Previously on What Happens On Kattada Stays On Kattada… Or Not

"... tell me what you want."

"I want you to stay with me tonight."

Season 2
Interlude, Part 3

If you gave me just a coin for every time we say goodbye
Well I'd be rich beyond my dreams, I'm sorry for my weary life
I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
And I hope that you see this heart behind my tired eyes

If you tell me that I can't, I will, I will, I'll try all night
And if I say I'm coming home, I'll probably be out all night
I know I can be afraid but I'm alive
And I hope that you trust this heart behind my tired eyes

'Cause I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry oh
I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly

I know I'm not around each night
And I know I always think I'm right
And I can believe that you might look around
'Cause I'm no angel, but please don't think that I won't try and try

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I can't live my life
I'm no angel, but please don't think that I can't cry oh

I'm no angel, but does that mean that I won't fly.

I'm No Angel/Dido, Pascal Gabriel, Paul Statham

Tahiri Viela's Bungalow, Excelsior Hotel, Katadda
35 ABY
Three Months After Jacen's Lifeday
Five Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War

Jacen sat on the floor with his back up against the bed. He had been awake for almost two hours now.

The first hour he had spent lying on his side staring at the beautiful blonde sleeping peacefully next to him. He'd allowed his eyes to caress the curves of her body, outlined by the sheet draped across her form, then moved on to the delicate features of her face. He wanted to commit everything about her… about the last two days to memory. He wanted a record in his mind of every look, every breath, every sound, every place that his fingertips and lips had touched, to carry him through the days and weeks to come.

When Tahiri rolled away from him in her sleep Jacen had slipped from beneath the covers, drawn on a pair of sleep pants and sat on the floor on the other side of her and continued his study while he wracked his brain trying to think of all the ways in which the inevitable conversation could go.

He knew it was inevitable because she'd already tried to start it three times. Each time he had managed to distract her. First with a kiss, that eventually led them to the floor of 'fresher. He'd used a bowl of glubit berries the second time, and Jacen suspected that his new found appreciation for whipped cream and kitchen counters would not be leaving him anytime soon. With her third try he had simply told her that he wasn't ready to talk about it, swept her off her feet, and carried her back into the bedroom.

Each time she acquiesced his heart grew just a little bit lighter and he allowed himself to hope that maybe he could have what he so desperately wanted. But as hard as he'd tried to avoid the conversation he was painfully aware that at some point Tahiri would put her foot down and demand to be heard, and he would have no choice but to listen to her.

Jacen had finally turned away from Tahiri to face the open doors of the suite that lead to the beach. The sight of the rolling waves in front of him reminded him of the few times they had actually left during his stay. They had spent a little time lying on the sand, a little time frolicking in the warm waves of Kattada's clear sea, but mostly they had kept to this room - talking, and holding each other.

Holding each other…

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Jacen snorted softly then went back to the topic of his earlier reflection; what, exactly, he would say when Tahiri told him this wouldn't work.

There had been a moment at the beginning that Jacen was certain would stay with him forever. He had spent hours undressing, touching, and kissing Tahiri, they were as exposed to each other as it was possible to be without opening themselves fully to the Force - something she apparently had no interest in doing. Their eyes had locked as their bodies were joining and something happened in Jacen's mind and heart that was profound, and he knew there was no going back. That was the moment he had realized that he was actually in love with her, and probably had been for a long time.

He was certain that from then on his life would be divided into two parts, before Tahiri and since Tahiri. Yet, as certain as he was that no other woman would ever hold sway over him the way she would he also sensed, knew - that no matter what that same moment had told her, she was not going to submit to his emotional advances easily.

He closed his eyes again and once more tried to imagine what reasons she would give him and smiled at the anxiety he was feeling. He had faced down Omini and Shimrra with less trepidation than he had in preparing for this conversation. Of course, there was one vital difference; all the Yuuzhan Vong could have done was kill him; Tahiri Veila had the power to break his heart.

He felt the tickle of a finger tracing a line across his temple and gently sweep a lock of hair back. He leaned into the touch and then felt the back of Tahiri's fingers brush his cheek.

He inhaled deeply and then released the breath before speaking in a hushed voice. "Haven't you ever heard it's not wise to disturb a meditating Jedi?"

Tahiri's voice was equally quiet but he could still hear the amusement in her tone. "That might have been a thing if you'd actually been meditating."

He smiled and turned to kiss her fingers. "How do you know I wasn't?"

Tahiri drew her hand away and leaned her head onto his shoulder. "Because I've been watching you meditate since I was nine, and you weren't meditating just now." She pulled back, placed her elbow on the bed and leaned her head onto her hand. They were both silent while Tahiri ran her fingers through his hair. Finally she said, "You know we can't do this again, right?"

"I knew you were going to say that, but I don't see why it has to be that way."

Tahiri sighed. "It won't work, Jace. You're my friend. I need you to be my friend."

Jacen laid his head back and peered up into her face. "Why are you so sure that we wouldn't work as a couple?"

"Because I'm too damaged to have a relationship. Eventually I'll do something to hurt you and you'll hate me."

"I disagree; you are no more damaged than I am and I know that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for." Again Jacen felt that niggling feeling that he wasn't going to get far, and Tahiri's expression seemed to confirm this, but he wasn't ready to give up. "Being hurt is a possibility in any relationship, even friendship, but I won't let that happen."

"What makes you think you can control that?"

Jacen turned so that he was facing her more fully and started forcefully, "Tahiri, I…" He wasn't sure why, but something told him that the fastest way to terrify her and ruin whatever chance he would ever have was to reveal the depth of his feelings now, so he bit off his sentence and started again, this time making sure that his voice was less intense. "I adore you. You mean more to me than I can say, and I will do whatever it takes to make you feel safe and happy."

"Please Jace, don't do this. You're only making it harder."

He saw a glossy sheen in her eyes and was acutely aware of the change of her voice.

He smiled slightly. "That's sort of my goal."

The tear that finally fell down Tahiri's cheek convinced him that it was best to back off further; though that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Alright, if this is really what you want… then of course I'll respect your wishes." Jacen got up on his knees and knelt over her, following her as she lay back down on the bed. He used his thumbs to wipe the tears off her cheeks and then ran one lightly over her quivering lower lip. "Please know that no matter where you are or what you're doing, I'll be thinking of you." Jacen leaned closer and continued in a whisper, "… and I promise, no matter what, I will always be your friend."

Jacen felt Tahiri's relief in the Force as he closed the gap between them and knew as his lips met hers that, for the time being, he had chosen wisely. He was not giving up, just giving her the space that she so clearly needed. He would eventually find a way to make her see reason, no matter how long it took him.

Pulling back slightly Jacen continued, "…but by my chrono, you're mine for six more hours."

Tahiri's face and voice were completely serious as she said, "Yes, I am," before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back onto the bed.

Some Random Hotel Room On Some Random Planet
36 ABY
Six Years after the Yuuzhan Vong War
One Year After Jacen's Twenty-sixth Lifeday

Tahiri pulled her mouth from Jacen's, letting her head fall back as he licked and nipped at the skin of her throat, slowly working his way down.

"Why does it always… take us so long… to say goodbye?"

In between kisses Jacen breathed out, "It's a long process, Angel… we have to shower… get dressed… pack… have the debate… walk to the door… then… when I kiss that little spot beneath your ear…and you make that sound… that gets me so wound up… I can't leave until I've had you again."

The 'debate' was the conversation that had taken place at the end of every one of their encounters over the last several months, and so far it had always played out the same; Tahiri gave Jacen numerous reasons why they couldn't do 'this' again, Jacen gave Tahiri numerous reasons why they should do 'this' again, then, finally, he would give in and go to leave. They would kiss goodbye… and a couple hours later they would start all over again.

Jacen kissed 'that spot' and had to remind his legs to hold steady as he heard the little mewling sound that was always his undoing.

Pulling the strap of his bag off his shoulder, he dropped it on the floor next to the door and used the Force to reactivate the lock.

He had been on his way out.

Grabbing Tahiri around the waist, he lifted her, and took great satisfaction in her instant response; which was to wrap herself around him before tilting her head down to resume kissing him.

Jacen again used the Force, this time to safely navigate his way through the hotel suite and into the bedroom they had only recently vacated.

In general, he tried to refrain from using the Force unless absolutely necessary; he had recently come to the conclusion that in these instances, it was absolutely necessary. Since all their encounters had been in different places, in fact, never the same place twice, and because of Jacen's tendency to so completely lose himself in the moment, and in Tahiri, the ability to allow one small part of his mind to channel the Force and guide them safely to wherever it was he was trying to get them really came in handy; especially after the unfortunate incident on Takodana.

He had been stunned to find that Tahiri wasn't anywhere near as hard headed as her reputation implied, though he wasn't nearly as stunned, or bruised, as she had been.

Jacen moved his hands to rub up and down her back, then pulled his head far enough away to look into her beautiful jade eyes. She slowly slid her legs down his while allowing her hips to drag along the front of his body.

An arched eyebrow and sexy grin were her response to the pained groan that escaped Jacen's throat. When her feet touched the floor she held Jacen's gaze as she reached for the hem of her dress. She pulled it up and over her head and flung it over her shoulder with a flourish, smiling brilliantly.

Jacen's mouth went dry at the site before him; she was wearing the lingerie he'd given her, and he'd been right about the colors - the pale blue and cream against her tan skin was perfect. She stayed directly in front of him and lowered herself to the foot of the bed, then scooted backwards until she was resting against the pillows.

Shrugging off his Jedi robe and dropping his belt, Jacen knelt on the bed, running his hands up her legs and making room for himself between them as he moved closer, finally bracing himself on one forearm as he hovered over her. He used his other hand to trace a line along her ribs, then leaned down and kissed her deeply. Some minutes later, Tahiri wound fingers into Jacen's hair and pulled, guiding his head down while at the same time arching her back; giving him even better access to her throat, and giving herself a moment to pull in air.

"I thought…" she panted, "a Jedi knew… no passion."

Jacen trailed kisses back up her neck then rubbed the tip of his nose against hers, taking a moment to catch his own breath. He slid his hand from her hip to her knee, then tugged sharply, pulling her leg into his side. "Whoever said that had never made love to you, Angel."

Tahiri reached up and brushed a wave of hair back from his forehead and whispered, "Well what are you waiting for, Jedi? Make love to me already."

Next time on Fear and Love...

Return of the Plotline… Season 3...