Chapter 1: Humor
Disclaimer: I am not Kishimoto. Or am I? Somehow I doubt it. He'd be able to think of much more creative things than myself. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight? wink wink

Synopsis: The basic outline for this, my first multi-chapter fic since my first account was deleted…coughcough, is well…each chapter is a different genre scenario that supplies. I guess that's the only way I can describe it. It all starts one day, when all the guys have to fight for one girls love…..

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The four boys looked around the empty room with blatant confusion on their face. Naruto's eyes then met Sasuke's, and the two eeked in surprise. Naruto pointed an accusing finger, and screamed at the long lost Uchiha, "WTF! What are you doing here!" Sasuke jumped back in shock, and then pointed his own finger.

"I can say the same thing about you!"

"You abandoned the village!"

"You stole Sakura's panties!"

"You are a Voldemort impersonator's play thing!"

"You're fat!"

"You're a flip flopper!"

"I love Gai!" At this last comment, the two boys who were arguing turned toward the one who had just randomly blurted out a confession of love. They stared at Rock Lee, who was also getting a weird stare from his non-gay coughcough life companion, Neji. All three boys took a step back away from Lee, and Lee sweat dropped sadly. "But but…he's my role model!" The three took another step away, much to Lee's annoyance.

"Dude…" Neji started, one eyebrow cocked up. "guys never say they 'love' another guy. It's just not kosher."

"Your Jewish now?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Sort of. Anything to piss the old man off." Neji shook a fist, silently cursing his wanna-be father, Hiashi.

"I have a question you guys." Sasuke asked ominously. He was staring off intently, and the boys around new that it must be a serious question. This was known especially in Naruto's heart. He had been Sasuke's companion for a long time before Sasuke had left, and knew Sasuke to never take something petty seriously. Yes, him and Sasuke had been through thick and thin, smooth and rough, lubed up goodness and complete dry-ness. He knew what ever was to be said had great relevance. "Are we pre-time skip, or post-time skip?"

The boys gasped, taken aback by this latest statement. All three were afraid to speak first, until finally the bravest answered. Aka, Sai came out of no where to say so.

"Well, why is that of importance?"

"If its pre-timeskip, we are all undeveloped and weak…" Sasuke said, contemplating life without the timeskip.

"So?" Asked Sai, while doing an uuber freaky smile. "Nothing wrong with you all being genin still." The three contemplated this, but then Naruto countered.

"It'd also mean you don't exist." Naruto said with so much seriousness, one could mistake him for Sasuke…..or atleast an emo Shikamaru. Sai gasped in horror at the thought of not existing.

"Alright then!" Sai gasped out. "It's post time skip!" Neji, Naruto, Lee, and Sai were all settled with the idea, but Sasuke still was not pleased.

"But crap…I don't know how I look! I Don't know how strong I am…That'd mean the reader right now would be imagining the weak pre-timeskip me while you all are advanced from two point five years of training! Meaning I'm not only behind Naruto in strength…I'm behind everyone…EVEN TENTEN! (darthvador) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke proceeded to explode, much to Sai's delight. Not to Kishimoto's, however. So…he re-creates Sasuke.

"….So…I can't die?" Sasuke asks his creator.

"Afraid not. I still need you around, even though your not back yet." Kishimoto replies, as the rest of the guys bow down to their creator. Sasuke sighs, and Kishimoto leaves the boys.

A few minutes go by, and the boys are all silent. Finally, Lee looks around in wonder. "Where did Sai go?" The other three look around as well. Neji laughs haughtily, being so great that he figured out where Sai had gone.

"It seems without a finale say in what time era we existed, it was impossible for fate to allow him to have continued existence with lack of substantial evidence that he is, infact, supposed to be created!" The guys sweat dropped, and Sasuke added to the confusing comment.

"Or maybe he is just a play thing of the authors will, only appearing randomly when it suits her best." The boys rubbed their chins at this in wonder.

Naruto then blinked, and remembered something important (for once). "What are we doing here again?"

"Don't know" replied Sasuke.

"As Usual, Sasuke not knowing a thing and me being forced to save the day!" The boys looked at Naruto, and suddenly random objects were thrown at Naruto, hitting him in the face. "Hey! How were 12 objects hurled at my face at once when there are only three of you!"

Lee stood up, knowing the answer. "That's like asking 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop'!" Neji Nodded in agreement.

"The world may never know."

"Yea…" all the boys muttered. Suddenly, Hiashi appeared on a big screen tv.

Lee turned to Naruto, and asked "Why didn't we notice that before?"

Naruto replied solemnly, "The world may never know…." The boys were quieted however, when Hiashi screamed out from the TV.

"LISTEN UP! As the three of you know, I am Hyuuga Hiashi, master of the Hyuuga clan-"

"But not that master of my fate old man!" Neji blurted out, shacking his fist.

"Quiet son." "You not my daddy!"

"Well actually….ahem…well that's for another night. After a few Tequila shots and jell-o shooters. Back to the point! My daughter, the fair, the beautiful, the strong, has recently reached the age of marriage! I have chosen four of the finest boys in our village to fight over who gets to marry her! Oh and uuh..I guess who ever is winner up gets to be with Hinata." Just then, a platform started to rumble from the floor, a fighting rink. On it was Hanabi, dressed in a fine white gown and a smug smirk on her face. Next to her was Hinata, looking rather pissed off.

"Meh meh meh, second place daughter gets second place boy…bah bah bah…" and other such things could be heard from Hinata's mouth…as well as some curse words. Yes, Hyuuga's swear too. Hiashi interrupted her low key rant of anger, finishing his planned speech.

"The battle will start a week from today! Until then, no one is aloud to leave this room! BUWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA!" And the screen went blank. All was quiet for a minute, until Lee spoke out.

"How are we going to eat?" The black screen went back on.

"Urh..well, yea I suppose you need food." A kitchen suddenly appeared at the far end of the room. "Well, there you go, all set then. Be nice to my little girls now! CHAO!" The screen went black.

This time, Sasuke questioned out. "What about bathroom?"

The screen went back on a grand total of 14 times, each time granting another necessity to life. It ended at Sakura's request for twenty more Sasuke's. How half of the Naruto cast got into the sealed off room was a mystery to Hiashi, but he sure as hell wasn't going to grant her that. Two Sasuke's were bad enough, but after Sai, enough was enough.

Later, Hanabi walked over to the boys who were now her future suitors. "So boys, looking forward to me, a battle of champagne, and some tentacle jutsu's?" A question mark formed in Sasuke, Naruto, Lee, and Neji's head at the last comment, but was dismissed.
Lee responded to her comment first, replying, " Well, you are your sister are too young really. I like my gals older…with straight black hair in a bowl cut….thick lustrious eye brows……..muscles…..ooooooh the muscles." The group walked away from Lee, knowing nothing more could be done.

Naruto looked Hanabi up and down. "I'm more into girls with Boobs." Hinata popped out of nowhere, unzipping her baggy jacket to reveal the skintight black tank beneath.

"I Have matured enough to have breasts, Naruto-kun!" She blushed and fainted, but quickly re-gained consciousness.

Naruto thought over how to get out of this now, and the answer came with Sasuke's smirk. "I'm more into girls with a Penis."

"WHERE! Did someone say Penis? Penis? Where where ill get it who has one I know it was said where!" Sang Sai, popping out of a nonexistent corner. Once again, the group moved away knowing there was nothing more that could be done.

Hanabi turned to her dear cousin, as did Hinata. Neji gagged, barely able to stutter out, "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew, incest." Last was Sasuke, the two girls last hope for a husband.

"Yea…I'm sort of already promised to a Sannin. Can you guys honestly say your better than a Sannin? Can…can you even lie about it well? Didn't think soooOOOoooo000Ooooooooo!" With that, the boys agreed not to fight to marry one of the Hyuuga princesses.

The black screen turned on once more for this chapter, and Hiashi looked furious. Seriously, vein throbs everywhere. "YOU WILL FIGHT FOR MY MOTHER FING DAUGHTERS OR ILL &$#& $&& $$ #(# &$ ) (#!"

The four ninja's in question looked at each other in united strength, perseverance, and defiance. At the same time, the four screamed back at Hiashi, not caring about the consequences for their actions, "What ever you say sir!"

"Well, that's more like it." The four cried themselves to sleep later that night, while Sai castrated them to the umth degree.