A Previously on Difficult Conversations with Siblings...
Tahiri left the Order to become a Spy… and accidentally became a Star in the process...
She asked Jag to be her handler… so he took her to Csilla to prepare and meet the parentals…
And
Jag and Jaina…
Oi…
Season 5
Episode 7
Interlude 2
Please could you stay awhile to share my grief
For it's such a lovely day
To have to always feel this way
And the time that I will suffer less
Is when I never have to wake
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Those who have seen the needles eye, now tread
Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled
And the masks, that the monsters wear
To feed, upon their prey
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Doubled up inside
Take a while to shed my grief
Always doubled up inside
Taunted, cruel
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved
The blackness of darkness forever
Wandering Stars/ Gibbons, Miller, Barrow, Brown, Scott, Goldstein, Oskar, Jordan, Dickerson, Allen
A Posh Restaurant
Csilla, Unknown Regions
34 ABY
4.5 Years After The Yuuzhan Vong War
The waiter placed two glasses on the table then made a show of presenting the label of the wine bottle to Jag for his inspection.
"Very good," Jag said in Chenuh, as he nodded.
The waiter nodded back, then uncorked the bottle and poured some into Jag's glass.
"Ter'ah." Tahiri said, when the waiter had finished pouring for her, and sighed in frustration when he huffed and turned to leave.
"Don't let it get to you," Jag soothed. "Chenuh isn't an easy language to learn. The fact that you can understand it already is phenomenal."
"At least tell me I didn't accidentally offend him."
He smiled as he lifted his glass and swirled the liquid. "Not by what you said."
"By how I said it?"
"That you said it in Chenuh at all, most likely."
"Stars, is my accent still that bad?" She'd requested that the family speak to her in Chenuh at home as much as possible so she could practice, but it still didn't seem to be helping.
Jag shrugged. "The fact that you're learning it from Mom and Pop has given you a Corellian accent, but kriff him; your pronunciations are getting better all the time. Now… swirl..." he said, nodding to her glass.
She did as instructed, following Jag's lead; sniffing slightly, then taking a small sip and swishing it over her tongue before swallowing.
Setting her glass down she said, "Is it wrong that I miss shrub and ale? So much easier."
He laughed. "I told you we could go anywhere tonight. I'd have been just as happy to hit a cantina and have burgers and ales."
"As close to a cantina as Csilla has to offer anyway."
Jag smiled in answer.
"Your mother suggested this place. I think she wants me to practice my 'polished' behavior."
"And you couldn't bring yourself to say no to her?"
"Is that silly?"
Jag reached over and patted her hand. "No. There's nothing silly about all the work you've done, or how much you want to please Mom. And I'm very proud of you."
"Proud of me?"
"Yes, Ri. Proud of you. What you're doing, and how hard you've worked… It's beyond impressive."
Tahiri fought how emotional Jag's praise made her, fought the guilt she felt at dragging him into her drama, and squeezed his hand.
"Thank you," she finally said. Then she turned to the large window in front of them, taking in the breathtaking view of the glacier and frozen lake the city was built around as tiny snowflakes fell softly outside.
Tonight was the last opportunity she and Jag would have to meet alone before she returned to Known Space to start her tour. Soontir - forever the flight instructor - had finally decided that she'd absorbed enough of his training to safely pilot herself at night so she could meet Jag for dinner. Tahiri had been 'piloting' herself across the galaxy for years, but as she'd lived with and grown closer to Soontir and Syal, they'd become increasingly more protective. Ironically, they'd let her do more on her own when she'd first arrived then they had over the last few months. Never having experienced any form of parental over-protection in her life, she'd been stunned at first; her natural instinct to rebel warring with her sense of gratitude for all the Fels had done for her. Then Jag and Cem had sat her down and explained that it wasn't a lack of faith in her abilities that was driving their parents behavior; their increasing protectiveness was purely a sign of love.
It had been a struggle at first, but finally she'd begun to relax with the Fels, and then she'd begun to bask in their attention, reminding herself daily that this was a gift that she should enjoy while it lasted. She'd even teased 'Tir about how liberal he was being with her 'curfew' when he'd begun letting her pilot herself to meet Jag in the city for tea a few afternoons a week… as long as she promised to return home before dark, of course.
But it wasn't just Syal and Soontir who had been so amazing to her. She'd found it funny that even after all the years that she'd known Jag, even as friendly as they'd become during his frequent visits to Happy House and the group trips they'd all taken over the last couple of years, it was here on Csilla over the last several months that they'd really bonded. And now, he wasn't just her friend, or her handler, he'd become her 'brother'.
Which is why she really didn't want to acknowledge the box sitting on the table, or what she knew it meant. Because the last thing she ever wanted was to see this wonderful man heartbroken.
Tahiri took another sip of her wine then looked at Jag and said, "you know it takes a lot of alcohol to have any effect on me."
He chuckled, setting down his own glass, and asked, "Is that your roundabout way of saying you'd like to ditch this place and go down the street and grab a burger and a few shots?"
She winced, then nodded. "Is Mommy going to be upset though?"
Jag laughed as he stood up, reaching into his pocket and tossing a credit chip on the table. "If I tell her you referred to her as 'Mommy' she'll forgive both of us."
Tahiri bit her lip. "But this dress."
He reached for her hand and said, "You'll class up any place we enter. And who knows, maybe it will cause a stir that will generate press coverage. But the more important issue is; nerf… or fish?"
She grabbed his hand as she rose from her seat, "Nerf, of course. As long as we're sitting next to a roaring fire. It's colder than kriff in here."
Half an hour later they were sitting in a cozy booth, next to a roaring fire, their orders of rare nerf steaks and crisps were in, and Tahiri was feeling decidedly more comfortable. She'd downed two shots, and had a third and an ale in front of her. Jag's cheeks were looking a little more rosy, and if not for the bantha in the corner, she'd almost feel relaxed.
Jag lifted a hand towards the fire in the pit at the end of their booth, allowing its heat to warm his fingers, and said, "Given your obsession with heat… I have to wonder why you're still speaking to me after bringing you to an ice planet."
Tahiri tilted her head as she raised an eyebrow at him. "Because you've made up for it in other ways."
He smiled as he gazed at the flames. "I've tried. So… are you going to open it or continue to pretend it's not there? C'mon. You're killing me."
She glanced at the small box that had followed her from the first table to this one and bit her lip.
"I'm nervous," she admitted shyly.
He laughed at that. "Why are you nervous? I'm the one who should be nervous."
"No, you shouldn't," she scowled. "Which is part of why I'm so nervous for you." She put down the ale bottle she was holding and picked up the box, tentatively, and finally opened it, then felt her eyes go wide as she gaped.
"Oh… Jag... It's stunning. I mean… I've never seen a ring this beautiful before. I can't believe it."
"It's based on the design of the ring my grandfather Jagged gave my grandmother Zena, or at least as close as I could get from Mom's descriptions. I really wanted something with a Corellian link. So, you approve?"
"Approve? It's spectacular."
"Good. Since you know Jaina so well, I really wanted you to like it." Jag took a long pull from his ale bottle as he watched Tahiri inspect the engagement ring. "You'd be honest if you felt this wasn't right, wouldn't you? If you thought this was a mistake?"
Tahiri felt an immense amount of relief as the waiter appeared, placing large plates in front of them. She snapped the box shut and slid it across the table.
"Don't want to get it dirty," she said as she picked up her utensils and began to carve into her steak.
"Tahiri…"
She shoved a piece of meat into her mouth, sighing - because it tasted so kriffing good, and she knew she wasn't going to get to enjoy more than this bite. And then admitted to herself as she chewed that she wasn't really enjoying it. She placed her utensils on her plate gently, chewed a little more, then washed the bite down with a swig of ale. "Alright," she sighed. "As breathtaking as the ring is - that's beside the point. You're an amazing man, and I know she loves you. But I'm nervous."
"Okay," Jag said slowly. "This is exactly why I wanted your opinion; why are you nervous?"
"Because…" she said as she looked into his eyes. Pushing their plates aside, she reached for his hands and when she had them she said, "I'm afraid she's going to break your heart." She instantly began to shake her head when he started to protest. "No, Jag, you wanted my opinion, and my opinion is I'm afraid she's not ready for this and that she'll do something stupid out of fear and that you'll get hurt. And, honestly, I'm not sure you're any more ready for marriage than she is. I'm concerned that you're suddenly rushing this because she's been acting weird and you're afraid she's acting weird because you've been together for so long and you haven't proposed."
Jag dropped his gaze and shifted uncomfortably before finally looking back up. "I guess I understand better how Cem felt when I told him he didn't need to jump into marriage."
"Cem was upset because he thought you didn't support the relationship."
"Regardless, they're blissfully happy and I was wrong."
"They're freaks. And I couldn't be happier that they're freaks that found each other and that they're having their happily ever after, but not many people are like them. And I'm scared that you're rushing this because Jaina is…"
"She's what?"
"I don't know. Honestly, I don't, I haven't really spoken to her in ages, but I do know that I've always been afraid that she hasn't dealt with what happened and that her not dealing with it will come back to bite her… and you. She's so much like Anakin was, and it's true, Anakin didn't live long enough to deal with what happened to him. But Jacen did, and I did, or at least we've tried to, and we may still be kriffed up, but at least Jacen and I have acknowledged that we were traumatized."
Jag sat back and closed his eyes. When he finally opened them he asked, "So you don't think I should propose?"
"I think you should talk to her about it first," she said, then, already knowing the answer, but feeling like she needed to drive the point home, she asked, "have you even asked her if she wants to get married?"
"I… No," he finally sighed. "But I figured we'd wait awhile. I mean we don't need to get married anytime soon. But with the Council appointment… I wanted her to know how much she matters to me."
"And I understand that. Really, I do. But, maybe just telling her that… and then having a conversation about what she wants, or where she sees you two going?"
"A better idea than just popping the question out of the blue?"
"Perhaps."
Jag nodded, then squeezed her hand. "I see your point."
"I'm sorry."
"Never be sorry for telling me your opinion. Especially when I ask for it."
She nodded at him, wishing that she felt better about this.
He released her hand, then reached for the plates, sliding them back into place. "C'mon. It's still warm. Eat up." He smiled as he grabbed the box and slid it into his pocket.
She tried to smile back, then cut into her steak and popped a piece into her mouth, and kriff it was good.
"On to other things," Jag said after swallowing a bite. "How are the tour plans coming?"
"Almost finished," she said, happy to change the subject. "Syal had another holomeeting with the tour manager today; we should have the final dates ironed out before I finish the first week of shows. Everything else aside… I will never be able to thank you enough for introducing me to your mother. She's amazing."
"She is. And she's equally taken with you. I'm pretty sure she and Pops would make it official if you had any interest in being a Fel."
Tahiri instantly felt a warmth in her chest and smiled. "Hold that thought. Mission aside… I've never felt the kind of connection… or," Tahiri worked to contain the emotion she was feeling. "I've never felt the kind of connection or acceptance with anyone that I feel with Sy and Tir… but I have to ask... Are you ok with that?"
Jag looked into her eyes. "I was old enough before we lost Davin, Chak, and Cherith to remember that my parents were very capable of loving all of us equally. And I know that they feel that the gods have given them a true gift by bringing you into their lives. They adore you, and that is completely separate from how they feel about me, Cem and Wyn. I know their love for you has nothing to do with how much they love the rest of us. In fact, they might love me even more for bringing you home."
Tahiri laughed. "Thanks for making me feel like a stray animal."
Jag shrugged as he grinned, "Stray animal, little sister…"
But Tahiri still felt a weight on her shoulders.
"Cem's been amazing, but I'm not so sure Wyn is okay," she whispered as she lifted the ale bottle to her lips.
"I'm not sure Wyn's okay with Cem and me, but it's irrelevant; one day we'll figure out her issues. Or we won't. Regardless, you've been nothing but kind and forthcoming with her, and Cem and I know you aren't trying to 'steal' our parents. As I already said, they have plenty of love for all of us. And Mom and Pop do love you, more so every day, and are thrilled to have you in their lives."
"I love them too. Which only makes me feel more guilty about lying to them. Would they still want me in their lives if they knew what I was hiding?"
"Yes, they would. They'd fret and ring their hands and lecture you about doing something dangerous, but they raised their children to do exactly what you are trying to do; make the universe a better place."
"Thank you, Jag."
"You're welcome, Ri. Now… how are the rehearsals going?"
"Awesome. As kriffed up as the reason I decided to do this is… I'm really excited about the tour. And Syal… I don't know how I imagined I could have done this without her. Between all of her knowledge and advice about performing… working out the tour schedule and all the logistics... And I may actually be close to graduating from the 'Wynssa Starflare Academy of Poise, Fashion, and Make-up'"
Jag laughed. "More rigorous than anything the Jedi ever put you through?"
"Stars! Or the Yuuzhan Vong! I can see why the woman was the most lauded actress of her time. It's not just hair and make-up, or how I stand though. It's the psychology behind everything I do, say, show… the discipline. I'm not sure lightsaber training was this tough."
"Thank goodness you had that mastered already. I'm sure the basics of footwork has helped with everything Mom is putting you through."
"No kidding."
"She's thrilled to be able to pass on her knowledge to someone who appreciates it."
"I can feel how happy it makes her."
"So you've got the performance all worked out?"
"Pretty much, but I'm nervous. Singing in a studio, and practicing in front of you and the parentals… as excited as I am, the idea of performing in front of an audience of people who don't already love me is kinda freaking me out."
"I doubt there will be many in your audiences who haven't heard the chip already, and they wouldn't be buying tickets if they didn't already like the music. All you have to do is get up there, close your eyes, and pretend you're back at Happy House, belting out songs to the concert simulator game, and kicking our asses."
"Yeah… how are the guys?"
"Good. Dex won't be truly happy until he actually sees you… but every time we've spoken he's given the same message; he loves you unconditionally and will wait until you explain why you left the way you did before kicking your ass. I haven't spoken to Valin directly, but Dex said Valin forgave you as soon as he knew you were safe. Jacen… still hasn't comm'd."
Tahiri nodded and blew out a breath. "Do you know if they've heard the chip?"
"Dex and Valin love it. Jacen, again…"
"And he's been silent because he's punishing you and Cemmie for not volunteering that you've known all along where I was."
"Most likely."
"I'm sor..."
"Don't. I knew when I agreed to help you that there would be issues, especially with Jacen, given how he feels about you. He's insanely protective and I think he sometimes forgets that he's not the only one who cares about you. But I knew going into this that that would be the case and I made my peace with that. If I wasn't willing to make that peace then I wouldn't have agreed to help you. I'm in this for the long haul, Ri."
"But Cemmie…"
"As much as he loves Jacen, as soon as I told Cem that this was a family thing he understood that we wouldn't have asked him to keep quiet without a good reason. And we'll all deal with Jacen's hurt feelings eventually. But I have to think that Jacen - being Jacen - will ultimately understand and forgive you. A year from now, two at the most, and you'll be back at Happy House, running missions, and Jacen will have gotten over his initial annoyance."
"Stars… I hope you're right."
"Of course I'm right. That's what big brothers are for - to be right."
"Always?" Tahiri grinned.
"Always. And don't you forget it, Popette."
Next time on Fear and Love…
Return of the plot line! Season 6 gets underway!