Previously on The Jaina Project...

Dex had a thing for Jaina years ago, but she was oblivious... shocking…

Kyp is in love with Jysella… but soooo conflicted...

Jacen is a basket case after his spectacularly ugly break-up with Tahiri…

Which is bad news for Valin, since he's incredibly emotionally dependent on Jacen…

And why… oh why… does the Council keep sending Kyp and Jacen out on missions together?

Season 5
Episode 2

If you, if you could return
Don't let it burn
Don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm being rude
But it's just your attitude
It's tearing me apart
It's ruining every day

You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong

If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just want to be with you

You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?

Linger/Noel Anthony Hogan and Dolores Mary O'Riordan

Jaina Solo's X-wing
Hyperspace
41 ABY
Eleven Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War

Jaina woke with a start, breathing heavily as the swirl of stars outside her cockpit replaced the images from her nightmare.

The disorientation began to fade as she recognized that she was exactly where she was supposed to be; in hyperspace, on her way to rendezvous with the Errant Venture.

As her breathing settled and her heart rate slowed she realized that even after a three hour nap she was still exhausted. She hadn't gotten a single restful night of sleep in months; since Noya Parck's death. She'd been consistently dreaming of the woman's face - etched with pain and humiliation. As difficult as that was, it didn't compare to the nightmares she'd been having of explosions.

She berated herself for not just doing a hibernation trance during this trip.

Jaina's astromech, Sidekick, tweedled at her and she glanced at the transcription screen and grimaced.

"Yeah, Kick. I'm ok."

Another series of bleeps and whistles was translated and Jaina snorted.

"No, I don't need medical attention. My heart and lungs are fine. I just had a bad dream."

The droid moaned in what Jaina thought was probably sympathy, but she closed her eyes, not bothering to read that translation. She didn't want to talk to Kick about the crippling guilt and shame she'd been feeling since Noya's death, she wanted to talk to her brother.

She'd been wanting to discuss it with Jacen since it'd happened, hoping that he would have some insight or calming words that might alleviate her anguish. But she hadn't been able to get a hold of Jacen, at least not to arrange a meeting.

At first she'd written it off to him being busy with the investigation. She'd seen him several times during the first few weeks, but this wasn't something she wanted to discuss in the Temple halls as they were walking to or from meetings, or just passing each other. She'd already been trying to track him down for quite a while when she learned that he'd gone to Hapes to meet his newborn hold-son, and she didn't want to discuss this over a comm anymore than she wanted to discuss it in a corridor. She'd finally begun to fear that Jacen was avoiding speaking to her, but she couldn't figure out if it was because of his own grief, his ongoing loyalty to Jag… or something else.

The 'something else' had only occurred to her recently though. She'd been talking to Leia about plans for her and Luke's upcoming lifeday when Leia brought up that she'd spoken to Tahiri earlier in the day. Apparently Tahiri had comm'd to tell Leia how sorry she was that she wasn't going to be able to make it to Coruscant for the event.

Tahiri hadn't spoken to the Skywalkers in years so it didn't surprise Jaina that she wouldn't put any energy into making that dinner, but Tahiri had always been very good about making time to see Han and Leia within a few days of their lifedays, as well as their anniversary - which even Jaina and Jacen had never made a priority. The fact that she'd been on Csilla for two months after Noya's death and then gone straight from there to Phelarion weeks ago, and still couldn't find time to make it back to Coruscant for Leia was what made Jaina begin to suspect that Jacen's continued 'inability' to meet with her might not be about Noya or Jag after all. Apperatenly Tahiri wasn't leaving Phelarion for Jacen either.

And if that was the case…

She was trying to not be selfish; if something had happened between Jacen and Tahiri then Jaina wanted to be there for him, knowing that he'd be devastated. But Jaina really needed to unburden herself. Of course having time to sit and really unburden herself to her brother had probably been a ridiculous fantasy to begin with.

The initial relief she'd felt when she'd received Jacen's request to meet her a couple of days previously was quickly tempered by the fact that he'd asked her to join him on the Errant Venture. Apparently she wasn't the only one missing Jacen, and she realized that his request could have been because he needed help to deal with Valin.

Even though Valin had been knighted years ago he and Jacen had remained very close, Jacen continuing to provide a steading presence in his former apprentice's life. But with Jacen MIA, emotionally anyway, for nearly four months now, Valin had been on a tear that had begun to raise eyebrows in the Order. At least this time Corran couldn't pretend that Jacen was the problem instead of the only one who'd ever been able to keep Valin in line.

Thankfully Valin's recent transgressions were all about alcohol consumption and 'dating' - not throwing lightning. Leia had sat in on the Council meeting when Valin had been discussed, and when Leia had sighed heavily while relaying the story to Jaina and quipped, 'The Council should consider trauma therapy instead of dark side redemption', Jaina's jaw had dropped.

She knew instantly what her mother was referring to, and it had gotten her thinking.

The Vong War had been over for a decade but it seemed to still be affecting Jaina's generation profoundly - just as Jacen had predicted. None of them appeared particularly adept at dealing with their emotions. Maybe - as Jacen had warned - because during the years they should have been learning how to deal with emotions and doing other normal teenage things, they'd been leading combat missions, killing other sentient beings, losing their siblings, their friends, whole worlds, and fighting with every breath, every day, to simply stay alive.

Or, in Valin and Jysella's cases, dealing with abandonment issues - which was one of the reasons Jacen had been such an influence on Valin. Jacen, as Jaina knew, had spent years dealing with abandonment issues too.

All of their lives seemed to be such a mess. None of them, except Tenel Ka, had had a healthy or lasting long term relationship since the war had ended. Was the legacy of their service to the Galaxy going to be that an entire generation of knights were damaged beyond repair? Jacen perhaps even more so given his time on Yuuzhan'tar? And then the pressure of being the 'great hero of the war'? Kriff, she really hadn't spent enough time thinking about the weight of that on him.

Once again she was hit with the pain she felt at how far apart she and her twin had drifted. And that despite the efforts she had made over the last year she may never be able to fix it. She tried to take comfort in the fact that he'd confided in her about his relationship with Tahiri, and had finally reached out to her, asked her to meet him. Maybe he'd tell her what was going on?

Or… maybe he just wanted help with Kyp and Jysella.

Jacen might not be able to have a healthy relationship himself, or convince Luke and the Council that they were all damaged and in need of help, but he seemed hell bent on setting up everyone around him.

Busybody little kriffer.

Kyp and Jysella were the other issue that had been weighing her down over the last several weeks.

Jaina had no idea how Jysella was doing but she'd been living with Kyp for months… or, he'd been living with her - kriffer owed her tons in grocery creds - and she had been thinking lately that he was close to breaking. He was miserable and was having an increasingly difficult time hiding it.

But what did it all matter whether any of them were capable of having a relationship? They were all so busy running around the galaxy, sent off on mission after mission by the Council; mediating, negotiating, investigating... putting out brush fires… doing everything they could to stop the universe they'd sacrificed so much to save from invaders from tearing itself apart. Why had they even bothered?

Jaina immediately winced at that thought. Of course their sacrifices had been worth it.

The Jedi knights and younger masters may be eternally kriffed up, but their emotional stability was a small price to pay for the billions of lives that would have been lost had the Yuuzhan Vong prevailed.

Assuming none of them went dark.

Again.

Maybe that would get the Council's attention.

Jaina rocked her head from side to side, trying to ease the tension in her neck, and sighed as another thought occurred to her. One she'd been trying to ignore since she'd gotten Jacen's message.

As happy as she was at the prospect of finally having time with her brother she was also dreading her arrival on the Venture… and having to see kriffing Dex Wessiri.

She had admitted long ago, to herself and others, that those first weeks after Myrkr were not her best. She'd thought that she'd redeemed herself, to some extent anyway, but then, at a gathering of the younger knights and their friends, she'd 'introduced' herself to Dex and had been baffled by the laughter that had erupted from almost everyone present, and the smirk on Dex's face. Then she'd found out that they had met before; he'd been the head of her mech crew for several weeks on Borealis. Not only had she apparently ignored him, hadn't even registered his existence, but she'd then found out that everyone in her life not only knew Dex but adored him.

She still couldn't figure out why. The man was a complete ass. And he'd been teasing her about her obliviousness for the past nine years.

Bastard.

Honestly, she found it incredible that he was such close friends with Jacen… Tahiri… Kyp... Valin... Lowie… even Zekk, due to the time he'd apparently practically lived at 'Happy House' when he had vacation time.

Happy House.

Stupid name. What idiot had come up with that?

It was more understandable that he was close to Jag and Cem, being their 'cousin'. But still... How could they all be so anormoed of a man that was such an arrogant jerk?

Jaina tried to tell herself that Jacen's insistence that she meet him on the Venture wasn't due to insensitivity. He knew how she felt about Dex. But, Jacen was on a mission with Kyp and, given their track record, it did make sense. Maybe they'd finally decided to skip the pretense and just have the Wraiths standing by.

Poor Jysella. If she had to pick Kyp up again...

The proximity alarms in Jaina's cockpit began to chime, and she pulled back the levers to revert to real space. Instantly the large red Star Destroyer loomed in front of her. She steeled herself to make contact but didn't get a chance to hail Wraith flight control before a voice… a deep, cocky - maddeningly annoying - voice whispered a greeting into her headset, sounding far more like a sex comm operator than a kriffing squadron commander.

"Hello Yun Harla… long time no see."

Stars, she hated this man.

"Commander Wessiri..." She gritted out.

"Your timing is impeccable," he continued to drawl. "I'm warming up the shuttle and heading out to pick up a couple of wayward Jedi Masters. Care to join the fun? Agent Horn could use a wingmate."

The idea that the Wraiths were going out to pick up Kyp and Jacen again wasn't surprising; she'd been musing about that possibility only moments ago, but… poor Jysella.

Jaina worked to calm herself, not wanting to give him any hint of how riled he made her. Answering, in the most curt voice she could muster, she said, "It would be an honor to fly Agent Horn's wing. Send me the squadron link? I'll have my 'mech get us ready to jump. And I'd appreciate a word with Agent Horn in private before we go, if that's ok?"

"Link coming your way," he purred as she watched a shuttle and five X-wings drop out of the belly of the massive ship, and Kick immediately went to work processing the stream of information Dex had sent.

"Everyone hold back," Dex instructed, his voice suddenly professional and authoritative - every bit the commander he was so revered as.

The thought that he'd specifically been using the 'silky' voice for her, and then switching it, and the comm channel he was using flashed through her mind, but she dismissed that idea immediately and decided she didn't care enough to have Kick look into it.

"Horny and the Goddess need a minute to coordinate. Don't take too long though ladies; you have two minutes; then we jump, whether you're with us or not."

Switching over to Jysella's private frequency, Jaina said, "Hey there. How ya doing?"

"Fan-kriffing-tastic," Jysella responded, though Jaina sensed that the annoyance in her voice was a cover to hide her fear. "Did you fly all the way out here just to rescue your dumbass brother and idiot best friend?"

Jaina chuckled. "Not the first item on my to-do list, but I'd have to be a spiced up Ewok to not have realized it was a possibility. Number one was to see if I could help deal with your dumbass brother's melt down."

Jysella snorted at that. "Explain to me why the Council bothered to knight Valin. Jacen's been 'unavailable' for a few weeks and Valin falls apart without his nanny? Speaking of which, any insight into why your dumbass brother is a basket case all of a sudden?"

"No… but figuring that out is high on my agenda too."

"And the rest of your agenda?" Jysella asked tentatively.

Jaina's heart went out to the other woman. "Try to prevent Kyp from doing something so stupid you actually kill him this time?"

Jysella sighed. "Well Goddess, seems you've got a lot on your plate today. I hope Kyp appreciates how lucky he is to have you. The intervention of a deity may be the only thing that saves him," then she added quietly, "if we manage to get him out of this alive…"

"We will, sweetheart. We will."

"Yeah… we better jump. I know you don't want Dex harassing you about being a privileged goddess, taking your time to socialize with mere mortals and screwing up his mission plan."

Jaina let out a long sigh of her own. "No… I do not."

Booster… or Wessiri, had positioned the Venture well. The jump to the planet Kyp and Jacen were on had taken a mere ten minutes. Jaina wasn't sure what planet this was, but assumed, given where she'd met the ship, that they were still in the Hocatar sector.

Jaina reached out to Jysella through the Force as they broke atmosphere and felt the other woman reach back, opening up to her. She was impressed by the squad's flying. The other four X-wings followed the shuttle, presumably flown by Wessiri, in a tight formation, and it occurred to her that he probably specifically assigned her to Jysella knowing that their Jedi training, and the years they'd both spent flying with Kyp, would help Jaina blend in close to seamlessly with the others as they descended toward the planet's surface at a steep angle.

She watched as, in near unison, the first two starfighters behind the shuttle spread out and accelerated, allowing Wessiri to fall back as the first wing pair began a strafing run. Before they'd finished, the second set of X-wings repeated the maneuver, accelerating as Wessiri fell back again, and with Jysella's help she knew she was meant to mimic the flight path the others had taken already.

She felt Jysella nudge her in the Force; a silent signal to stay with the shuttle as she saw the first pair swing back around, reversing course. Soon they were behind her and Jysella, then lifted their noses and banked in opposite directions, circling the area that Wessiri seemed to be aiming for as he lowered the shuttle. She watched the second wing pair again mimic the first's… all four now circling the area, she and Jysella circling at a lower altitude, over the shuttle.

The skies seemed clear of any immediate threat and Jaina watched as Wessiri eased the shuttle to the ground.

Jaina chuckled to herself, wondering if Wessiri appreciated how pissed off Jysella was, or if he appreciated that Jysella was as likely to fire on Kyp and her brother when they came out of hiding as any enemy they'd encountered in the last few days.

Either he didn't know, didn't care, or part of his seemingly perverse sense of humor was that he thought that the idea of tempting Jysella was funny. Jaina simply didn't know.

She continued her path, mirroring Jysella's flight pattern, monitoring the comm traffic of the squadron, then caught sight of two figures hobbling out of the woods into the clearing Wessiri had set the shuttle down in. One figure was leaning heavily on the other and she cringed. She didn't want to hope that it was Kyp and not Jacen that was hurt anymore than she wanted to hope it was Jacen and not Kyp. Regardless, she was immensely relieved when she saw the shuttle begin to rise, before the ramp had even retracted.

Again she reached out to Jysella, incredibly impressed by her flying skills, her ability to feed Jaina information non-verbally, and her focus… knowing full well Jysella had seen the two figures making their way to the ship as she had.

As the shuttle climbed higher and higher into the skies, at an even more impressive angle than it had descended, Jysella and Jaina stayed right with it. The other four X-wings provided cover against the motley crew of ships - none of them spaceworthy as far as Jaina could tell - that dogged them through the skies above the treetops.

When they'd reached a high enough altitude that the pursuers couldn't possibly catch them, she let out a breath… then heard Wessiri.

"All Wraiths, be advised - targets are secure and adversaries are falling back. Repeat, targets are secure and adversaries are falling back. It looks like we're free and clear."

Jaina had no idea if that was normal Wraith protocol, to announce having secured the extraction targets, or if his announcement had been more for her and Jysella. She didn't have time to really think about it before the squad chatter began.

"Welcome home Wraiths 13 and 14."

She thought this came from Wraith 3, but didn't have time to check before another pilot chimed in.

"We've been instructed to notify you that this pick up wasn't free; it will be coming out of your salaries."

"Ah, Covvey..." Kyp must have been standing near Wessiri in the shuttle if his voice could be heard so clearly. "Thanks for coming to the rescue."

"Again," 'Covvey' cut back in.

Kyp chuckled and continued, "You can tell Belindi and the Council that if they don't want to pay for our pickups they need to find some other suckers to do the hard missions. And this one really wasn't our fault."

"Sure it wasn't." This came from Wraith 8.

"In any case… thanks for showing us the way off Attahox. Especially you Jysella."

Jysella's response was a double click of acknowledgement on her comm. Not responding at all would have been less of a signal of how upset she was and the clicks were met with a moment of dead silence.

Then Kyp continued, speaking to her specifically, Jaina assumed.

"Despite how we presented, we're actually fine and plan on buying the first round tonight."

"Abso-kriffing-lutley." Wraith 6 chimed in, oblivious to the tension - or pretending to be.

Thankfully Wessiri jumped in to cover what could have been another uncomfortable silence.

So the arrogant ronto is good for something.

"Care to explain why you two always call when I've got a good Sabacc hand?"

Jacen spoke this time, his voice as clear as Kyp's, so he must have been standing next to him. "Because you've always got a Sabacc hand and you're delusional enough to think they're all good."

"We'll debate that theory later, Master Solo… squad, jumping in five… four…"

Jaina frantically punched buttons to switch to Jysella's frequency again. "Hold up, don't jump yet."

As Wessiri finished the countdown and the rest of the ships disappeared, Jaina drifted closer to Jysella's ship.

"You want to fly around for a bit? Burn off some steam?"

The other woman didn't respond for a long time… the only sounds coming over Jaina's headset were muffled sobs.

"I'm so sorry he's doing this to you."

Another, louder, sob came through, and Jaina's chest tightened.

"After so many years of training, I know I'm supposed to suggest meditating… but if you're anything like me… being in a cockpit in open space can be more relaxing. You can short the jump, fly around for a bit. Or… hit the tables. Kriff our parents and the Order and Booster's mandates. Fleecing some stupid bastards who shouldn't be betting anyway may make you feel better."

Jysella let out a congested chuckle.

"The point is, do what you need to do to settle down before coming back."

"Thank you, Jaina. Really. I know how much Kyp means to you…"

"You mean something to me too. I know we haven't spent much time together, but I can see - very clearly - what it is about you that made Kyp fall in love to begin with. And I'm sorry he's hurting you. Please know - if you ever need to talk, you can talk to me. And I swear - not a single word will ever be relayed to Kyp."

"I always knew you had to be remarkable for Kyp to care so much about you. And I really appreciate your trying to help."

"Anytime. Now go. I need to get back to the Venture and administer some Goddess punishment. Between Kyp, your annoying kriffing commander, and our dumb-ass brothers…"

Jysella hiccuped and laughed.

"As you pointed out earlier - I've got a full plate."

"That you do."

"Comm me when you land so I know you're safe?"

"I will. And Jaina… Thank you. Really."

"Anytime, Sweetheart. Go sort yourself out. I'll deal with the boys."

"Ok."

Jaina waited a second after Jysella's X-wing had disappeared to make the jump to the Venture herself.

Next time on Fear and Love...

You'd think after all these years the boys would know to not kriff with a Goddess…

And…

Jacen and Valin have a heart to heart...