oOoOo
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Forget me not (because I will)
"Did Chat Noir know Ladybug's identity? Pictures show that [...]"
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oOo
Sleepily rubbing her eyes, Marinette let out a yawn, her gaze lingering on the black screen of her phone for only a few seconds, before darting away again. It was evening already – night, really – and she did not want to be reminded of the day that was to come. Her phone had stopped stopped dinging hours ago, after Tikki had disabled all and any notifications from Marinette's various social media accounts, and Marinette had tried her hardest to forget anyone'S existence but her own. She had never really read any of the messages anyway, of course. Tikki hadn't allowed her to – and most of them were written by strangers trying to message her, thanking her for her service or pretending to be Hawkmoth.
She had never truly looked into it.
But Whatsapp had been left on ("You never know, Marinette! You may want to talk to your friends!") and had been no way to keep her friends from calling her. Even after Marinette had turned off her phone, she couldn't stop Tikki informing her that Chat had called or messaged her.
She didn't want to be reminded of everyone else. Just this one, she wanted to be selfish, wanted to stay within the comfort of her own room, without having to worry about anyone else.
Marinette had failed to do even that. And iIt broke her heart, knowing that her kitty was so worried about her. But she couldn't look him in the eyes. Not after she had ruined everything and especially not after the talk they had, shortly after Marinette had become the new guardian.
.x.x.x.
„Ladybug? Can we talk? For a second?"
Chat was sheepishly rubbing his neck when he approached her, a habit of his Ladybug was somewhat fond of – for all the times he had managed to fluster her (damn that stupid cat and his stupid flirting!) she didn't mind if he was feeling shy for once. So she smiled at him and nodded, leading him over to a more secluded area of the roof they were standing on. They were on patrol and about to finish, but she still had time left and talking to Chat Noir was always a joy. Ever since the battle against Miracle Queen they had only grown closer and closer – and Marinette was glad they had. She felt like she could talk to him about anything and right now, she needed a friend like that more than ever.
She couldn't talk to Alya about her new responsibilities as the guardian, nor could she cry her eyes out when she remembered Master Fu was gone because of her.
But she could with Chat. And that meant the world to her.
"What is it Chat? You've been nervous all patrol long...", Ladybug said, tilting her head in curious confusion aspatted the space next to her. Her feet were dangling from the roof, down into the alley below – they were farther away from the rooftop balcony now.
She'd rather not be overheard.
But Chat didn't sit down. Instead, he looked anywhere but her, seemingly fighting himself. Her brows creased. Was something wrong? Had she missed something? He had seemed nervous, but not in a bad way and Ladybug hadn't thought there'd be anything serious weighing down her partner. He wasn't usually someone to silently hold a grudge against her.
"I-Just-How are you dealing with being the guardian?"
Ladybug raised a single eyebrow at his question – it wasn't what he had wanted to ask. But he was looking at her with his big kitten eyes and she felt herself melt. Averting her eyes she scouted the rooftop for anyone who could be eavesdropping.
"It's-It's going. The Kwami's are alright and behaving for the most part and I'm making some progress in translating the book, but..." She let out a wistful sigh. "...I just wish Master Fu were still here. It'd be so much easier. I know he said I was fully trained, but it has barely been half a year and it just feels like it's too much sometimes and..."
She let out another sigh and fixedher gaze back on him, a warm smile on her lips.
"But don't worry. I can handle it – the Kwami's are trying to help out too!"
She chuckled when she recalled Wayzz trying to help her "picking tea leaves". It hadn't been tea leaves and now her balcony plants were partially ruined, but she had appreciated the effort.
"That...That's great, Ladybug! I'm glad everything's working out so far..."
But Chat didn't look as if he were genuinely happy for her. He seemed sad and she didn't know why, but she did know that he had yet to breach the topic he truly wanted to talk about. So she got up, smiling at him. Sometimes her kitten needed some coaxing and if he truly didn't want to talk about it anymore, she'd know soon enough.
"Hey, Chat?"
"Yes?"
"This isn't about me handling the Kwami's, is it?"
He froze. Then he shook his head.
"No. I just...Now that you're the guardian I just...You're making the rules now. We can do whatever we want!"
Ladybug perked up at that. That was right! She did make the rules! It's something she had talked about with Tikki already! She felt excitement bubble up in her – she had been looking forward to asking this too! - and stepped even closer, her eyes lighting up with the sort of giddy happiness one felt during Christmas or their birthday.
To her, it was all the same anyway.
"I wanted to talk about that to you! I-I don't feel comfortable with being the only to be, well, the guardian..." Chat and she were partnersafter all and she would never want it to be any other way. "...And while there is no such position as a "Co-guardian"..."
Ladybug trailed off and chuckled and if she had to her side up, she would have seen Chat's ears drooping and his head tilted away from her and she would have known Chat wasn't talking about her duties as the guardian.
As it was, however, Ladybug didn't look up.
"I was wondering...would you...Look, there's this tome with all this information and I though, maybe you can have it, or, well, the pictures, because I don't have the actual tome, and then we can..."
"Can we reveal ourselves to each other?", Chat interrupter her, hastily pressing out his question before stumbling back, starring at her with wide eyes. His ears were pressed flat against his head and he looked everything like the scared kitten he was, but shouldn't be.
Shocked, Ladybug lifted her head. She opened her mouth to say something, but Chat was too scared to hear her just yet.
If he didn't say his piece now then...then…
Ladybug wasn't his father. And she'd never treat him like his father did.
He was still scared though.
"You're the guardian now! Y-You make the rules and I know that Master Fu didn't want us to reveal us to each other, but now that I already now who you chose as secondary heroes and all that, I thought-I though that, maybe, we-we could change that? Maybe-Maybe it would be better for us to know who we are? In real life?"
Ladybug stared at him, the way he looked at her with big pleading eyes and the fact that she hadn't immediately given in to them said a great deal about how important keeping her identity secret was to her.
"Chat..."
"It's not because I want to ask you on a date or anything! I-I'm seeing someone! In real life!"
Ladybug didn't like the way Chat looked when he said that. He was smiling but it seemed forced and somehow wrong and not happy at all.
Maybe she was overthinking things. Maybe she was jealous. She had gone on a few dates with Luka and while it was pleasant and fun and he definitely made her heart beat faster when he smiled at her just the right way, it didn't feel...it didn't feel like love. It didn't feel the way she felt used to feel about Adrien and maybe it didn't even feel the way she felt about Chat.
But that didn't matter. Because Chat's private life was off-limits anyway, so she had no right to speculate about the way he felt.
"Chat, that's not it. I know you wouldn't do that – I know you want to be friends and-and so do I!" And then her eyes filled with regret. "But...it isn't safe. Us knowing each other's identity could...could ruin everything!"
Her gaze returned to him again and she felt like she had been punched in the gut.
Chat wasn't looking at her. He was biting his lips and his shoulder were slumped in a sign of utter defeat.Ladybug averted her eyes again. This was the right things to do. Just because something hurt, it didn't mean it was wrong. Just because something felt wrong it didn't meant it was.
They had to stay safe. Now more than ever.
"I-We can't. Not yet. Maybe if we defeat Hawkmoth we can-can meet up somewhere..."
Under the Eifeltower and then they'd go to a cafe and she already knew which one.
"...and then we can have a nice drink..."
She'd order a hot, spicy chocolate to try and cover up her blush, because, regardless of who was under that mask, Marinette knew she'd blush.
"...and exchange numbers and, you know, be friends outside of the mask as well. But right now? Right now, it's just too dangerous."
She looked away from him. She could feel his disappointment but she knew he'd stay quite, because that was just the way Chat was. He rarely ever spoke up, instead choosing to swallow any feelings he had and only ever lashing out against himself.
She didn't want him to be disappointed.
"But-But after Hawkmoth is defeated, we'll reveal ourselves! I promise! And you'll be the first one to know!"
Chat had still moped and she had been somewhat mad at him, because it wasn't like she was doing it on purpose.
.x.x.x.
Marinette had promised him he'd be the first one to know. She had promised him and now everyone else hadknown before him.
She hadn't just failed her duty as guardian, she had failed her partner and that hurt so much more.
"Marinette?", Tikki asked, yawning and just now Marinette realized how late it was. Her Kwami usually didn't stay up too late, even if Marinette designed late into the night. She must have been double tired after today.
Marinette yawned too.
"Is everything ok, Tikki?"
Her Kwami floated up next to her, her eyes blinking slowly and Marinette couldn't help it when her eyes trailed off to look at the clock on her desk, before they snapped back, desperately trying to focus.
"I know sleeping will be difficult tonight, but we both had an exhausting day and-maybe we should go to sleep?"
It had been exhausting indeed – even if she had ended up watching her favorite Disney movies and turned the volume up high enough as to not hear any sounds from down below.
But right now, Marinette was staring at the white sheet of paper in front of her, eyes still unfocused.
She frowned. She was tired, too. She hadn't even noticed.
"You can go to sleep already, Tikki. I-I think I'll stay up a bit longer."
Marinette returned to silence and kept staring at the paper in front of her. She didn't fail to notice her Kwami's worried eyes on her back though.
"Marinette, what's wrong? It's late. Even for you! You haven't slept properly yesterday either! What if an Akuma attacks now? You're in now shape to fight them!"
Marinette chuckled dryly at that.
"The only person Hawkmoth will try and akumatize right now is me."
She was evading the point and Marinette knew it. So did Tikki and she hovered closer, staring at her from big, blue eyes that Marinette refused to meet. She tried to stifle another yawn. Her Kwami noticed nonetheless.
"Why don't you want to go to sleep, Marinette?"
Tikki didn't get an answer immediately. Instead she saw Marinette's hand shaking, before her charge finally murmured:"Remember "Sandboy"?"
Understanding flooded Tikki's eyes.
"I-I'm scared I'll have a nightmare and then Hawkmoth can use that to akumatize me and-and I can't get akumatized right now!"
Marinette's eyes filled with tears and she quickly wiped her sleeve across her face. If she got akumatized Hawkmoth was sure to get his hands on her Miraculous and the Miraculous Box and there was nothing Chat could do to stop her. And how would he cleanse the Akuma anyway? He couldn't do it on his own! They needed each other!
She had already been a bother for Chat too much.
"But Marinette! Staying awake won't help you either – you'll have to sleep eventually!"
"I know", Marinette answered and sighed, letting her hand go limb. The pen fell from her hand with a "klack" and disappeared somewhere beneath her desk, but she couldn't care less.
"How about you go to sleep first? And after some time you wake up and then I'll got to sleep. We can switch like that and if any pesky Akuma shows up we can wake the other and then I can calm down with your help. It worked with Lila, don't you remember?"
Both knew that this was way more serious than any of the stunts Lila had pulled, but Tikki chose not too comment on it.
"Can't your parents stay up? You need your sleep, Marinette!"
Marinette's head whirled around and she stared at Tikki, incredulously, her eyes bulging out at the idea itself.
Her parents?!
"What? No! They're bakers – I can't just keep them up all night! Their day has been as exhausting as mine – if not even more so – and tomorrow won't be any better! I-I'm sorry, Tikki. I'm sure we can find a better solution tomorrow..."
"I'm sure your parents wouldn't mind!" "Of course they wouldn't mind, but I can't just bother them like that!" "Marinette, don't be stubborn."
The Kwami stopped for a second, averting her eyes, before determination setteld in her eyes and she focused on Marinette once more.
"Don't you think this is a bit more important?"
Tikki's comment hurt. More than her Kwami could know, because, yes, of course Ladybug was more important than her parents' shop, but Marinette didn't want it to be more important.
"Go to sleep, Tikki. I'm sure my plan will work. When do my plans ever not work?", she murmured, refusing to look at her Kwami even more than before and Tikki knew she had crossed a boundary right there.
Marinette tried to smile but couldn't force the corners of her mouth up and that left Tikki to think of all the plans that had, in fact, failed.
But she didn't mention it. Her charge was stubborn and her mind was made up.
"Alright", Tikki relented with a sigh that told Marinette everything she needed to know. "But you'll set an alarm for three am and after that, I don't want to hear any more complaints from you, understood?"
The way Tikki puffed out her chest and flew upwards, looking all self-important and mighty did elicit a chuckle from Marinette.
"Understood, mom."
. O .
It was around midnight when Marinette decided to head out. She kept dozing off and had decided that fresh, cool air might help her stay awake more easily. Of course, she could have simply asked Tikki to get up earlier – her Kwami wouldn't have minded – but Marinette didn't want to bother her. And she hadn't been outside at all today, anyway – too scared a paparazzi might try to snatch pictures of her. Marinette could already vividly imagine the next day's headline, should that have happened.
"LADYBUG ON THE BRINK OF AKUMATIZATION!"
"MDC MAY SUCCUMB TO HAWKMOTH!"
Now, wouldn't that be a treat for Scarlet Moth?
No, pictures were out of the question until she managed to look somewhat decent. And today, she hadn't been able to shower until noon.
It was dark now. If anyone had been crazy enough to stay out this late they wouldn't get any good pictures anyway.
Marinette yawned and blinked the tears away. She looked out over the rooftops, wishing she could see the stars. When she had been younger – before becoming Ladybug – her parents would have taken her outside of Paris for vacation sometimes, traveling through France to places more peaceful than their capital and the sky had been littered with stars.
It had been a sight to behold and Marinette missed it. Of course, her parents still went on vacation, but Marinette couldn't and she had always needed to make up an excuse why she couldn't come.
And she had been so excited for this year, too, because she could have used the Horse Miraculous to get back quickly. She knew from Chat that he never got to go on vacation and Marinette hadn't been able to wait to finally catch some fresh air.
Nowadays she'd probably need the Horse Miraculous to silently watch the stars even after already having left Paris. Who knew what Hawkmoth might do. What people that recognized her would do. Already, her face had been plastered all over the world.
Tears started pooling in Marinette's eyes and she leaned on the railing, desperately trying to stay awake. It was a tribute to Tikki's reasoning that Marinette didn't hear the boots landing behind her, because those steps could have belonged, to Mayura, heck, Hawkmoth even, and she had been to tired to notice.
Luckily, it was neither Hawkmoth nor Mayura, nor Shadow Moth.
It was Chat Noir.
"Lady-Prince-Marinette?"
Marinette almost screamed when she heard the voice but then she realized it was Chat and she couldn't possibly scream like that at Chat.
Because he was here. She hadn't answered him once, hadn't left a single voicemail but he was here nonetheless, not knowing whether he'd be welcomed with open arms.
Maybe he shouldn't be here, because Marinette felt her numbness break again and all the desperation she had been bottling up threatened to spill over once more. But she turned around anyway, because she couldn't show her kitty the cold shoulder.
She wanted to turn back around in shame not a second later.
Chat looked horrible. Dark circles adorned his eyes and his hair looked even more disheveled than usually.
Marinette was feeling new tears starting to well up in her eyes and because she didn't want to cry in front of him, she bridged the distance and hugged him and once his arms were hugging her back, she started letting them go.
She wasn't having a breakdown like she had had with her mother – she was too tired for that and too done with the day already. She was simply quietly sobbing and Chat held her, not complaining, not commenting, just being there.
It was soothing. She knew that, eventually, Chat was saying something, but she didn't know what, but it didn't matter because she knew Chat and he'd be saying warm, soft things to reassure her and it made Marinette sob all over again because his everlasting optimism and his unconditional trust in her astonished her time and time again.
She had messed up time and time again. During their first battle, Volpina, when she hadn't told him about the Guardian, when she had been downright terrible to him while battling Reflekta 2.0 and when they had last faced off against Hawkmoth.
And he had never stopped trusting her.
Hours could have passed and Marinette would have stayed in his embrace, but she was tired and she yawned again and took it as an opportunity to move back a bit, studying Chat's face more thoroughly.
He still looked horrible. It was even worse up close.
The understanding smile on his lips and the soft whisper of "It's going to be ok, princess" send her straight back over the edge and she fled back into his arms.
This time she didn't silently sob. But she didn't care, because Chat was here and Chat would scare away any Akuma that would get to close to her.
Moments passed – Marinette didn't count how many – and then, when she had calmed down a bit, Chat carefully pushed her away a bit, to get a better look at her face. Worriedly he studied it, before the light was back in his eyes and they shone in that brilliant shade of green that Marinette had tried to mirror in the hat she had knitted him for Christmas but had failed to do so.
"It will be fine, Marinette. I promise."
And his eyes shone with such warmth Marinette felt her starting to shake again.
He had called her Marinette and Princess and he seemed to make it so easy, viewing Ladybug and Marinette as the same person.
Her lip started quivering.
"S-S-Stop sayin' that, you-you s'supid cat! Y-You're gonna m-make me cry all-all over again!"
His smile turned teasing and Marinette drowned in the comfort in his eyes.
"Aww, bugaboo, don't say that. What a terrible partner would I be if I made you cry?"
He hugged her again, but Marinette felt herself slowly calm down and then she stepped back and looked up at him. She studied his face and then – she smiled. Through red, swollen eyes, but she smiled nonetheless. Because this was Chat, her partner, and that alone was reason enough to smile at him.
Once again she noticed the dark circles under his eyes – if she hadn't known him so well, she wouldn't have spotted them – someone knew how to use concealer. But they were there nonetheless and, almost immediately, Marinette got attacked by a bad consciousness. Her gaze dropped to the ground and she stepped back, hugging herself.
She didn't deserve Chat's embrace. She should have talked to him earlier – should have told them that she was fine and that he didn't have to worry. But instead, she had been on her room, sulking about her own mistake.
"H..." - She yawned - "How are you feeling?", Marinette whispered, once she couldn't stand the confusion and hurt in Chat's gaze anymore. Chat instantly sobered up, stepping away from her.
"I? What do you mean "how do I feel"? Did you-did you think I'd be disappointed?"
He looked at her incredulously and seemed almost insulted by the notion she might think he was disappointed and Marinette smiled at that.
She hadn't worried about that. Maybe she'd worry anyone else thinking that way but not Chat. Not her partner.
Hearing him say it was still nice though.
She peered out over the skyline, enjoying the silence of the night. She hardly heard the sounds of passing cars or of people quietly talking on the streets and it was relaxing to know that no crowds were assembled just outside her home.
"No. I-You're too...too...amazing to be disappointed..."
Marinette didn't notice him blush at her words.
He didn't mind.
"I was-I was worried you'd be mad", she eventually admitted, knowing she sounded ridiculous.
And now he truly did look offended and the way his ears twitched and his tail lashed out he made an absolutely ridiculous picture that almost made Marinette chuckle.
Her partner had always had a penchant for cheering her up after all.
"Mad? Why would I be mad at you, Marinette? If anything, I'm mad at Alya for livestreaming everything!"
"Please don be mad at her. She didn't mean to."
"You're just saying that, because she's your best friend", Chat countered but he smiled at her and Marinette knew he wasn't being serious and smiled too. With just a few words, Chat had managed to chase away any gloomy thoughts she had had. Even if just for a short while, she found relief in the silence of her own thoughts.
Then she yawned again and Chat frowned.
"Are you tired?"
Marinette didn't answer (but she could feel herself blush).
"Why are you still up anyway? Shouldn't you rest?"
"I..." Sheepishly, Marinette evaded his gaze. "I'm afraid I might get akumatized in my sleep. Because of dreams, you know? Remember "Sandboy"?"
Of course Chat remembered "Sandboy". It had been one of the worst Akuma's they had ever needed to battle after all and the things he had been shown that night would haunt him forever. And knowing Hawkmoth could akumatize you even if you were not truly awake was an even scarier thought.
"Tikki's – you met her before, didn't you? - 'sleep right now and we'll...we'll switch in an hour or s'. Then I can sleep and after another three hours she can and..." Marinette yawned. "...we'll see what will happen once the night 's over..."
Marinette trailed off and she could feel her partner's burning stare because he thought it was a terrible plan. And when she looked up, his nose was all scrunched together.
It made Marinette giggle. Which made Chat blush, before he shot her an indignant glare, which didn't look nearly as mad as it could, because he was still smiling.
And then his smile brightened and she knew he had an idea.
"I can stay over, if you want? Make sure that no pesky Akuma appear? And if one does, I can always cataclysm them!"
He looked at her proudly, chest all puffed out and head held high, and Marinette stared back in astonishment. But it seemed to look more like horror (maybe it was because of how tired she was), because, after taking in her reaction, Chat backpedaled immediately.
"Oh, gosh, Marinette, I'm so, so sorry. I definitely overstepped boundaries, but I didn't mean it like that! I-You have a chaise! I remembered that you have a chaise and I thought I could stay there during the night, you know, keep watch and, god, no I didn't mean..."
"Wha'? No! Tha'-that's not what I meant! I just-I was surprised you offered!", Marinette interrupted him, scrambling back with burning cheeks. Chat tilted his head to the side.
"Surprised that I offered? Why wouldn't I?"
"'s late. You-You can't stay up all night..."
She yawned again. Chat seemed to find it amusing as he started to chuckle. She tried to glare at him, but failed miserably.
She yawned yet another time. Chat stopped chuckling, but the corners of his lips were still lifted teasingly.
"It's nothing. I don't mind!"
He'd probably be able to sleep better himself if he could make sure that Marinette got a good night's rest.
Marinette seemed to disagree.
"Chat. No. You can't stay up all night. You have school tomorrow and I don't want you to stay up all night just because of me!"
"I don't want to be a bother", she added silently. She had been too much of a bother already.
She turned around, huffing and keeping her eyes as wide open as she could. The chilly air burned in them, but the pain meant she wouldn't fall asleep just yet.
"You know, I can always just wait until you fall asleep here and carry you inside afterwards."
"You have to 'leep too...", Marinette responded, leaning on the railing once more. Chat simply grinned and stood next to her, glancing at her occasionally.
Marinette was stubborn, but, apparently, it only took ten minutes for her stubbornness to be broken if she was really exhausted.
"You should really go to bed, purrincess", Chat said to her after she yawned yet another time. Marinette was barely awake enough to lift her head and glance at him.
"N't tired yet..."
He smiled at her softly, before putting a hand on her shoulder and slowly pushing her away from the railing.
"Uhuh, that's exactly what is sounds like, princess… "Am not princess!" "...right now you are. Now, go on, you have a difficult day ahead of you and need your beauty sleep." "Don' need beauty sleep." "You don't hear me disagreeing with that, m'lady. I still don't think staying up until 2am is a good idea."
"Hm", Marinette murmured, not having enough willpower to get out of Chat's warm embrace. It felt like they were moving, but Marinette wasn't too sure and she couldn't see anything, because her eyes refused to open up again.
"Promise me you will talk to your friends tomorrow?", Chat asked, before helping her down into her room.
"...Friends?"
"Yes?"
Marinette frowned and owlishly opened her eyes to try and get a look at his stupidly grinning face. It wasn't stupidly grinning though and instead Marinette found herself mesmerized by his cat ears – they looked so fluffy! - and she extended her hand to scratch them.
Maybe it was her sleepiness, but Marinette could have sworn that Chat purred at that.
"How you kno' I haven' talked to the...'em already..."
Marinette wasn't awake enough to think that thought through anyway.
"I know you, bugaboo, and that's enough. Now, promise me?"
"...promise if you stay over...", she responded, her eyes closing already as she fell into her pillows. If she had been awake, she would have never asked but she wasn't and Chat simply smiled softly and pushed a stray look out of her face, before sliding into the bed next to her and putting his arms around her. He chuckled, before he answered.
"Whatever the lady wishes, the lady will get."
His words pulled a happy smile on Marinette's lips and she shuffled closer, hugging her personal cushion heater.
"...'s good", she murmured, before her brows furrowed and her smile slipped away.
Chat's own smile fell too, because he had wanted to bottle up that expression to remember for the rest of his life.
"Will you be there tomorrow morning?", Marinette asked, the last coherent she could manage this late and Chat shook his head, regret evident in his eyes.
"No. I have school – but I promise, I'll stay as long as I can."
And that? That was enough for Marinette to know she wouldn't be plagued with nightmares tonight.
I forgot to upload this here and only realized when I wanted to update Chapter 6 - which should be coming in a few days. Please leave a review if you enjoyed!