oOoOo
Forget me not (because I will)
("I used to dream of you – and now, there's only nightmares left.")
oOoOo
Excitedly, he bounded across the rooftops, the sun still up in the sky, casting its pink and orange and yellow hues across Paris – the city seemed to be taken straight from a postcard.
The loud "clanks" his boots made whenever they clashed against the roof tiles – painted an oversaturated red – echoed like a steady rhythm from the walls – fast and speedy as he vaulted over to his lady's patio.
It was, mayhaps, the most splendid sunset to have ever graced Paris with its grandeur and it was, perhaps, the most fitting scenery.
Soon enough, the balcony was in sight already – hidden away between flowers and greenery and fairy lights that would gift their space their very own glow of light. Once the sun had set that was.
Would she let him stay that long? Would she let him watch the little lights turn on one by one, casting a magical sheen across the enclave he called home?
He hoped so.
His lady was waiting for him it seemed, with a picnic basket that smelled delectable and a colourful blanket and pillows and everything.
He remembered the time she had fussed over making them.
A smile graced his lips.
"Marinette!", he called out, coming to a halt as he looked down at the imagine presented before him.
His gaze softened when she looked up – so confused, as if she had not expected him – and his tail twisted in anticipation.
Without wasting another moment, Chat vaulted down, coming to a stand in front of her after a series of somersaults and twists – he had trained – just for her! – and he proudly showed off his newly refined skills.
Marinette got up – she looked scared almost, but that must have been a trick of the light with all its golden sparkle – and Chat patiently waited for her to say something, until-
"Who are you?"
And the sun was gone, until there was nothing left but darkness and Marinette and him.
"Who-Who am I? Marinette, what do you mean?"
His eyes were sparkling with humour still – though they twitched ever so lightly from uncertainty and he was about to crack a joke – when she backed away. Instinctively, Chat reached out for her, tried to grab her and she – she jerked away once more.
"Who – Who are you?", she asked, stepping back again and again, eyes blown wide and-
"What are you – What are you doing here?! Who are you! I-I will call the police!"
Chat didn't understand – bewildered he stayed rooted to his spot, his tails lashing out behind him, curling itself around the pots and vases and the banister – and anything close, really.
"Marinette, I don't..."
"Who are you?!"
Marinette backed away even more, grabbing her watering pot and holding it up threateningly.
"I – I will call the police! Who are you?!"
Chat could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes. He-He didn't understand, had he done something wrong, had he...
"I – I'm Chat Noir, I-I'm-"
Why didn't she know him, weren't they friends, weren't they..."
"I'm your partner!"
"My partner?"
Another voice rang through the darkness and all of sudden there was no darkness anymore – and Adrien allowed himself to breathe, for just a second, until he realized where he stood and he wanted the darkness back because at least the darkness had had Marinette and, and – but instead beams made from steel and a burning city to his feet.
He looked up – and just above him, staring down, there stood Ladybug, but she-she was all wrong with red spots and a black suit and blonde hair in a ponytail – was that Chloé? – and an ugly sneer directed at him.
"My partner? Ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ridiculous! Utterly Ridiculous!", she cackled, throwing her head back and exposing a row of sharp, inhumane teeth.
"You're not my partner! You're just a rowdy street cat – in fact, I think I'll just take your Miraculous! Hand it over! As the guardian, I demand you hand it over!"
And then he heard the whirling of a yo-yo and he couldn't move, rooted to his spot and-
And they were back in the darkness. Chloé was gone – Chloé and her sneer and her spots that weren't right – and he found himself face to face with another monster yet again.
Marinette – but caught in black tendrils that wrapped itself all around her, turning and twisting her body in ways that were unnatural and-and she looked in so, so much pain and-
"Hand over your Miraculous", she said.
"If I don't get to enjoy this – then neither do yOU!"
And then the tendrils snapped and Marinette was there but it wasn't her and-and she was lunging at him now and-
"NO!"
.o.O.o.
There weren't many things Marinette was looking forward to nowadays – there were her friends, of course, some of her classes even – but all of it was overshadowed by, well – by everything else.
She couldn't look at people any more without seeing their akumatized forms-
-It was unfair and she knew it was but all she could see where their twisted faces and a purple mask, ordering them to-to hurt her and-and-
-she couldn't get through class without flinching whenever someone raised their voice – already fearing yet another Akuma that would haunt her consciousness-
-And she knew it affected them because now everyone started flinching as well-
and there were too many times that teachers had to spent extra time on explaining something to her, because she had missed an important class once again.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Hawkmoth got to target her and it was even more unfair that everything – her entire life – was overtaken by one single fear.
And then there was Chat. Her kitty cat. Not even the worst nightmares about Chat Blanc could ever sour her mood when it came to him.
She enjoyed their evenings spent together – could even block out her guilty mind whenever she talked to him about recipes and formulas.
She couldn't block her heart that insisted on beating too fast whenever he smiled at her just right.
But he'd listen to her ramblings whenever she felt overwhelmed. He'd hug her ever so tightly when she needed it – not letting go and seemingly unaware of the many tears that had ruined his suit countless times.
She'd have to apologize to Plagg, too, eventually.
But Chat was there. He was always there. Marinette missed him whenever he was gone – she worried whenever he wasn't around – and she waited for five hours when he didn't show up the evening they were meant to meet.
.o.O.o.
Her – her room was gone.
Ladybug stared at the corner that her parents' bakery had proudly stood in – now nothing but a gaping wound in the midst of Paris. Black and white swirled through the sky in mesmerizing patterns – the bakery was gone.
Her room was gone.
If she had been in there still – which she would have been, should have been, had it not been for an impromptu meet-up of their gang – she'd be gone as well.
Sucked into oblivion.
It was scary and she had barely been able to defeat that Akuma and – it had been so senseless. If she were to be gone – wouldn't the earrings be gone as well?
Had Hawkmoth known she wouldn't be there?
Marinette didn't let go of her parents for five whole minutes after she had restored everything to order again.
And when she turned around to look for Chat – he was gone already.
They had gone without talking for a week.
.O.
"Marinette?"
"Yes?"
"Is everything alright?"
"I'm fine."
Marinette knew her voice sounded anything but – yet it didn't keep her from shuddering when the noticed Alya's worried stare.
She even went as far as to step closer, undoubtedly wanting to hug her – but Marinette didn't let her.
"I'm fine, Alya. Really. Don't worry."
"...Is this – people haven't seen Chat Noir on your room for quite some time and-"
"I'm fine. We're fine. Everything's fine."
.O.
This time Hawkmoth targeted her school. And it was quite literally a blood bath.
Marinette wondered whether he had just now realized just what kind of psychological terrors he could release on the city.
.o.O.o.
Marinette didn't like lying – it was why she had called Lila even before she had ever caused Marinette any trouble, it was why she had hardly ever given a reason for why she was late.
People always thought it was because Marinette didn't want to sound like she was making up excuses, but in truth, Marinette simply didn't want to lie to them about her whereabouts.
But she – she was at a breaking point – so when she stared out at a too pretty sunset, she decided to transform and to claim she had figured out some important information she needed to share with Chat.
And then she waited.
As it turned out, her weak excuse hadn't fooled Chat at all – but he had come anyway and perhaps, that was all that mattered.
"I know."
She didn't know how to respond to that.
Eventually, the silence-
-Chat and her weren't silent, they were never silent and if they were it-it wouldn't be like this-
and his empty stare and the stupid, stupid sun became too much to bear.
"How did you find out?", she whispered – appalled by her own voice. How hollow and utterly defeated it sounded.
She was Ladybug – Paris' idol, the girl who was supposed to be so full of optimism and joy that she could light up the entire sky – and here she was.
"I can't tell you."
"Chat-"
"I can't tell you. Too close to my identity."
His civilian identity? Did that mean that he-Marinette bit her lip, trying to stop her thoughts from moving.
She shouldn't think about his words. She shouldn't question how he could have possibly found out.
She should apologize.
"Chat, I'm..."
"Don't", he interrupted her, harsh and-and sneering and-
"If you apologize I will forgive you and I don't want to forgive you."
Oh.
Marinette glanced away, her shoulder slumping downwards – though she could feel her anger rise as well.
This wasn't fair, it wasn't fair he was-
It wasn't her fault she had been found out. It wasn't her fault Hawkmoth had started targeting her, that she couldn't sleep at night without fearing her own akumatization.
Why would Chat insist to put her though this-why…
"You lied to me. I think the worst part is that you lied to me."
She saw the way he swallowed, as if it had cost his all to just formulate those words and it made all her anger vanish at once.
"I didn't, I just-"
"I told you I didn't want the guardianship. I told you! And-and you decided to trick me! Were you planning to invite me to your balcony, throw another picnic and end it by erasing your own memory? Would you – would you have said your good-byes first? Because I don't know. I don't know and I'm your partner and I should! All I know is that you were planning to leave me without telling me!"
Chat's endless stream of words came to a halt and when he stopped, Marinette still couldn't meet his gaze.
What she had done was terrible. She knew that – but she had had her reasons! She had!
Chat had to see that!
But she didn't know what to say either.
"You-You don't have to give up the guardianship, you know?", he said, breaking the silence:"We can give your Miraculous to someone else, you can tell me anything else that I have to know, but – but you don't have to give up the guardianship!"
His eyes – his eyes were shining with so much tender hope that it made Marinette's tear up because – because she wanted it to be true.
She wanted his words to be true so, so badly.
"You-You can't forget, Marinette! I- I can't lose someone else. I just can't."
His voice ended in a whisper and he stepped closer, grabbing both her hands.
How perfectly they fit – it made Marinette tear up, because, of course, nothing would ever work out their way-
"It wouldn't work, Chat."
She ripped her hands away from him and shuffled back, refusing to meet his eyes.
It was for the better probably.
"Why not? The Miraculous would be safe! He'd have to back off eventually – don't think I haven't noticed the bag underneath your eyes-"
Of course he had noticed hers – just like she had noticed his and they had only gotten worse those past two weeks.
Hawkmoth deserved to rot in jail for all of eternity for putting him through this. Chat deserved better. They were friends and she may not know his identity, but she knew he didn't have the greatest home life, knew he needed all the friends he could get and – she was going to leave him.
"I'd still know, Chat. I was trained to be a guardian."
"But you'd never tell him!"
"I could get akumatized – I'd have no way of defending myself against it, either. It's not safe. You know that."
"That's – I can stay over! I'll watch over-"
"We can still be friends even after I forget!"
"It wouldn't be the same! You know that, we – who knows if you'll ever see my as your friend again instead of your local superhero who happened to have been your partner some months ago!"
"Chat, please!"
"No! Absolutely not!"
"It's dangerous! You know I got attacked!"
"And nothing happened, right! You got attacked once and you managed to defend yourself – I know you can do it again!"
"And I know I won't be able to fight back without you", he silently added in his thoughts.
„And I can't, Marinette! I can't lose another person!"
He was close to tears and Marinette – Marinette was taken aback by his reaction.
"I know I'm selfish! But – why do I always have to lose the people closest to me?
"I – I know, but – just this once – let me be selfish just this once."
.o.O.o.
"They – they say they saw Chat and you argue yesterday, Marinette and-"
"I'm fine, Alya."
He just needed time – Chat just needed time to realise they were out of options.
"...If – if you ever change your mind, you know you can talk to me about it, right?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
All he needed was time.
.O.
"Chat?"
"Yes?"
"How's the Miraculous Box?"
"I will not let you hand over the guardianship, Ladybug! Absolutely not!"
.o.O.o.
There hadn't been any particular trigger for it – just-just the sad, pathetic usual. She had missed a test yet again and hadn't been ale to properly sleep and the walls had pulled closer just a little bit again.
She heard the flutter before she saw it.
It sent chills down her spine – or it would have, hadn't Marinette just felt so empty.
She watched it get closer – and only after a few moment realized it was headed straight to her.
Marinette almost grinned at that. Nice try, Hawkmoth.
"Tikki, spots on."
If people hadn't been starring at her already, transforming in the middle of the hall would have gotten her everyone's attention. Marinette had always been surprised no one had ever found Ladybug transform before – the bright pink light was hard to miss after all.
She didn't say anything as she waited for the little bug to come just a little bit closer before swiping it from the air – no flurry of words she shouted to breathe live into a Paris frozen by fear, no gymnastic stretching to showcase how much energy she still had left to fight any other Akuma that dared to threaten Paris.
She didn't have much energy left for anything these past few weeks.
"Tikki, spots off", she murmured, once all was done and set, her eyes dead and soulless as she felt everyone's eyes on her.
She watched the butterfly go – white wings fluttering to get away from her, to freedom and into a bright and splendid day.
She watched it until it slipped out of the window, never to be seen again.
The stares didn't cease.
Marinette could herself start to shake again so strongly, her trembling broke through her numbness and she ran and ran and ran, barely holding back her tears until she had made it to the restroom.
She didn't come out for the rest of the school day.
.O.
The next Akuma was a worried classmate, who had been scared and Marinette couldn't help but wonder whether they had planed that or not.
.o.O.o.
The bakery was destroyed once again. Her parents' business may have taken a hit if it weren't for the extra business her status as Ladybug brought in.
But the days when they had to close early because all was sold out where long gone.
And knowing they weren't going to go bankrupt anytime soon didn't heal the emotional scars Ladybug was suffering from either. Her parents had died three times last week.
Her nightmares only got worse with every passing day – what-what if the cure failed one day? What if she lost her miraculous, what if, one day, all she would have left would be a pile of rumble, where her home used to stand?
.o.O.o.
It was only after three weeks that Marinette noticed a new pattern emerge – Hawkmoth's Akuma became weaker.
They weren't difficult to defeat anymore – they were simply hard to pin down. They'd appear at the least convenient of times and then – just wasted some more. There was teleportation and there were speedsters and there were times at which the Akuma failed to demand her Miraculous even once.
Hawkmoth was playing the long game.
He was just waiting for the moment her mental defences would finally cave in and he got to akumatize her – after all, what was Paris' superhero duo with only one hero left?
She needed more allies. She just – whom could she give a Miraculous, someone who wasn't connected to her civilian identity?
.o.O.o.
Chat didn't come to visit anymore, not after she had tried to trick him. It hadn't changed even after their fateful conversation during patrol one day and – Marinette wasn't surprised.
She missed him. Terribly much.
But if he had come back to her, she wouldn't have had the time to transform in the middle of the night – to grab the Miraculous of the Horse.
She wouldn't have had the time to touch down on top of a mansion, looking back at her room one last time.
She had seen it in ruins lately more often than not.
She knocked at the window.
Suspiciously glances at the "relationship" tags up there, then starts whistling and walks away.
Last cliffhanger, I promise (though, really – just look at the tags, it's basically spelled out there.