okay, ive got my trusty brain food (fritos chips), so lets get started with the next chapter, shall we?

-EDIT- this stupid chapter pissed me off, it wouldnt upload onto the document manager for all of last night and this morning! argh! super stressful...have you guys had this problem before? anyways, now that its finally worked, im all good. so onto the story now. -END EDIT-

Disclaimer: if i owned the show, keely and phil wouldve gotten together looooong ago. seriously.

If Only You Knew

Chapter Sixteen: Bittersweet New Year's Eve

Silence.

That's all that was heard as they slowly drove to their destination. Cold, unbearable silence.

Staring out at the passing cars and lights and losing himself in his troubled thoughts, Phil could only wonder what to do next. It had seemed unlikely, it had almost seemed impossible, and yet...his father had been able to fix their one and only ticket back to 2121. A year or so ago, he would have been overjoyed to return to his future, to return to the one place he called home.

But what exactly defines the meaning of home? A simple place to live? Or...is it something more? In most cases, the term "home" would probably be best described as one's personal sanctuary, a place where that person feels most safe and comfortable. The place where one is truly...happy. Because home...is where the heart is.

A year ago, the place he called home was in the future, in the year 2121. But that was before he met Keely.

And at the moment, the only place that seemed like home now...was when he was with her.

So why was Phil supposedly going back "home"...when it was already right here?

---Earlier---

"We're…leaving?"

"Sweetie, we're sorry," Barb said softly, immediately at Phil's side as she embraced him tightly. "We know it's been a while, and everyone has gotten so attached to this place, but it's just not where we're meant to be! We belong in the future, it's where we're from, and nothing can change that."

"Son, your mother's right. We know how you feel, but our home is back in 2121." Lloyd explained patiently, making his way towards Phil as well and placing both hands on his son's shoulders. "It was only a matter of time before I would fix the time machine, you know that. We just didn't think it would take so long. And now that it's actually fixed..."

"But what about our life here?" Phil finally burst out, a fresh wave of emotions exploding from him all at once as he ripped himself out of his parents' grasp. "What about everything we've done, everything we've worked for, everything we've learned here? It's all going to go to waste? What about Curtis? What about..." He stopped abruptly, slumping against the wall when the full realization hit him and shattered his entire being.

"What about Keely?" he whispered fearfully, gradually sliding down the wall until he hit the ground, his words echoing through the deafening silence of the room. What about Keely?

"Well, sometimes you have to let go of the ones you love."

Phil's head shot up so fast that his neck almost cracked, and the entire family turned to gape at Pim, who had suddenly spoken out of nowhere from her spot on the couch.

She sighed, rolling her eyes as she heaved herself from the comfort of her seat. "Face it, bro, you knew this was coming. The best thing you can do for Little Miss Sunshine is to just…let her move on."

Making her way to the stairs, Pim turned back once more to glare at her family, who was still staring at her in astonishment. "What?" she asked in irritancy. "I can give my own advice if I feel like it, can't I? What a bunch of losers, I was only trying to help…" She bounded up the stairs to her room, muttering to herself under her breath the entire way.

Barb blinked once before turning to face Phil again. "Phil, honey, as much as I'd hate to say it---"

"Not to mention how much it shocks all of us as well," Lloyd added hastily before going quiet, cringing slightly at the sharp glance his wife had just given him.

Barb sighed and continued, "You're sister's right. Sometimes, the best thing to do when you really care about someone is to let them go. I'm sure Keely will understand, she always has---"

"But you don't get it!" Phil blurted out desperately, quickly pulling himself up off the ground and shaking his head furiously. "She won't understand, it's not just about her! I was going to tell her---she---we---argh!" He continued to make frustrating weird gestures with his hands, unable to come up with the right words to say. Finally, his arms went limp at his side, and Phil slowly brought his gaze up to his parents.

"Why…why did it have to happen now?" He said in a voice barely above a whisper, and Barb's heart shattered into a million pieces as she watched her only son fall apart right in front of her eyes.

Lloyd moved forward and once again placed a comforting hand on Phil's shoulder, hesitating somewhat as he gazed sympathetically at the boy in front of him. "Son…why don't you rest for a bit before getting ready for the party? Tonight's our last night in Pickford, so let's make the most of it. We'll pack up tomorrow, say our final goodbyes, and leave in the afternoon. There's nothing we can do." He dropped his hand and began to make his was to the stairs when Phil's voice stopped him mid-stride.

"There's nothing we can do? We can stay here! What's stopping us? We all love this place and you know it, dad! Why is it so hard for the both of you to agree with me when you know it's true?"

His shoulders slumped in defeat and he turned to look back at Phil with regret. "I'm sorry, son."

And he slowly made his way up the steps, a hand wearily massaging the back of his neck.

Barb gave her son one last hug as he stood there in disbelief, finally realizing how helpless he was to the entire situation that was unfolding right before his very eyes. "Please, Phil," she whispered in his ear before pulling away, her voice filled with sorrow. "You have to understand…the Diffy's just don't belong here."

She followed her husband up to their room, unable to take one more look in Phil's direction in fear of falling apart herself. Curtis decided that now was not the time to try and cheer anybody up, so he slowly inched his way out the door to the garage, making sure to stay as far away from Phil as possible.

As he stood there, the weight of practically…everything…suddenly hit him full-force, and he collapsed on the couch behind him with his head in his hands.

And for the first time in his life, Phil Diffy was completely, utterly…alone.

- - -

"Okay, you two, we'll meet back at the car exactly half an hour after midnight." Barb instructed to her kids as they stumbled out of the car despondently. Her voice softened at the sight, and she glanced at Lloyd before pleading, "Please…Phil, Pim, try to make the most out of tonight. It's our last night here, at least make it worth remembering."

Phil just turned away, staring dully at the festive lights and sounds and the cheerful events taking place just outside of the town hall. Even Pim, who usually had a dose of sarcasm with her snappy replies, was silent. They both made their way into the crowd, leaving the two helpless parents behind them to worry and wonder if the choice they had made, not only to leave this century but to force their own kids into an environment that might only cause more pain and sorrow…was the right thing to do.

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"Hey," Phil said in a low voice, nudging Pim before she had a chance to walk away. "You don't seem so happy yourself. I thought you hated this century, don't you want to go home?"

Pim slowly turned to face him, and Phil's eyes widened in surprise at the sincerity in her eyes, even though her tone was the same as always. "You live in a dump like this for too long and it grows on you," she replied quietly with a slight shrug. "I'm better off here tormenting the Fashion Zombies and trying to conquer the world…than being an isolated loser back in 2121. Looks like that isn't gonna happen, though..."

Before he had a chance to say anything else and possibly create a rare "moment" between the two of them, though, she quickly disappeared in the bustle of the crowd to do her final round of tormenting and scheming. Sighing, Phil continued to weave through the packs of numerous people popping various firecrackers, some familiar faces and some not. It really didn't matter to him anyway. Nothing seemed to matter anymore…

He brought his eyes up to the sky and realized that the rain had let up quite some time ago, and now only low, thick clouds loomed overhead. 'So much for the fireworks show,' he thought absent-mindedly, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and quickly jumping out of the way of a stray groundflower firecracker.

Gazing down at it with interest, Phil watched as the firecracker burst into a colorful rainbow flame of red, yellow, and green as it spun rapidly on the hard cement. Many people stopped to watch the sight in awe as several more groundflowers were thrown, all of which ignited and produced a beautiful display of light and sound. Nothing lasts forever, though, and before long the firecrackers slowly died out, taking along with it the excitement and beauty that it produced, yet bringing in a desperate longing that only caused the kids to quickly light and throw more.

Phil continued to watch until the entire box of groundflowers was used up within half a minute, and gradually the small crowd watching dispersed, chattering among themselves. Only then did those kids realize that…maybe savoring and enjoying the moment while it lasted, rather than taking advantage of it…would have probably been the better thing to do all along. It was a simple misunderstanding that, if put into a different perspective, seemed to remind Phil painfully of his current situation…

Suddenly hearing a familiar shout, Phil glanced up and shook his head to push away his thoughts, noticing Via and Owen in the clearing up ahead. Owen was unmistakably trying to get his attention by jumping up and down and waving an ignited sparkler in his hand like a crazed maniac, while Via desperately tried to calm him down to no avail. He attracted some attention, all right…but mostly to those around him, who seemed to be cowering away in fear of a sudden attack of some sort. They probably thought he was drunk, but to those who knew Owen, this was perfectly normal. If you could call it normal, that is.

Phil raised his eyebrows in amusement and stifled a laugh despite his mood, and he pushed through several more people before finally reaching the clearing in front of him.

And that's when he saw her.

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Keely knew something was wrong with him the moment he became visible to her in the crowd. After all, she was his best friend, and she knew him better than she probably knew herself.

He was grinning when he looked at her, but somehow that smile didn't reach his eyes. Even as he hid behind Via laughing when Owen suddenly advanced towards him, trying to target him with a fresh can of Silly String, she could tell that something troubling was on his mind.

She wanted to ask him about it, ask him what was wrong. But she was afraid of what the answer could turn out to be. She was afraid that his answer would only confirm her deepest fear, and because of it she remained silent as she witnessed the hectic scene taking place between her three close friends.

Maybe it was just the tension from that kiss a week ago. Maybe he just felt awkward around her because of it, something that would be cleared up soon enough once she explained to him the reasons behind it. That had to be why, right?

She desperately hoped so.

---------------------------------------------------

"Dude, I'm telling you, I swear the chicken had a lighted sparkler in its mouth, I saw it with my own eyes!" Owen insisted as he mounted a huge helping of mashed potatoes on his plate and moved to the next pan in the buffet line.

Via rolled her eyes from her spot behind him, obviously not convinced. "Owen, how can a wild chicken even get a sparkler in the first place? It's close to impossible!" She picked up the serving spoon and helped herself to a much smaller portion of mashed potatoes, eyeing Owen's plate with slight disgust.

"Plus the fact that chickens have beaks, not mouths," Keely added, giggling when Owen accidentally dropped the pair of tongs he was holding in the teriyaki sauce. He checked to see if anyone else had noticed before quickly fetching it out, shaking it gently and offering it to Via sheepishly.

Via slowly pushed his hand away, a little more than appalled, and offered a small but desperate smile over Keely's shoulder to Phil. "Phil, you have to convince him that a chicken can not hold a sparkler, or else he'll have an entire story to go along with it by the end of the night!" She pleaded quietly so Owen couldn't hear…though he was probably too engrossed with the food in front of him to be paying attention to them anyway. "I do not want to be the one who…"

She trailed off, squinting her eyes in confusion when she noticed that Phil didn't even seem to have noticed her talking and was instead staring aimlessly at his plate. "Phil?"

His head shot up instantly as he turned to look at her, suddenly coming back to his senses. "What? Oh, yeah, don't worry, I'll work on it." Phil laughed nervously as the two girls gave him puzzled looks, quickly averting his eyes to his plate again when he saw Keely's face fill with worry.

She probably knew something was up by now.

Taking advantage of the situation, Via quickly but gently shoved Owen towards the punch bowl with a chipper, "Could you excuse us for a moment? Owen has to refill his stomach with red…sugary…fluids." Owen, who was completely oblivious as usual, shrugged and happily began to drag Via along with him.

Phil quickly began helping himself to the assorted dishes, piling food onto his plate while trying to act as normal as possible. "Come on, Keels, we should probably save a table before they're all taken…" He started to make his way to one of the few empty tables left, avoiding eye contact as much as possible and hoping to God that Keely would just let the whole thing go---

"Hey."

The soft tone of her voice instantly stopped him in his tracks, and very slowly he turned, finally locking eyes with her for the second time that night.

"What's going on, Phil?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper, her face full of worry, confusion…and fear.

He had to tell her. He knew that it couldn't wait much longer, that the longer he waited the worst it would be. But even though he knew just how important this was, he couldn't bring himself to break it to her. Not now, when tonight was the last night he would ever spend with her. So he lied.

"It's nothing, Keel," he assured, offering her a genuine smile. As long as she was happy, there was nothing wrong…and it was going to stay that way. At least until that moment came…

She didn't believe him, and it only caused her worry to deepen tremendously. "Look, if this has anything to do with what happened last weekend at Owen's, I'm really---"

Phil cut her off with a shake of his head. "Don't worry about that…I understand the whole mistletoe concept, it's okay. Let's just…let's just have a blast tonight, okay? No more moping from me, I promise." He offered her his hand, and she reluctantly took it.

For some reason his hand lacked the warmth that she was so familiar with, and an involuntary shiver ran up Keely's spine as he led her to a table. In that moment, both desires that she had held inside for so long clashed together in an all-out war. She had to tell him everything, she had to let him know her true feelings now, and yet…there was a cold, unnatural feeling deep in her gut that forced her to keep silent...

She played along with his little game, pretended that everything was okay, even when, deep down, she knew that something was horribly wrong. But Keely refused to believe it. Her heart refused to accept what seemed so painfully obvious from the moment she saw him in the crowd…

And so the night wore on, and gradually the fear in both Phil and Keely's hearts subsided, practically forgotten. But the clock continued to tick closer to midnight, closer to the New Year…and closer to the end.

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"Owen, watch it!" Keely shrieked, jumping out of the way and hiding behind Phil as her teenage friend tossed a firecracker high into the air directly above her with a gleeful cheer.

"Oh, let him have his fun, Keel," Phil said brightly, laughing when a can of Silly String suddenly appeared out of nowhere in Owen's hands, much to Via's horror. "It's New Year's Eve, the only time Via will actually let Owen near her when he goes nuts. You gotta enjoy that kind of entertainment!"

They watched in amusement as Via squealed and was covered from head to toe in the thin, foamy substance emitting from the can. It was even more amusing when Via suddenly pulled out her own can of Silly String with a devious smirk, possibly one that she had snuck out of Owen's "supply box", and began to shake it furiously. Owen's eyes widened in fear before turning to face Keely and Phil, giving them a silent, desperate cry for help.

"You're on your own, O-Dawg," Phil yelled, shaking his head, and Keely suppressed a laugh as Via popped open the cap and sprayed Owen full-force.

"I gotta say, Via's pretty skilled when it comes to taking revenge," she mused, folding her arms across her chest with pride. "Now that's what you call a reliable friend."

"Come on, though, you know they're going to get together someday soon. It's so obvious it's not even funny!" Phil exclaimed, before furrowing his brow in thought. "Actually, no, it is funny."

Keely sighed in exasperation. "I know! Isn't it so irritating when two people who everyone knows are supposed to be together are just too clueless to do anything about it?"

Phil rolled his eyes. "Some people really are clueless. I'm surprised Via hasn't even realized it yet."

"Oh, no, she does, believe me. She's just in denial about the whole situation…" Keely trailed off as she took in her surroundings, noticing for the first time that the crowd that was originally surrounding them had suddenly disappeared. Confused, she turned to face Phil again. "Hey, where did everybody---"

"Dude, the countdown's starting, everyone's up front by the huge party ball thingie!" Owen called out to them as he and Via rushed ahead to where everyone seemed to be gathering, still covered head to toe in Silly String residue.

Keely gasped and glanced down at her watch, grabbing Phil's hand and pulling him after their two friends. "Ohmigod, Phil, we're gonna miss the countdown up front! It's already almost midnight!"

Instantly Phil's entire body went stiff as her words echoed in his brain, triggering a chain reaction in the back of his mind and causing his world to fall apart all over again, only this time it was much, much worse. It was already midnight…

"Okay, you two, we'll meet back at the car exactly half an hour after midnight."

No…it was too soon, time couldn't have flown by that fast…

"…our last night in Pickford…"

He stopped abruptly, causing Keely to jerk backwards and turn to look at him in confusion.

"We'll pack up tomorrow, say our final goodbyes, and leave in the afternoon."

In less than 24 hours they were leaving, they were never coming back…and Keely…

"There's nothing we can do..."

"Phil?" A chill began to seep into the depths of her heart once again as Keely stared at him with worry, her hand still clenched tightly in his. She shook it furiously as a feeling of dread began to overwhelm her, eyes frantic as she desperately tried to understand what was going on. "Phil!"

Her voice caught in her throat as Phil slowly brought his gaze to hers, an unreadable expression clearly evident on his face as his breathing suddenly became shallow.

And instantly, she knew.

"No…" she whispered with a mixture of terror and disbelief, shaking her head. "This isn't happening, this can't be happening, you can't be…"

"Keel, I was going to---"

"NO!" She ripped her hand out of his, backing away as tears threatened to form in her eyes. "I knew it! I should've…I knew that you were---" Her voice cracked, and she shook her head again, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Keely…" Phil whispered, walking towards her again, but she only backed further away, causing his heart to crack even more.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked in a voice that was almost inaudible. The countdown had begun. "Why didn't you…" She held back the tears forming in her eyes and took a shuddering breath, instead asking the inevitable question that her heart feared the most. "When?"

He hesitated for a split second before gazing at her again, voice full of sorrow and regret as she finally smashed his heart into a million shards. "Tomorrow afternoon."

A thousand firecrackers went off with a deafening explosion as screams and cheers were heard not too far away, the sky filling with smoke immediately. The bright white flashes from the exploding firecrackers blinded her, and she found herself spiraling back in time, back to a certain nightmare that had taken place over what seemed like an eternity ago…the blinding light disappeared, and he and his family were gone…

Owen and Via made their way to their two friends, laughing and smiling as they gazed at the sight behind them. "You both missed it, the party ball opened and an entire roll of firecrackers came out and ex---" Via was cut short the moment she saw the scene in front of her, and the smiles were immediately wiped off both her and Owen's faces. "Ohmigod…"

It was taking everything in her will to keep Via from running over and comforting her best friend, so instead she asked the only question that had formed in her mind. "Keely, what's going on?"

But neither she nor Owen was even acknowledged.

Keely slowly brought her gaze to Phil, and finally she heard her heart shatter as her world came crashing down around her in pieces. Backing away once more as the tears finally began to fall, she said the only words she could muster, words that were filled with sadness, hurt, and bitter irony.

"Happy New Year, Phil."

And before a single teardrop could hit the ground, she was gone.

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A/N: you know, i really should have warned you guys about the whole dramatic stuff, i think. sorry about that...its too late now. so anyways, guess what? i finished this chapter exactly at midnight, how totally cool is that? well, i worked very hard on this chappie, so hopefully it was worth you time, eh? please dont forget to review then, tell me what you guys think of this chapter. reviews make me happy, and reviews make the world go round. oh...and reviews make me update faster too. hehe. thanks again for reading! luv ya! ;P

oh, one more thing…if the whole "groundflower firecracker" concept confused you…sorry about that. i really dont know if it even makes sense, so just go along with it. and if it does make sense…then let me know, so i can cheer :D