oOoOo

Forget me not (because I will)

["You know what'd be great? If I could hug you, but like, from a distance."]

oOoOo

The street below them had gone silent hours ago and perhaps, both of them should have gone to sleep already, but neither of them actually made any move to leave their little bubble of comfort and silence. Their little bubble filled with questions and short – too short – answers. Filled with a dead stare down at the street and worried glances, accompanied by a swishing tail.

"You've...You've been distancing yourself lately, bug. Is everything alright?"

Two weeks – it had been two weeks ever since she had first asked Kagami and Marinette was doing...okay. She wasn't fine by any means, she was still spotting dark circles and hardly ever bubbled over in excitement they way people were used to, but she was better.

She had help now – she had had help before, but she had different help now and she had – she had a goal. Something to work towards, something for her to look forward to, almost. There was a clear finish line in sight. A dark one, but a finish line no less.

Still. Marinette asked Kagami to stay over – in secret – during days that were especially hard.

"I need someone to have the Miraculous in case I get akumatized in my sleep – and what better than to use my akumatized form as training?, she had said with a bright smile as her friend got comfortable next to her. Kagami had always been blunt and she hadn't be any different back then.

"That isn't healthy."

It wasn't. But she'd forget, so it was okay.

For the first time all evening, Marinette looked up at the stray next to her, his drooping ears and tearful eyes and she forced herself to smile.

"It's nothing, don't worry, kitty, I'm just...feeling a little bit down lately, I guess", she said but knew the moment she spotted his swishing tail he didn't believe a word she said.

Chat looked terrible with his grin wiped of his face.

"Kitty, I-"

"I'm – I'm sorry for leaving!", he burst out, tail now curling around her ankle:"Back then when – I'm sorry, bug, I never..."

"It's okay, Chat, we..."

"No! It wasn't!"

Chat's tail wrapped itself around her waist now, his eyes wide in...fear.

Her kitty was afraid.

He – he should never be afraid. Least of all her of all people.

"I shouldn't have left and now – I don't get to complain about a distance being there between us when I was the one creating it! I'm sorry!"

Marinette missed the comforting presence of his tail the moment it fell numbly to the floor. She wanted it back wrapped around her, wanted to wrap him in a hug because Chat deserved the world. But instead, she chose to turn sideways, to watch the city to their feet once more, hoping to mask her mind.

"Don't worry Chat. I understand. This isn't your fault – just feeling a bit down, lately."

It physical hurt, saying those things, because she had been distancing herself. She had needed to – to make this less painful. To make this a little bit easier on him. On her.

She was still unsure whether she was selfish or not.

.o.O.o.

It was yet another Akuma attack, yet another test she could not participate in and that needed to be postponed – Mr. Damocles had talked to her more than once about home schooling already.

"It isn't you fault. Of course, Miss Dupain-Cheng! But – think of the other students!"

Marinette was convinced he'd have suspended her by now, were it not for the bad publicity that would earn him and she couldn't really blame him. Her presence was disrupting, be it by fans that were still trying to pester her even a month after the initial incident or by Hawkmoth's renewed interest in the school. Francois Dupoint had always been terrorized by Akuma but never before had their classes been interrupted this often and this deliberately.

Today's Akuma was one Marinette classified as "might have been difficult if we had one year less experience". A shopkeeper had been akumatized after someone had spray painted parts of his shop and the city had stalled the removal for weeks and now terrorized the city by spray painting everything – including people, successfully immobilizing them.

He'd been the perfect Akuma, really.

"It is an honor to serve with you", Kagami said after the battle was done, bowing, as she landed next to Ladybug on the rooftop, facing Chat – who raised his eyebrow.

"We're bringing old allies back?" If Kagami took offense to his inquiry, she didn't show. "I thought we didn't do that anymore."

"Yes! We didn't! But, uh…now that...well, they're being targeted anyway!"

Kagami wasn't the only ally she'd bring back, of course, but she was the reason why.

"I thought – perhaps it wouldn't matter – and anyway! She changed her costume – that should throw Hawkmoth off for a bit, at least?"

Chat's smile was blinding, almost, and it made her heart throb in pain.

"That's a great idea, my lady! We can train them and..."

He trailed of. Stepped closer – Ryuko forgotten, almost, as he snatched up her hand – started tracing soothing patterns over her skin. It made her breath hitch and she knew she should rip her hand away, but she didn't because it felt, it felt…

It felt so nice.

"I told you, you'd master this, my lady. You – you always do, Marinette."

.O.

Chat Noir had always admired Marinette's creativity. Ladybug's ability to make a plan out of nothing. He loved her for it and not a day went by that he didn't cherish her mind's beauty.

Yet sometimes...

"Hey, Chat, I, uh, I won't make it to patrol today – but I asked Ryuko to partner up with you instead, so you're not alone! Can't have Hawkmoth ambush you and all – you'll meet up with her at our usual place! And I'm sorry for being so last-minute! I swear, it won't happen again!"

Yet sometimes – sometimes it made a thought tickle the edge of his mind. Sometimes, a sense of foreboding took hold of his entire being, glimpses of a future he did not know.

He admired her creativity, yet he feared it just as much.

.O.

The second time Chat noticed. Perhaps it was because it happened again – perhaps, because this time they were assembled on their rooftop – all three of them, as Kagami had joined them time and time again – and Ladybug refused to meet his gaze.

At first, he had thought he'd done something wrong, but...

"We're three people today – Carapace couldn't join us, sadly – how about you and Ryuko partner up? We talk at school all the time – some bonding will surely only be helpful!"

She was stammering. And stumbling over her words and kept glancing at Ryuko and Chat – Chat felt a realization sink in.

He hated the feeling.

.O.

"Is she a permanent holder?", he asked, casually, trying to mask the trembling in his voice.

They had just finished off another Akuma – one he had defeated without Ladybug's help and with Ryuko's instead, Marinette only swinging by to purify the Akuma. She had claimed to have been held up – the Akuma hadn't been difficult anyway – but...

"Who? Ryuko? No. Why?"

"Nothing."

Chat felt bile rise in his throat.

"Nothing, I, I-"

His Miraculous saved him, loudly chiming in, reminding him he had to go and Chat wasted no time to do just that.

"I have to leave. See you around, bug."

He didn't look back a single time, refused to meet her in their usual victory bump, because it was a lie anyway.

Kagami wasn't a permanent holder. Kagami wasn't a permanent holder which meant Marinette had handed her the Miraculous and hadn't transformed immediately after. Almost...almost as if she had waited. For them to beat the Akuma, alone.

Chat threw up, when he returned home.

.o.O.o.

Chat's question – Marinette couldn't say it came out of nowhere as they met up on her balcony again, to share pastries and stories and to let her rant about all that was happening in her life.

His words broke the silence during a lull in their conversation. Marinette had had the feeling he'd been restless all evening but hadn't dared to ask and perhaps, she shouldn't have let that lull happen.

"...Are you training her? Instead of me?"

It felt as if she had swallowed glowing embers. She knew who he was talking about. Of course she knew. Perhaps it had been to obvious – though she sincerely hoped it hadn't been, because Hawkmoth couldn't know – but she should have known better than to think her kitty wouldn't notice. No matter how many other temporary heroes she brought into play, no matter how many new ones she chose in a desperate attempt to throw Hawkmoth off of her trail.

It didn't matter. Her kitty would always notice.

She should tell him about Kagami, probably. She had to, even – eventually. But this was nice. Patrol was nice, him visiting now and then was – was nice. Having a friend, having him as a friend, the way he made her heart beat faster, the way he made her smile in fond melancholy was nice. Nice and warm and tingly and she couldn't stand to lose it just yet.

Her silence seemed to be response enough for him. His eyes carefully observing her slumped form, her trembling hands, desperately gripping onto the banister.

"Please don't – don't go", he said, pleaded, his hands grasping hers.

Their skin might have been hidden beneath gloves, yet the contact made her shiver nonetheless. Made her avoid his gaze and made her try to ignore the way his eyes were so blank and filled with hope, all at the same time.

"Of course not."

And she withdrew her hand from his grasp, hating the way his ears drooped, and then, without a single warming, she lunged forward and enclosed him into a hug instead, holding him as close as she could because time was ticking by.

It hid her eyes – no trembling was to be seen.

"I'd never betray you like that."

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