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Hours passed by, and it seemed like the spoonful of grits would never digest in my stomach. It felt as if I had eaten a whole cow; I wasn't used to being forced to eat, and I hoped that I hadn't gained any weight. Already, I had forced a whole waffle down my throat, and Robin had managed to get me to eat those damn grits. That was more than I had been eating in a whole week. My body wasn't going to be able to consume anything else without gaining weight.
I can't exactly remember when I started to slip into the world of self-loathing; I just decided one day that I wasn't happy with my body. I had too much extra fat around my arms and on my thighs. The first five pounds were easy to lose, and the results were amazing. I had already begun to become leaner, and I figured five more pounds and I would look almost as good as Starfire. So, then I began trying to lose more and more weight. It was vain, and incredibly arrogant. I was risking my life, and my sanity just to look pretty.
Maybe I was jealous of Star, maybe I wanted more guys to look at me when I went out. She even had the guys on the Team wrapped around her finger. I mean, Star, she always had flocks of guys surrounding her, asking for her number. Never in all the years of my fighting had I even been looked at. Never. The opposite sex seemed to be oblivious to me, and they never noticed me no matter what I did. It was as if I were invisible, and I always would be.
I was tired of being invisible; I wanted to be noticed. Noticed by someone somewhere. Anyone. For once in my lifetime, I wanted to be the center of attention. Sure, when Trigon came around, I was pretty much the only one being focused on in the Team, but only because I was going to bring about the end of the world. I think that was the only time Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy really talked to me and seemed to care about what I was thinking or how I was feeling. I guess they pitied me; I was the poor little half-demon girl who was going to kill everyone she ever cared for and loved.
By starving myself, I thought I would become more attractive, but I was wrong. Who wanted to look at a walking skeleton? Who wanted to look at something that was so wasted away it was as if it wasn't even there? But once you start depriving yourself of food, it's hard, almost impossible to get yourself to begin eating normally again.
I fell into a dark hole, one that was impossible to get out of by myself. I needed help, but I wasn't willing to ask for it. I could only hope and wish that someone would notice; someone would notice and save me from the darkness…
Wh00t! Another chapter down! I have no idea what direction this is going in…just get used to it taking me forever to update. Hope you enjoyed….REVIEW OR DIE! Have a nice day!