Previously on The Force and the Beautiful…

Tahiri met Jag in secret...

and

Tahiri met Jacen in secret…

Season 3
Episode 4

I… like… boys!

In all the world, there's just one thing for this little girl,
I like boys
Some are my lovers
Some are my friends
I don't try to pretend,
I like boys
Whatever I do, wherever I go
If you're the one I'll let you know,
I… like… boys!

People like this, people like that
but I like boys
It's easy for me, you'd better believe
I like boys
It's a matter of taste, I'm stating my case
I like boys
And boys like me too

I like boys

I don't care where they're from, or what they've done
I like boys
Lay no shame, rich or not
Just as long as they're hot
I like boys
Give me a boy, what should I do
Don't you wish it could be you?
I… like… boys!

Boys
B-O-Y-S!
I like boys

I Like Boys/Missing Persons

Veila/Tarkin Guest Suite
Ceremonial Corridor, Fountain Palace, Hapes
40 ABY
Ten Years After the Yuuzhan Vong War

Tahiri curled her fingers into the bed sheets and breathed deeply through the pain, praying that this invasion of her body would end soon. She tried to relax into the soft mattress, even bent her legs and allowed one knee to fall down to the bed, but none of this helped. There were times when she felt like she was being asked to give way too much of herself for the good of the galaxy and her fellow sentient beings.

Living and sleeping with Wilhuff Tarkin was a tremendous drain on her spirit. Since it had been her idea to 'court' him in the first place… she couldn't blame Belindi or Jag; the reality was that they hadn't asked her to do it.

Allowing Tarkin to use her body as he wished had been part and parcel to the operation as far Tahiri was concerned. Of course, the damage that it caused was part of why she clung to Jacen so desperately when they were together. His adoration - the way he looked at her and held her - restored some of what she lost when she gave herself to Tarkin. The way she and Jacen conducted their relationship, away from any of the realities they faced on a daily basis, helped her compartmentalize her life; reminded her that her time with Tarkin was just a job, just a mission that would end one day. Hopefully with him in prison.

"What do you want, Tahiri? You want me to just slam it in?"

Allowing Jag to implant a tracking device under her skin was asking too much, but for what felt like the millionth time since coming up with the brilliant idea of starting this investigation, she was doing something she had never in her life imagined doing.

"No, I want you to take your time and not leave any marks," she ground out.

"As you wish."

She was silent for a bit, or relatively so. It wasn't easy to make no noise when someone was slicing into the skin over a lymph node high up in your armpit. As a means of distracting herself, she imagined one day slicing into Jag's skin and inserting a chunk of metal into his body to see if his definition of 'painless' was still intact.

"You said this would be fast and it wasn't going to hurt." She gritted out.

"It doesn't hurt that much, I thought you were tougher than that. Where's Riina when you need her?"

"Pull that out of me for a second."

Jag, being the obedient gentleman that he was, pulled the piece of metal away from her skin, and she slapped him upside the head.

"Oww! What was that for?" he wailed.

She shook her head, disgusted, but used the emotion to regain her focus.

"Just get on with it so I can get dressed. The last thing we need is someone coming in and finding us."

"I am trying to go fast, it's just harder than I thought it would be…"

His voice trailed off and Tahiri had a flash of sympathy for him.

"To do this? Or to do this to me?"

"Both." His voice was quiet again, but there was no mistaking the emotion in it.

He sat back and looked at her, and then let his head fall forward and ran a hand through his hair, a sign of exasperation that she was not used to seeing from him.

"I know you don't want this, and I know it's invasive, more than you've already been invaded, but it means a lot to me that you're going along with it."

She couldn't be angry with him, he was only doing this because he wanted to keep her safe and she couldn't help the smile that quirked her lips.

"I know, Jagged," she said as he bent his head and went back to work.

A sharp pain caused her to gasp.

"Sorry," Jag whispered distractedly. "Would you rather I put it somewhere else?"

"No, I want it there, I need it there."

When they met on Velusia a few weeks ago Jag had informed her that Belindi was growing increasingly more concerned about her. Clearly Jag had mentioned Huff's penchant for violence because Belindi had decided that Tahiri needed a subdural tracking device so that Jag could keep closer tabs on her, no matter where in the galaxy she was. He hadn't been able to hide his fascination with the fact that, if placed in the right location, he could also monitor her heart rate and respiration. Jag had been pleased.

Tahiri was not.

First off, this wasn't going to stop Tarkin from hitting her, or trying to. He'd only landed a couple of blows out of the dozens of attempts he'd made over the years. One of those had been while she was horrifically travel fatigued, having flown halfway across the galaxy after two almost sleepless nights with Jacen, and was too exhausted to register the sense of danger screaming through the Force. The fact that Tarkin never took off the 'ring of state' and that it sliced the skin over her cheekbone when he backhanded her was unpleasant, but not unbearable.

The other time - she'd let him hit her, figuring that in the long run the damage to his ego, if he never succeeded, might be worse for her than the blow itself.

Her second argument against the implant had been that she had incredibly negative associations related to the last time someone had tried to alter her body, and though this was Jag and she trusted him… or had before he had agreed with Belindi about the tracker, the very idea of an implant gave her the creeps.

Third; she was certain that Jag had been mistaken in his description of the device. She hadn't believed that this thing could do all that he claimed and be so small.

And finally, there was the practical matter of where on her body she could possibly hide something like this with neither Tarkin nor Jacen feeling it or seeing a scar.

After much deliberation she had decided to have it placed in her side, high up her ribcage below her armpit; it was the only place she could think of that neither man spent a lot of time, but would still give Jag a clear reading of her vitals. She thought about telling Jag that if her heart were to stop he'd already be too late to do anything for her… but then decided against it.

"Just bear with me Ri, I'm almost done," Jag said as he reached for the dura-bond tube lying on Tahiri's belly, gently tickling her skin as he did.

She moaned, in spite of her labored breathing. "All I have to say is that you're lucky I love you so much."

"Because if you didn't love me you wouldn't let me do this to you?"

"Exactly."

"And if I didn't love you, I wouldn't have asked."

She knew that was true. Jag was genuinely, and rightly she had to admit, concerned for her. If being able to keep tabs on her gave him some peace of mind, how could she deny him?

Another couple of moments passed and Tahiri finally felt the pain begin to subside. Jag released a loud breath before tossing the dura-bond into the small bag that he had already dropped the rest of his tools into and flopped onto the bed, then slapped Tahiri loudly on the stomach.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"Payback for your slap, and to take your mind off the other part of your body I just made sore."

"It's going to take more than that."

"You want me to kiss it and make it better?"

"No thanks, you've touched enough of me for one day."

"Spoilsport."

She brought her arm down slowly and rotated her shoulder gingerly, testing the range of painless motion. When she was satisfied that she could move without damaging herself she rolled to Jag's side and kissed him on the forehead, then stood up and began to dress.

She pulled the sheath she had been wearing back on. It was lavender, the same color as her favorite flowers, and cut simply, made from a natural fiber material blended with just enough shimmersilk to give it some weight so it draped nicely over her hips and breasts. She loved this dress, but more importantly, Jacen loved this dress. He'd bought it for her, and wearing it always made her feel close to him.

Of course, knowing Jacen, she'd be close to him soon.

Jag sat up and began fiddling with some controls on his wrist chrono and when it beeped several times he grinned widely.

"Your heart is beating fifty-seven times a minute."

"Astral." She was sure the flatness of her voice conveyed how unimpressive this news was. "And where in the galaxy am I?"

"Oh ha, ha. So…"

"So?"

"I heard Tarkin dragged you away from the pool none too gently right before we got there."

"Yeah," Tahiri sighed. She walked to the dressing table and sat down to brush her hair, meeting Jag's gaze in the mirror. "He was upset."

"Cem said he was screaming about leaving. How did you convince him to stay?"

She lowered her eyes, not able to bring herself to say the words.

"Oh… sorry."

"Yeah, well… occupational hazard. Let's just say the last twenty minutes with you was more enjoyable than lunch with him. But there was no other way to calm him down. He was determined to get out of here and I knew how upset you'd be if I was gone before you arrived."

He quirked his eyebrows and nodded slightly, in clear agreement with what she said. "Did he tell you what happened?"

"Not really, but I got the impression he was offended by something Teeka said."

"Something like that, not that he didn't have it coming. He invited her to stay with the two of you to deliver the baby, said he'd hate to have her suffer again, as she did when Tahly was born, and that his Phelarion doctors were better than any here on Hapes."

She slammed the brush down and spun on the stool, "He didn't! Stars, after all these years he still amazes me."

"Oh, she gave as good as she got. Cem said that she went so far as to actually accuse him of crimes against his population."

Tahiri felt her jaw drop, unable to even respond. She tried to imagine a scene with the Governor and the Queen hurling insults at each other like a couple of unruly ten year olds, but she couldn't picture it. Or rather, couldn't picture Teeks in it.

"I know;" Jag said. "I was stunned too. I don't think I've ever seen or heard of her losing her cool so completely."

"Wow. No wonder nothing else I tried worked. I can see why he was so furious."

"You think he was justified?"

Tahiri rolled her eyes. "You know better than that; I think he's a megalomaniac with only a partial grasp on reality, and an even weaker understanding of the nuances of galactic politics. But I know what sets him off - and that would certainly set him off."

Jag stared at her, concern for her written all over his face.

"Hey, don't worry."

"It's hard not to when you're with him."

"I can take care of myself. Besides," she began, raising her arm and pointing to Jag's handiwork, "if I get into trouble, you have no excuse now to not come and rescue me."

"You make it sound like all I have to do is call you a cab. It's not quite that simple. First I have to get Dex…"

"Jagged; I was joking. I know it's not that easy."

She was looking for another cute thing to say to put him at ease when she was distracted by a gentle touch on her mind and recognized the feeling immediately.

"Oh, shavit!"

She stood up, wringing her hands and walked toward the door, then stopped and turned back to Jag, running her fingers through her hair.

"What? Is Tarkin back?"

"Worse! Jacen."

"Oh, shavit." Jag jumped off the bed and began to gather the medkit, "He said he was staying with Tahly until she fell asleep."

She could only assume that Jacen had 'guided' Tahly into an early slumber in order to get away and find her, but she wasn't going to say that to Jag. Instead she responded to his clear intention to leave her room.

"No, stay here. Don't make a sound, and don't move, I'll get rid of him as soon as I can."

"Oh please… you guys haven't seen each other in ages and he nearly got himself killed last week. You'll be yelling at him for at least an hour."

"I'll yell quick, just stay put. And for the love of all things sacred, shield as much as you can. He wouldn't think to feel for anyone other than Tarkin, and this room borders Cemmie's apartment. If he feels you - let's hope he assumes you're on the other side of the wall. But I'll do my best to distract him."

Closing Jag in her bedroom, Tahiri walked to the anteroom door then paused, trying to get her breathing and emotions under control. If Jag looked at his chrono and saw that her heart rate had accelerated…

She threw her palm into her forehead and dragged her hand down the side of her face.

"I'm borked."

Her realization left her with a hollowness in her stomach. Why had she agreed to this? Maybe Jag would assume she was exerting herself by yelling? She should have had him put it in her foot, but she couldn't think about that now. Jacen was here... and it had been so long...

Under normal circumstances, or their version of normal, she would have been climbing the walls after such a lengthy separation, but add to that hearing the news of his near death experience, and the fact that she hadn't had more than a few hours away from Tarkin in four weeks; she was really going crazy. It had taken a supreme act of discipline to not put the hilt of her lightsaber, conveniently stashed in Fiver, to Tarkin's chest and turn it on after he marched up to the pool and hauled her away from Cem.

She felt Jacen drawing closer, knew he was approaching the outside door and lost both the control she had been seeking and the desire to find it. She waved at the sensor and then waved at its mate on the other side of the wall. Once enclosed in the small room separating the main living area of the suite from the palace corridor she reached out to touch Jacen as he had touched her minutes before, and when she knew he was just on the other side of the last door, she used the Force to trigger that sensor. The door retracted into the wall with lighting speed - and there he was.

She tried to smile at him as he gave one last look in both directions of the hall, but she couldn't, and bit her lip as the ache in her chest returned. He finally stepped through the door, and without even waiting for it to close behind him she launched herself forward, jumping up and throwing her arms around him, threading her fingers into his hair as she began to sob.

He held her for several minutes, stroking her back and making soothing sounds, but waited until her breathing had calmed some to finally lower her back to the floor. Pulling slightly away, Jacen cupped her cheeks and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears.

"When I heard…" was all she was able to get out before the tears choked off the rest of her sentence.

"Shhh. I'm sorry Angel. I'm sorry that you were worried, and I'm sorry that you had to hear about it from someone else. I'm sure by the time the story got to you it was greatly exaggerated. It wasn't that bad."

In an instant the fear and worry that she'd been drowning in for days vanished, replaced by rage, and she slammed both of her hands against his chest and shoved him.

"Wasn't really that bad? Jacen, your kriffing X-Wing exploded! What the kriff would you define as bad if that wasn't kriffing it?"

He bit his bottom lip, clearly trying to control his grin as he took a step towards her.

Her rage spiked again and she slammed her palms into his chest, again pushing him back.

"How many days did you spend in bacta? Three? Four? And Kyp was in for six? Why the kriff the Council lets you two out of the Temple together is beyond me. You're a kriffing disaster when you're together."

He took another tentative step toward her, but she backed up. He followed her, and reached one hand forward as he held her gaze. She slapped his hand away so he switched sides, and placed the fingers of his other hand lightly on her hip.

"I was in the tank for less than two hours…"

"Thirty seconds less than two hours, Mr. Semantics?"

"...and it was purely for precautionary reasons. Kyp got out a couple of hours later. Then, before he'd even finished towelling off, Jysella came in…"

Tahiri closed her eyes and sighed, the bulk of her anger and frustration evaporating when she heard Jysella's name.

"What'd she do to him?"

Jacen slipped his other hand to her waist. "Punched him. He fell backwards and hit his head on the corner of a counter and caught some piece of medical equipment in his side… which pierced his spleen. Who knew Jysella had such a mean left hook?"

"Me for starters." She held up her dominant hand and said, "Who do you think taught her to throw a punch with her left?"

She was still shaking her head when she realized that Jacen was working really hard to not laugh. She slapped his chest again and said, "You are a complete ass sometimes."

"So you've told me. And you are so hot when you're fired up."

"Don't change the subject."

"C'mon, Angel, it really wasn't anything to worry about; I'm fine. You can take me for a test flight if you want."

Tahiri was stunned enough to let her mouth fall open when he raised an eyebrow suggestively and his smile broadened.

"You are un-kriffing-believable."

Jacen slid his fingers around her waist to her back and smiled as he took another step forward, "I thought I was a god."

She rolled her eyes and muttered, "It's my own fault. I've created a monster."

Jacen pulled her the final distance, pulled her completely into his body, and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "no, my angel, I'm not a monster… and I'm not a god. I'm just a man." He pulled back and reached one hand up to cup her face and looked into her eyes. "A man who adores you and is so sorry to have scared you."

She closed her eyes as more tears fell, and when she felt Jacen's lips on her forehead she finally allowed herself to melt into him. After a moment she pulled back, slid one hand up into his hair and yanked his head down to kiss him, and instantly… everything else disappeared.

Tahiri finally pulled her lips from Jacen's to suck in air and registered that he was panting too.

Once his breathing evened out he leaned back down to kiss her again, then asked, "Test flight?"

"I can't… right now… as much as I'd like too."

He leaned his forehead into hers and she gasped, and then giggled at the feelings and images that suddenly bombarded her senses and filled her mind.

"Soon." She tipped her head up and tenderly kissed his forehead while running her fingers through his hair. Then she pulled back and looked into his eyes. "You're really okay?"

"Yes, Angel."

"Promise?"

"Yes my angel, I promise."

She sank back into him, allowing his words to wash away the last of her fear. "How long will you have off? Cem said the Council was giving you a vacation."

"Probably as long as I want."

Looking back up she asked, "Can you meet me on Almar in a few weeks?"

She knew he wouldn't be happy with having to wait, but she tried to ignore that, focusing instead on him as he brought his hand back up and brushed his thumb along her bottom lip. Tahiri parted her lips and scraped her teeth against his thumb before sucking it into her mouth and swirling her tongue, causing him to inhale sharply.

"Coruscant, in one week."

She smiled around his thumb, then pulled back and said, "Almar in three. I have shows on Downside. I'll send you the dates when I get back to Phelarion and look at my schedule."

"You wouldn't be trying to exploit my weakness for you in tropical climates would you?"

She smiled, caught, but not minding. "What makes you think that?"

"Experience."

"You have hinted that the less I'm wearing the happier you are."

"On certain occasions, but what can I say? You in nothing but water really turns me on."

"That's why I rented us a beach house…" She looked into his eyes, felt his desire, and then let her eyes close as he leaned down to kiss her again.

Several minutes passed, actually, she realized, it had been more than mere minutes, and when their passion was on the verge of going too far, when they were becoming so heated that she was having to consciously fight the urge to back herself against the wall and give in to him right there, Jacen pulled his mouth from hers. She panted a bit, and let him pull her head down into his neck as he began to gently rub a hand up and down her back.

"Am I to assume by your affection that you've swept the suite for surveillance?"

She had disabled the cameras when she first arrived, claiming to Cem that Tarkin had asked her to, but assuring him that she had only tampered with the ones in the bedroom, for obvious reasons, and in the public corridor over the door leading into this suite. She hadn't found any in this room. She had also told Cem that she hadn't looked for any secondary audio surveillance equipment, but that had been a lie; she'd not only looked, but had disabled those, too. She couldn't take the chance that Cem would hear any activity in the bedroom knowing that Jag would be performing the procedure there. Plus, if for some reason she wasn't able to thwart Huff's physical advances during their stay, she really didn't want her big brother to hear it; the ick factor was just too much for her.

Considering the mood Huff had returned from his meeting in, and what she'd had to do to salvage this trip, she was incredibly glad that she had attacked the electronics first thing.

Being in Jacen's arms made her even more glad.

"Huff asked me to as soon as we arrived." She felt Jacen's body stiffen when she spoke and knew what his face must look like as he tried to throw off the feeling Tarkin's name evoked. "I told Cem and he didn't seem to mind."

"That's because he thinks his back-up is undetectable."

She felt panic well inside her, but Jacen continued, recovered from his moment of jealousy, if the humor in his voice was anything to go by.

"Don't worry, I took care of that camera before I rounded the corner in the hall. Our secret is safe from the Hapans."

She nodded, trying to relax and enjoy what little time they had left, and wondered if Jag was getting suspicious yet.

"Do I want to know why you would have taught Jysella to throw a left hook?"

Tahiri chuckled, then explained. "When I started working with Corran on Ossis… Kriff… I'm still not sure if I find it ironic or tragic that after watching me take down dozens of Warriors…"

"Three times your size… that I would have found challenging…"

"He decided the first thing we needed to focus on when I went back was my saberwork. Thankfully he only needed a few of our duels to end in draws or me kicking his ass before he realized that none of the academy drills they'd been using applied to me, but whatever. When he finally stopped being a drama queen about my 'suicidal tendencies' he started paying attention to what I knew and what I actually needed to work on, and eventually he realized that I had as much to teach him about dueling as he had to teach me because we were coming at it from different perspectives - literally and figuratively."

"I'm a little stunned that I don't know this already, but was it Anakin who taught you to duel?"

Tahiri squeezed her arms around Jacen. He was the only person she could really talk about Anakin with; the only person who had known him and allowed her to remember the sweetness and the beauty of her time with him without dwelling on the tragedy.

"Technically… Sliven gave me my first gaderffii, and Kam gave me my first training blade and helped me build my first lightsaber, which I lost..."

Jacen ran his hand along her spine and kissed the top of her head, and she felt an intense surge of emotion for him.

"After Yavin… I think Anakin was hoping that if I felt confident in anything I wouldn't be such a wreck. And since he was the one who figured out that I was left handed…"

"Stars! I'd forgotten about that."

She smiled at that happy memory before continuing. "I don't know how long it was after we got to the Venture that he hauled me out of my room and down to his workshop… or how he managed to find all the components we needed…"

There were only a handful of people who knew, or truly appreciated, that Tahiri had a list of reasons to resent Luke Skywalker; his lack of foresight regarding the siege of Yavin and his forbidding Anakin to go to her; his approval of the Myrkr mission; his not warning her, or Han and Leia, about his suspicions about Riina. Jacen was the only one who knew that it was Luke's demand that she surrender her lightsaber when she resigned that had done the most damage. It wasn't the demand itself, but Luke's indifference to the blade's significance to her. Her lightsaber wasn't just her Jedi weapon, or a symbol of her standing in the Order. It wasn't just the blade she had carried throughout her time fighting in the war; it was one of only two physical links to Anakin she had left, and the only one that Anakin had gone to great lengths to help her build, and learn how to use - specifically because he feared he wouldn't be there to protect her himself.

The fight she and Luke had over her blade was the reason she had left Ossus in the middle of the night, not saying goodbye to anyone, and why she hadn't spoken to either of the Skywalkers since.

"After I'd finished building my blade, and we started practicing, Anakin programmed the first remotes in reverse, so I'd get hit with everything on my strong side the way you righties got hit on your strong side. When we went live, Anakin used his left hand. And then later we worked on switching, so we both got to practice with both hands."

"Further explaining why you were such a gifted duelist at an obscenely young age."

She squeezed him again and sighed. "Anyway, Valin and I had spent a fair amount of time talking about the Horn Clan Kriffery when we were first on Ossus after I came back for Zonoma Sekot, and Corran was so clueless about what to do with Jysella… I felt bad for all of them. So when Corran realized I actually had some skills he asked me to work with Sel."

"And we come full circle… What was my original question?"

Tahiri tried to pinch him and he laughed at her.

"Could you lay around for a while and eat high calorie foods?" She asked. "Maybe gain some body fat? It's hard to pinch pure muscle."

"I'll remind you that you said that the next time we're naked."

Tahiri let her head fall back and said, "You're…

"...such an ass sometimes?" he teased. "An arrogant ass, in fact? I could swear I've heard that before. So the Tahiri and Jysella version of 'girl bonding' wasn't talking about boys and doing each other's hair? It was lightsaber forms and hand to hand combat?"

"Yeah, and I was an excellent teacher."

"Of course you were."

"Don't tell Kyp though, he already hates me."

"No he doesn't. Kyp thinks you were an excetionally gifted knight and his stupid reaction to you leaving was based on his seeing your departure as a tragic loss to the Order. The irony there is that in all other circumstances he appreciates that every being has something positive to contribute to the universe, regardless of whether or not they're able to touch the Force or are a part of the Order.

"And Jysella… and the whole situation with her, is changing him. I still believe that one day he'll tell you just how much respect he has for you. But I'm going to hedge my bets by not telling him that you're the one who taught Jysella how to throw a punch."

"Don't tell Cem either. At least not until I have a chance to talk to Dexie and lay down my own bet."

Jacen squeezed her back into him and whispered, "your bet rigging is safe with me."

They were quiet for a while until Tahiri whispered, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. It's been awhile since we've been apart this long."

"It has."

She braced herself for where this was going, certain that he was about to ask why it had been so long since she'd been able to get away, or why they were still sneaking around at all.

To her amazement he simply asked, "Almar in three weeks?"

She pulled back to look into his eyes. "You'll meet me?"

He nodded and said, "Of course I'll meet you, Angel."

As usual, he could deny her nothing, and his sad smile tore at her heart.

Next time on Fear and Love...

The Queen and her Prince spend a quiet evening at home… with their surveillance equipment…