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Chapter Thirteen
Marita stood next to her father silently watching as he chatted with the ticket clerk about their impending trip. Though it was she who was going off to live in a new city, her father was the one most excited; he couldn't stop talking about it and had insisted that he accompany her to Cholena and remain with her for at least the first couple of weeks while she got settled. Marita had originally protested, siting that there was no need for him to upset his life and join her, but he countered that she was his only child, and he wasn't going to let her move away without his help. So, Marita had no choice but to accept his plans to come with her. And though she knew that her father was being truthful about his reason for tagging along, she couldn't help but wonder if he was also coming to ensure that she did not change her mind about moving away.
The ticket clerk finally finished checking their passes, then directed them outside to the awaiting train. As Marita followed her father's progression out the door, the realization of what she was doing again came crashing down upon her. Her feet suddenly felt laden and the appeal that she'd managed to quiet in her heart began to speak louder, urging her to turn around, to stop the irreparable pain she was causing herself and eventually Sean. But she ignored the cry, forcing her feet to move forward, knowing in her mind that this was the only way.
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Sean strided towards the house thrilled that he was back in Lexington and moments away from seeing Marita. His expeditious work had paid off and as a result, he and Clancy were able to return from Louisville a few days sooner than expected. During the entire trip back, he couldn't take his mind off Marita; how as soon as he got to the ranch he was going to find her – kiss her. And now that he'd finally arrived, he was determined to make that his first order of business. As Sean continued across the lawn, he noticed several tables spread across the property draped in linens used only for parties; he wondered what they could be for; for his father had said nothing about hosting an event while he was away. He approached the front of the house, his mind still curious about the mysterious tables, when he was stopped by a surprised Alice.
"You're home early, when did you get back?" she asked
"Just now…what's with the tables?" Sean asked as he casually pointed in the table's direction "Pa planning a party?"
"No" Alice sighed "Those are from Marita's going away party. Jeremy and Clay were supposed to put them away days ago, but as you can see they're still here."
"What do you mean Marita's going away party?" Sean asked confused
"Pa threw Marita a party to thank her for her service and to give her students an opportunity to say goodbye."
"Goodbye?" Sean questioned, still confused and refusing to entertain the answer his mind was suggesting
"Yes, she's moving to Cholena remember."
"What?! When?"
"She and her pa left about 20 minutes ago …"
Sean's heart dropped to his feet, his mind blocking out everything Alice was saying. For a moment he couldn't move, couldn't think, but he shook if off quickly, knowing that he had to do something to stop Marita from leaving.
"I have to go" he said abruptly as he quickly walked away, rudely disrupting Alice's ramblings, which had moved on to something different than the initial subject.
"Wait… Sean!" Alice yelled after him, angry at his uncouth departure "Where are you going?" But she received no response from the now fleeing Sean.
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The train's powerful pipe blew, giving notice to all that it would be departing momentarily. Marita then took her seat by the window, barely noticing her pa's noisy descent beside her. She was sad, aloof, her mind still heavily on Sean. She looked out the window, casually observing the people walking by, some seemed to be in a hurry, others seemed to be savoring the sunshine, but all looked happy. Or maybe that was just in her mind, she thought. After all, she was in a place in which everything outside of her world seemed brighter and better than what she was going through. Marita closed her eyes, again fighting the pain that was now perpetual in her heart. Her father had told her that she would get through this, that she would come out of it stronger than before, but she didn't see how, she didn't see how she would ever recover from so much grief.
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Sean raced his horse through town, leaving a cloud of dust and bewildered citizens behind him. He didn't care about the looks and whispers he was no doubt getting, all he cared about was getting to Marita. Finally reaching the train depot, he quickly dismounted his horse, poorly tying it's reigns to a nearby stave, then rushing towards the doors of the station. He was desperate, determined, hoping that he wasn't too late, praying that somehow Marita was still within his grasp.
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Marita closed her eyes, her sighs inaudible as she continued to quell the intense anxiety that was mounting within her soul. She again turned away from the window, hoping that another adjustment to her seating would ease her mind, distract her heart, but it didn't; the feelings that were threatening to undo her only intensified, causing her to again shift in her seat.
"Honey are you alright?" her father asked as he took her hand in his
"I'm…I can't do this" Marita confessed shakily, pulling her hand from her father's grasp "I can't leave Sean."
"Honey no," her father protested "Don't let your feelings overwhelm what's right."
"Pa this isn't right" she countered as she stood "But What I feel for Sean is, and I can't leave him."
"Honey please don't do this" her father pleaded as she moved past him into the aisle.
"I'm sorry pa"
Marita then rushed down the aisle, pushing past several attendants and passengers before vanishing out the nearest exit. As she descended the stairs that had yet to be removed from the side of the train, she heard her name being called from a distance away. She slowly turned her attention in the direction of the call and couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him. Joy instantly filled her heart and the love she'd been trying so hard to ignore overflowed in the way of tears. She quickened her pace down the steps and within seconds found herself enfolded in Sean's strength and warmth.
"Sean" she gasped as she held him tightly vowing within to never let him go. " I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you."
"Marita" Sean whispered as he firmly pulled her closer, his voice cracking with emotion.
Marita slowly turned her head towards the gentle voice that was calling her name and opened her eyes to find that it was her father.
"Marita honey are you alright?" he asked with concern "Your sleep sounded troubled."
Marita's heart sank as she realized that her rapturous reunion with Sean had only been a dream. She looked out the window and regrettably observed the beautiful Kentucky landscape passing before her.
"I don't remember us leaving Lexington." She said sadly, still deeply affected by her vivid dream.
"That's because you dozed off before we left. I started to wake you as we were departing, but figured you needed to rest."
Marita closed her eyes, quietly sighing as she leaned her head back against the seat. Not saying a word, Isaac gently grasped her hand, squeezing it softly, hoping to give her some solace in knowing that he understood her pain. Isaac knew that it would be difficult for her in the beginning, but she would get through it, he thought. He knew that once she was settled in Cholena with her new job and perhaps amongst men who were of her breeding, she'd eventually get past any feelings she had for Sean Logan.
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An hour later, Sean returned to the now empty Logan home, bemused and hurt. He couldn't believe that his attempt to stop Marita from leaving had failed. That he'd missed her departing train by minutes and that now she was on her way to Cholena, on her way out of his life. Sean solemnly made his way up the stairs and down the hall to his room. When he finally secured himself behind the doors of his suite, he stood there a moment, combing over all that had happened, trying desperately to understand why. He slowly walked to the window, hoping the private scenery would help him make sense of it all. Instead, he found memories of Marita scattered endlessly before him. He closed his eyes, sighing as he turned away from the arduous sight. "Marita why?" he asked in an anguished whisper "How could you turn away from me?" As if someone had heard his cry, Sean opened his eyes to find his desk before him and saw that there was something upon it that had not previously been there. He moved closer to get a better view and was surprised when he saw an envelope bearing his name. As he studied it closer, he realized it was in Marita's hand and was attached to something – a book. He lightly grasped the envelope and measuredly pulled it from beneath the tightly laced cloth that held it down. Ignoring the book, he fearfully studied the envelope, knowing that it probably held the answers he was looking for; but worried what those answers might be. Pulling out a chair, he sat down, then slowly turned the envelope over. Carefully unsealing it's flap, he pulled the paper from it's private sheath and again hesitated. Taking a deep breath, he then unfolded the letter, and began to read:
August 15, 1887
My Dearest Sean,
Let me begin by saying that none of the ardor I conveyed to you was a farce, for it is stronger than I ever thought possible and because of it, my writing this letter and my impending departure has been more horrid and painful than I ever could imagine. Two weeks ago I was on high. Love had impeded the world around us and for this I believed that we could build a life together. I believed that forgoing my trip to Cholena was the right thing to do, and I meant every word when I said that I did not want to go, I still do. But then reality permeated my beliefs, and I realized that the world we had been living in could not exist in this society. Therefore, I have chosen to go. I won't destroy your life, your career or your family for what I want, what I feel. I hope that someday you can forgive me, that you can understand why I had to do this. I will always love you and no matter where I go, you will forever be in my heart, embedded in my soul, always.
Marita
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Sean sat there devastated, unable to speak, unable to cry. He was numbed by Marita's agonizing letter. He still could not understand why, even though her words and reasons were clearly before him. He gazed ahead, his eyes a sea of impassive blue. Then gradually like the ocean engulfing the beach… pain…deep deep pain washed over him, but he still could not weep, for the hurt was so great that it paralyzed the tears within him; he could only sit there, gazing at nothing, conceding that his world had just crumbled beneath him.