered with a mumble, pulling the blankets over him.
"Good luck, Harley."
"Night," she whispered, giggling a little.
"Night," he smiled to himself. Love you, he bit his lip, and Harley knew he was doing it.
"See ya soon." She took the comm out of her ear and put it back in her her pocket as she made her way back to Arkham.