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Chapter Twelve

Marita sat in the Logan's study, quiet, isolated, thinking of Sean. She was supposed to be outside, enjoying the picnic Ned had thrown to celebrate her new position in Cholena, and to lament her impending departure, but she was not up for it. There was nothing she wanted to celebrate, for she was leaving Sean. She looked down at the envelope that contained the letter she had just written. When she realized she had missed her chance to speak with Sean, before he departed for Louisville, she decided to write him a letter, explaining why she had to go. Marita hated leaving him this way. It seemed gutless and was most certainly hurtful, but her pa was right, she had no choice, as much as she loathed the situation, the School would be expecting her by week's end, and Sean wasn't due to return until days later; so, she had to go. She had to walk away without telling him face to face that it was over. Marita lightly clutched the letter on both ends, closing her eyes as the pain she was feeling coursed through her. She gently ran her thumb across his name and for a moment she could've sworn she felt his touch. She sighed, then placed the letter on top of the book she'd selected to act as a cover for her note. The book was the The Aenied, one of her favorites of the Roman/Greek tragedies; Marita slightly smiled, remembering how Sean hated the story. He never liked it's resemblance to Homer's great works, didn't like that Aeneas had to give up Dido and thought the whole idea of him discovering Rome was over the top, but Marita's view was different. She loved it, fully understood that the hero's journey often included sacrifices that needed to be made. Her smile broadened as she thought how Sean happily gave her the book to read, and how she was over the moon because it was difficult to obtain such a work in Lexington. But now she was giving it back she thought, as her smile dissolved into a scowl, just like everything else Sean had given her. She again closed her eyes, successfully restraining the tears the ache in her heart had roused. She had to remain strong; she was doing what was best for everyone, she reasoned, not just for Sean, but for his family and her family – her father. Marita then tied the letter to Virgil's great tale, binding it with an old ribbon she'd brought from home, wondering how she would get the letter to Sean without it getting lost or misplaced…

"Marita!" Alice sighed as she walked into the study "Why aren't you outside?"

"I'm coming out now" Marita said distractedly, her mind still heavily plagued with thoughts of Sean "I was just hoping I could leave this for Sean" she said touching the book with the letter attached

"Just leave it here; pa will make sure he receives it."

"No" Marita rejected "I want to leave it someplace more secure. It could get misplaced here." she said referring to the muddled state of the desk.

Alice was about to protest, but quickly changed her stance once she fully noticed the condition of the desk. "Alright" she sighed impatiently. "Give it to me. I'll take care of it."

Marita looked at Alice with great skepticism, making no effort to hand over the book and letter. Alice had no idea of the importance of the items she was leaving for Sean and Marita did not want the letter to end up lying in some parlor drawer or hidden in the pocket of someone's dress. It was imperative that it reached Sean, preferably as soon as he arrived home. She could not leave Lexington unless she was certain he would know why, if not from her mouth, from her hand.

"Marita, I'm not going to lose it." Alice said annoyed "I will take it up to Sean's room and leave it on his desk, then would you please get out of this house and come to your party?" she begged

"Alright" Marita conceded calmly, covering her sigh of relief "Thank you"

"Well your welcome" Alice sighed "Now come on!"

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Marita waited at the base of the stairs, watching as Alice quickly ascended them then disappeared out of sight. She then heard a door open from above, footsteps that sounded as if they were moving across a room, then returning footsteps and a door again closing. Seconds later, Alice was descending the stairs.

"Okay, it's done" Alice said lightly, as she reached Marita, not understanding the importance behind the book and note being left for Sean.

"I can't thank you enough" Marita said seriously as they walked towards the door.

"Yes I know" Alice said offhandedly "Now enough about that…"

Marita followed Alice out the door, barely listening to her continuous chatter, though she felt somewhat relieved that the letter was now safe in Sean's room and that she wouldn't have to go to an extreme to make sure he got it, the thought of what she was doing still pained her deeply; even though her decision was keeping him safe – secure, she would never feel right about leaving Sean.

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Jeremy looked on as the children played before him. Watching them, he was reminded of what now quieted the emptiness in his soul. Though she still had a ways to go before she was the age of the kids before him, she could still run and play just as well as they did. He wondered what she was doing today, napping in her outside bassinet or playing catch a frog in the nearby field. Jeremy's heart brimmed with deep joy and longing; He wished he could see her, right then, he wished she was where she belonged, with him…

"You look as if you're enjoying the party." Alice said happily, as she walked up to him

"Yes" Jeremy answered "I am, the food is good, the company is good" he said as he continued to stare at the children, thinking of his life, his blood. "And the weather couldn't be more perfect."

"You really are in a good mood" Alice said voicing what she'd noticed about him for a while now.

"I have everything I want" He explained. "A life…a family."

"Yes you do" Alice said with a smile, as she studied him, unaware that his statement had little to do with her and her family.

They stood there a moment quietly observing the playing children and conversing adults while Alice conjured up the nerve to bring up what she'd come to speak to Jeremy about.

"So…" she began hesitantly

Silence.

"So…" Jeremy repeated, confused as to why she'd stopped

"The Bluegrass Ball is coming up next month" she continued "And I want to know if you'd like to go, I know it sounds formal but it's nothing like that in fact its more of a traditional late summer dance thing that we have here in Lexington and…"

"Whoa" Jeremy interjected, needing a break from her tangent. He hesitated before continuing trying to think of the best way to decline Alice's invitation. He felt as if her request was bordering on the romantic and he could not allow anything like that. Though she was a nice young lady and had always given him a chance, before any of the other Logans, besides Lexy, she was his "sister" and he could never be more than a friend.

"I would love to, but I can't" he finally said, giving no explanation for his refusal.

Alice was disappointed. She knew that she was stepping close to the line by asking Jeremy, a man who was not her blood, to the ball, but she just wanted to get to know him better and thought the Ball would be a great opportunity to do so, but Jeremy obviously didn't see it that way. For despite his new demeanor he was still not ready to open up.

"Okay…that's fine" she finally answered dejectedly "I was just hoping…since Clay had already said no, that you…it's alright…I'm going to get something to drink" she suddenly finished. Still embarrassed by her forwardness, she quickly turned and began to walk away.

"Alice…" Jeremy called after her, but she proceeded to distance herself from him. Jeremy thought to call after her again, but thought better of it. He didn't want to upset her more than he already had and if he tried to explain his answer he would; the truth was, outside of his fear of her romantic interest, he didn't have time for such things as dances and balls. It was best that he not participate in them, considering what he would soon have to do. It was best that few people as possible knew that Jeremy Bradford was in Lexington.

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Louisville, Kentucky

Clancy talked endlessly as he and Sean proceeded to their next meeting, but Sean wasn't listening, his mind was on Marita; he was sure that by now, she had received his letter and he could hardly wait to return to Lexington so they could talk. That's why he'd pushed so hard for him and Clancy to take care of their business quickly. Sean had them working from sun up, to sun down, and at one point, Clancy had jokingly asked if he was the boss or was Sean, but Sean didn't mind the implication, for he was anxious to get back home. Even though he knew all would be well when he returned, he couldn't quell the unexplainable urge to hurry back, to be sure, everything was okay.

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10 Days Earlier…

As Mabeline stepped from the carriage, she was a bundle of nerves and fear. When the telegram came to the Logans door she thought it was a message for Mr. Logan regarding his business, but instead she learned the telegram was for her and was relaying some devastating news concerning her mother… Turning to remove her bag from the buggy, she realized she was still wearing her apron. In her rush to get to the train station, she had forgotten to remove it. Taking if off quickly, she threw it over her arm, failing to remember that the letter Sean had entrusted to her was in it's pocket. Going on to remove her bag from the carriage, she did not notice that the letter had slipped from the apron pocket, falling to the dusty ground below. As she rushed towards the train depot, her mind crowded with grief, the wind lightly tossed Sean's letter, further and further away – further away from its bearer, further away from any chance at reaching a now hopeless Marita.