A/N Divergent future sometime around...just, divergent future.
-
"A syphon creates a vacuum," Sakura explained. "You put one end of the hose in the basin and make sure the other end is lower, so the pressure pulls everything - Naruto, are you listening to me?
No.
"Yeah, 'course, Sakura-chan!"
"You could have finished this five times faster!"
"Whatever," I said, and started mucking the leaves from the bottom of the fountain.
-
My life hit rock bottom the day I was born. I like to think that means everyday after just keeps getting better, right? I mean, I'm not dead, I'm not crippled, and ramen's already been invented, so things have definitely started looking up for me since the day I was orphaned and sealed with the demon that took out half of Konoha. For a kid who started out with what I think amounts to less than nothing, I haven't done half bad for myself. Sure, lots of people still want to run me out of the city, but a lot less people want me dead than they did sixteen years ago. I'd even go so far as to say some people even like me now, or at least tolerate me, which is practically the same thing anyway. I take what I can get.
What I can get right now is a cheesy C-rank mission supervising some kid's birthday party. Like you need two qualified shinobi to watch a bunch of kids stick their heads in a bucket. Great talent is going to waste here while Sasuke gets to go off on, probably like...I don't know. Some mission that's way better than babysitting. We're not even allowed to bob for apples - just make sure the kids don't drown or something. Well fine. Who wants to bob for apples anyway? I don't.
"Oi, Sakura-chan," I moan. "How much longer?"
"Two more hours. Stop whining," she says.
Two more hours? That's like, a hundred and twenty minutes I could be training, or eating, or picking my nose or getting splinters and instead I'm watching kids try to catch apples with their teeth. Did I say my life was getting better? Well it's not.
"Did Sasuke tell you anything about the mission he's on today?" Sakura asks me, but I don't answer and all the kids start screaming about the pinata. I never knew kids could be so annoying. A good idea would be to leave the whole thing to Sakura and go get ramen. Maybe if she's not looking I can switch with a shadow clone...
"What's with that face, Naruto?" Sakura demands. She folds her arms across her chest and glares at me, waiting for an answer. I put on my best innocent look.
"What face?"
"Don't give me that 'what face' crap!" She screams. I guess I'm not the only one fed up with this 'mission.' We'd better get a good tip for this one. Maybe I'll use it to buy some earplugs.
"Ne, Sakura-chan! I don't know what you're talking about!" When in doubt, deny everything. That's what Ero-sennin says.
"Like hell," Sakura huffs. "You always look shifty when you're up to something. You'd better not be thinking of ditching me and getting ramen."
Crap.
"Haha, no way! I wouldn't do that!" Oh well. Guess she didn't graduate at the top of the class for nothing.
"Whatever. Anyway, you didn't answer my question before. Did Sauke say anything to you?"
I didn't answer because I don't care.
"Like I care what that asshole is doing today. Probably kicking puppies or something."
"Sasuke doesn't kick puppies."
"Yes he does."
"No, he doesn't!" Sakura snaps. "When have you ever seen him abuse any small animal?"
I cross my arms and look away. "Sasuke kicks puppies all the time. He's such a bastard."
"NO HE DOES NOT!"
Sakura always manages to surprise me with her volume. From the kids' stunned silence, looks like she surprised them too. There goes that tip. At least I don't need earplugs now, since I'm completely deaf.
"Ne. Sakura-chan, how much longer?"
"Shut up, Naruto. An hour and fifty minutes."
AAAGH! Why couldn't I have been sick today? Why wasn't I trampled by a cow this morning? Why does God hate me? How long can I hold my breath? My record is two minutes. I'll try for three, then see how long I can keep my eyes open without blinking. One hour, forty nine minutes to go. My life just sucks.