Previously on When Good Corellians Go Bad…
Noya blew up at Jag… and then blew up… too bad she took that speeder trip before Jag had a chance to tell her how much he loved her.
And...
Jacen and Tahiri are a couple of kriffed up people… I guess fighting a war and being tortured while still a teen will do that to you.
If only Tahiri would read the lyrics to the song this fic is named for…
Season 4
Episode 6
I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too
Oh-oh, take my love, take it down
Oh-oh, climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
Oh-ohh, the landslide bring it down
Landslide/Stevie Nicks
Fel Family Estate, Csilla, Unknown Regions
41 ABY
Eleven Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War
The conservatory had always been Tahiri's favorite place in the Fel family mansion. Soft downy chairs and sofas were scattered about the room resting on deep pile carpets. There were cozy nooks to curl up in for naps, open spaces on the floor for stretching out on or playing, and Mommy had arranged the chair and table settings perfectly for intimate talks. All of these areas were situated to face the transparisteel walls that made up the west side of the room and offered impressive views of both the glacial lake below the estate and the mountains that bordered the northern and southern perimeters of the property.
One afternoon years ago, while having tea, Soontir had given Tahiri a geographical history of the area; telling her about the ages and growth patterns of the natural three-sided barrier of the estate that had sold him instantly on the suitability of the place as a safe haven for his family. A far away expression had then stolen over his gruff features as he commented that the mountains and glaciers had done little to protect his children in the end.
Tahiri inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, swaying gently while she rubbed her hand over the back of the infant nestled into her neck. The last of the setting sun's rays were magnified by the thick transparisteel windows, the brilliant blue and violet light reflecting off the snow and ice below adding a bit of warm color to the room. She hummed absently to the baby while she thought back to when Jag had first brought her to Csilla. She'd spent hours in this room, reading, writing music, and thinking about the adventure she thought she was undertaking. Standing here now, cuddling the tiny boy, playing 'hide and seek' with Talitha, she was struck by how very different that adventure had gone; how very different every aspect of her life was compared to how she had imagined it would be.
She'd spent a lot of time on this trip thinking about loss. Except for the births of her niece and nephews in the last few years, life seemed to be marked entirely by loss; the loss of her time, so many friends, her freedom and sense of self, her happiness, Noya…
Would arresting Tarkin and watching him stand trial for the crimes he'd committed be enough of a reward for what she'd given up and walked away from?
For what was surely the millionth time in the past four weeks her thoughts went to Jacen.
She'd been haunted by the look in his eyes when he told her that he loved her; her fear when she realized that he had finally started the conversation that would mean the end of them; the pain she felt radiating off of him when she denied her feelings for him.
There'd been a moment at Jag's apartment the following morning when friends and investigators were swarming the place, while Jerome was arranging to have what was left of Noya's body loaded onto the ship, and someone, a maid or housekeeper, was packing Jag's things, that Tahiri had again considered telling Jacen that she had lied. Kyp and Valin were talking to Jerome's staff, Wedge and Iella were with Jag in the bedroom, and Tahiri had found herself face to face with Jacen. She had instinctively reached out to hug him and been crushed when he'd recoiled, looking at her as though she were insane before walking away.
Talitha's voice sounded behind her, announcing that she was done hiding the objects she'd picked and it was time for Tahiri to find them. Realizing that the sun had finished setting and that the blue and violet tones that had lit the room were gone, Tahiri used the Force to trigger the soft lights.
"Okay, my little star," she said, once again summoning up all her willpower to seem upbeat. "How many things did you hide?"
Tahly giggled. "Silly Ri. If I tell you it will ruin the game."
Tahiri smiled and sat down on the floor, shifting the baby into the crook of one arm and opening the other up for Talitha to sit in her lap, then wrapped her up in a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Alright smarty, let's see if I can figure this out."
They both closed their eyes and opened themselves up to the Force, Tahiri guiding and boosting Talitha's power, helping her to control her focus and hone in on the hidden treasures so that Tahiri could 'find' them and then help Talitha levitate them to where the two sat. Talitha's favorite part of the game was that they, or Tahiri, would then hold all the hidden treasures in the air until she'd found the last one. Only then was Tahiri allowed to open her eyes and lower everything to the ground.
They were on object number seven, a magnifying glass with a rancor tooth handle, when the comm station behind them began chiming.
"Oh! I'll get it!" Talitha squealed, jumping out of Tahiri's embrace, leaving her to 'grab' all the objects in the air before they crashed to the ground.
Opening her eyes to focus, she surveyed the objects in front of her and sighed. She'd have to talk to Tahly about the difference between appropriate and inappropriate 'toys'. Though the funeral had been three weeks ago it was only with yesterday's safe delivery of the prince that the mood in the house was beginning to lighten; they didn't need 'Nana' going nova over a broken antique Corellian vase worth a small fortune. Floating said vase back to the table it lived on, she smiled as she heard her niece punch in the acceptance code on the comm and say hello in a decidedly regal voice - every bit the future Queen Mother. Unfortunately, the voice that answered Talitha's greeting blew Tahiri's concentration, causing her to drop the rest of the objects she'd been holding aloft.
"Hello, Butterfly. How are you?"
The joy in Jacen's voice at seeing and speaking to Talitha wrenched Tahiri's heart. Forgetting the hide and seek objects now lying around her on the floor, Tahiri lowered her chin to her chest, listening to the conversation between Jacen and Tahly, barely aware of the actual words, simply letting the sound of Jacen's voice wash over her.
They had spoken three times since Tahiri had arrived on Csilla; all because she happened to answer when he commed for someone else. The first time he had simply pretended that he didn't know her and asked to speak with Tenel Ka. Tahiri had paused for a moment before deciding that it was too soon to attempt to really talk about what had happened between them and let it go. The second time she'd answered Jacen had informed her that he had no interest in anything she had to say and that if he changed his mind, he'd let her know. Tahiri had forced the issue and the fight that ensued was ugly, neither of them being innocent parties by the end. The last time, a week ago, was so vicious Tahiri suspected that the damage done was irreparable and that despite Jacen's promise all those years ago on Kattada, even their friendship was irretrievably lost. In fact, she wondered how they would ever manage to exchange a civil word again. She told herself that she had always known this was going to happen and it didn't really matter.
Of course, even as the thought was passing through her head, she knew she was lying to herself.
The tone of Jacen's voice changed when Talitha mentioned her name and she braced herself for his reaction, praying that he'd show enough restraint to keep his anger at her under wraps in front of Talitha; she didn't want Tahly to be in the middle of this, nor did she need her spilling the intel to the grownups. It wouldn't take long for their families and friends to notice the change in their demeanor towards each other; she just couldn't face up to dealing with the questions now.
"…and we've been levi…levi-twaiting stuff. Oh! And Auntie Ri is teaching me how to levi…levi-twait myself. Watch."
"Butterfly, maybe you can show me later, I need to talk to Poppa right now."
"No, no, Friend Jacen, this is astral. Come on Auntie Ri, let's show him."
Lifting her head and standing up, Tahiri walked over to the comm unit. Smiling at the screen she said gently, "Hello, Jacen."
His reply was curt and clipped, "Is this going to take long? I need to talk to Cem."
"No, it will not," Tahiri answered in a measured tone, enunciating her syllables serenely and slowly, in exact contrast to Jacen's speech pattern; it infuriated him when she did that. "She's not strong enough to stay up for very long, even with my help, so it will be quick."
"And here I thought quickies were a thing of the past."
For a Grand Master insult-hurler like Jacen, that was mild. He might finally be running out of steam considering the sheer quantity of verbal abuse they'd thrown at each other since that night, as she'd come to think of it. Or, maybe he was tempering his rage for Talitha's benefit. Either way it still hurt, despite how she tried to pretend it didn't. "Always the gentleman, Jacen."
"Oh, was that the issue?"
Ignoring his barb, she said, "Tahly has something she'd like you to see, if you don't have time we can do this later, but it's not fair to keep her waiting."
"Go get Cem, she can show me."
"I believe she's already told you that she needs my help to do this."
"Well if she's not strong enough maybe she shouldn't be trying to levitate herself, and you aren't a teacher anymore, you're not even a Jedi."
"Everyone needs to start somewhere and you know very well that her parents are fine with me working with her so there really isn't any need for you to worry."
Talitha, clearly feeling Jacen had forgotten her, finally spoke up; the confusion and pain in her voice evident to Tahiri, making her furious at Jacen all over again.
"Friend Jacen? Why are you angry? Did I do something wrong?"
Thankfully, he caught himself and immediately went to work to placate the child. "Of course not, Butterfly. I'm sorry, it's not you."
"Are you angry with Auntie Ri?"
"Why don't you show me what you've learned sweetheart?"
Talitha looked contemplatively at Jacen, her small head tilted to the side. Tahiri could almost see the gears in her brain turning and wondered if Tahly had caught Friend Jacen's evasion of the question, or if she'd ever seen Friend Jacen unfriendly before.
She bit her lower lip to keep from giggling as a perverse voice in her mind screamed, 'This is nothing kid, there's no question he's Darth Vader's grandson when he gets angry! I'm lucky to still have a functioning windpipe!'
Done with her mental machinations and obviously having resolved something in her mind, Talitha backed away from the station. "I don't really feel like it now." Over her shoulder she called out, "I'll go get Poppa," as she scampered out of the room.
"Thank you for that." Jacen shot, his voice dripping with disdain.
"I'm not the one who took my foul temper out on a five-year-old child, a five-year-old child who worships you no less. And since I know you aren't blind, you must have noticed the bundle I'm holding. Are you even going to ask to see your hold-son? Any curiosity as to whether they finally came up with a name?"
Without waiting for a response, Tahiri sat down in front of the comm and shifted the baby forward, then gently pulled the blanket away from his face. When she turned back Jacen's expression stole her breath. The pain written on his features was clear even over a comm transmission with millions of light years between them. Here she was, the woman who had broken his heart only weeks ago, showing him a newborn baby.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and softly told him, "His name is Dashiel."
"Dashiel," he whispered, then louder, "Dash D'jo. Snappy. I like it."
"Cem's very proud of himself for coming up with it."
"I'm sure. Lean him forward a bit?"
The softness and yearning in Jacen's voice as he made the request sent another wave of pain through her and she bit her lip to keep from crying as she did what he asked, pushing the blanket further down to show off the slight amber fuzz on Dash's tiny head, wishing she could do more to connect Jacen to this child she knew he'd love as much as he loved Talitha.
"He's beautiful," he finally said.
"Yeah, he is," she agreed. "And he's a good baby, easy, no fussing. Though he's only a day old and hasn't been put down yet. Between parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles… we've all been fighting over him. So, who knows what he'll be like when Cemmie and Teeks get him back to Hapes and it's just them."
"And a staff of thousands."
Tahiri chuckled lightly, so glad that Jacen was actually talking to her, had made a joke even, but her joy was brought to a grinding halt when he seemed to remember that he hated her.
"I can't stand the sight of you; go get Cem."
Before she could channel the agony Jacen's words caused into an appropriate retort, Cem dropped into the chair next to her, running a hand through his hair and sighing, then leaned down to kiss his son's head as he placed a hand on Tahiri's knee, applying a bit of pressure. Through the gesture and through the Force, she could feel that he wanted her to stay right where she was, but for some reason wasn't saying the words. Curious as to why that would be, Tahiri leaned back into her chair, wondering how long it would take for Jacen to go ballistic.
"Jace, man. How are you? Did you get a good look at your hold-son?"
"Yeah, she was just showing him to me."
She? He said it like she was a slimy insect. Darth Vader's grandson….
Shaking her head and dropping her gaze to Dash, she listened absently as Jacen asked about the birth and how Tenel Ka was doing, before moving on to Jag's state of mind.
"Not so good." Cem sighed.
"Still in his room?"
"Yeah. He's only left those two times; to see Noya's parents and for the funeral. If it weren't for Mom and Ri coddling him I doubt he'd have eaten in the last few weeks."
"Has he let anyone else in yet?"
"Only Evlyn."
"Ah..."
"Aha…" Cem grinned.
Tahiri rolled her eyes. Noya had only been dead a month and these two were speculating on who the next woman in Jag's life would be? They probably already had credits down with Dex. Shifting Dashiel back to her shoulder, she whispered in his ear, "You aren't going to be a testosterone-impaired goon like your father and Uncle Jacen, are you? No, not my sweet boy," before nuzzling his head. Of course, it only took a moment of thought for it to seem plausible, after an appropriate amount of time of course. Ev did always seem to slip back into Jag's life when he was single…
"They've always been close," Cem shrugged, "I guess it makes sense that he'd see her, though she wasn't able to get him out of his room either. But no matter; Teeka's with him now. He'll be back on his feet and working away in an hour or so."
Jacen's expression changed from knowing to slightly baffled, and Tahiri had to admit that the assuredness of Cem's statement was rather odd; Jag had barely showered or dragged himself farther than the window seat a few meters from his bed since they'd arrived. What could Tenel Ka possibly have to say to him now that would spur that kind of recovery?
"I've known for years that your wife was a miracle worker, so I guess I'll trust you on that. But I called because I have some information." Jacen's gaze flicked to Tahiri, then back to Cem before adding, "Maybe we should talk about this alone."
Taking the cue, Tahiri was about to rise, but felt Cem's hand tightened on her knee.
"It's okay, Tahiri can hear anything you have to say."
"It's really probably better if we spoke in private."
"Is this about the bomb?"
"Yes, Cem, it's about the bomb."
"Then please, go ahead. Tahiri's family, we have no secrets."
Jacen rubbed his fingers across his forehead, a gesture she knew indicated frustration, and then did something that stunned her; he rattled off an impassioned plea in Corellian. Tahiri had only ever heard him speak it when they were in remote market towns while visiting the beach house, and tended to forget that he knew it. She assumed he was once again telling Cem he didn't want her there. Either that or he thought Cem was charging too much for a melon, but she sort of doubted it was the latter.
With a tone that spoke of his years as Prince Consort, and the fact that he was accustomed to being obeyed, Cem responded in Basic. "Humor me, Jacen. Go ahead and tell me what you've found. So that we can all understand."
She could almost feel Jacen's glare as he spit out. "Fine. I'm pretty sure the Phelarions are involved, but they rigged the trigger on the explosive to look like a Rifle World Delay bomb."
Feeling her eyes go wide in shock, Tahiri fought the urge to instantly deny the very idea, wanting to assume that Jacen was being prejudiced, but it only took her a second to realize that the bomb could have been planted on the speeder when she and Tarkin had been on Hapes - when Jag met her on Hapes to give her the implant - and that Cem would, in fact, have been the intended target. The Phelarions would have had no way of knowing that Jag had arranged to pick up the speeder that day.
But… no...
Finally, she said, "I'm not sure I understand why any of the Phelarions would want to target you, Cem."
Her comment was met by a scathing reply from Jacen, "I'm sorry, last time I checked your idea of work was prancing around on stage half naked. Why don't you leave the theorizing and investigating to those of us who didn't desert the Order?"
Cem's voice was calming, if not cool. "Jacen, please, I actually want Tahiri's opinion on this." Looking over at her, he encouraged her to go on, a show of confidence that she would have appreciated if her participation in this conversation weren't treading so dangerously close to revealing that she knew much more than she was supposed to about certain Phelarions and their dealings.
"Well, Huff and Teeks both admitted that the meeting was pointless, nothing was accomplished, which could mean that it was a ruse and that someone who accompanied us on the trip was responsible for planting the bomb. But the idea for the meeting was last minute; less than three days between when it was suggested and when we got there. Which wouldn't have given the bomber that much time to plan it out. Unless…" she said, a sudden nauseous feeling hitting her, "it had been planned already and whoever planted the bomb was just waiting for the opportunity."
Cem nodded silently for a bit, seeming to take in Tahiri's words and giving them careful consideration before turning back to the comm screen.
"Jacen, have you spoken to anyone about what you've found?"
"Only Kell Tainer. I wanted to get his opinion on the triggering mechanism."
"Okay, don't say anything to anyone else, make sure that Tainer forgets about it, and don't let anyone else touch what's left of the wreckage. I want the whole thing packed up and sent back to Hapes. I'll have my people deal with it when I get home."
Jacen gaped. "But, it's already been four weeks and you only let us look at the speeder three days ago. The more time that goes by the harder it's going to be to connect this to someone specific. This could have been you, or Tenel Ka. What are you dragging your heels for?"
"I already suspected that the Phelarions were involved but we can't say or do anything right now."
Tahiri sat back in her chair. The Phelarions were involved? The man she was investigating was trying to kill her family and she didn't know it? She had missed it? Of course she had missed it. She was too close. And so far away from finding something that would bring him down. Or was it not Huff that had planned the hit? Kozima? Could the old bag be working on that high a level? And she had almost no inside track on her. Kriff. Was she ever going to get out of this nightmare?
Tahiri was brought back to the conversation by the sound of irritation in Jacen's voice, arguing the wisdom in abandoning the investigation and Cem's obvious annoyance at not being listened to.
"I'm serious Jacen, don't do anything or talk to anyone until my people have had a chance to go over all the evidence."
"You've got to be kidding me." Pointing an accusing finger at Tahiri, Jacen yelled, "Are you seriously doing this for her?! Have you lost your mind?"
"Anger is of the dark side, Master Solo." Tahiri barked out.
"Stop it, both of you." Cem warned. "Jacen, there's a lot going on here that I haven't had a chance to fill you in on and I'm not going to do it over the comm."
"Tarkin's behind Noya's death, and you're less interested in proving that than you are protecting him because he's her boyfriend?"
That snapped Tahiri's last shred of patience. "Oh, for kriff sake Jacen, you're behaving like a child. No one is going to protect Huff if he's responsible for Noya's death."
"If? Forgive me for, once again, underestimating your capacity for delusion and deceit."
"Okay, you two, I've had enough of your fighting; save it for after I've left the room."
"I can't believe you're even listening to her on this."
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Because she's sleeping with your enemy!" Jacen shouted incredulously.
"That didn't seem to bother you as long as she was sleeping with you too."
For a moment… time stopped.
Then Tahiri felt her heart leap into her throat and was overwhelmed by a depth of fear she hadn't felt since realizing she was on the ground on Yavin surrounded by Peace Brigaders with the small ship Anakin was piloting lifting up into the sky without her. Cem knew about her and Jacen. And if Cem knew, Tenel Ka knew… and how long would it be until more people knew and the investigation was put in jeopardy? She had always feared that her relationship with Jacen would blow her cover; the one consolation she'd had in their breakup was that at least that was no longer a worry, but clearly she'd been too quick to feel relief.
Dashiel began to squirm and whimper on her shoulder so she shifted him back down to the crook of her right arm and gently rocked from side to side as she fought to calm her roiling emotions and sooth the baby through the Force. Once he settled she allowed herself to focus on the voices, on the conversation, only to realize that Cem was not done calling them out on their relationship; or embarrassing and humiliating her.
Not by a long shot.
"…don't even attempt to deny it. Not only are neither of you as smart as you think you are, but you both seriously underestimated the nearly paralyzing fear of losing my wife that crushes down on me every single day of my life. I wake up each morning with the knowledge that there are a million people who want my wife and daughter dead, and all for different reasons. I have therefore wired my home accordingly. So the next time you two want to get it on, up against a painting that's been in the Hapan Royal family for 500 years, think twice. Unless of course you don't mind me skimming through the highlights of your carnal escapades while I'm scanning data feeds looking for information on political insurrection in my realm.
"Unfortunately, I had video but no sound to go along with your little tryst so the only indications I had that that was far from the first time you were together were the speed and ease with which you went at it, and, despite the vitriol you've been throwing at each other for the last four weeks, my suspicion that you two are madly in love and knee deep in some twisted form of denial."
"Kudos for figuring out it wasn't our first time, but love had nothing to do with it," Jacen snarled, looking right at Tahiri as the words came out.
She felt Cem's eyes on her for a moment before he turned back to the comm screen, some of his anger evaporating as his voice lowered and he continued. "Right. On any other day I'd wrap you up in a group hug, ask what took you so damn long to get together, and why the hell you're at each other's throats now. But I don't have the time or patience to play relationship counselor tonight, in fact, knowing you two as well as I do, there probably isn't enough time in this lunar cycle for that. So I am only going to say this once: my family's lives, and my wife's reign, are at risk. Whatever lovers' spat you two are currently having is going to have to wait."
Humiliation momentarily forgotten, Tahiri's mind seized on two separate comments, and realization dawned.
My family's lives, and my wife's reign, are at risk.
I already suspected that the Phelarions were involved.
He knew everything. Not just about Jacen, but about Tarkin as well. That's why he had wanted her to stay and hear this. Something was going on with the Hapans and the Phelarions and Cem needed her help. And Tenel Ka was upstairs with Jag. Jag would be back to work in an hour…Tenel Ka was telling Jag that they knew about Tahiri's work and Jag's involvement.
Oh, dear Force, please don't let her say anything about Jacen.
She squeezed Cem's knee below the screen's view, praying that he would feel the pressure she was gently applying on his mind; feel her willing him to not say anything about the investigation in front of Jacen. She prayed furtively, but was powerless to express her fear in any other way, only able to listen as he continued speaking.
"Now, Jacen, you will cease any questioning regarding Tarkin and his associates. If anything about their possible involvement has been mentioned, you will recant it with such a sincere and plausible argument that neither the Jedi Council nor the Coruscanti police will have any further questions. I will issue a statement confirming what the Royal Family already suspected; that a bomb was planted on a speeder formerly owned by me in an attempt to harm at least one member of my family. Unbeknownst to the assassins, the speeder was subsequently given to my brother and was being driven by his fiancé when the bomb exploded, killing her instantly, and an investigation is currently focusing on suspects in the Hapan Cluster.
"You will drop the matter of who was responsible for the explosion and we will not talk about it again until I bring it up. You will also forget any and all information that links Tahiri to this, and you will treat her with respect in public and especially in front of me. Do you think you can do that?"
"To be honest, I don't know."
"What?"
Apparently the only one of them that didn't see that as a rhetorical question was Jacen.
"And for your information," Jacen spit out, "we aren't lovers anymore."
Exhaling with obvious fatigue and frustration, Cem continued in a somewhat calmer voice. "Okay, however you want to classify your relationship aside, you've cared for her for years…"
"That was before her boyfriend tried to kill you and succeeded in killing Noya."
"Oh, is that why you two have been fighting every time she's happened to answer the comm since we got here?"
Was there anything Cem didn't know? What could he possibly need her for?
"Jacen, you know I love you, but that may be the most self-righteous thing I've heard you say in years. We both know the state of your relationship with Tahiri has nothing to do with Noya's death."
Dropping his eyes, Jacen mumbled, "No, you're right."
"Of course I am, and like I said, I can't deal with your relationship issues tonight…"
"There are no issues and there is no relationship."
Tahiri snorted softly. If it weren't for the severity of the rest of the conversation it would be almost funny, in an extremely un-humorous way, how Cem and Jacen were speaking as though she wasn't sitting right there.
"Be that as it may, I'm asking you Jacen, counting on you, to trust me on this. Trust my judgment, even if you don't feel you can trust hers right now. Do exactly as I ask, do not breathe a word of any of this to anyone. Not a single person can know. My family's lives depend on this being handled the way I want it handled."
The resignation was clear in Jacen's voice when he said; "Of course I'll do whatever you ask of me."
"Thank you. Now, I will not be saying anything about you two to anyone, it's in all of our best interests if this little family secret stays within the family. Am I making myself perfectly clear on that as well, Jacen?"
"Yes, you don't want me blabbing about her duplicity because it could ultimately harm your family."
"Just as your duplicity could put both your lives in danger, and despite how angry you may be at each other at this particular moment, I know that neither one of you wants the other harmed because the relationship you both went to great lengths to conceal came to light at an inopportune moment. Now, I must warn you that Teeka does know, but she'll never say anything."
Of course Teeka knew. Tahiri had assumed that instantly, but the confirmation that the Queen Mother of Hapes knew, and may have seen what she and Jacen had done, in her home, on her family's heirlooms, brought a whole new level of shame to Tahiri. She wanted nothing more than to run back to her room, bury her head under her covers and never come out. She honestly couldn't remember feeling so humiliated in her life.
She felt a gentle squeeze on her knee, surprised because she had forgotten that Cem's hand had rested there, had thought he'd removed it at some point during the conversation, and then realized he had probably just reached back over to get her attention.
"Will you take Dash to the library? Teeka pumped milk so Mom could give him a bottle and she's waiting for you there."
Mommy never sat in the library at night, Dashiel had eaten an hour ago, and Tenel Ka wasn't pumping any milk yet. Cem didn't want her to hand off the baby; he wanted a moment alone with Jacen, and to know where she would be when it was her turn. Nodding slightly, Tahiri stood up, threw a final look at Jacen's image on the comm unit, then squeezed Cem's shoulder to let him know that she understood what he had meant before she left the room.
Next time on Fear and Love…
Cem talks to Jacen… and then talks to Tahiri...