Awkward...
Zoro has to give Luffy "The Talk". ZoLu. Rated T for a few swear words and sexually related dialogue (duh)
Author's Note: Warning: This is extremely demented. If your sanity is easily affected, do not read! Obviously there's a lot of sexually related dialogue, so don't read if you are offended by it, don't read! If neither applies to you and you do read it, please R&R! I'll give you virtual cheese!
Zoro was taking a pleasant nap one sunny afternoon when he was rudely awakened by a poke in his side.
"What do you want, Luffy?" It wasn't difficult to determine the identity of the poker.
"Zoro, get up! I want to ask you a question!" Luffy said, poking Zoro in the side as if in emphasis.
Zoro sighed, but didn't open his eyes. "Okay, fine. What?" Maybe if he just answered the question Luffy would let him go back to sleep.
"Zoro, what's sex?" Zoro's eyes flew open. "What the–Luffy–you don't know what sex is?
"Nope."
"Where-where did you hear about it, then?"
"Oh, I heard Sanji talking about it, so I asked him what it was, and he said to ask you! He said you'd love to teach me all about it!" Zoro mentally logged a note to kick the cook's ass later on. Right now he had to get through this.
"Um...well, you see...Sex is when...2 people...well, sometimes 3...or more...Um..."
"Come on, Zoro! What do they do?"
"Well...they...usually, the people love each other a lot–"
"I love you a lot!" Luffy interrupted. "Does that mean we should–"
"NO!" Zoro shouted. His face was positively flaming. Worse, the idea sounded vaguely appealing...Zoro slapped himself.
"Zoro, what–"
"Nothing!" Zoro snapped.
"Fine. Just tell me what sex is!"
"So...the people who love each other...a man and a woman...they...er..."
"What? WHAT!" Luffy demanded. Zoro slowly leaned forward and whispered something in Luffy's ear.
"WHAT! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW!" Luffy yelled.
"Damn it, Luffy, keep your voice down!" Zoro clutched at his ear.
"Why would anyone do THAT!"
"Because–Because it feels good, I guess."
"It does? What does it feel like?"
"I don't know! I've never done it!"
"Why not?"
"Because–I've never loved anyone enough to do it."
"Do you have to be in love with the person–or people–you do it with?"
"Uh–no. Sometimes people just do it for fun. Like Sanji."
"Oh. So that's what sex is for? Fun?"
"Well...no. Sex is for making babies."
"Huh? I thought the stork brought babies!"
"Who told you THAT?"
"Usopp."
"Oh."
"Zoro?"
"What?"
"Remember Bon Clay?"
Zoro shuddered. "Unfortunately, yes."
"You told me he loves guys instead of girls. Does that mean he–"
"Yes."
"Oh. How?"
Zoro leaned forward and whispered in his ear again.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW!"
"LUFFY!" I told you to keep your damn voice down!" There was a pause, then–
"Is that a bad thing?"
"What?"
"Loving other guys instead of girls."
Zoro considered the question for a moment. "Some people think it is. Other people think it's perfectly normal."
"What do you think, Zoro?"
Zoro hesitated. "I think–I think if a guy loves another guy, that's just fine."
Luffy smiled and nodded. "Good. That makes me feel a lot better."
"About what?"
"Being in love with you." Zoro froze.
"Well, thanks for explaining sex to me, Zoro! See you later!" With that, he trotted merrily off. Zoro smirked to himself as he leaned back and feel asleep.
OWARI