"WHAT!" yelled Harry.
He couldn't believe his ears. Sall nodded and grinned.
"Yup." he said. "I used my abracadabra-ry powers to figure out two plus two!"
"No, Sall." said Dumbledore. "We're talking about Sirius Black."
"You're kidding!" said Sall. He pulled a pickle out of his pocket, and shoved it into his ear.
Harry wasn't interested in what Sally was doing right now. He turned back to Dumbledore. "How did you find out?" he asked desperately.
"Through the double glass." said Dumbledore.
Harry blinked.
"Through the what?"
"The double glass." repeated Dumbledore. "It's a device used to seek the person of your choice. You just say their name. I was using it myself, to call my cousin, and I was right in the middle of the calling when Sall burst in here, and started screaming about a BLACK piece of paper which he said was being to SIRIUS for his comfort. And suddenly… well come here."
Harry, Dumbledore, and Sall walked over to a mirror that was leaning against the wall. Dumbledore pushed Harry in front of it.
"Now," Dumbledore directed. "Stare at your reflection right in the eye, and say his name as clearly as you can."
Sally stared stupidly into the glass when Harry said as clear as he could, "SIRIUS BLACK!"
The mirror made ripples as if it was water. Harry's reflection began to disappear. He squinted his eyes into the glass. The mirror was filled with mostly static, but in that static, Harry saw a darkened figure.
Harry's eyes widened.
The static seemed to get heavier, as the figure approached. Then a voice echoed out of the mirror.
"Harry." The sound echoed around the room. "Harry, Harry, Harry…"
Harry leaned his head against the mirror. Sirius was looming over them in the mirror. Harry didn't what to leave the mirror. He was closer to Sirius then he had been in what seemed like years.
Just then, a terrible screech boomed out of the mirror. Harry jumped back in fear. Sally's head shot up, and he stared at the glass with wide eyes. Dumbledore didn't show much of a reaction.
"HARRY HELP ME!" the mirror screeched. "HELP ME! HELP ME!" Harry stared in horror at the mirror. Sally pulled the pickle out of his ear, and tried to hide behind it.
The screech then started to fade.
"HELP! Help! help. help…" The static faded, and Harry's reflection returned. Silence filled Dumbledore's office.
Harry was breathing hard.
"What happened?" he asked, breathlessly.
"Sirius needs help." Dumbledore said.
"Where is he!" Harry demanded.
"We don't know." said Dumbledore. "That's why we called you here. Sall?" Sally was drooling on his pickle with his eyes crossed. When he heard Dumbledore, he said "Oh yeah!" He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and read it aloud.
" 'Hello, insert name here, I am going to help you find insert name here, from insert danger here.' " He grinned at Harry.
"And you can't do anything about it!"
"Harry," Dumbledore said. "What Sall is trying to say is that you are to meet him in his office everyday after Defense Against the Dark Arts. He is going to use some equipment to help you find Sirius. But, finding him will be hard, so you'll have to meet him every day for a while."
Harry felt mixed feelings for excepting help from such a bird brain, but he had no choice. "Okay," he said.
After Sally waddled out of the room, Harry asked, "How did he get like that?"
"His mother confided in me not to tell anyone that. It's his secret."
"Who's his mother?" asked Harry.
Dumbledore smiled. "She's a person who runs around London covered with her cats. She will throw her cats at muggles who are walking while talking at the same time."
Harry had a hard time imagining a woman running around London, throwing her cats at anyone she sees, and telling Dumbledore not to tell anybody why her son is such an idiot.
Later, Harry was in bed. He couldn't get the thought out of his head. "SIRIUS IS ALIVE! SIRIUS IS ALIVE!" Soon though, his eyes started to drift closed.
Harry was lying in the middle of a graveyard. Calvin, Hobbes, and Voldemort were nowhere in sight. Harry looked around. He saw a darkened figure laying motionless on the ground. Harry wanted to help him. He tried to move only to discover that he was chained to the ground. Harry struggled with the chains. He called out for help. The darkened figure twitched.
As Harry's eyes started to focus he started to make out several distinctive features on the darkened figure. The figure had wild black hair. It's skin seemed to be burnt and scarred, and… HUH!
IT WAS SIRIUS BLACK!
Harry struggled with all his might to escape the chains that held him to the ground. Sirius suddenly started to move. He got up. His soggy, red rimmed eyes fell on Harry.
Sirius was about to come to Harry when a bony grey hand wrapped around his mouth, and pulled him backward. Harry stared at the owner of the hand. He let out a scream. The face! It was horrible! Harry screamed so hard that his scar burst again.
"HARRY! HARRY!" yelled a voice. "HARRY!" Harry's eyes shot open.
His eyes fixed on Calvin in the bed next to him.
"Shut up will 'ya?" he yelled. "When I don't get my sleep, I'm not my usual cheery self in the morning!"
Harry's scream had woken most of the room. All the boys were staring at him. Except Calvin, that is. He had slammed his head back into his pillow, had instantly fell asleep, (How could he sleep at a time like this?) And started an orchestra of noises.
Remember how Calvin is always screaming? Guess what he does in his sleep? He snores, grunts, wheezes, and makes a series of other sounds. Oh, and Hobbes had once reported that his eyelids would sometimes fall open, and you could watch his eyes roll around in circles.
Harry didn't happen to be looking at his eyelids right now, because Ron came over to him, and asked, "What happened?"
"Lets discus it in the morning." whispered Harry. Ron, still looking upset, went back to bed, keeping a worried eye on Harry.
The next day, there was another Defense Against the Dark Arts class.
"HELLO CLASS!" Sally screamed in his unnaturally loud voice. "Today, we will be doing imitations! Let's start with Professor Quail!"
Sally grabbed a paper towel, and wrapped it around his head. Then he said in a quivering voice, "I am s-s-s-so s-s-s-scared of th-th-th-this ch-ch-ch-cheese sandwich! DON'T LET IT HURT ME!"
Grins twitched at the sides of a few people's mouths. It WAS a great imitation of Quirrel.
"Now" he said, ripping the towel off his head. "We will imitate Lock-heart!" Sally put on a handsome grin, and said, "Hello class, my favorite color is bird. My first word was DUH, and I recently went insnae."
A few people chuckled.
"NOW…" Sally ran off in another direction. "PROFESSOR MUDDY!" Sally gave the class the lazy eye. "He-wo" he said in a deep voice. "I am not some imposter! I am Muddy! BEWARE! I mean… He-wo!"
Calvin laughed, and several other people smiled.
"And now… PROFESSOR ABRIDGED!" Several people looked up.
Umbrige was their least favorite teacher. They all wondered what Sally would do.
Sally puffed himself up and said in a ridiculously high voice, "Good afternoon, students! Can everybody say 'good afternoon, professor Umbrige?' " Nobody said anything.
"Now, now." said Sally. "That won't do, now will it?" He then came down to eye level with Lavender Brown.
"I am your frie-e-e-end." he said, mysteriously. He then whirled around to Harry and yelled, "Detention, Mr Potter!" He whirled back to Lavender.
"Now, if any of you hear about Vole-dee-fort going insane, please let me know. I am here to help you, all you little five year olds."
Harry thought that was a perfect imitation of Umbrige. Then Sally said, "OK! Enough fooling around! Where is your jar of nose gunk?" Everybody held up empty jars.
Sally took them, and studied them. "PERFECT!" He yelled shoving the jars, that were as empty as his head, into his chest of drawers.
"Now then, remember one thing, before you go." He said. "Vop-dop-dee-fort will look cute and fuzzy at first, but then he'll show his teeth and eat you!" Everyone stared at him.
"Have you even SEEN you-know-who?" asked Dean Thomas.
"Know you who what?" asked Sally, stupidly. Calvin rolled his eyes, and sighed.
Then class was over, and only Harry and Sally remained.
"Hello!" said Sally "Who the heck are you?" Nobody in his whole life had ever said that to Harry.
"Dumbledore said you could help me find Sirius?" said Harry.
"Oh, yeah!" said Sally. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, and read it aloud.
" 'Hello, insert name here, I am going to help you find insert name here, from insert danger here.' " He then looked back up at Harry. "Who the heck are you?" he said.
Harry sighed. He and Sally walked into the office. It didn't look at all like what it looked like when Umbrige was there. It was now covered in drawings of wands and other stuff.
Oh, and there was a TV on the desk.
"TV's don't work in Hogwarts!" exclaimed Harry. "How can you have one here?"
"What's a TV?" asked Sally, walking over to his closet. Harry sighed, and walked over to the closet with him. Sally pulled a cauldron out of the closet that he had written "cul-DUH-ren" on it in bright green crayon. Sally then walked over to his cabinet, and opened the doors.
Contents: a dead rat, a box of crayons, a picture of a deranged looking woman covered in cats which Harry knew was his mother, a Happy Snails season two DVD box set, another DVD marked "Here Come the Dummies IV", a jar of something grey that Harry saw was boogers, and an assortment of potions that Dumbledore must have gave him.
Sally turned a grin on Harry.
"Double-y-door makes everything SO easy!" he said with a wink.
Sally took all the potions off the shelf, and closed the door, walked over to his desk, and carefully put all the jars down.
He then plucked a card from a jar.
" 'Gobble Geeble, sing the hocus-pocus.' " he read. Harry blinked.
"What does that mean?" he asked.
Sally grinned. "Normally, it means to order a pizza and sing it to sleep by doing the hokey-pokey, but in a situation like THIS it means to put a certain bit of lotion into that cul-DUH-ren!"
"It's potion, not lotion." corrected Harry.
"DUH!" said Sally grabbing a bottle, and throwing it into the caldron. It made a large puff of pink smoke.
Sally grinned, stupidly and threw another bottle into the pink flames. BOOM! Sally threw another one in. BOOM! Harry put his hands over his ears, as Sally threw another in. BOOM!
After all the bottles had been thrust in, the caldron now contained a pure white color, Sally read the rest of the card.
"Blabble bibble" he read.
Harry sighed. "What does THAT mean?" he asked.
"Wait for 24 hours for lotion to set." He said. "We use that all the time in idiot speak!"
Harry stared at Sally.
"You mean we can't even START looking for Sirius until tomorrow!" he screamed.
"Yup!" barked Sally. "See ya tomorrow!"
Harry was furious. He wanted to start looking for Sirius TODAY! But he couldn't! All he could do was say, "goodbye" and leave.
The next day, Calvin sat in the Great Hall, eating his fill. Hobbes sat next him, shoving Tuna into his mouth.
It was then that Calvin overheard someone say, "Hey, somebody took my pound of meatloaf!" it was Ron.
'Usually dame calls me for a case, but no matter. Tracer Bullet is always on the case!' Calvin thought. He jumped up onto table.
"NEVER FEAR!" Calvin yelled at Ron "TRACER BULLET IS ON THE CASE!"
Ron stared at him. Calvin walked across the table, scattering food in the process. After six seconds, he walked back over to Ron.
"The clues add up, I'm afraid that your porkchop has been STOLEN!" he said. Ron glared at him.
"You took it, didn't you?" he snapped. Calvin pretended to light a cigarette, as he continued.
"You want the case solved, it'll cost you 50 greenbacks an hour!"
It was then that Professor McGonagall grabbed Calvin's robe collar.
"Detention, Calvin!" She muttered. Hobbes grinned. Calvin hung in the air. He crossed his arms, lifted his head and said, "Give me liberty, or give me death, you fiendish fiend!"
Big mistake. Calvin was carried out of the Great Hall, and Hobbes took a seat next to Harry.
"Why do you hang around with him?" Ron asked, as the dishes on the table were refilled with food.
"I've been with him for a long time. I'm ready to stop friendship yet."
Hermonie stared after Calvin, who was now screaming, and throwing punches in every direction. "Does he always acts like that?" she asked Hobbes. He watched Calvin.
"Most of time. One night he couldn't keep Spaceman Spiff under control, and I didn't get any sleep." The four laughed.
"His favorite seems to be Stupendous Man, for the simple fact that he has a costume for it."
Harry's eyes bulged, but he tried to hide it. He couldn't, however, hide his scar beginning to burst again. He had already washed the blood out of his hair, but it felt like more was staining it.
Meanwhile, Calvin was thrown into Sally's office. Calvin got up from the ground, and looked up. Sally's head seemed to be glued to his desk, and his idiotic scream of a snore filled the office.
"Hey! Wake up, you moron!" Calvin screamed. Sally's head came up, and stared at Calvin.
Then he said, (and this is a direct quote), he said, "Oh, hi. We can't come to the foam right now. Just leave a mess and we'll go back to sleep." And with that, his head instantly (and I mean instantly) slammed back into the gravitational pull of his desk, and his loud snore echoed throughout the castle.
Was Calvin just going to sit there, and take THAT for an answer? No, of course not! Calvin whipped out his wand and screamed, "STUPIFY!"
The blast nearly hit Sally. His head shot up again, but this time, his eyes were wider then before.
"DON'T LET THE MONKEY STEAL MY WALLET!" he screamed, stupidly.
Calvin sighed. "This is gonna be a long detention." he muttered.
BONUS SCENE: This is a kind of deleted scene of how Umbridge inspects Sally's class. I just wondered how Sally and Calvin would handle it. I couldn't resist putting this up. Enjoy!
"Hello, Professor Sall?" Said Umbridge, walking into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. "I take it you received my notice of when your inspection was to begin?"
"Inspector Notice began to receive stuff?" Umbirdge made a note on her pad.
Sally turned back to the class.
"LET US BEGIN, STUDENTS!" he screamed.
Umbridge lurked in the corner, taking notes.
"Today, we will study the terror of overgrown children who pretend to be professors!"
"Can I leave?" asked Calvin.
"I'm afraid not!" said Sally. "This will come up in your O.W.L.'s.
"I'm a first year, you idiot!" said Calvin.
"Fuzzy bubble" said Sally, stupidly.
Umbridge began writing furiously on her pad. She then got up, and walked over to Calvin.
"Hello, dear." She said to him.
Calvin grunted, and didn't look at her.
"So, how do things go here?" She asked.
"Ask HIM!" Said Calvin pointing at Sally, who was trying to eat his desk. "He'll tell you anything. Just don't talk to him about the cancellation of the Happy, Happy, Happy show."
Umbridge walked up to Sally.
"How long have you been teaching?" She asked him.
"Four billion years!" He said. He thought for a moment. "Give or take a million!" There was a moment of silence.
"I see," said Umbridge, writing a quick note on the pad. She then turned back to Calvin.
"How do things GO here?" she asked in a dangerous sweet.
"The food's good, but the homework is death." said Calvin.
"He serves FOOD here?"
"Not in here." said Calvin. "I thought you were talking about the whole castle."
"No." said Umbridge, sweetly. "I'm talking about this class."
"Yeah, well, I'm not talking!" spat Calvin. Umbridge's eyes bulged.
"Oh, you're NOT are you?"
"Nope." said Calvin. "Maybe I WOULD'VE said something, if you hadn't of tortured Harry last year!"
Ron leaned over to Harry.
"How does he know about that?" he asked. Harry shrugged. He looked down at his hand. The words "I must not tell lies" were still carved into it. He hoped it wouldn't be another permeant scar.
"You had better say something, Mr. Calvin!" said Umbridge in that fake sweet.
"Or what?" said Calvin sticking out his tongue. "'Ya gonna put me in detention, and make me write 'I must not tell lies' on my hand? Shouldn't that be what YOU should be writing on your hands?"
Umbridge started stalking for Calvin.
"Oh, Sally?" asked Calvin. "This woman just delivered an insult to the Happy, Happy, Happy show theme song! Are you gonna just sit there, and take this injustice!" Sally's head shot up.
The next thing Umbridge knew, Sally had kicked her out of the classroom, to the delight and joy of all the other students.
"Now where were we?" asked Sally.
"Good work on the Happy insult." whispered Hobbes.
"She deserved every last bit of it!" said Calvin, grinning.