(Benny's POV)
Everytime I see him hold her I get jealous...
...and guilty.
And it's all my fault.
My fault he got fucked up...
My fault he fault he hates me...
My fault I still torture my self by coming back unwanted and uninvited... just to watch him thinking that if I keep seeing him happy with her, I won't feel so bad.
Has he forgetten about us? How we once were?
But, wasn't that what he accused me of when I let him fall?
I could throw the blame around if I wanted to. I could blame it on fear. I could blame it on opportunity...work...expectations...love and lust and infatuation...him, No...I couldn't blame it on him.
Its my fault he's so different now...
If I hadn't been so blind to what I had.
Maybe that's why I've changed too.
Maybe the real reason I stick around is that he'll still see me...regardless of how pissed he is at me, he still feels some emotion towards me...
True it'll never be the same emotion it once was...
I'll never mean the same thing to him...
All I am to Roger Davis anymore is the yuppie scum.
(4 1/2 years before the show starts)
I slowly walk into the bar trying to stay towards the back...bars like this one had never really been my scene, but it's better to be in here than getting soaked outside in the rain. The music on the stage isn't something I'd normally be into either, but the guitar player is. I've always been interested in both genders, although my number of girlfriends far exceded my number of boyfriends...three to none. I knew the guy on the stage would never be into me, but a guy's got a right to dream.
I scan the crowd long enough to see I wasn't the only one who was out of place...wait...
"Mark?"
He doesn't hear me, but I know it's Mark. It's hard to miss the camera he is currently aiming towards the stage. I get closer.
"Mark Cohen?" I yell.
The blonde turns to me in surprise, "Benny? Oh, what are you doing here?"
"Escaping the rain. You?"
He nods towards the stage, "Roger...the guitar player is my roommate. He lives with me and that friend of yours..."
A softer song begins to play, and we can stop yelling so hard.
"Collins?"
"Him, too. But Maureen's there too."
"God, you've met Maureen."
He blushes, and I instantly know Mark has been captured. "You've really met Maureen. Marky, be careful...she can be a, er, handful."
"Yeah, so I've been warned, come on sit down. What have you been up to?"
"Nothing much. Got my degree, looking for a place, and a job."
"Oh, well. We can make room in the loft..."
"I don't know Mark..."
"Oh, come on, at least until you find something better."
The set ends and I'm seriously considering doing the stupidest thing on earth.
The guitar play, saunter into the crowd, and the rockstar, in all his glory comes to where Mark and I are talking.
"Mark, you're still here. Ready to go?"
Mark nods, "Roger, this is Benny...he's going to move in."
I watch as Roger carefully eyes me, then shrugs, "Fine, just makes rent easier for me to meet. Come on."
He leads off with Mark going into great conversation while I merely follow.
I'm not used to following.