Tempie
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A/N: I just want you to know that this story is just getting increasingly less plausible. I'm only trying to get you to laugh, so hopefully it works.
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Chapter 3
Tim is to Tony
XXX"When do we get to meet the chap, Jethro?" Ducky checked his watch. He had a rather fascinating corpse downstairs he was itching to get back to.
"I don't know, Duck. Whenever the director can find time to bring him over."
"So…you just want us to…wait?" Tony hoped the excitement in his voice to do absolutely nothing didn't seep through the I'm-a-serious-agent cover.
"Well, I can find you some paperwork, DiNozzo, if you're so concerned about the tax payers."
"Umm. Right. Well, I do have some stuff on my computer I could be doing, I suppose…"
"Like 'Doom'?" Ziva derisively batted her eyes at her partner.
"Why do you do that?"
Gibbs put the heel of his hand to his temple, "I don't care what you do. But as far as the director's concerned, you're working your asses off. We don't need any more reasons to get a sadistic agent."
"If we're already getting him, what does it matter?"
"I really don't have the energy or the patience right now, Ziva."
"Drink your coffee, then," Abby pointed at the two very large cups on his desk.
Gibbs looked down at them and sighed.
"Boss! If I had said something remotely like that, you would have…done that."
Gibbs grinned as he whipped the second empty cup at his senior field agent.
"That one wasn't quite empty, Boss." He made a face as he felt the liquid sludge through his hair and down the back of his neck. He pointedly stomped on the two Styrofoam containers on the floor until they were a mass of little white balls.
"I'm not entirely sure that was mature, Anthony."
"Do you think he's mature, Doctor?" Ziva raised an eyebrow.
"You make an excellent point."
Jimmy stood back near the window, wondering if this team was normal and he was the left-of-center one. That had to be it.
"Jethro, must I wait here any longer? I have a rather pressing matter in the morgue. This young man has many interesting body art and jewellery that I promised I would show to Abby."
"Can't that wait?" Gibbs slumped into his chair, knowing full well that for some insignificant reason it couldn't.
"Mr. Palmer somehow cut a large artery in the leg, you see. The poor boy is leaking everywhere."
"The corpse, not me," Jimmy blurted, and regretted it as the words fell out. Gibbs flashed him an irritated glare.
"That's not…disgusting," Tony wrinkled his nose, as if he had smelt something revolting. (Which he did, but he wouldn't admit that the 'something' was coming from his shirt, and probably his pants too, now that he thought about it.)
Before anyone could say anything else, and to Gibbs' great, but short-lived relief, the director came into view. She made her way down the steps from the second floor to the squad room, followed by McGee's earlier encounter.
The probationary agent's mind raced for something to hide under/behind to save himself from more embarrassing moments. He grabbed a magazine off of Tony's desk in a mad rush and simply covered his face with it.
"McGee, what are you doing?" Gibbs stood up to greet the director.
"I'm…reading." He said, muffled behind the glossy pages.
"You wanna read Tony's messy magazines when the director isn't around, perhaps?" Ziva couldn't hide the mocking scoff in her voice.
McGee frowned at the back of the magazine. 'Messy' magazine? He pulled it away from his face and examined what exactly he had been hiding behind. A toned and tanned blonde woman in a two-sizes too small blue bikini advertised some sort of alcoholic drink on the back. Oh. Dirty magazize.
"Hey, Probie! Hands off!" Tony dove at McGee, who, in a reflexive action, moved the magazine out of Tony's reach above his head.
"Still promoting that?"
McGee winced at the painfully familiar voice that was, again, over his shoulder.
Still holding the magazine as far as he could above his head, he knew there was really no way of getting out of this one with any hint of dignity. So he continued to stand there like that, rather unsure of how to handle the situation.
Tony took one look at the woman and put on a smile that proved to be 69 effective on the opposite sex at first glace. Effective meaning return smile, coffee, date, everything else Tony liked to do with women; the whole she-bang. He liked to think the statistic number wasn't a coincidence.
"Is he going to put that down and turn around?" the director inquired to Gibbs, her face turning a little pink.
McGee felt sweat dripping down the back of his neck. Something had to be done or Gibbs would probably murder him not so humane or privately. He suddenly spun around on his toe, neatly placed the magazine back on Tony's desk, and folded his hands in front of him like nothing happened.
A wide-eyed stare from the general area around him didn't even seem to affect him all that much. The long painful silence wasn't too bad either.
The director finally spoke. "This is your new temporary team mate," she glared at McGee. He could feel his insides burning under her sharp gaze. "Toni Moreno."
"Oh ho! Tony with an 'I'!" Tony nodded, and held his creepy/charming smile.
"You were expecting a guy? Why is that?" she leered at him, raising her eyebrows with an oddly intense seriousness.
"Umm…" his smile flipped, "Gibbs is our leader…he handles all difficult and err…uncomfortable questions!" he pointed at him hurriedly.
"I see what you mean by 'dysfunctional'," Toni turned to the director with a sarcastic lopsided grin.
She ignored the comment and the expression on Gibbs' face. "It doesn't look like they will be introducing themselves any time soon," her calm voice was deterred by her increasingly red complexion. She turned to Abby, "This is—"
"By the look of her, 'Abby'."
Abby opened her mouth with animosity, "Hey! What is that supposed—"
"So I guess that makes you Ziva," she motioned to the Israeli, who was about to give Abby a comforting shoulder pat. Toni sized her up. "You should get that fixed."
Ziva blinked hard before looking down at herself.
"And you," she pointed to Ducky, who was leaning on Ziva's desk, with a slight twitch on account of wanting to go back to the morgue so badly. She frowned. "Wait, don't tell me," she put a hand to her forehead and turned her neck to face the director, "he's the one with the weird nickname, right?"
"Well, yes, but—"
"And you're Gibbs. That wasn't hard."
"I'm Jimmy!" Ducky's assistant took a step from behind the two women.
Toni jumped slightly at his sudden appearance and then scowled, "Who?"
Jimmy looked like someone had knifed him in the gut. His nervous grin turned to a nervous pout as he returned to his secluded spot by the window. She shrugged as he did so.
A smile creped onto her lips as she finally dropped her gaze on McGee. "I've already met Tony."
Tony tightened his frown and took a step towards her, "Um, actually—"
"And you! By the look—and wow," she faked a cough, "by the smell of you--you're the probie!"
Tony (being Tony) took colossal offence to this. "Hey!"
"You don't exactly look professional today, DiNozzo," Gibbs pointed out.
"Professional hobo maybe!" Abby exclaimed before going back to cursing the new girl under her breath.
"Wait, isn't that his last name?" Toni gestured nonchalantly towards McGee.
Tony opened his mouth to correct her, but was cut off.
"The womanizer? Or are you two brothers?"
"He's not—and NO!"
Toni looked taken aback by his random outburst. "Right…your last name is Mc…something."
"Actually, Toni—" the director started.
"Why, hello, Director!" Ducky suddenly chimed in.
"Uh, hello, Ducky…" she frowned at him worriedly.
"I do apologize. I've been out of my body. And who is this lovely young lady?"
The group seemed to cringe in unison in apprehension of how the short-tempered agent would respond.
"I'm the temporary agent…"
"That can't be right! Jethro said that we were getting a crazed young man! And then DiNozzo said that 'he must be extremely talented and intelligent with a killer bod and'—"
"AAAH, Ducky! That's a great story you're tellin' there…" Tony jumped up to take the focus of attention off of the M. E.
"Isn't that interesting? I think Tony and I will get along well! So well in fact that I feel comfortable enough to show him a friend of mine who is so close to me, it's attached to my hip!"
"Do you not remember why you're here, Agent Moreno?" the director blocked her reach for her sidearm.
"To murder these people and do the planet a huge favour?"
"I personally don't think the planet would be better off without myself on it," Tony smiled.
"Does the probie normally talk out of line?"
"Oh right. I'm McGee now," he rolled his eyes and heightened the pitch of his voice, "Sorry Boss! I'm really sorry! Just call me 'Elf lord'!"
Ziva lunged towards Tony and shoved a ball of paper into his mouth.
"You'll have to excuse him, he has a maturity issue."
Gibbs pulled out his conveniently placed duct tape from one of his drawers, ripped off a strip, and plastered it over Tony's mouth before pushing him down into his chair. He looked to the flustered new agent like this was perfectly normal.
"So do you have any questions for us?"
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A/N: And okay, the random woman wasn't so random!
TBC