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Chapter Sixteen

The work day was finished, Marita thought solemnly as she returned to her empty classroom. She'd finally completed her last tutoring session and now she could head home. The thing was she wasn't ready to go home. After a long day of teaching followed by several hours of tutoring, she wished to continue working. For going home to an empty house caused her to miss her father more than she already did, and brought back the painful emptiness she felt in having Sean completely out of her life. Sean was the main reason behind her extended hours at the school and her decision to take on extra tutoring sessions at her home. Because even after weeks of being in Cholena, her anguish had not eased, in fact, Sean's presence had grown deeper in her soul, fueling the pain and yearning she still felt upon leaving him. Marita closed her eyes, sighing as she slightly leaned against her desk, trying hard to remind herself that she'd made the right choice, the only choice, in leaving Lexington, leaving Sean.

"You're still here?" a voice said from the doorway, breaking Marita's train of thought.

Marita quickly regained her composure and turned to face the door.

"Mrs. Stokes." she said "Yes I was thinking of staying a while longer to grade some papers."

"Oh Marita no" the lady said "You've been working late for weeks."

"Yes I know, I've just had so much wo…"

"Ah, unacceptable answer." Mrs. Stokes interjected, shaking her head "Now both Mrs. Prichard and I agree that you've been doing a stupendous job, but you need to cut down on your hours. You're going to wear yourself out."

"I'll be fine"

"Maybe so" Mrs. Stokes replied "But I don't want to chance one of my best new teachers becoming ill due to too much work. Now please, go home, get some rest."

Marita wanted to protest the woman's urgings, but knew that it would fall on deaf ears.

"Alright" she conceded "I'll go."

"Good" Mrs. Stokes said "Now I'm going to come back by in 15 minutes to be sure you've kept your word." She finished in a motherly tone.

"I'll be gone" Marita assured the woman with a light smile, appreciating her concern.

After Mrs. Stokes said goodnight and left, Marita reluctantly gathered her things, her thoughts again returning to Sean. She knew that she needed to let him go, to move on, but right now, she didn't have the strength. He was still too rooted in her heart.

……………………………..

Forty-five minutes later…

"That should do it" Mr. Holmes said as he rose from the ground, looking at the new wheel he'd just placed on Marita's small carriage.

"Thank you" she said gratefully "I don't know what I would've done had you not come along."

"Well I'm just glad that I did come along. You're going to have to be more careful of large rocks in the road. That cracked wheel could've made for a serious accident."

"I know" Marita replied "I guess I had my mind someplace else, and wasn't paying attention."

"Your students must be a hand full." He said, implying his belief that her mind had been on them when she'd run over the rock.

Marita didn't answer. For Mr. Holmes was way off in thinking that she had been stewing over her students. It was true that she did care for them and she did often think of them after hours, but what had been on her mind this evening, like every evening, was Sean.

"I should get going." She finally said "I don't know how I'll ever thank you for your help."

"You could have dinner with me." He cautiously asserted

"Mr. Holmes…"

"Please call me David" he interjected

"David" Marita began slowly "I really don't think dinner will be possible."

"It doesn't have to be tonight" he countered "It could be sometime in the future…Please, just think about it." He added

Though Marita had no interest in allowing this man to call on her, he had done a good deed in helping her with her wheel. If he had not come by or stopped, there's no telling how long it would've taken her to walk back for help, and by then, it would've been well after dark and therefore difficult to find someone to assist her. She decided that she at least owed him a maybe.

"I'll think about it" she stated hesitantly, but felt some comfort in knowing that her answer was not a yes.

"Great!" the man said excitedly

"I really should get going" Marita said as she turned to mount her carriage

"Let me help you" Mr. Holmes stated eagerly as he rushed to aid her boarding. Once safely behind her horse, the man bid her good night and Marita slowly rode away, this time watching the road more closely, as she struggled unsuccessfully to keep away thoughts of Sean.

……………………………….

Ned patiently waited, contemplating this duty he'd been avoiding for a while now. For weeks he'd been noticing how Sean's behavior had been changing, at first it was subtle, and then as time went on it had become more erratic. He had been hoping that things would work themselves out. That Sean would eventually get back on track, but after Clancy's visit, earlier that day, he realized that it was time that he and Sean talked.

"Pa, what are you doing here?" Sean asked with surprise, as he emerged from one of the horse's stalls.

"I could ask you the same thing" Ned answered solemnly "What's going on?" he asked

"What do you mean?" Sean said casually as he moved on to another task.

"It's the middle of the night and you're cleaning stalls."

"I was restless."

Ned looked at his son skeptically, realizing that what he came out there to do was going to be much harder than he originally anticipated.

"That can't be all that's going on" Ned finally said "You've been out here every night for the past week, and the weeks before that you were in the fields until sundown, or at the office burning the midnight oil. You barely come to dinner anymore and when you do you hardly have any kind words to say. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing" Sean said coolly "I'm just focused. I have a lot I need to get done."

"I don't believe you."

"I don't have time for this" Sean said tightly, as he continued stacking hay.

"This is about Marita isn't it?" Ned asked candidly

Sean stopped his task and turned slowly towards his father. "What?!"

"You've been this way since Marita left Lexington." Ned continued determinedly "Is she the cause of your behavior?"

Sean scoffed, giving his father a look of contempt before turning back to the hay. Though he'd refused to give his pa an answer, instead expressing feelings of disdain, Ned could see that beneath those feelings his question had caused his son deep pain.

"I know that you love her" Ned finally said, having no choice but to come out with it.

Sean's back stiffened and he again stopped what he was doing, and turned to face his father. Ned was instantly disturbed by the array of emotions that crossed his son's face when he looked at him. There was so much hurt and bitterness and anger etched in his eyes, his face, that it took all of Ned's strength to hold his son's gaze, to face the pain that Sean had been going through.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sean asked angrily

Ned was taken aback by Sean's insolent response. For he had never spoken to him in such a manner, but he let it go, knowing that to call him on it now would defeat what he came there to do.

"You love Marita." Ned answered "You've always loved her. And her absence from your life these past few months has caused you to become angry and bitter."

Sean stood there, staring intensely at his father, his emotions in chaos. He was stunned that his pa knew of his feelings for Marita, but at the same time he was livid, mistakenly feeling as if his father was throwing his love for her in his face.

"How long have you known?" he asked angrily

"It doesn't matter how long I've known" Ned answered firmly "What matters is that you don't let your bitterness over losing her destroy you."

"How long?!" Sean yelled, the sting of his father's words fueling his anger

Ned was reluctant to say, then finally answered "Since July."

"Unbelievable" Sean replied bitterly "You've known for weeks, months, and you didn't say anything? You must've known how agonizing it was for me to see her go and yet you said nothing. So why now?" he asked, but before Ned could answer, Sean had discerned his father's motivation. "Oh" he laughed cynically "You must've heard about Clancy's threat to remove me as Deputy Director. God forbid I mess up the chance for a Logan to finally become a success in politics. Only after my career is nearly ruined by my 'behavior' do you feel the need to talk to me about Marita. Talk some sense into your son!"

"That's not tr…"

"Well then what else is it?" Sean interjected angrily "You didn't give a dam that I was hurting over Marita as long as I didn't let that hurt destroy my career."

"That is not true!" Ned said heatedly, finally fed up with Sean's abhorrent responses "I chose not to say anything because I thought you could handle Marita's departure on your own. That eventually you'd bounce back from it, but it's been 2 months and you've only gotten worse."

"I can't talk about this" Sean said abruptly, turning away from his father.

"No!" Ned replied firmly "That's been your problem the past couple of months. You've been shutting down, refusing to face the reality of what's happened. Well no more! You've got to deal with this!"

"I am dealing with this!" Sean replied angrily, still refusing to admit the truth his father had deciphered. "I've never dealt with more reality in my life, between this ranch and the problems in Lexing…"

"I'm not talking about you job" Ned countered "I'm talking what's in your heart. That the anger and bitterness you're carrying around will in the end destroy you. Marita took that job in Cholena because she wanted you to have a good life!"

"I won't hear this!" Sean snapped as he began to walk away from his father.

"A life that is safe!" Ned pushed, as he followed him

"No!"

"She went to Cholena so that you could have a chance to be happy!"

"No!" Sean roared, slamming his fist into the nearest wall. "I will never be happy as long as Marita is in Cholena and I'm here!" he thundered as he finally turned to face his father. "Don't you understand, I love her, I love her with everything that I am, and I will never be able to build the life she wants me to build without her. If the anger and bitterness kills me then so be it, cause I will never let go of it. I will never stop being angry at this society that refuse to recognize the love that we share. This society that I serve and try to make better has robbed me of my life, my love. This society drove Marita away, forcing her to give up on me, on us, forcing her to shut me completely out of her life, out of her heart!" he finished angrily, painfully as he slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

Ned was shaken, stunned, by what he'd just heard, what he'd just saw. Though he was relieved that Sean had opened up, releasing some of the pain he'd been carrying around, he was not prepared for the depth of that pain. He knew that Sean had feelings for Marita, but was completely astonished by how much he loved her. For a moment, Ned remained frozen where he stood. Trying hard to reel in the hurt he was feeling at seeing his son this way. Then finally regaining his own composure, he made his way over to Sean, taking a seat beside him, resting his hand on his back.

"I'm sorry son" he said softly, as he fought to keep his emotions in check. "I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this alone."

Sean's face emerged from his hands, his eyes blood shot and teary. "She's the reason why I broke my engagement to Vivian" he said shakily, oblivious to his father's previous statement. "I couldn't marry anyone, not loving her the way that I do...she's everything to me pa. And I don't know how I'm going to survive without her."

Ned sat there speechless. For Sean's hurt brought back vivid memories of what he felt after Libby died. He didn't think he could go on either, and if it weren't for the children, mainly Lexy, he wouldn't have made it.

"Son I felt the same way after I lost your mother." Ned admitted shakily "Some days it was a chore just to get out of bed, but I made it. I had to, because you kids needed me and because Libby would've wanted me to go on…Now I know that what's happened with Marita is different, with her being alive and well, but the same incentive applies. She wouldn't want you tearing yourself up this way. She loves you and only tried to do what's best for you, now you have to help her, by doing what's best for yourself."

Sean said nothing, his mind still not fully embracing what his father was saying. The pain he'd been withholding was now fiercely racing through him, obscuring any words, any responses being uttered. Recognizing that Sean was a million miles away, that time was what he needed, Ned said nothing more, choosing instead to keep his hand on his son's back, quietly comforting him, as the tears that had been building for months, slowly began to flow.