Previously on Dancing with the Stars...
Tahiri's been playing a dangerous game with Tarkin…
Tarkin's been playing dangerous games with pretty much anyone who gets within a few feet of him…
Or isn't human…
Or is poor…
Or different from him in any way.
The entire Fel Family is now in the know…
About Tahiri's investigation, Jag's involvement, and The Hapan angle anyway...
Not about Tahiri's years-long relationship with Jacen…
Cemmie and Teeks were true to their word and kept that secret to themselves.
Season 5
Episode 1
In the land of Gods and Monsters
I was an angel
Livin' in the garden of evil
Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed
Shinin' like a fiery beacon
You got that medicine I need
Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly
Put your hands on my waist, do it softly
Me and God, we don't get along
So now I sing
No one's gonna take my soul away
I'm living like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees, sprees and I'm singing
"Fuck yeah, give it to me"
"This is Heaven, what I truly want"
It's innocence lost
Innocence lost
In the land of Gods and Monsters
I was an angel
Looking to get fucked hard
Like a groupie incognito, posing as a real singer
Life imitates art
You got that medicine I need
Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart, please
I don't really wanna know what's good for me
God's dead, I said, "Baby, that's alright with me"
No one's gonna take my soul away
I'm livin' like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees, sprees and I'm singing
"Fuck yeah, give it to me"
"This is Heaven, what I truly want"
It's innocence lost
Innocence lost
When you talk, it's like a movie
And you're making me crazy
'Cause life imitates art
If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby?
You tell me, "Life isn't that hard"
No one's gonna take my soul away
I'm living like Jim Morrison
Headed towards a fucked up holiday
Motel sprees, sprees and I'm singing
"Fuck yeah, give it to me,
"This is Heaven, what I truly want"
It's innocence lost
Innocence lost
Gods & Monsters/Elizabeth Grant, Tim Larcombe
Tarkin Estate, Phelarion
41 ABY
Eleven Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War
Tahiri lifted the nic-stick in her hand up to her mouth and took a long drag.
She'd smoked so many in the hour she'd been in the tub that it was only because she'd opened the window - the very large window that gave her a spectacular view of her personal garden on the Tarkin Estate - that she wasn't choking on the smoke of the sticks she'd already inhaled and snuffed out.
She used the Force to nudge the water controls back on, adding more hot water to the bath, and took a minute to enjoy the heat of the water falling out of the faucet near her feet, then began swishing one leg back and forth to mix the extreme hot with the relatively hot of the rest of the water. Maybe it was a leftover from her early childhood on Tatooine… maybe it was yet another byproduct of her shaping... but she really did prefer heat to cold.
Extreme heat.
Poppa was always teasing her about using up all the hot water in the house when she was home… and nudging the climate controls in any room she was in up. But he indulged her, didn't harass her about her constant need for heat. In fact, he loved that she spent hours in the greenhouse with him, enjoying the humidity while she helped him tend to the numerous plants and flowers he lovingly maintained. He often sat with her in the hothouse long after the work was done, chatting about everything and nothing, allowing her to bask in the warmth of the room, and in his.
Force, it had only been a week since she'd left Csilla but she already missed him and Mommy so much. And, as she'd finally come to accept over the last few months, it didn't matter what planet she was on, or what the climate was, Soontir and Syal - and Jag, and Cemmie and Wyn - made her feel warm. She was so glad that she'd finally agreed to the adoption. Investigation aside - regardless of what happened with Tarkin, and Phelarion, and Hapes - she was now a Fel - officially - and she wasn't sure there was anything she'd ever experienced that had meant more to her than standing in that courtroom, with her family… that might ever mean more to her, make her feel more loved, then their declarations of acceptance and possessiveness.
Of course thinking about acceptance and possessiveness… and warmth - made her think of the cottage.
She sank deeper into the water as she fought memories of the heat and humidity that permeated the air there.
She'd been fighting so hard for months to not think of Wyloff...
Because Wyloff was… Jace...
And the waterfall outside the bedroom… their bedroom; the bedroom Jacen had specifically designed so that they could roll out of bed and fall into the clear warm water only meters away. Jacen had been meticulous with every aspect of the design, but she knew he'd taken extra care in designing the layout of their bedroom - and the placement of their bed, with careful attention to its proximity to the lagoon because he knew that she needed heat, and water… and hated waking up sticky and covered in bodily fluids.
She fought the memories of them floating in that cleansing water, relaxing in the hammock… of just… being… then gasped as the agony of missing Jacen seared her chest.
The only heat that had ever hurt her.
She had to stop doing this to herself. She had to let it go, let him go. She'd made the right decision. He was better off without her, but oh gods, it hurt so much.
Fiver began to tweet. His tone was low, but his pitch was excited, causing Tahiri to sit up a bit and extend her senses.
Having assessed the situation, she sank back down into the water and sighed. "Calm down," she whispered to the droid.
After another series of soft bleeps and whistles Tahiri said, "I'm on the verge of sending you to stay with Weller and Finn for the duration."
This earned her a disgusted splat.
"Then chill the kriff out. We both knew Governor Charming would wake up eventually. Of course he was going to come looking for me."
She'd been 'home' for less than a day, but Tarkin had been... ravenous. Which is what had finally - after he'd passed out from exertion - propelled her to the extremely hot bath. She'd needed to scrub and scorch him off of her body.
She'd left the overhead lights off when she'd first drawn the bath, instead lighting a few candles to see by. She didn't really need the light, but Tarkin would, if he came looking for her before she was done.
She tipped the ashes from her nic-stick into the tray on the edge of the tub and reached for the bottle of wine. This particular brand was produced at the Royal Vineyards on Hapes and only available to the Queen and Prince - and whoever they chose to share it with.
Soontir wasn't the only Fel with a green thumb; turns out Cem had inherited the gift. Of course no one had realized Cem had inherited the gift until he'd taken an interest in the vineyards during the planning of his and Teeka's wedding.
Cem had made a great success of his renovations to the fields, and when his first batch of wine proved to not only taste fantastic but be remarkably potent, full scale production had become one of his favorite pastimes. At first the wine had been used for state dinners and tokens of appreciation. When Cem had found out that some less than scrupulous recipients thought auctioning off their gifts was a good idea he'd bought up everything he could find on the market, with the help of Mirax Terrick Horn, and then declared that the wine was for state functions and family consumption only.
Tarkin had bought up a ton of the early auctioned-off bottles because he loved it. He'd blown through the collection he'd managed to accumulate before he'd even met Tahiri and was insanely bitter about not being considered 'family' where the wine was concerned. And while he hated it when Tahiri was away from Phelarion, he did love it when she returned with cases of Royal Wine. Of course Tahiri always hid her stores, lied about how many bottles she'd actually gotten from Cem on any given trip, and then doled it out slowly… only to him… when it suited her purposes.
The best thing about the wine, as far as Tahiri was concerned, was that for some reason they had yet to figure out, it had a mild psychotropic effect on many humans; Tarkin being one of them.
Unfortunately, it didn't have much more of an effect on Tahiri than any other alcohol.
Thank you again, Master Shaper Kwaad.
If she wasn't so afraid that getting high would lead to her blowing her own cover she'd consider trying to find some shrub… especially now. But that was a risk she simply couldn't take, which left her with very hot baths, meditation, and the mild effect of Cem's wine.
She picked up the bottle for another drink, then registered the amount left in it and set it back down. Tarkin would be entering soon and she'd rather he drank what was left. Maybe that way he'd pass out again relatively quickly and she wouldn't have to kriff him again tonight.
She'd known that staying away from Phelarion for so long would make coming back tough. She always tried to tell herself that it didn't matter; that she could handle him. And everytime she was surprised by how draining it was to continue the charade. Of course up until now she'd been able to soothe herself from the horror of her returns by reminding herself that she'd get away as soon as possible to find Jacen. And Jacen would make it better. Jacen would hold her and look at her with such…
Love.
He had been looking at her with such love all of these years and she had denied it. Run from it. Pretended she didn't see it, or that it wasn't real. And now - was it only because he now hated her that she was capable of admitting to herself that he had truly loved her all along?
Was she really that kriffed up?
She closed her eyes as tears slipped down her cheeks, then grabbed the bottle and took a deep swig.
She was just setting the bottle back down when the door opened and Tarkin entered in nothing but his undershorts.
"There you are, Darling," he said in his best 'sexy' voice. "I'll never understand your obbseession with bathing after sex, but you do look cozy. Would you like some company?"
"No." She probably should have tried to soften her tone of voice, so added,"The water's too hot for you."
"We could..." he began, but Tahiri cut him off.
"Help yourself to some wine, though."
His eyes lit up, then he glanced around. "No glass?"
Tahiri snorted as she sank deeper into the tub.
"You aren't seriously going to tell me you're concerned about drinking from the same bottle as me? I doubt there are any germs we haven't swapped already."
He rolled his eyes and said, "No teasing about my germaphobia," as he sat on the floor next to the tub and reached for the bottle. He took a drink and hummed appreciatively. "I do wish I could get hold of this myself. I hate having to wait for you to go to Hapes or Csilla and come back before I can have it again."
She wanted to say that he might very well be able to get his hands on more if he wasn't actively engaging in a war with Teeka… or hadn't killed Noya… but that wasn't true. Cem had hated Tarkin prior to all of that. Shrugging those thoughts off, to the extent that she was able, she simply said, "At least you have it through me."
Tarkin reached out and stroked her hand, and said, "True, but it doesn't really soften the pain of missing you. And I have really missed you."
Tahiri closed her eyes and bit back on all of the things she wanted to say, then turned her hand over in his and laced their fingers together. "I'm glad to know my return made you happy."
"I hope my affection earlier made that clear."
"It did, my sweet, as always."
They were both silent for a while, Tahiri again fighting to keep her emotions under control, but with everything that had happened in the last three months, it was so hard, and finally the tears began to fall again.
"Oh, Darling," he whispered as he got to his knees and leaned over the tub to pull her into a hug. He stoked her head as she wilted into him, "I'm so sorry about Noya. I know how fond of her you were."
Tahiri inhaled sharply as sobs wracked her body and she clung to him.
It was times like these, when Tarkin behaved like a real human being, that she had the hardest time maintaining the act. Part of living with him, carrying on the facade, was pretending that they were having a normal relationship. And in a normal relationship she would have been grateful for the comfort. But they weren't having a normal relationship, whether Tarkin realized it or not, and she hated herself for allowing him to comfort her. Hated herself even more for using her sorrow, using Noya, in this way… but what choice did she have? What choice had she left herself? And a part of her knew, because of how incredibly kriffed up Tarkin was, that he probably was truly sorry about Noya. Not sorry that he'd caused her death - if Jacen was right - but sorry that it was causing Tahiri such pain.
"She was an innocent bystander," she sobbed into his shoulder. "And so sweet… and she loved Jag so much. She didn't deserve being reduced to small bits that Jerome had to spend hours scraping off a crime scene. And Jagdidn't deserve..." she broke off as another sob wracked her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer this loss."
She pulled away from him when she'd finally calmed and grabbed the bottle, took a long swig, then handed it to him and settled back into the water.
"I'm just glad I was able to spend those weeks on Csilla with him. And the family."
"Hmmm. It was also nice that you were able to be there for the Prince's birth. And the honor of being hold-mother to an heir to the Hapan throne is significant."
Tahiri groaned in dismay. Of course he'd go there.
"Technically, Tahls is the 'heir' to the Hapan thrown," she sighed. "And you know I only see Dash as my nephew… and a little baby, not 'an heir to the throne'?"
"Of course. But you must realize that given my status… that kind of honor can not go unnoticed?"
"Right."
She could feel him working to rein in his annoyance at her dismissal. Then he upped the ante.
"And did you enjoy spending time with the baby?"
"Of course," she said suspiciously.
"Enough that you might finally begin to consider having one of your own?"
"Oh for kriff's sake, Huff. I am so not in the mood to have this fight with you tonight."
She knew she should be glad that Tarkin hadn't figured out that she knew he was infertile. Thankfully he'd also failed to figure out that the real reason she had no desire to procreate with him was because she loathed him and had every intention of seeing him in prison forever.
"And given your childhood…" he sighed, "and the fact that you're only 27… your career… I know. You've made all of your objections to starting a family very clear. But… I do want children. Someone to carry on the Tarkin name. And I love you. Is it wrong of me to hope that you'll reconsider? Surely your relationship with the Fels has shown you that not all parents… or 'parental' types are abhorrent. And any child would be lucky to have parents as wonderful as you and I."
Tarkin's persistent suggestions that she get pregnant were absurd - not to mention impossible, but damned if she could figure out why he insisted on playing this game. Probably because he assumed that all women yearned for children by default and that her resistance would fade in time - so he'd better have laid the groundwork? She wondered what he'd actually do if she were to switch gears; suddenly declare that she'd feel incomplete without a baby of her own. Would he then blame her for their inability to conceive?
Yet another track she didn't want her brain on - because a part of it had instantly gone to the night she and Jacen had broken up; her thoughts about the two of them leaving all of this kriffery behind and running off to Wyloff and having babies. All were moot points though. Thinking about having babies - with Tarkin or Jacen - was the last thing she wanted to do. One was a fantasy she didn't want, the other a fantasy she couldn't have.
Time to change the subject... and lay some groundwork of her own.
"Speaking of my parents… Given how anxious everyone is, it took me ages to convince them to let me leave Csilla. They were having fits about it for weeks."
"What made them finally agree to you coming home?"
Tahiri worked to school her expression into one of sad acceptance. "That I stop touring for a while. They figured you'd be able to keep me safe if I stayed here."
Tarkin tried, but was unable to hide his joy at hearing that. In fact, the idea of her being stuck here seemed to make him jubilant.
What-the-kriff-ever, asshole.
Of course this was exactly the reaction she had expected, counted on even, and a huge part of how she'd gotten the family to agree to her scheme. Though they'd been very vocal about how much they didn't like what this plan would ultimately mean for her.
"So you'll be staying here. Indefinitely?" Tarkin asked.
"If that's okay with you. I don't want to be an imposition."
"The last thing you could ever be to me is an imposition."
"Even with my shopping habit?" She teased.
He chuckled at that. "I'm sure we can work something out; that won't bankrupt me or send Junger into a fit about tax liability. A few shopping bills are a small price to pay to have you at my side, day and night… indefinitely."
She took the bottle from where he'd placed it on the edge of the tub and downed a swig, then offered it to him. "That's very generous of you," she said as he took a drink. "But I haven't agreed yet; to your demands or theirs. I have conditions."
Tarkin set the bottle back down and leaned forward, kissing her head before pulling back and looking into her eyes, smiling widely. "And what are those conditions, my love?"
"Poppa isn't happy with me being on my own…"
"You are not on your own." He immediately countered defensively.
"I know that," she soothed, "but Poppa is old school. He hates that I don't have handmaidens or help. He'd like me to have someone with me at all times. But he also appreciates how important you are and the demands on your time, and that you can't stand over me around the chrono. He's concerned about me being alone, especially when I go out."
"Guards will accompany you everywhere. And I've been wanting you to take on a handmaiden… or five, for ages."
"So you and Poppa are in agreement. Congratulations on getting your way on that."
"I've always had great respect for Baron Fel."
Tahiri fought the urge to snort.
Tarkin didn't respect Soontir, and he hated that Soontir had somehow escaped service to the Empire with a decent reputation, while he himself had been labeled guilty by association. He was also jealous that Soontir had actually known Thrawn. He'd never openly admit to that though - that would reveal that he had admiration - as wrong and kriffed up as his reasons for that affirmation were - for a non-human.
"Is there a particular agency you think I should use? To start interviewing prospective handmaidens?" Tahiri asked.
"Absolutely. Any other conditions?"
"Yes. I want to build a studio here, so I can keep working."
Tarkin pulled back. "Studio?"
Tahiri sat up, making sure her nipples were visible above the water and bubbles of the bath. "Did you actually think I'd be ok with just sitting around doing nothing? Indefinitely? Or were you going to suggest I start spending time with your grandmother?"
That brought Tarkin's attention from her breasts to her face, and he actually winced… clearly he wasn't any more interested in Tahiri spending time with Kozima than Tahiri was.
"I'd never ask that of you, and you know it."
"Thank you. And yes, a studio. I need to work. My going back out on tour, or doing live shows, is a discussion for later." She reached a hand up and cupped his face, guiding him close enough to nibble on his lower lip, then pulled back and gazed up into his eyes. "But please… love… don't ask me to sit in this giant, empty house, and do nothing. At least let me write and record?"
Tarkin leaned his forehead into hers and sighed. "Of course you can build a studio." He pulled back a bit and asked, "Where do you want it? There's plenty of room for a new building out near the landing field."
"No… I want to use the two rooms on the other side of my dressing room. We never actually use them for guests, and if a day should come that we need the space, we can either convert the conservatory, which we also never use… or send anyone visiting to the big house."
"I'd been hoping we could convert those guest rooms into nurseries."
Tahiri raised an eyebrow at him. "Who am I, Huff?"
He chuckled, then brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "You are Tahiri Veila… a woman who is not to be trifled with, and who will stop at nothing to get what she wants."
She stood up on her own knees and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Damn right. We can fight about our future offspring, and when they might be born, later. But the chances of you getting your way on that in the future will shrink if I don't get my studio now."
"Then you shall have your studio, now."
He was leaning in to kiss her, and she was leaning in to reciprocate, then she pulled back. "And technically it's Tahiri Veila-Fel now."
"Apologies, Tahiri Veila-Fel, love of my life… center of my existence."
"I'd better be," she replied as she tightened her arms around his neck and kissed him. She leaned back again, pulling him with her as she whispered, "The water may finally have cooled off enough... and I love you, too."
Next time on Fear and Love…
Jaina takes a trip… because some boys need their asses kicked.