chapter 9

the insane sorting

let's back up a little.

Harry sat down next to Ron and Hermonie, and told them all about the whispering, and the picture. After he told them everything, they stared at him.

"Do you think it was Sirius' ghost?" asked Hermonie.

"No." said Harry. "I doubt it."

it was then that a knock sounded on the sliding doors.

"That could be Malfoy." Ron said.

"Let's see." said Hermonie. "Transparentus!"

all at once, Hermonie's wand showed a light.

Like that of a flashlight.

It hit the door, and the three saw Hobbes staring dully at the door, and Calvin kicking the time machine, to make the radio work.

Ron stared at the two. "That doesn't look like a kid." he said staring at Hobbes. "He looks more like a... like a tiger"

Harry recognized them at once.

"That kid kicking the box sounds just like the one that called himself Stupendous man in front of Voldemort."

Ron stared at Calvin as he began screaming at the cardboard box, "I OUGHT TO SUE YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK!" Calvin kicked it against the wall. It bounced off, and hit him in the nose. BONK! While Calvin screamed and cussed at the box, Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Well let's let them in." said Ron.

He got up, and opened the door.

Hobbes grinned, and tried to block Ron's view of the insane maniac behind him, who was now wrestling with the piece of cardboard.

"Hi." Hobbes said. "How are ya Harry?"

"I'm not Harry." said Ron.

"I'm Ron."

"Close enough." said Hobbes. "And how are you, today?"

"Um." Ron rolled his eyes around. "I'm fine." he said.

Hobbes leaned his head over, and stared pass Ron. "And you must be..."

"YOU STUPID BOX! I OUGHT TO SUE YOU!"

"Calvin stop fighting with that box, and get over here."

Calvin dragged the Time machine over to Hobbes.

"What do you what, Hobbes?"

"I want you to shut up!" Hobbes said.

Calvin stared at Hobbes in horror.

"I've never been so insulted in my life!" he yelled.

Hobbes stuck his tongue out at Calvin and said "you don't have a life, that's why I keep telling you to get one."

"THAT DOES IT YOU HORRIBLE MISTAKE, THIS WAR!" and with that, Calvin leaped onto Hobbes, and the two began to roll around on the ground.

Ron stared at the two, then slammed the door shut.

"I'll bet that's who McGonagall's been ranting and raving about." he said.

Hermonie rolled her eyes.

Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at the door where he heard; "GET OFF ME! HEY NO BITING! NOT FAIR! YOU CHEATED! HELP!"

When the Hogwarts Express slowed, Calvin and Hobbes finally stopped fighting.

They dove off the train.

And then heard "first years! Over here."

"Ah!" said Calvin. "That's most likely Hagrid! Come on, Hobbes! He'll probably worship me!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, grabbed the time machine, and raced over to the boats.

"Ah." said Hagrid. "You must be those new kids that McGonagall warned me about."

what was that supposed to mean? Calvin thought.

He and Hobbes climbed into the boat, and they made it across the lake.

Calvin however, was not content to just gawk at the castle going "bloody brilliant" No sir. Maybe insane first year visions of RON did that, but not Mr magnificent.

Calvin looked over at Hagrid.

He was in the same boat that Calvin was in.

Calvin grinned.

Hagy wasn't looking.

Calvin turned to the boat next to him.

A small buck toothed lad was sitting in it, watching the castle with awe.

Calvin pulled his wand out, and slowly tapped the boat.

It rocked to one side.

Calvin grinned.

He whammed his wand in the boat, and the entire thing toppled over, sending bucky straight down into the lake.

SPLASH!

Hagrid's head shot around.

Calvin sat in the boat, staring up at Hagrid with big baby eyes.

Hagrid growled, and waved his umbrella.

The boat came whooshing back up, with the shivering boy in it.

Calvin looked around for another form of entertainment.

He found Hagrid's hair. Calvin made grab for the hair, and yanked out a handful of it.

RIIIIP

"OWWWWW!"

Calvin pushed the hair into the water, as Hagrid spun around.

There sat perfect boy, staring up Hagrid like a big, baby, idiot.

"Why did you do that!" Hagrid yelled.

"Daa daa" said flawless Calvin.

When they reached the shore Calvin screamed "COOL! I'M ACTUALLY HERE!" and began to run toward the castle, but Hobbes caught him.

They made their way up to the castle.

But this pace that the other kids were walking at was too slow for Calvin.

He grabbed Hobbes' arm, and he and Calvin raced away from the group.

"Oy! Get back over here!" called Hagrid.

Calvin obeyed but not cheerfully.

They made their way up the stairs, when Calvin thought he could sneak away.

He ducked down, and began to crawl under all the other first years.

But, darn the luck, Hagrid's big hands closed over Calvin's robes, and pulled him up again.

Calvin glared at Hagrid, as he continued to lead them across the sate of Texas.

But Calvin still had another trick up his sleeve.

Calvin stepped onto somebody's robes, and they tripped, the person they hit, tripped, soon everybody had tripped except for Calvin, who raced off.

But then he heard somebody call "Accio Calvin!"

Calvin raised into the air, and went soaring back to the group.

He landed right in front of Professor McGonagall, who waved a finger and said, "don't make me do, what I'm fixing to do"

Calvin grunted, and walked back to the group. And then Calvin got to hear McGonagall blab and babble about house points and house cups.

"The amazing SPACEMAN SPIFF stands before a group of hostile Zokiens! Spiff must escape from the evil queen from melting his mind with USELESS KNOWLEDGE!"

Calvin thought to himself.

Professor McGonagall opened the doors, and all at once Calvin burst into the great hall.

"SPIFF ESCAPES!" he screamed.

The entire Great Hall turned and stared at him.

Calvin blinked.

"Great moons of Neptune!" he Screamed. "SPIFF HAS BEEN SPOTTED!"

McGonagall's face went white as Calvin continued, "our hero activates the jet pack!"

He jumped into the air several times.

"ZOUNDS! THE ALIENS HAVE..." Hobbes grabbed Calvin by the collar, and yanked him out of the Great Hall.

Then Calvin realized that he had been in his mind too long.

McGonagall apologized to the Great Hall, glared at Calvin, then lead him and all the other first years in.

"I will call your names...and blah, blah, blah" Calvin heard McGonagall say.

"I'm sure to be first." said Calvin to girl next to him. "My magnificence is to much for her to bare!"

"Arrow, Jeff?" called McGonagall.

" awww!" exclaimed Calvin.

"RAVENCLAW!" yelled the hat. The ravenclaw table erupted with applause.

"I'm next! I'm sure of it!" Calvin said to the girl.

"AZER, JOHN?" called McGonagall.

Calvin gritted his teeth impatiently, as John Azer became a new Hufflepuff member.

After a while, Calvin reached his limit.

He looked around for some form of entertainment.

He whipped out his wand, and pointed it at the ground.

A mouse tumbled out, and scurried for the Ravenclaw table.

"Heh, heh." Calvin muttered. The mouse crawled around, then found Cho Chang's legs.

With a mighty chomp, The mouse bit into Cho's leg.

"YYEEEEOOWWW!" She leaped three feet into the air, tore the deranged mouse off her leg, and threw it at Slitherin table.

McGonagall stopped reading names and stared at the mouse as it flew across the room with idiotic grin on it's face, and slobber flying from it's mouth.

It landed on Moyfoy's head.

"SQUEAK!" yelled the disturbed mouse, as it scrabbled across the screaming Moyfoy, and somehow found it's way to his mouth.

Everyone stared at Moyfoy.

It was a sight to remember.

Moyfoy's eyes were almost bulged out of his head, and there was mouse butt sticking out of his mouth.

Calvin laughed hysterically, as Moyfoy tore the drooling mouse out of his mouth, and tossed it over at the Griffendor table.

It landed in Collen Crevies' ear.

He screamed, as the mouse pushed himself into his ear.

He yanked it out, and heaved it at McGonagall.

Who whipped out her wand.

"elle-thantiac" she yelled.

The mouse disappeared.

She glared at Calvin who was laughing his head off.

When Calvin's name was called, Calvin walked up to the hat and said "E-GAD! That's not a hat! That's a dead rat! SOMEBODY CALL THE EXTERMINATORS!"

McGonagall pushed Calvin into the chair, and put the hat on his head.

There was a moment of silence, then Calvin heard the hat say,

"Is this human?"

Calvin ignored the insult as the hat continued.

"Courage? yes, shyness? no, intelligence? Nope don't think so."

Calvin clenched his teeth.

"You wouldn't last a day in Slytherin, Hufflepuff would kick you out. Ravenclaw would most likely beat the stuffings out of you so I guess that only leaves GRYFFINDOR!"

everybody BUT the Gryffindor table erupted with applause.

Calvin took his seat glaring at everybody in sight.

Soon Hobbes was called. He walked up to the hat, he hadn't even put it on when the hat screamed

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Gryffindor table did an uproar of applause, but Calvin screamed

"YOU STUPID HAT! WHY DID YOU HAVE TAKE SO MUCH TIME WITH ME!"

Hobbes, a true friend, sat next to Calvin instead of Harry.

Even though he was dying to meet him.

This deed of Hobbes' calmed Calvin down a little bit.

Meanwhile, Ron's mouth fell open.

"I have to lead HIM over to the Gryffindor house!" he asked.

Hermonie glared at Ron

"I have to do it to." she said.

Harry grinned.

For once, he was glad that he wasn't a Prefect.