It appears that this little trip to Bowson took much longer than anticipated. I was hoping to get back in time before the sun started to go down, but that's not looking like the case. If it were any sooner, we'd be able to head back to West Side and be done. Yet if Liam has been setting up random checkpoints on the main roads, then it would be best if we went to that hunting lodge and stayed until morning. We could try and travel the woods at night, but I'm not all that familiar with anything other than the main road. Kate seems like she knows a lot but trying to find landmarks and give directions in pitch black conditions would only get us lost.
The road back to Liam's compound is devoid of any life. No shamblers, no croakers, there isn't even any survivors around. The only audible sound is the humming of the engine, and the occasional choke when shifting between gears. It seems incredibly peaceful, and the fact that Ian and Chole will be okay makes the moment more blissful. Ever since that day I had to put Samantha out of her misery, it felt like death was more of a mercy than trying to find a reason to live. Being surrounded by the constant threat of death and worse, the death of those around is what caused all those feelings of wanting to leave. It felt like there was no hope even after the first night.
The thoughts of where I was and where I am now makes me wonder what all would have happened if I would have done what I wanted. If Melissa's guilt trip that morning wouldn't have worked. Who would have saved Kate in Coaltown, and what would have happened to Ian and Chole if I would have gone my own way? Even worse, what if I would have just remained loyal to Blair? Would I have been hunting Kate and everyone else on top of all the people Blair wanted to kill?
It sounds obvious now, but a couple days ago, I was hoping I'd be heading to the Red River, but now I realize just how stupid that idea really was. If I were to carry out the plan, it wouldn't have been worth it because Kate wouldn't have been there with me. Nor would Eric, and all the others.
I pull into the driveway of Liam's compound and park at the front gate. Several people including Mike's son and Bill come out.
"You clean?" Mike's son asks.
"As clean as any human could be." I reply.
"Good. Now get your ass in there and tell Liam you're here. He's threatened to cap me, dad and Bill if you weren't back before dark." Mike's son states.
"He still at my place?"
"Yup."
"Nothing happen while I was gone?"
"I assure you. Liam held up to his end of the bargain."
I pull into the courtyard and drive in the general direction of our house. Even with his reassurance, it doesn't make things any less stressful. Nor does it change my mind on leaving. Once Liam gets word that the job's been done, we're heading to that hunting resort. Once morning comes, we'll be on our way to West Side.
Rebecca is playing in the front yard of the house while Kate and Jamie watch. Eric is sitting by Liam as the both of them engage in some kind of conversation. Rebecca spots the jeep and rushes into Kate's arm. Jamie takes a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh of relief as Kate picks Rebecca up and carries her towards the vehicle. I park off to the side of the house and kill the engine.
"Matt!" Rebecca yells from the other side of the door.
"Hey there sweetie. Was everything okay while I was gone?"
"Yeah! Liam kept the bad men away! Just like he promised!" Rebecca cheers.
"That's good to hear."
I step out of the jeep and try to keep my composure. He's never going to find out. There's no way he could. Liam is more focused on extorting the residents and terrorizing this region. He wouldn't have any reason to go to Bowson. Even if he did, how would he know what those kids look like?
"Is everything alright?" Kate asks.
"Yeah…I'm just tired is all…"
A part of me wants to think Kate believed that lie, and even though her face is playing it off like she did, something tells me she knows that it isn't the truth. It doesn't matter though.
"Welcome back Matt." Liam says with an emotionless smile.
"It's finished."
"Excellent! I was starting to think you got lost, or Mike might have given you wrong directions." Liam stands up and stretches his legs like he's been sitting all day. "Cute little group you got here Matt. You know, if you're ever looking to put in a hard day's work for a good day's pay, we've been looking into expanding our toll services."
"I'll think about it."
"What's the matter Matt? You look tired."
"I am."
"Very well. I won't bother you anymore, but I'll always be looking for people who can do a job, and do it right."
Liam waves goodbye and takes off into the direction of his compound. Something tells me that him and his group of assholes will be back tomorrow to remind us of his offer. It was a choice today, but it will be force tomorrow.
"You alright Matt?" Eric asks.
"Yeah. I want all of you to go in and pack up your stuff. We're leaving."
"Are we heading for your house finally?" Eric's attitude goes from concerned to exited.
"Since it's getting dark, we'll stay at this little hunting resort for the night. Come morning, we'll head onto West Side."
"Yes!" Eric cheers as he jumps up and charges into the house.
"Why aren't we going straight to your house?" Kate asks.
"Liam has been trying to sit up checkpoints around Black Breech, so we'll have to use the back roads and woods to navigate to West Side. The problem is I don't want to travel around at night and end up getting us lost."
"So we're going to that place we stumbled across a couple days ago?"
"Yes."
"Alright."
"We're leaving?" Rebecca asks.
"That's right. We're going to spend the night in the woods, go meet my group come morning and then head to a place far from here." I reply.
"Is it safe?"
"It should be very safe."
Rebecca smiles and acts like she wants to be put down. Kate sits her down, and she rushes over to Jamie, "Did you hear that Jamie? Matt is going to take us someplace safe!"
"I did, and I'm just as excited as you are!" Jamie says in a childish voice. Rebecca grabs Jamie by her arm and pulls on it to try and get her to stand, "Come on! We got to get packing!"
"I'm coming!"
Jamie and Rebecca skip into the house and disappear. I open the tailgate of the jeep and sit down in the storage area. The image of Eric packing up food reflects through a side window. Although faint, there is a smile of absolute happiness as he quickly shoves as many cans into a plastic sack. Jamie and Rebecca walk by him carrying a case of bottled water. The three of them look at one another, laugh and have a conversation about the current situation. I can't hear the exchange, but the sight of their joy puts me at ease.
Kate walks out of the house with her guns and brings them to me. I take her hunting rifle and stow it underneath the back seat. She hands me several unopened boxes of 22. Rounds and 243. Cartridges as I stick them in the ammo cans. Brass and cardboard nearly overflow the brim as I struggle to get it latched. Kate slings her military rifle over her shoulder and helps me push it down.
"So aren't you going to talk about anything other than the plan?" Kate asks as she latches the ammo can shut.
"There's nothing to talk about." I defensively reply.
"No, I wasn't talking about that. I mean, just...how are you doing right now?"
"I don't have time to talk about feelings Kate." I make a gesture with my fingers to symbolize how little we have left, "I am this close to finally achieving a goal everyone has been looking forward to, and I need to completely focus on getting all of you there alive."
Kate takes a deep breath and sighs, "I was just trying to help you feel better because you look like your upset about something."
"I'm not upset about anything. I just want this bullshit to finally be over. A place where I don't have to worry about getting cut into pieces, or a place where I can actually wake up and not have someone holding you and everyone else hostage. A place we can finally call home."
"I understand." Kate answers.
There is a mild ache that causes my chest to ache, and the sole reason I had the strength to make it back comes back. If Kate didn't care, then she wouldn't be asking about me. Nor would there be appreciation in her eyes. "I'm sorry Kate. It's just…"
"I know Matt. I know." Kate interrupts me.
She takes a seat by me and puts her arms around my shoulders. Kate's pink hair scratches the side of my face. The scent of fading citrus radiates off her, and a calming feeling helps chase away the agitation festering inside. I clench my fists to help purge the last bit of irritation infecting my mind.
"After we get settled down tonight, you and I are going to talk. I don't want to now because Jamie and Eric are around, but there are some things we need to discuss." Kate says.
"Sounds good."
Kate lets me go and heads back into the house to help pack up the remainder of our stuff. Eric brings out several bags of food while Jamie follows him with a case of water. Rebecca carries her stuffed cat with both hands. Seeing her cradle the toy like she's holding a baby forces a smile out of me.
"You aren't going to help us carry anything?" Kate questions.
"I'm carrying Doug to the car."
"That's what I'd say to if I wanted to get out of work."
"Hey, caring for Doug is a job. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't." Rebecca snaps back.
Eric helps me stack the food and water in a uniform manner. He even managed to grab the tannerite, and the explosive arrows I made last night. Jamie and Rebecca sit down in the back while Kate sits in the passenger's seat. "I'll ride back here." Eric says as he climbs up into the back and squeezes in between the cans of food and water.
"Are you sure?"
"Sure. I kind of like it back here anyway."
"Alright."
Eric shuts the tailgate as I climb into the driver's seat, "Did everyone get everything?"
Jamie shows her shotgun while Eric holds up his lever action rifle and pistol. Kate points to the 22 pistol strapped to her hip and waves her military rifle around. I've got my revolver, my battle rifle, the bow, and the new handgun I acquired from Blair's group earlier.
"Say goodbye Doug." Rebecca states as she holds her cat to the window and moves its paw like its physically waving goodbye.
I shift into gear and take off in the direction of the hunting resort. Hopefully the croakers haven't wondered back from the highway. Otherwise, we'll have to figure something else out. Since the sun is on the verge of setting, there shouldn't be any threat of Liam trying to track us in the dead of night. If worst comes to worse, I'll take us straight to the highway and barrel through anything Liam might have set up.
The main lounge of the hunting resort peeks through the suffocating tree limbs and gives a faint glimpse to its temporary serenity. Kate takes aim at the lounge while I pick up the handgun and kick the safety off. Jamie opens her shotgun and checks to see if both barrels are loaded while Eric pulls the hammer back on his 30-30. I park on the side of the main lounge and get out. There are also two guest houses adjacent from one another. All three need to be cleared before we settle down for the night.
"Eric? Jamie? You stay here and watch Rebecca. Kate and I will make sure its clear."
"Can do." Eric says.
"Sure thing." Jamie adds as she pulls Rebecca to her side.
Kate gets out the same time I do, and we make our way to the front door of the main building. The door isn't locked, and it hasn't been latched and padlocked. I turn on my harness' flashlight and carefully examine the entrance from the safety of outside. There isn't any shamblers or any yellowcake. I carefully get closer and check the blind corners of the lodge. Nothing. I step in and carefully ease through the living quarters. Kate follows me in and watches my back.
There's no sign of blood or any kind of life for that matter. It looks like this place hasn't been used in a while. Probably a summer get away the owner would rent out to tourists and hunters. The furniture is still wrapped in plastic, and the floor looks like it hasn't been swept and polished. Everything appears to be completely untouched. As of now. Kate and I check the master bedroom in the back. The mattresses on the bed lack any kind of sheets nor are there any pillows.
I head across the hallway and carefully ease into the room. The mattress is leaned up against the wall, but the metal frame is still intact. There's no water in the toilet bowl nor the commode. This place is completely frozen in time since it was last used.
"Bathroom is empty." Kate's voice echoes from the master bedroom.
"This room is completely clear too."
"Is it safe to send the others in?" Kate asks as she lays her rifle over her shoulder and joins back up with me.
"Should be. Just as long as they don't let their guard down." I reply.
"Good. Then lets clear those guest houses and turn in for the night."
Kate and I exit the main resort and make our way to the jeep. Jamie notices us and rolls her window down. "This building is clear, but don't let your guard down." I reply.
"Alright." She replies.
Eric climbs out the back of the jeep as Jamie helps Rebecca out. The three of them head into the building.
"Let's get this done before it gets dark. I don't want to be out after the sun goes down." Kate says.
I keep my rifle trained on the guest house I'm preparing to search while Kate casually walks beside me with her gun over her shoulder. She occasionally skips her feet across some rocks to try and alleviate some of the boredom. Kate breaks off and walks towards the guest house on the left of the driveway while I approach the main door of my house.
The door is padlocked shut with no signs of being tampered with. Which means there shouldn't be anything waiting on the other side. I search under the door mat, and the nearby air conditioner for the key. Underneath a chair is a little black box that's velcroid to the bottom of the seat. Fabric and fiber snap as I pull the box out. It has a combination but whoever used it last didn't turn the dials because the lid slides back and forth with no resistance. Good. Otherwise, it would have to be pried open.
I open the padlock and carefully open the door. Nothing but dust that's collecting on the plastic film wrapped around the furniture. There is a fire pit with a jug of lighter fluid and matches sitting on top, several of those burning logs wrapped in paper, a bed, a table and some chairs.
Kate walks out of the house across the road and waves that it's clear. Good. Now all that's left to decide is sleeping arrangements. I make sure it's clear and head back to the lodge with Kate.
Jamie and Rebecca are sitting on the couch while Eric grabs the packaged logs and stuffs them into the living room fireplace. They didn't bring anything in other than a couple cans of food and some water. Eric squeezes some lighter fluid onto the logs and strikes a match. Jamie closes the blinds in the windows while Kate unties the curtain on the entrance door and covers the exposed glass.
The match rapidly grows in strength as the flame engulfs the logs in the firepit. Orange carves into the shadows and forms a flickering light that chases the darkness off but fails to overcome its restraints. Jamie opens a can of peaches for Rebecca while Eric munches on some beef jerky. Kate hovers over the two remaining cans and tries to determine what she wants to eat. I sit down in the rocking chair and stare up at the ceiling. A tingly feeling causes my left ear to gently vibrate. Almost like someone is standing behind me and blowing on it. In between the cracks where the shingles connect seeps a red fluid. A long, tear drop shaped bulb dangles from the roof and sways back and forth in a memorizing way. More fluid rolls across the rooftop and floods into the dangling tear drop. It constantly grows to the point that the collected weight struggles to cling onto the roof's surface.
"Hey Matt, pineapple or brown sugar yams?" Kate asks.
"I'm not very hungry to be honest."
The teardrop falls from the ceiling and strikes me on the face. I wipe the stuff off my face and examine what hit me. It's just water and condensation seeping through the roof. Yet, it looked like blood when it was preparing to fall.
"You've went nearly twenty-four hours without eating. You should at least try." Jamie states.
"No thank you. I think I'll just go to bed for the night."
Eric says something in hopes of stopping me, but it doesn't work. I don't really care what the sleeping arrangements are tonight, but I want a bed all to myself. The sun is about to completely collapse behind the horizon yet there's still enough light to keep the path to the guest house lit. There isn't any shamblers or croakers around, but the rifle keeps the way protected.
I enter the guest house and toss some logs into the fireplace. The smell of colorless butane soaks into the wood as I strike a match and toss it on top. The fireplace paints the dark room a weak yellow color as it struggles to gain control. I shut the curtains on the windows and crank the blinds where no light can leave.
The butane burns out, but the fire itself overcomes the wood and gains superiority. Charred orange coals form a corncob serration that runs along the grey side of the splintered wood. The fire calms down and finds stability to reasonably burn. Tempered flames occasionally bounce off the sides of the brick chimney but quickly return to the extent of its limits. I sit down in front of the pit and stare deep into the tiny blue flame that's giving the entire fire its source of power. All the feeling leaves my body, and my eyes are unable to see anything other than the fire controlling itself.
"Hey Matt? I know you're not hungry, but I wanted to bring you something anyway." Jamie says as she knocks on the door. The ability to speak has left me. Nor can I turn around to acknowledge her. The blue flame pacifies my soul and despite the urge to do something, my body completely ignores it.
"It's me Matt. I'm just bringing you something to eat for later." Jamie says as her footsteps slowly scratch the floor. She puts a can of corn, and a spoon on the table and scoots a chair to where she's not in the corner of my eye. I want to say something, but my body is completely oblivious to the world around me. She rocks back and forth to keep herself occupied. I don't know how long she intends to stay here, but I do enjoy the company. Although my mind tries to tell me otherwise.
"Eric told me you were really good at chemistry. I was really terrible at it. In fact, I had to copy my friend's notes down for the tests because I would always mess up one little thing in the entire equation, and it would ruin the answer."
"What were you good at?" I ask as my mind relaxes a bit.
"I said medicine when we first met, but that's because it's a field nobody really looks down on. Truth be told, I was more interested in weather and geoscience. That's the whole reason I wanted to go to OU was because I wanted to learn meteorology. Don't know how much good it'd do us here though since Oklahoma's weather can be spring in the morning, winter around noon, and bone dry by night."
"Meteorology was always a cool subject. I could never do it because I'm not good at predictions." My body relaxes, and the stress goes away. I regain full control of my body and realize that Jamie brought me something to eat.
"Well we didn't want you to go hungry. Plus, Kate wants to eat with you. If that's okay." Jamie smiles.
"Yeah. There was something we were going to talk about."
"Well, I'll go let Kate know you're ready."
Jamie?"
"Yeah Matt?"
I sigh and take in consideration how to go about the statement, "Does it ever feel like…all the good you do in your life will never outweigh the bad?"
"Yes Matt. It does." Jamie sighs as she runs her palm over her eyes. "Can I tell you something?"
"Go ahead."
"I told you about my friend and how she didn't make it. It's because of me." Jamie sniffles. "We were running from those things. She got grabbed, and…I punched, kicked, swore and pulled with everything I had to get her back."
Jamie looks at her right hand and balls it up into a fist almost like she vividly remembers that particular moment. "And all I remember is hearing a board snap and I fell on my back. When I sat up, her entire arm was in both of my hands. Those things chewed her arm off, and no matter how many times I tell myself that I couldn't save her, there's always that 'what if' that lingers in my mind."
Jamie gives me a look that feels like she's staring directly into my soul, "Matt, I know that look in your eyes because it's the same look that's etched itself into my memories for eternity. I don't know what you've seen, or what you had to do, but I want you to know that I worry about you, and it scares me when you wonder off alone."
"I know. It's something that's readily available, but when I sit down and think about it, I can never bring myself to follow through because even when it feels like life is pointless, I realize how much I love Kate and everyone else. The nightmares and delusions are worth suffering through if it means I can watch everyone else live."
Jamie tilts her head down and tries to hide how she really feels. The fact she came out here to make sure I was still alive tells me that she wants me to live just as much as I want her to. "I'll tell Kate you're ready."
"Please." I reply.
"Goodnight Matt." She smiles.
"Goodnight Jamie."
She shuts the door and walks off. I peek out the window and keep an eye on Jamie until the door to the main resort opens up. I sit down at the table and roll the canned corn back and forth.
"Matt?"
"Come in."
The door opens up and Kate pokes her head in, "Everything okay in here?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just tired."
Kate shuts the door behind her and sits down in the chair across from me. She's got a can of minestrone soup and some crackers. "You are more than welcome to have some if you want." Kate takes half the sleeve and pushes the rest towards the middle of the table. I open the can of corn and tilt it up. The cold kernels sling water and food preservative all over my mouth as they burst between my teeth. It's better hot, but it's not that bad despite being cold.
Kate dips a cracker into the can and uses it like a makeshift spoon to scoop the vegetables out. The cracker she is using breaks right at the tip of her finger and disappears into the tomato-based broth. She tips the can up and takes a huge drink. She swishes the soup around in her mouth and grinds the extracted cracker up with her teeth.
I continue to eat and mind my own business, but for some reason, this moment is taking me back to those dates with Samantha. Those times she would get creative with her food and end up making the experience a pleasing one to watch and learn from. A time I was truly happy, and in a way, I'm just as happy to be here with Kate.
"So what was it you wanted to talk about?" I ask.
"It's about where we are going, and what we are going to do when we get there." Kate replies.
"Well when I get there, I'm going to find a nice place to sit down. Take in the view of the house, the people and that feeling of knowing I accomplished my goal."
"Then what?"
"To be honest, I haven't given it much thought after that. What about you?"
"I want to get my own little patch of land. Build a house. Have a place where I can hunt."
"I can see you doing that. Gathering meat and supplies for the group while everyone else fishes or farms. I think you'd look pretty cute in a ball cap, and a face streaked with black paint."
Kate shakes her head and blushes at my answer, "Yeah…" It seems like she wants to add something to her statement, but she doesn't know how to put it. "Are you a hunter Matt?"
"I used to hunt a lot before high school. Mainly varmint, but in fall, that's when dad would take me and my brother deer and turkey hunting."
"Bow, black powder or rifle?"
"All, but I enjoyed black powder the most." I answer.
"I did bow and black powder every once in a while, but rifle was what I liked."
"Well maybe when I get done sightseeing, I could help you build that house."
"I'd really like that." Kate happily sighs.
Despite all the opposition that's within me, it's obvious that this is something that must be said. Fear strikes hard and dumbfounds me to the point that I can hardly think straight. It's not the fear of saying it that's holding me back. It's the past.
"It's okay Matt. It's okay." Samantha's voice rings throughout my head. "You and Kate deserve this happiness and closure, but do it at your own pace."
I take a deep breath, fold my hands together and exhale, "Kate?"
"Yes Matt?"
"I love you."
Kate stares directly into my eyes and gives me her full attention. She sits up straight and presses her right hand into her left breast. Almost like she's trying to keep her heart from beating. A flush feeling overpowers my head and causes it to burn with so much intensity that heat is coming off and causing the pores of my face to vibrate.
"Is that how you truly feel?" Kate asks.
"Yes. Do you?"
"Absolutely. That's why I came because I wanted to spend the night with you."
"My heart isn't really ready for sex yet. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings."
"No, I understand. I mean, I kind of wanted to, but if you're not ready, it's okay."
"It's just I haven't really studied that part of the manual about childbirth. Not to mention that I want us to grow together as lovers rather than survivors."
"In all honesty, I just want to be by your side. Like that night we just laid by one another. It sounds weird, but I felt so warm. Almost like there was nothing to be afraid of."
Kate clenches her hands together and wipes her eyes, "Matt, I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't thinking clearly. This morning when I woke up, I was so scared because I thought you ran away."
"No Kate. I lived a bad life, and I did a lot of things I regret. You had every right to be mad at me, and I was scared that we wouldn't ever fix things."
"From this point on, it's in the past." Kate says.
"In the past."
Kate smiles and finishes her soup. As hard as it was to turn sex down, it was the right thing. I still have a job to do. When we finally get to Melissa's, then Kate and I will have another conversation and come to a mutual agreement. Although it's not going to keep my dreams and imagination from running rampant tonight.
I finish my corn and crackers off and throw the stuff into the fire pit. The plastic cracker sleeve melts into a black blob as the left over water sizzles within the tin metal can. Kate tosses her can in the fire place and helps me stack a couple more logs around the fire. This should burn for most of the night. The door is locked, the blinds and curtains are shut, so we should be safe for the night.
"Is Rebecca going to be okay?" I ask as I lay down on the bed.
"Yeah. Eric and Jamie said they'd stay by her side for the night." Kate replies as she lays down beside me.
"What did you tell her?"
"I told her that you weren't feeling good, and that I was going to take care of you for the night." Kate replies.
The both of us scoot closer and put our arms around one another. Kate takes my hand and runs it up under her shirt. My fingers roll over her tender breasts and stop. Kate closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Her heart is pounding so hard right now. She runs her hand underneath my shirt and slowly moves it up. Every nerve in my body freezes and sends pulsating chills from my head to my toes. Her hand stops on my chest as she strokes where my heart is beating. Kate leans over and puts her ear on my chest.
"Your heart is beating harder than mine. It's cute seeing you so nervous." Kate teases.
Her eyes are glazed with lust as I rub and squeeze the area around where her heart is. She leans in towards my face and stops halfway. I press my thumb on Kate's chin and gently caress the side of her face.
The warm, wet feeling of her lips seep over to mine as I close my eyes and let this feeling take over. Pure ecstasy erases all the pain in my body as Kate and I share this tender moment together. We tug back at the same time and stare at each other. I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead, "I love you Kate."
"I love you too Matt." Kate replies as she lays her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes.
Kate doesn't remove her hand from my chest so I return the favor and continue to keep mine pressed to her heart. She kisses around the base of my neck and giggles as she slips into a deep sleep. I close my eyes and let my mind run wild. The anesthesia of what Kate and I could be doing robs all the feeling from my body. Just the thought of our gentle love is more than enough to put me down, but the unbridled lust feels tempered by real love, and a desire to protect Kate.
"I will never let anything separate us." I state…