I made myself cry while writing this chapter – though "Arcade" (by Duncan Lawrence) helped set the mood and greatly helped.
In conclusion, if you want to set the mood, listen to "Arcade" by Duncan Lawrence.
oOoOo
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Forget me not (because I will)
("How can a few simple words feel me with so much dread?")
.
oOoOo
„Marinette?"
It was the end of class and already, most her classmates had filtered out through the doors – Marinette liked to stay back.
Her novelty had worn off already – slowly, steadily – but she much preferred to avoid the usual rush.
Alya had left already, too.
"A doctor's appointment – I'm sorry, Marinette – will you be alright without me?"
Marinette had agreed, cheerfully at that – she was going to be just fine – and she greatly regertted her choice but a mere minutes later.
"Marinette, I need to talk to you."
Marinette dreaded those words as she made her way downstairs – though they were to be expected.
Curse Hawkmoth. Curse whatever intel told him about her schedule and-and – Marinette knew that was wrong, because they were called Akuma Victims – curse the four people that had gotten akumatized yesterday night.
It had been hell. Yesterday or this morning, it didn't matter.
Utter hell.
Nervously biting her lip, Marinette walked down the last few steps, her eyes flitting to and from the door – before facing her teacher.
Better get this over with.
"I-I'm sorry I fell asleep during the test, Madame Bustier", she said, trying to hold on to any dignity she had.
She was on the point of falling asleep again already – Madame Bustier deserved better than a student that could barely pay attention in class and then didn't even bother to pay attention when she was called out for her bad behavior after class.
Marinette had given it her best, though! She had!
But coffee just wasn't cutting it today.
"But I still answered some questions! It may not be much but it should at least be enough to get a D..?"
Marinette knew she was grasping at straws. She may have always been a good student, but she had slept through more than half the time of the exam and even before that she had hardly managed to keep her eyes open. It'd be a miracle if she gotten anywhere close to a D.
But instead of getting mad, Madame Bustier simply smiled sympathetically and put a hand on her student's shoulder, her eyes soft enough to stop Marinette from biting her lip and to make her look at her teacher once more.
"That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about – it wouldn't be fair to punish you, just because you had to stay up all night. If you had, instead, decided to sleep through the Akuma, we wouldn't have been able to have this test at all. So Monsieur Damocles and I have decided to let you take your exams on different days than the others – I doubt that the three Akuma last night were a coincidence."
Oh.
That – That made sense.
"I'm not sure how we'll handle this test yet – perhaps we'll let you re-do it with different exercises or maybe you can make it up with something else – a presentation or essay perhaps. We're really not sure yet, but we'll let you know in due time. So don't worry about today."
Madame Bustier took her hand from Marinette shoulders – but kept her soft smile and warm eyes while Marinette processed what she had said.
An-An essay?
An essay would be great, actually! No – No interruption! No set times, nothing!
Marinette felt herself starting to grin (and briefly wondered, whether it made her look like a crazed maniac or not).
"That'd be great, Madame Bustier! Th-Thank you!"
Marinette wished she had had that kind of energy during class.
"I should be the one thanking you – I'm sorry for letting myself get akumatized yesterday..."
Madame Bustier trailed off and Marinette felt like she should say something – anything! – but she didn't.
Because Madame Bustier shouldn't have let herself get akumatized.
"Oh, and – if you want, you can go home and sleep for the rest of the day? Until you feel better rested at least – I'll write you a slip if necessary."
That sounded great. Like heaven, actually.
Sleeping was hard on top of uncomfortable tables.
Ha. Hard. Because tables were hard.
Chat would have loved that one.
"I-I'd like that very much!", Marinette said, feeling energy rush into her veins.
She could go home..! She could cuddle into her pillows and covers and happily snore away and-
"That'd be great. Really, really great."
"Very well – I'll inform your other teachers – sweet dreams, Marinette and – thank you again. Your service means a great deal to all of us."
With a nod, Madame Bustier dismissed her and Marinette happily skipped out of the class room, dreaming of warm sheets and-
She stopped dead in her tracks.
Adrien was standing there, a cup of coffee in his hands, his other one buried deep in his trouser pockets, seemingly having waited on her.
He looked downright terrible. Dark circles so deep not even his high-end concealer could, well, conceal them. His hair was a mess and Marinette was pretty sure his shirt was on backwards.
She wondered how he had managed to get out of the house like this, without his father hounding him.
Talking to Adrien had been – weird, lately. He behaved differently, so very different and-and it wasn't in a bad way!
It was great to see him behave this freely!
But it was strange (the flirting – the flirting was so strange) and "kind of sus" as Alya had phrased it and-
He was her friend. A friend who had waited on her and was seemingly feeling terrible and she shouldn't think ill of him.
Adrien had never given her a reason to do so.
"Hey, A-Adrien you okay..."
Angrily, Marinette shook her head.
She had to snap out of it.
"Are you okay? You look miserable."
She was smiling now, softly, encouragingly – trying her best to mask her fluttering heart.
Curse it and it's wavering affections.
Adrien seemingly snapped out of his daze – had he been sleeping, standing up? – and his eyes took a few seconds to properly focus on her.
A small smile graced his lips.
Her heart started to pound faster.
Marinette bit down on her cheek.
"No, no – I – I'm fine", he said, responding in kind, taking another sip from his coffee and letting his eyes fall closed again in pure bliss.
"I'm just tired – long night, you know?"
Long night?
"Did the Akuma keep you up tonight?"
Adrien yawed once and took another sip from his coffee.
"Yup."
"Really? Weren't the Akuma on the other side of Paris, though?"
They pretty much were – with the exception of the "Whisperer" none of them had been anywhere close to Adrien's home.
It seemed her words fully ripped Adrien from whatever daze he had been in, as his eyes shot up and he almost spilled his coffee, catching it just in time.
"Oh, oh, yes!"
Was he flustered? Was – Was Adrien Agreste flustered because of her Marinette Dupain-Cheng?
Shouldn't the roles be reversed?
"I – uh – I couldn't fall asleep! Because, because..."
His cheeks were turning pink now – he was most definitely flustered.
Just what had the world come to?
"I was worried about you", he eventually said, voice unimaginably soft and – here it was, her own blush.
The world was whole again.
Until it wasn't.
"You're purr-ty amazing, did you know?"
Casually, Adrien leaned against the wall, grinning widely and winking at her once.
Marinette forced herself to smile as well.
"That's – That's nice of you to say."
.O.
Akuma were never fun – but they usually didn't taste this bitter.
"I- I'm sorry, Ladybug – Marinette. This isn't your fault. I made a mistake and I'll have to suck it up."
They never tasted this bitter.
Chloé had gotten akumatized – over her parents' argument.
"I was – they-they might divorce, Ladybug and I-I was – I am so scared. I-I don't want that! I don't want them to split!"
Never, never this bitter.
Hawkmoth was a terrorist and a piece of trash and Marinette hated him – but for the most part, he had stuck to small things.
A teenager's broken heart. A bad dream. A broken toy or even pigeons.
So many pigeons.
Hawkmoth rarely ever touched grief. Maybe a lost job. A father's fear to lose his daughter.
But those were far and in-between.
He didn't touch a girl's fear of losing what little sense of family she had. He most certainly didn't take her grief and anger and warp it until it was unrecognizable – what had he told her?
"If you'd still be Queen Bee your mother wouldn't want to leave you – she'd love you! And if Marinette hadn't taken your Mriaculous..."
It's what Chloé had told her, at the very least.
"It's my fault – don't-don't blame yourself, Ladybug. I've learned my lesson."
There was a saying that one's eyes were a window to your soul – and perhaps, for Chloé that had always been true. They had held contempt when she had felt it, had shown misery and happiness. They had sneered alongside with the girl, had shown her every emotion she had ever experienced, nicely served to you on a golden platter – because a Bourgeois like her would never accept anything less than gold.
Not once had these eyes lied.
Chloé meant what she said. No fake tears for a camera, no secret hope she might be forgiven.
Chloé truly felt sorry for what she had done. Chloé truly believed this was her own fault.
It was.
It wasn't.
If-If Marinette hadn't been jealous – If Marinette hadn't been jealous and given Kagami her Miraculous simply to get her away from Adrien, none of this would have happened.
Chloé would have been the right choice. It had been her parents – it would have only been right for Chloé to get the Miraculous.
If Marinette had – if Marinette had done the right thing, Chloé wouldn't have gotten akumatized and she wouldn't have needed to ask Master Fu for help and then she couldn't have possibly led Hawkmoth to Master Fu and he wouldn't have needed to give up his own memories and she would have never become the guardian and even if Alya would have still filmed her, she wouldn't-
If Marinette hadn't failed, Chloé wouldn't have gotten akumatized and wouldn't have been hurt, again,
If Hawkmoth wouldn't know who she was, Chloé wouldn't have gotten akumatized in the first place.
"Hey, Chat – will you visit me tonight?"
(Chat did come that night and she taught him about potions and-and sometimes, it almost looked as if Chat wanted to ask something, only to decide differently and perhaps it might have been a trick of the light, but his eyes were filled with fear and pain and sorrow.
Chat's eyes had never lied either.
It was one of the reasons she had known who the real Chat Noir was and who the Copycat ages ago, but she had never told him about that and probably never would.)
.O.
"LADYBUG TARGETED?!
Is Hawkmoth targeting Ladybug's closest friends & family? Find out here!
The Manager – L. Rossi
Harmony – R. Lavillant
Monsieur Nature – unknown
Night shift – unknown
Dream eater – N. Chamak
Fanboy – unknown
Harmony Two – R. Lavillant
Box rink – N. Césaire
Guitar Rift – L. Couffaine
Spotter – XY
Thrurist – M. Medeleiev
Deadline – C. Bustier
Nyx – unknown
Whisperer – J. Couffaine
Night shift Two – unknown
Parisian Princess – Chloé Bourgeois
All of these Akumatizations took place during the last three week – most of the victims were either friends of Ladybug or targeted them. L. Rossi is known to be Ladybug's best friend (click here for more!), R. Lavillant, J. Couffaine and Chloé Bourgeois classmates, N. Cesaire and N. Chamak are family friends and L. Couffaine is rumored to have been romantically involved with Ladybug (click here for more).
C. Bustier and M. Medeleiev are her teachers.
Monsieur Nature destroyed the Boulangerie Patisserie owned by Marinette Dupain-Cheng's parents (find out more about the bakery here), Fanboy targeted Adrien Agreste, a close friend of hers and Spotter targeted Alya Césaire – another close friend.
Deadline, Nyx, Whisperer and Night Shift Two all occurred in one single night – just before an important exam was taken at College Francois Dupont, which fellow pupils claim M. Dupain-Cheng had to take as well.
It is a worrying pattern that emerges from this. Is Hawkmoth targeting Ladybug in an attempt to weaken her mental resolve? Does he hope to exhaust her so she fights more sloppily (evidence for Ladybug's wavering fighting prowess can be found here). Does he hope to weaken her mental fortitude in an attempt to akumatize her?
We can just hope it won't get to our spotted heroine too much – an akumatized Ladybug would be the worst-case scenario, regardless of the circumstances.
Stay strong, Ladybug! All of Paris stands with you!
The next Akuma victim was named "Worrisome" – and had tried to freeze anyone close to Marinette in an attempt to keep them from ever getting akumatized or being put in danger ever again.
The online newspaper took down their article the following day – after a social media outcry denounced it as "fearmongering" – but it had been read by thousands of people already.
Marinette knew, because the next few days, everyone in school looked at her with pity and regret and she found too many "Keep positive" and "We love you!" notes in her locker.
It was nice.
Marinette hated it.
.O.
He shouldn't be here. He really shouldn't be here, he didn't even know why he was here, but he had wanted-
Adrien – he didn't know what he had wanted. But he had seen Marinette and-yesterday she had laughed so freely when he had scared her by sneaking up on her as Chat and he had-
It almost felt as if she was pushing him away as Adrien, sometimes. He'd say something and she'd get that-that weird expression on her face that he just didn't get-
(-and sometimes Alya would look downright furious and he was too scared to continue himself-)
why, why she did that or Alya or sometimes even Nino when he thought Adrien wasn't looking and-
and it hurt. Because Marinette would nod and then make up some silly reason to leave and-and he didn't get it.
They had been friends. Best friends even-
(-And sure, he was deeply and irrevocably in love with her and sure, knowing Ladybug was Marinette only helped him to acknowledge his small, tiny, gigantic crush he had had on her anyway and sure, whenever he saw her all he wanted to do was to trot over, drop himself into her lap and let her scratch his head, the way she'd do as Ladybug sometimes but that didn't matter and wouldn't matter and anyway-)
-and – and the moment Marinette had stopped getting flustered around him had been – had been bliss.
He wanted that back. She wasn't flustered but she wasn't there either and he wanted that back and – he knew she felt comfortable around him as Chat.
So the only logically thing to do was to behave more Chat-like.
Hence the sneaking up on her. But then Alya got to her first and then they talked to each other and – Eavesdropping was bad.
"So, huh? Chat and you? Word is he's seen suspiciously often around that balcony of yours..."
Eavesdropping was bad, Adrien knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, but…
He was a sucker for approval. He wanted to know what Marinette would say, craved to hear her talk of them and he knew he shouldn't eavesdrop, he really, really shouldn't…
"Yeah – Chat – Chat's amazing. I-I couldn't have wished for a better partner."
He had always been a sucker for approval.
"Hm – I can imagine – he's cute, isn't he? You sure you wouldn't want good old, lo-"
"It's – It's not like that! At all! I-I mean Chat's pretty cute, I guess, but not like that! Not like that!"
Adrien preened at the compliment – he'd have to find a way to tease her about it later on. And perhaps, he could – well, perhaps he could ask for the identity of mystery boy as well.
He had never found an appropriate time. But he wanted to know, if-if just to know who he had lost his lady's heart to.
He could always help her ask him out.
He owed her that much.
"I know, I know, girl! Why is he there, though? Are you just chatting? Is he there to keep you safe in case Mayura shows up again? Give me the deets, girl – I promise, all of this is confidential! Not a peep of it will end up on the Ladyblog!"
Perhaps he should go now, he had-he had – this was getting too private.
He should leave.
He really should.
"..."
"Marinette? Is everything alright? You-You seem pale and-"
"I – I'm training him to become the next guardian."
He should have left.
"The next guardian? What's that?"
"...Some – it doesn't really matter. But – you're a great friend, Alya, did you know that?"
Eavesdropping was bad.
.O.
Adrien didn't talk for the rest of the day – empty eyes were looking forward, hands on autopilot were writing down notes – but he didn't talk.
And it didn't take Plagg any time at all to figure his charge wasn't there.
"Adrien, it's going to be fine."
Adrien didn't respond. Plagg tried again – but to no avail.
Nino couldn't make him talk either – no matter how hard he tried and Plagg knew for a fact he and glasses were making plans to murder Gabriel for whatever it was he had done this time.
Plagg wished it were as easy as simply blaming Gabriel again.
The Gorilla couldn't make Adrien talk either – no "Hello" or "Thank you for picking me up" was exchanged and from the worried glances the bodyguard shot at his charge, he was well aware how strange his behavior was.
There wasn't anything to be done though.
Even Nathalie, relaying his father would not join him for dinner, got all but a shrug.
It was scary, watching this empty husk that was supposed to be his charge move around as if nothing affected him.
"Are you okay, Adrien?"
"Yes, Nathalie."
"...Very well. Do keep in mind we've added another Chinese lesson to your schedule to make up for the one you missed last week."
"Yes, Nathalie."
"…"
"…"
"...If anything's the matter, do not hesitate to reach out to me for help."
"Of course, Nathalie."
And gone she was, leaving Adrien alone in a too big entrance hall, staring up at a picture that couldn't be more fitting.
Adrien didn't wait long before he stormed into his room, rules and all be damned.
If he wasn't allowed to be a goddamn teenager today, then when would he be allowed to.
There was no one around to notice anyway.
And soon enough, Adrien was in his room's relative safety.
"Kid..."
"Don't."
"Kid, you..."
"Don't. I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine, anyway."
Without as much as looking anywhere, Adrien flung his bag away from him, somewhere into the depths of his room.
It landed on his bed, its fall cushioned and silent and it was a grim reminder of just how often he had stormed into his room, his expression blank and his mind in turmoil.
He didn't want to think of his stupid dad either.
He turned on his PC, starting up the Ladyblog – like he'd always do, because it was the one part of his schedule he could control-
Stared at the Ladyblog – at the wide grinning face that was staring back at him, eyes sparkling with confidence and warmth and-
He turned his computer back off. Swiveled around in his chair until he was facing the windows.
Watched life go past down below.
There was too much laughter, much too much laughter and there were too many people there just living their life and there were too many people that didn't seem to care, didn't seem to care that...
"Kid, please..."
"She wants to forget me, Plagg. She-She wants to forget me."
Adrien was on the verge of tears.
"She doesn't want to forget you. If there's any other way to pass on the Guardian-"
"But she will! She will forget me!"
Adrien swiveled around now, facing the Kwami, tears running from his eyes.
He looked pathetic. With a running nose and red, puffy eyes, and the way his entire body was shaking and his eyes begged for him to-to be taken away.
Somewhere else. Anywhere else, where it was safe, where he didn't have to face this, where he could forgot that his, his dreadful, silently dreadful and utterly miserable suspicions – the ones that had kept him awake more than any Akuma and had kept him tossing and turning and that had made his eyes swim with fear whenever Marinette taught him something else-
Where things could go back to normal. No revealed identities. No fear, no worries.
Just him and Marinette, caught up in their life and-
"She will forget me and – and I can't! I can't lose someone else!"
Of course he couldn't lose her – his kid had already lost enough as it was.
"She won't be gone – she just won't remember parts-"
"She won't remember me at all!"
Adrien pulled closer now, snatching the Kwami from the air – after three attempts, as the first two times Adrien hardly found the strength to lift his hand – and for once, Plagg let him, declining to phase out of the boy's grip.
His knuckles were turning white.
If Plagg had a physical body, it might have hurt.
"She – Adrien – I had a Miraculous!"
He pulled Plagg even closer.
"I-I had a Miraculous and – and it-it t-took her a-a year! A y-year to talk to me!"
Finally, Adrien let go of him.
He swiveled back around, to stare out of his window again – it was the one that could stay open all night – if Ladybug just forgot the time and watched the city with him.
"She's-She's my best friend, Plagg – in and out of the mask, we – I could never find a friendship like that ever again."
They had never found his mother's body – they had never buried a casket and Adrien knew for a fact his father still held out hope that she – that she might return one day.
But she wouldn't. Because his mom might not be dead, but she was gone.
"I can't lose her Plagg, I just can't."
"I know, kid. And you won't. She'll always be there – memories or not."
I'm not trying to invalidate anyone's pain, but I'd argue that "My parents are getting a divorce" and "I'm not allowed to feed the pigeons anymore" are playing in a different ballpark.
Please leave a comment, it would mean a lot to me ^^